Living To Love You (Santos Family Series Book 4)

by KD Bryan

  “Not nervous exactly…just anxious I guess. It’s really a formality more than anything. Our attorney says the judge will review the paperwork, and the legal aid attorney who drew the papers up for Martina will be there as well. The judge will probably ask her some standard questions about Martina’s state of mind at the time…just things like that,” said Carli quietly.

  “But… I hear a ‘but’ in there somewhere, Carlita. What are you worried about?”

  Blowing out a breath, Carli turned her head away from the girls and said, “It’s Julio. He isn’t listed on the birth certificate, Rob, so he really has no legal right to her. To my knowledge he’s never even seen Angelina. I’m just worried about him trying to get to her from prison,” admitted Carli with emotion suddenly clogging her voice. It seemed she was on the verge of tears all the time recently, and frankly it was starting to get old.

  “Sis, why would he do that? Seriously, he has nothing to gain. Angelina has done nothing to him, but Martina was a different story. His actions towards her were born out of some kind of misplaced revenge for whatever crazy-assed reason,” argued Rob.

  “I know, Rob. But I’m afraid he’ll do something as revenge on me. I was the one who was involved when he tried taking the baby in the beginning. The day I was shot…you know he has resentment, Rob, since he ended up in prison as a result,” stated Carli.

  Rubbing his chin with one hand, Rob hated that his sister could be right. Unfortunately, when you were dealing with someone like this guy anything was possible. It was just another thing for him to worry about now, and Rob felt his stomach clench in an all too familiar way these days.

  “Carli, what does Reid say about all of this?”

  “Reid says we’ll hire protection for a while…just until he thinks there’s no threat. We have no idea if Julio even knows where Angelina is right now. That’s the disadvantage we’re facing. We have no idea what he knows, and worse we don’t know how he gets his information.”

  “Well, I’m in agreement with Reid on hiring protection. I know it won’t be ideal, but you can make it work for a little while. In the meantime, I don’t think I’ll share any of this with Jillian, okay? She has so much right now…”

  Cutting her brother off, Carli said quickly, “No! Don’t tell her any of this, Rob. I don’t want her worrying about anything else right now. And besides, we don’t even know if we have anything to be worried about yet.”

  After a brief moment of silence, Carli asked, “Rob, how is she, really? I’ve only been able to get away once this past week to see her as you know. I feel so guilty, like I’ve let her down.”

  Rob heard the regret in Carli’s voice which prompted him to say sternly, “Stop it, okay? You haven’t let her down, Carli. She understands, and you should know that. Jillian’s doing okay… we’ve had some rough days I’ll admit, but we’re making it. She’s tired…really tired, but she naps when she can and that helps. The medication helps with the nausea, but there were a few times when it wasn’t enough.”

  “Vomiting?” asked Carli.

  “Yeah, but nothing we couldn’t handle. I made sure she didn’t dehydrate as soon as she could keep something down,” said Rob.

  Her heart going out to her little brother, Carli said, “Rob, I can only imagine how difficult this must be for you, but I’m also so very proud of you. You’ve been there every step of the way so far, and I know Jillian is so grateful.”

  Grinding his teeth for a moment, Rob waited until he could speak calmly before replying. “I don’t want her damn gratitude, Carli. I love her, and there’s nowhere else I want to be other than taking care of her through this thing.”

  Carli wasn’t sure which shocked her more, the edgy tone her brother had just used with her, or the fact that he’d openly said the words I love her out loud. Should she acknowledge his big revelation, or leave it alone? Carli wasn’t sure, but she felt like she needed to make amends. Taking a moment of her own to regroup, Carli finally answered, “Okay, my mistake, and I apologize.”

  Sighing heavily, Rob ran one hand back through his hair and finally got out of his car. He made his way to the parking garage elevator and stopped a short distance away before speaking again.

  “No, I’m the one who should be apologizing, Carli. I’m sorry for being short…I’m tired…that’s no excuse, but truthfully this whole thing is wearing on me, too. I’m not complaining, that’s not it. It’s just a lot to deal with, you know.”

  “I do know, Rob. And that’s why I want you to call someone when you need to talk. Call Rico, or even Miguel. And I know she can be a little much sometimes, but even Isa wants to help,” said Carli.

  “I know she does, and she has already. Isabella came over one day last week and stayed so I could go into the office for a few hours,” said Rob.

  Glancing at his watch, Rob realized he had a meeting in fifteen meetings that he couldn’t be late for. Hanging up with his sister, Rob felt a little recharged from their conversation. And he knew Carli was right…he did need to call someone when it got to be too much. Admitting that was hard, and he didn’t want Jillian to suspect when things were weighing on him. No, he needed to handle it in his own way…just as soon as he figured out what that was.

  Jillian heard noises coming from the kitchen when she woke, but she wasn’t sure if that was what had disturbed her. She’d been dreaming… twisted, convoluted images of her trying to get somewhere…but she had no idea where. In the dream she’d been frightened, and everything had seemed dark making it difficult for her to get her bearings. She’d finally jerked awake just as she’d started running…although running to where she had no idea.

  Shaking off the remnants of the dream, Jillian made her way slowly toward to kitchen to see what Sylvia was up to. She’d arrived this morning shortly before Rob had left for the office and was spending the day until he returned. Jillian entered the kitchen to find Sylvia chopping vegetables while a large pot simmered on the stove. Glancing up when she noticed Jillian, Sylvia grabbed a towel to wipe her hands and smiled.

  “Darling, how do you feel after you nap? More rested I hope,” said Sylvia.

  Sliding carefully onto a chair at the island, Jillian winced when her body protested from the effort. There were days when she hurt for no apparent reason, and she had to remind herself this was all part of the chemotherapy treatment. Just like the intermittent diarrhea she’d been experiencing, as well as the chronic fatigue. She generally had no appetite to speak of either, however the steaming pot on the stove was putting off a tempting aroma.

  Sniffing appreciatively, Jillian glanced at Sylvia and asked, “What are you cooking, Syl? It actually smells good to me.”

  “Oh, good! It’s a recipe for chicken soup that I’ve had for ages. I use white meat only, and add a few vegetables just for flavoring. I add a combination of fresh herbs which gives it the heavenly aroma you smell now. I think the broth will be soothing for your stomach, darling, so maybe we can try some later,” offered Sylvia with a smile.

  Jillian was considerably thinner than she’d been just a few days before, and Sylvia worried about her overall health at the moment. Chemotherapy could destroy so much under the guise of healing, and Jillian’s pale face and drawn features were telling of that today.

  Offering a little smile in return, Jillian said, “We can try, Sylvia. And I really appreciate you coming over today to stay with me. I told Rob that I could manage on my own, but he wouldn’t hear of it.”

  Stirring the pot, Sylvia put the wooden spoon down and turned to lean a slim hip against the counter. “Nonsense, Jillian. We’re not about to leave you alone, darling. Chemotherapy is exhausting to the system…mentally, physically, and emotionally. No, you need one of us here with you, sweetheart, and you know we want to help.”

  It was unlike Sylvia to hesitate in broaching any subject, but looking at the pale young woman across from her she knew she needed to ask. “Jillian, have you heard from Monica at all recently? Rob said you’d called her
after getting the biopsy report, but I’ve not heard you mention your mother through any of this.”

  Jillian shrugged a slim shoulder and shook her head. “Sylvia, you of all people know how she is about most things. If she doesn’t want to face it, or deal with it, she simply doesn’t. It’s her coping strategy, and it always has been.”

  “Yes, I’m all too aware of her coping strategies, darling. Monica certainly has her own unique way of dealing with things, but deal with it she must. What about Daniel? Has he been in touch?” asked Sylvia, the veiled contempt barely hidden in her tone.

  There was no love lost between Sylvia and Jillian’s parents, and it stemmed from her witnessing the trauma they’d inflicted on their then young daughter during a harrowing divorce. Jillian had migrated to Sylvia’s family as a result, and they’d taken her in without hesitation.

  Nodding yes, Jillian said, “He has been in touch, several times in fact. Right now he’s in the middle of some type of hotel merger or something, but he’s going to fly in from London as soon as he can. We actually saw one another and had lunch not long before I left Europe.”

  Arching one perfectly shaped brow, Sylvia repeated her earlier question. “And Monica?”

  Shrugging again, Jillian said, “She called a few days ago and she’s coming here, or so she says. I’ll believe it when she’s actually standing in front of me wearing whichever designer’s clothes she’s hawking at the moment.”

  “Does Rob know about this so called appearance she’s supposed to make? If he does, I can’t imagine that he’s happy about it,” said Sylvia honestly.

  There was certainly no love lost between her son and Jillian’s mother, and the animosity was strong on Roberto’s side. Sylvia had never really understood why he’d turned against the other woman so vehemently, but he definitely had.

  Cringing at the thought, Jillian looked at Sylvia with a frown. “No, I haven’t worked up the courage to tell him yet….”

  “Tell me what?” asked Rob as he stepped into the kitchen. He’d gotten away from the office a little earlier than planned, and had heard voices coming from this direction when he came through the door. Now Jillian was confessing to not telling him something, and his imagination was in overdrive.

  Jillian’s gaze flew to Sylvia’s, but as usual the older woman wasn’t concerned that one of her children had walked in unannounced. Of course it was his home, but unfortunately she was the one he’d overheard talking. Turning in her seat, Jillian worked up a smile as she lifted her face to Rob’s. His brown eyes were troubled, and there was no mistaking the questioning look he wore as he pulled back from their kiss.

  Taking his hand in hers, Jillian gave it a squeeze saying, “Hey, you’re home early. Take a seat beside me, because I do have something to tell you.”

  Settling onto the seat beside her, Rob turned and eyed Jillian closely noting she didn’t look any different today as far as he could tell. Her complexion was still so pale, but he’d already grown used to that. He saw that she was wearing a scarf around her head today, and he knew she preferred that to the wig when in the privacy of home.

  “What do you need to tell me, Jillian? I’m imagining all sorts of crazy shit, so you need to get on with it, please,” said Rob.

  Straightening her shoulders, Jillian decided a direct answer was probably best. “My mother is coming to St. Louis. She called, and she said she’d be here soon.”

  Counting to ten silently, Rob tamped down the sudden anger that never failed to surface when Jillian’s mother was mentioned in any context. Now she was supposedly coming here, and the thought ruined any semblance of a good mood he’d had going on today. Monica Whatever-Name-She-Was-Using-Now was one of his least favorite people in the world, and his animosity stemmed from a myriad of things. One thing in particular always stood out above the others, but it was something he’d never shared with anyone. Rob hoped he never had to for that matter.

  “Well, that explains why you had to work up the courage to tell me at least,” stated Rob with a grimace.

  He really tried for Jillian’s sake to reign in his dislike for the woman who’d given birth to her, but it bordered on impossible at times. And it wasn’t like Jillian had a close relationship with her either, but Monica was still her mother at the end of the day.

  Sylvia watched their tense exchange in silence, and then allowed her gaze to linger on her son. Rob wore the same barely concealed look of contempt he always did whenever Monica was mentioned, and again Sylvia wondered why his dislike for the woman ran so deep.

  When all seemed to be okay, Sylvia hugged Rob and then Jillian good-bye before letting herself out. Before climbing into her car, Sylvia glanced back toward Rob’s door again and sighed uneasily. She couldn’t shake the feeling that something was about to happen here, and unfortunately Sylvia was afraid that Jillian’s mother would be at the root of whatever it was.

  Well behaved women rarely make history.

  -Marilyn Monroe

  Chapter Seventeen

  Rob eyed the pot currently simmering on the stove, and he knew from the delicious smell rising with the steam that his mom had made her chicken soup. Leave it to Sylvia to know exactly what was needed, and Rob hoped that Jillian could manage to eat some later. At the moment, though, there was something else he wanted from the woman who happened to be within reach. Sliding off of his own seat, Rob put his arms around Jillian’s shoulders and pulled her gently against his chest. He felt her relax in his embrace, and the rigid set of her shoulders finally loosened as he carefully kneaded the muscles gently with his fingers.

  Rob dropped a kiss to the scarf covering her head, but contact with a piece of material wasn’t what he wanted regardless of how soft it felt. Sliding the edge back a bit, he pressed his lips to the smooth skin of Jillian’s scalp. As they’d known would happen, the fine stubble he’d left behind had eventually come out but Jillian had seemed fine with it. Rob knew they’d made the right decision in shaving her hair off, but it still gutted him that she’d had to endure the experience. Who was he kidding? This whole thing gutted him, and Rob still fought his own internal battles against fear and anger at the situation.

  “Other than the bomb you dropped on me a few minutes ago, how has your day been, babe?” asked Rob.

  Shrugging a thin shoulder, Jillian reluctantly pulled out of his embrace so she could look into Rob’s eyes. He looked so tired, and she knew this was so incredibly hard for him sometimes. He kept everything locked up inside, and Jillian knew he did it for her sake more than anything. At times she worried what the suppressed anger and fear were doing to him, and she wished he’d talk to someone when it all became too much. Carli had called her earlier today to check in and they’d discussed that very same thing. Evidently Rob had spent quite some time on the phone with his older sister this morning, and Carli had picked up on the fact that he seemed on edge.

  Sighing quietly, Jillian felt her stomach do a familiar dive thinking she’d just added to his stress by telling him that her mother was coming. She knew that Monica would show up wanting to take charge until it was no longer convenient for her to do so, and then leave behind more chaos than calm. Jillian dreaded the whole thing, and truthfully she simply wasn’t up for her mother’s usual drama. Her own situation took precedence over anything that Monica could possibly have going on in her shallow existence, and Jillian knew she wasn’t going to tolerate much during this visit.

  Rob finally reclaimed his seat and then reached for Jillian’s hand to hold in his. The fine bones felt so fragile in his own now, and a sudden wave of fierce protectiveness welled up inside of him. He knew that he’d do anything to prevent Monica from upsetting Jillian while she was here. Rob would agree to short visits, but the minute she started her usual drama her ass would be out the door with instructions to not return until she could keep it together.

  Watching the emotions play across Rob’s face, Jillian saw the sudden look of determination on his handsome features. It looked like he was
strategizing to go to war, and then it occurred to her that’s exactly what he was doing. Her fierce protector was already forming a game plan for dealing with her mother, and Jillian’s heart swelled with love for this man who’d owned it seemingly for forever. It pained her that he needed to shoulder this extra worry, but if anything Rob Santos was always up for a good confrontation. People perceived him as laid back and easy going, and he was those things, but Jillian knew that could change quickly if something or someone he loved was threatened. Luckily for her, she happened to be someone whom he loved.

  “Rob, you have this look that tells me you’re strategizing. Please don’t let this possible visit upset you, okay? And besides, Monica will most likely come during the day while you’re at work so you won’t even have to see her,” reasoned Jillian.

  “I wish it were that simple, Jillian. You know Monica, she’ll do everything in her power to upset you and then breeze out to go have drinks with her equally shallow friends,” returned Rob with an edge to his voice.

  Rubbing his thumb across the knuckles of Jillian’s hand he was still holding, Rob leveled his gaze at her and said, “That shit is not going to happen this time, Jilli. I’m giving you fair warning so you’ll be prepared, okay? Her ass is out the first time she starts the drama, and right now I don’t care that she’s your mother.”

  Trying to add some brevity to the situation, Jillian cupped his cheek with her other hand and batted what few lashes she had left at Rob. The effect wasn’t quite the same these days, but he’d get the message.

  “Oh, Roberto, my body feels all flushed right now, and it’s not from the chemo drugs either. You’re so hot when you’re in protector mode. I’d like to strip you naked and have my way with you right here in the kitchen,” whispered Jillian.

  She saw the desire flare in his eyes just before a reluctant grin spit his handsome features, and Jillian sighed in relief that she’d been able to de-escalate the situation for now.