by Ivy Smoak
"I'm sure it's fine."
"Right. Yeah, never mind. I was just being silly."
"No, what were you going to ask me?"
"Would you maybe come with me for the ultrasound? I know it's a strange thing to ask, I'm just kind of scared to do it by myself. And if something's wrong I'm going to need..."
"Me?"
I smiled. "Yes."
"Just tell me when and I'll be there."
"Okay. I was going to talk to the doctor after breakfast. If it's too weird, you don't have to come. I don't want to make you..."
"I told you I'd always be there for you." He lightly tapped the bottom of my chin. "I want to come see my nephew."
"Why do you think it's a boy?"
"I just want it to be a boy."
"What would be so wrong with a little me running around?"
"One of you is quite enough, thank you."
I scowled at him.
"See. You're so dramatic."
I lightly punched his arm.
"Here you go," Daphne said and handed me a bagel. "I heard you're a big fan of bagels."
"I am. Seriously, this is perfect." I took a huge bite.
"What were you two talking about?" Daphne seemed a little nervous.
"It's okay," I said. "Rob told me that you know about the baby."
"Oh, thank God. I'm so sorry, Penny. He was acting all frantic a couple nights ago and he wouldn't get off the phone and I made him tell me what was wrong. It wasn't his fault."
I smiled. "It's okay. Really. I'm glad you know too. Now I just need James to wake up before he's the last one to know."
Daphne smiled. "I promise I won't tell anyone. And I'm so excited for you. I can't wait to have kids." Her eyes suddenly grew wide. "You know, like way in the future."
Out of the corner of my eye I noticed Rob was smiling at her. I had been trying hard not to talk about labels and love or anything like that around Rob. But maybe I was wrong about him being scared to settle down. Maybe he just hadn't found the right person yet. He was excited to be an uncle. Maybe he'd be just as excited if he was finding out he was going to be a dad. The thought made me smile. It would be nice if my friends had kids soon so that our children would grow up together.
Rob slipped his arm behind Daphne's back. "Way in the future? Who will my new nephew grow up playing with then?"
Daphne immediately blushed.
"You don't know if it's a boy, Rob," I said.
"It's definitely a boy."
I shook my head and took another bite of the bagel. "This is so good." I hadn't realized how hungry I was.
Daphne laughed.
"Rob? Penny!"
I turned around to see Bee running toward us. Her eyes were red and I could see the fresh tears on her cheeks.
No. I knew what she was going to say. I had this horrible feeling in my gut. I had left James for a few minutes and now...and now...
"Something happened," Bee said. She looked distraught. She could barely get the words out.
"What?" My voice came out as a croak.
"I don't know. God, I don't know. He stopped breathing. Something about his lung. You have to come." She grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the elevator.
James couldn't die without me by his side. He'd think I had abandoned him. Why had I left him? It felt like everything was in slow motion as the elevator rose.
When the doors opened, I saw them wheeling James away. I started to run after him. But someone grabbed my waist, preventing me from pushing through the doors.
"Penny. Penny, you have to stop!" Mason said.
"No." I was sobbing now. "She said he was going to be okay. No!" I struggled in Mason's arms until I fell to my knees.
Mason knelt down beside me. "His lung collapsed. They're going to fix it. Just like they did before."
I shook my head. "She said he was going to be okay."
"He's going to be okay."
"I left him. I thought...I thought..."
He put his arms around me. "You didn't leave him. Penny, he knows you didn't leave him."
"They're going to let him die. They're not going to save him."
"His heart didn't stop. He was just having some trouble breathing."
"What if it does? You can't let him die. Don't let them do this." My tears streamed down my cheeks. "I thought he was going to be okay."
"He is." He pulled my face to his chest and didn't flinch as I soaked his shirt with tears. "He is," he said soothingly.
"I need him."
He continued to rub my back. "Penny, the waiting room is full of people who are here for you and him. Come talk to everyone."
"I can't." I had been doing my best to avoid the waiting room. Everyone's sad stares. Everyone giving up on him. This morning I thought we could all be happy in the good news. But now... I squeezed my eyes shut. No.
"These are the times when you're allowed to lean on others. Penny, you're not alone. We're all here for you." Mason wasn't philosophical. It sounded more like something James might say.
I slowly looked up at him. "You sound like James."
Mason smiled. "That's because James said that to me once."
I wiped away the tears under my eyes. "Why?"
"He was sitting in a room like the one all your friends are in when my dad had a heart attack. We all thought we were going to lose him. I'm used to being strong. And I felt so weak."
"I feel weak."
He nodded. "So lean on us." He gave me a small smile.
I looked down at my lap and realized that Mason was wearing sweatpants. I had never seen him in anything less fancy except when he went for runs with James. I looked back up at his face. For the first time ever I saw the worry lines around his eyes and the scruff on his face for forgetting to shave. He looked exhausted, like he hadn't been sleeping either. I saw the pain that reflected in my own eyes.
I wasn't the only one hurting. I wasn't alone in my grief. Why was I acting like I was alone?
"I'm sorry, Mason." I put my hand on his forearm. "Thank you."
"Come with me." He slowly stood up and put his hand out for me. He pulled me to my feet.
As soon as we walked into the waiting room, I was embraced in hugs. But nothing seemed to warm me. An icy feeling had covered my entire body. I squeezed my eyes shut. He'll be okay. He's fighting to come back to me. I tried to slowly breathe in and out as everyone said encouraging things to me. But it felt like I couldn't breathe. He won't leave you.
"Penny?" Daphne saying my name seemed to pull me out of my trance. She put her hand on my shoulder. "Take a deep breath, okay?"
I nodded. I tried to focus on my breathing.
"Do you want me to go get you something else to eat? Or maybe some water or something?"
I shook my head. She wasn't saying it was going to be okay. She wasn't throwing out meaningless words to try and make me feel better. And for the first time I realized why. She knew what loss was. James had said she had lost her brother. She knew this suffocating feeling. The first thing I wanted to say was, "I'm okay," but I knew that was almost as bad as hearing it from someone else. Instead, I said, "I feel like I can't... breathe."
"Sit down," Daphne said and gestured to a nearby seat. "Try to take another slow breath."
I nodded my head.
"Here, this might help distract you. Something just came for you." She handed me a manila envelope.
"Where did you get that?" Mason said. I hadn't realized he was standing next to us.
"The UPS guy dropped it off a few minutes ago."
"Where did he go?"
"He left through the doors he came in through." Daphne gestured to the door that led to the exit of the hospital.
Mason sprinted toward the doors.
"What was that about?" Daphne asked.
But I barely heard her. I opened up the letter and pulled out the note. It read:
"If I can't have him, no one can."
I put my hand over my mouth. Did she know his lung
collapsed, or was it just impeccable timing? It felt like she knew. It felt like she was watching me. I looked over my shoulder. How does she know everything?
"Penny?" Daphne put her hand on my shoulder. "Penny, what's wrong?"
"Who's telling her?" I whispered.
"Who's telling who what?" Daphne said. "Penny, breathe in for five seconds and then release."
"Who's telling her?!" I screamed.
"Hey," Daphne said and put her hand back on my shoulder. "Please take a deep breath."
Mason came back into the waiting room and shook his head.
"No." I pushed Daphne's hand away and stood up. "One of you is telling her. One of you is telling her!" It felt like I was breaking.
"Hey, Pen, calm down, okay?" my dad said and lightly touched my arm.
I flinched and stepped back. The cops suspected Tyler. They suspected Melissa. Mason knew about the envelopes. Had James told him? Or was he a part of it? Daphne had given me this one. Austin had given me one. Who else had? I tried to remember. There had been one at the office. A switch seemed to go off in my head. Zach. Zach had been the only one at the office when I had gotten one of the manila envelopes there. And he had continuously badgered me about James being abusive. He had been at our wedding too. And James had a fucking list of people who were potential threats. What if the cops were right? What if this wasn't Isabella? What if it was someone else? And what if it was someone in this room? "No."
"Pen."
I didn't trust anyone. I took another step away from my father. "It's one of you."
"Sweetie," my mom said. "What are you talking about?"
"Someone call Officer Daugherty right now. I need to speak with him."
"Okay," my mom said and pulled out her phone. She put her cell to her ear and started talking on it. But I didn't hear what she was saying.
"Hey." Rob gently touched my back. He was the only one I knew for sure wasn't doing this. He loved James. He loved me.
"It's one of them. She knows. How else would she know?" I handed him the note.
He quickly read it. "That doesn't mean she knows what just happened. This could have just been because James is here. There's no way she could know about his lung collapsing. It just happened."
"Unless someone told her."
Rob frowned. He grabbed my arm and pulled me out of the waiting room and into an empty hallway. "So you're accusing one of our closest friends and family of conspiring with Isabella?"
"I don't know. How can we know? She just keeps sending me stuff. And James is in surgery again. And...I don't know." I shook my head. It felt like I was losing my mind. But what if I was right. What if someone was feeding her information?
"No one out there would do that."
"How are you so sure? The cops aren't sure. I'm not even sure anymore."
"Penny, you're just upset about what happened. This," he raised the note in the air, "is still Isabella. She's the one behind all of this."
"But what if it's not even her?"
"Penny, what are you talking about?"
"What if it's someone else? One of them knows something. Rob, I can't explain. I just know. One of them is lying. One of them is talking to her. They're telling her everything. She's not doing this alone."
Rob ran his hand through his hair. "No one else would write this note though."
"I know." I tried to take a deep breath like Daphne had instructed. I nodded my head. "I'm sorry, I'm just freaking out. I just..." I let my voice trail off.
"But I don't think you're wrong either."
Goosebumps ran up my arms at his words.
"I've been feeling like someone's watching me. What if...fuck, what if you're right?" He turned his head toward the waiting room.
"I've felt it too. I just have this eerie feeling. She watched me before with this undetectable camera. Maybe that's it again. Maybe it's not another person." I noticed Officer Daugherty walk into the waiting room.
Rob sighed. "Let's go tell the cops to question everyone. And to search for a camera. If you're right, maybe that's what will finally lead us to her."
"But you've felt it too?"
He lowered his eyebrows as he nodded. He didn't realize that all his small gestures killed me inside. The similarities between him and James hit me the hardest.
"I need to tell you something," he said slowly. "It's been bothering me. And now that you're questioning things, I feel like I need to tell you."
I looked up at him. "Tell me what?"
"James asked me to take care of you if something ever happened to him."
I didn't doubt that James would do that. But I did have one question. "When did he ask you that?"
"He asked me twice actually. Once right before you two moved to New York. I didn't know you that well, but I was already grateful for what you had done for him. I don't think you realize how happy you made him."
I tried to blink back my tears.
"And he asked me again the night before you two got married."
That was sweet. But it made my stomach unsettled. Why would James ask him again?
"I just need you to know that he didn't need to ask me. I'd never let anything happen to you."
"Rob."
"But..." he let his voice trail off.
"What?"
"I'm wondering why he reminded me. I'm wondering if he knew something was going to happen."
I shook my head. "I mean, he was worried about what Isabella might do. But he didn't know. If he knew, he wouldn't have let us get married. He wouldn't have put himself in danger."
"Penny, the night before your wedding, he also told me that he'd die for you."
"That's a figure of speech."
"But what if it wasn't? What if he just wanted to marry you? As the last thing he could do? As the last choice he could make?"
I shook my head. No.
"What if he was getting notes too? What if she had threatened him? What if he knew?"
"He would have told me. Especially after I told him." But would he have? He was always trying to protect me. He was always keeping me in the dark. Oh my God. I thought about the words James whispered against my lips on our wedding night. I'll love you until the day I die. Did he know it would be soon? Had he known all along?
"But what if he didn't? What if there's evidence somewhere else? Somewhere in your house? Or in his office?"
"What does it matter? That won't save him."
"But it'll get him justice. We have to get her put away. She can't get away with this. If he dies..."
I tried to swallow back my tears.
"Think, Penny. Is there anything else that he said to you? Did it seem like he was holding something back?"
No. It felt like he had given me every piece of him. And then I remembered. "She did send him pictures. Like she sent me. Compromising photos. He made it seem like she gave them to him in person. But maybe she sent other thing like she did with me. Which means maybe she threatened him too."
"Okay. You go talk to the cops. I'm going to go to your apartment and search for the pictures and anything else that might help. Call me if you get an update on James."
"Wait." I grabbed his arm. "Can you stay for a second? I'm having trouble catching my breath."
"I'll go get the doctor."
"No." I closed my eyes and leaned my back against the wall. "Just tell me something good. Tell me something that will calm me down."
"You're having a baby."
Possibly without a father. I opened my eyes. "Something else. Tell me about you and Daphne. Distract me."
He smiled. "What do you want to know?"
"How serious are you guys? Do you really like her?"
"I more than like her. She gets me in a way that no one ever has before. She laughs at my jokes. She...grounds me. I feel more centered ever since I met her. And more useful, more needed, like I finally have a purpose in life. Making her smile makes me happier than I've ever been. And I get this weird feeling in my chest when we're apart.
I haven't even told her this yet, but I know that I love her. Penny, I'm going to marry that girl. Shit, why are you crying?"
"I don't know." I tried to wipe away my tears. "I'm just really happy for you."
He laughed and pulled me in for a hug. "James is going to be okay, you know. We're going to be going on double dates in no time."
"Yeah." But my heart wasn't in my words. James was in surgery. And if he didn't make it, I wasn't going to make it either.
"I have to go, Penny."
"Can't it wait? He needs you here. I need you here."
"If Isabella did threaten to kill him and she didn't succeed, she's not going to give up. She's always been determined to get her way. It can't wait. She'll come here. And they'll let her, because the cops aren't even fucking looking at her. They haven't even asked her to come back to the city for questioning. And if someone out there is talking to Isabella..." he let his voice trail off. "Don't tell anyone about this, okay?"
I nodded.
"No one."
"I won't."
He gave me one more swift hug. "Call me the second you know anything." He handed me my phone that he had been holding onto for me. "Don't look at me like that. You don't have to answer any of the calls except the ones from me. Ignore the press. Ignore it all, okay?"
I nodded. "Call me when you find the proof that we need."
"I will." He patted my back and left me alone in the hallway with my thoughts. I didn't want to believe that James knew Isabella was going to try to hurt him. But it made sense. Normally I would have been mad at him for something like this. But not today. Today, all I could think about was how sweet it was if it was true. How he wanted to marry me so badly he put himself in danger. And how much guiltier it made me feel. Rob was right. We needed to get to the bottom of this. We needed to make sure that when James woke up, everything was taken care of. And he could just focus on healing.
I looked back at the swinging doors. When. Not if. My husband was going to come back to me. He had to.
Chapter 28
Wednesday
"No one else would have sent me this message," I said.
Officer Daugherty shook his head. "This could be any bachelorette in this city. They're all jealous of you. There's a lot of crazy people out there."
