Desire and Protect

by Lori Ryan

  Beverly nodded. “I know that. But I also know she was making plans right up until the day before she died. She was planning a surprise weekend away with Elliot for his birthday. It makes no sense to do that one day, then kill yourself the next.”

  Shane waited, almost certain she had more to say. He’d known Beverly for a long time, and she wasn’t the type of person to tell herself something like this just because she was missing her friend, although he was sure she was.

  “She and I had both talked about the dementia she was having and we agreed, it wasn’t following the normal pattern of dementia.”

  This got his attention. “How so?”

  “Dementia has stages. It begins with mild symptoms and progresses gradually from there. Fiona was experiencing a very sudden onset of moderate to severe symptoms. We agreed she should go see Dr. Allen and see if there was some reason for the sudden symptoms.”

  Hall Allen had taken over his father’s practice the year before. He was a good doctor. He’d grown up in Evers and left for medical school and to practice in a larger city for several years before coming home to work with his father. When the senior Dr. Allen had suffered a stroke the year before, Hall had been left as the sole practitioner while his father recuperated.

  “Is it possible she visited him and received a diagnosis she couldn’t accept? Maybe she was sicker than you guys thought?” He wondered if something like a brain tumor could have been responsible for her symptoms. Maybe Fiona had discovered the cause and had decided she didn’t want to live with it.

  Beverly was shaking her head again. “No. She had an appointment with Dr. Allen this week.”

  Unease crept over Shane and he wondered if he’d contributed to Garret calling Fiona’s death a suicide without really having all the facts.

  “I know Garret is having the medical examiner do an autopsy,” he said. “I can talk to him if you’d like. Make sure he knows your concerns.”

  Beverly clenched his hands between hers and he saw tears spring to her eyes. “This wasn’t her, Shane. It wasn’t her.”

  Shane nodded. “I’ll talk to Garret.” He knew Garret would never take his duty lightly. Shane wasn’t ready to accept what Beverly was saying wholesale, but he could at least make sure Garret knew that not everyone assumed Fiona’s death was a suicide.

  18

  You won’t learn to swim on the kitchen floor.

  Fiona O’Malley’s Journal

  Phoebe smiled as Ashley entered her office and flopped into the chair across from her desk.

  “I think your friend is wrong.”

  Phoebe looked blankly at Ashley, then leaned forward and looked out at the reception area. It wasn’t that Phoebe minded Ashley coming in unannounced. It was just that Margaret was oddly tenacious about announcing visitors before they came into either of Shane or Phoebe’s offices. In fact, it had always made Phoebe laugh. The woman seemed to think of herself as a guard dog of sorts.

  Margaret looked back at her, brows raised. Phoebe leaned back in her chair, her gaze returning to Ashley.

  Ashley raised a shoulder with a laugh. “She likes me.”

  “By all means, don’t let me interrupt your train of thought. You were saying something about my friends?”

  “The one who said you shouldn’t bone Shane.”

  “Jeez, Ashley.” Phoebe stood and shut her office door. “Really?”

  Ashley only grinned. The woman had no shame.

  Before she could shut the door all the way Laura and Katelyn scooted in.

  “Wait for us,” Laura said.

  Shane stepped out of his office, but Laura turned and shooed him back in with her hands. “Phoebe’s taking her lunch break.”

  “It’s ten a.m., Laura,” Phoebe said, but Shane just laughed and walked back into his office.

  “I called them.” Ashley didn’t look the least bit apologetic as the girls all settled into Phoebe’s office with the door shut. The room wasn’t exactly large. It was about half the size of Shane’s office. With three of them in chairs and Katelyn perched on the edge of the desk, it was crowded.

  Yet, it felt good, Phoebe realized. She really liked this town, she thought as she scowled at Ashley.

  “Oh, stop.” Ashley waved her scowl away. “We need to talk and it’s better if we’re all here for this. I think you should sleep with Shane.”

  Phoebe raised her brows. “Be blunt about it, why don’t you.”

  “Maybe you could just start with a date. Or a kiss,” Katelyn said.

  “They’ve kissed already. It was magical.” Ashley didn’t seem the least bit concerned about sharing Phoebe’s personal business.

  “And then he apologized and said it shouldn’t have happened.” Phoebe felt the need to keep that in the forefront of her mind. It was one of the ways she was protecting herself against what would undoubtedly be messy and heartbreaking in the end.

  “Okay, let’s back up here. Why are you so convinced it would end badly?” Ashley looked to Laura and Katelyn with her question, and both women nodded their agreement.

  “Statistics.” Phoebe wasn’t at all the kind of person to go by statistics. She was a gut instinct kind of girl if there ever was one. But, in this case, she felt she needed something concrete to hand Ashley.

  “Do tell.” The dryness in Ashley’s tone couldn’t be missed and Phoebe laughed.

  “Well, look at it. How many relationships did you guys have before you found your husbands?”

  “True,” Katelyn put in. “I did have to go through quite a few frogs.”

  “I think it’s toads,” said Ashley wrinkling her brow.

  Laura raised her hand and wiggled her fingers. “I only went through two men.”

  All eyes swiveled toward her, and no one needed to remind her how that first relationship had gone.

  Laura shrugged her shoulders. “Just saying.”

  “Since none of us are buying the statistics crap,” Ashley said with a glare toward Katelyn, “tell us what’s really going on.”

  Phoebe probably shouldn’t have felt comfortable opening up to these women. In all honesty, she didn’t know them well. But somehow, they had a way of setting her at ease and making her feel like they wouldn’t judge or spread her story all around town. They might gossip between themselves plenty, but she didn’t get the sense that they would run out and share personal details with other people.

  “I think I’m just afraid.” The truth of the statement struck her. She was afraid. And it wasn’t just that she was afraid things wouldn’t work out with Shane. It was that she thought they might. That he might just be the one for her, but that she might not be able to hack it, like her mother. That she wouldn’t have what it took to be a wife and mother.

  “I get that,” Ashley said, surprising Phoebe. Ashley didn’t seem like anything could frighten her. “I was deathly afraid to let Garret in. I’m glad I did though. Even if it hadn’t worked out the way it did, just letting him in and giving up all the fears and doubts about being able to have a relationship with someone was life-changing for me.”

  Phoebe watched as Laura and Katelyn flanked Ashley, smothering her with hugs.

  She wondered what Fiona O’Malley would tell her to do. She had a feeling the woman would have said to grab everything in life that she could with open arms and an open heart. She’d just started reading the sections of Fiona’s journal covering the time when she met and fell in love with Elliot. She had expected Fiona to struggle with the idea of loving a man so much younger than her. Fiona had, for a very short time. It was the time in which she let her fears control her. The difference was, Fiona had looked that fear in the eye and recognized it for what it was. She had realized her fears had more to do with worry about what other people might think. When she had looked instead at how Elliot made her feel, the decision to be with him had become easy.

  Living in fear is no life at all, Fiona had said.

  The only problem for Phoebe, was that she didn’t trust what she was feel
ing. No, that wasn’t quite right. She didn’t trust herself. She didn’t trust she had what it took to let herself have what she wanted most of all. A family, happiness. Permanence.

  19

  It isn’t the riches, the things, the property you gather around you that can make or break your day. It’s the people. The friends and the loves. Value them and hold them dear.

  Fiona O’Malley’s Journal

  Shane cursed under his breath as he stared at the screen. He was out of ideas. He wanted nothing more than to be able to tell Laura where her brother was buried. When he’d made the offer a year ago, he hadn’t ever imagined it would be so difficult.

  His sister-in-law had been raised in a small New Jersey town by an emotionally abusive father. She and her brother, James, were tight growing up. When Laura had married her first husband, Patrick Kensington, she’d left her father and brother to lead a life that should have been the envy of every woman. The Kensingtons had money and power beyond compare. They were politically connected and influential. It was as close to marrying into royalty as one could get in the United States.

  It hadn’t taken long for Laura’s world to be plunged from fairy tales to nightmares. In fact, it happened on her wedding night, the first of many times her husband would beat her. Laura was in the midst of the three-year hell her husband put her through when she got word her brother had died. She never had the chance to attend his funeral.

  “It shouldn’t be this hard.” Shane had known for a while now that something wasn’t adding up as far as James Lawless was concerned. No record of death seemed to exist and none of the cemeteries in the area where he and Laura were raised had a record of him being buried. No funeral home had cremated him. It was as if the man hadn’t died.

  “What shouldn’t be so hard?”

  Shane jumped at the sound of Phoebe’s voice and turned to find her in the door of his office.

  “Sorry,” she said but the smile splitting her face said she was anything but. He loved seeing her smile, even when it was at his expense.

  Her eyes danced and lit from within when she was happy. The more he saw that, the more he wanted to make her happy.

  That didn’t mean he at all believed her claim she was sorry for startling him. “No, you’re not.”

  She shrugged and came to stand over his shoulder, looking at the computer screen. He was struck again by the idea of them working as partners. It wasn’t the idea of having her as a partner in the firm that was really the fantasy. The fantasy was having her as a partner in life. It was powerful when it hit him, and he knew he’d give in eventually. He wasn’t doing a very good job of shaking the feeling that he wanted more with Phoebe Joy.

  “I’m trying to track down Laura’s brother.”

  Phoebe frowned at the screen. “What do you mean?”

  Laura was extremely open about her history, even sharing her story in talks she gave for women around the country, so Shane didn’t hesitate to share it with Phoebe.

  “You know she used to be Laura Kensington. That her husband abused her?”

  “Yes. And he’s dead now.” There was a hint of satisfaction in Phoebe’s voice. Shane couldn’t say he blamed her.

  “Right,” Shane confirmed. “About six months into their marriage, her brother died. She wasn’t able to attend his funeral. She and her father are estranged. The man is, well, he’s horrible. He was emotionally abusive to her all her life. Her brother was her protector. I know it bothers her that she’s never been able to find his grave and go say goodbye.”

  “That should be easy.” Phoebe looked to his computer as though the answer should have appeared there by now.

  He understood her response. The answer should have been easy.

  Shane laughed. “Uh huh,” he said, with a sideways look in her direction.

  She smirked and ran through all the ways he’d already covered for locating the burial site of James Lawless.

  “All done. And before you ask, yes, I googled him.”

  “Can you pull up the property records around their childhood home?”

  Shane frowned at her but did as she asked and turned the screen so she could look at the records.

  “Okay,” she said pointing. “Now look up this woman and see if her phone number is available.”

  It took three tries but they found someone with a listed number that lived across the street from the Lawless family.

  Phoebe picked up the phone and started making calls. It took several more tries before she found someone who was home and willing to talk with her.

  She had the phone on speaker so he could hear. “You say you’re with a law firm?” The woman sounded elderly.

  “Yes. We represent a woman who grew up near you and we’re trying to help her find some information on her brother. You would have known them as Laura and James Lawless if you lived in the neighborhood when they were there.”

  The response was immediate. “Oh, those poor kids. Horrible man, their father. We all knew he wasn’t treating them right. The problem was, there wasn’t anything anyone could do. Back then, there wasn’t any such thing as help for kids if they weren’t being physically injured. Times were different. There had to be bruises and broken bones and things.”

  The woman made a sound of disapproval. “And then what happened to Laura.”

  Phoebe murmured a response. Laura’s story had been national news. She’d been in the spotlight first as one of the Kensingtons, then as the Kensington who’d been beaten.

  “He’s still there, you know. Holed up inside his house. Jacob Lawless deserves to be alone in the world, and he’s gotten all he deserves. He’s reaped everything he’s sown.”

  Phoebe’s eyes met Shane’s for a minute before she looked back at the phone. “Mrs. Parker, can you tell us what you know about James? We’re trying to help Laura find his grave.” Phoebe paused. “Her late husband never gave her that information, and as you can imagine, she isn’t in touch with her father.”

  Shane had tried talking to Laura’s father. He refused to answer any calls and hadn’t responded to registered letters, either. He was about ready to fly out there and beat the information out of the man.

  Now there was silence on the other end of the line.

  “Mrs. Parker?”

  “I’m here. I’m sorry. You just caught me off guard. James isn’t dead. Not as far as I know. He went into the military. That was years ago and he doesn’t visit, but I haven’t heard anything about him since the day he left.”

  Shane’s head shot up and he met Phoebe’s eyes to find they were just as filled with surprise as his own.

  “Do you know what branch of the military?” Phoebe asked.

  “Well, I’ve always thought the Army, but I can’t remember if that was told to me at one point, or if I just assumed. I’m really not sure.”

  “That’s all right, Mrs. Parker. We can find out.”

  “He was a good boy, that James. A very good boy and an honorable man.”

  Phoebe’s response was soft. “I’m sure he was. Thank you so much. You’ve been a big help.” Phoebe disconnected the line and held up a finger to Shane when he began to speak.

  As he watched, she dialed another long-distance call from memory.

  “General Brophy’s office.” The male voice on the other end of the line held the kind of no-nonsense tone that said you’d better have a reason for interrupting his day. Shane wondered how in the hell Phoebe happened to have a General’s phone number on speed dial in her head.

  “Hi Carson. Is my dad available?”

  Dad was a General. That’s, apparently, how you get a number like that.

  It was almost comical how quickly the voice on the other end of the line softened. “Hey, Pheebs. Hang on. It’s going to take me a few minutes to pull him up here.”

  “Thank you!” Phoebe covered the speaker of the phone with her hand and turned to Shane, obviously reading the question on his face.

  “It’s easier than calling his cell.
Most of the time, he can’t take a phone into the meetings he’s in and Carson always knows exactly where he is in the building.”

  “What building is that?” Shane had a feeling he knew the answer, but the question just had to be asked.

  She held her hands up in as close to the shape of a pentagon as one could get with their hands as the phone line came back to life.

  “Pumpkin?”

  Phoebe rolled her eyes. “My boss is on the line, dad. You’re on speaker.”

  “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Sir,” Shane said leaning forward. He threw a glare at Phoebe that hopefully told her not to spring a call with a General on him again. She laughed.

  “And you, Shane. Phoebe’s told me about you.”

  Shane felt like a teenager going up against his date’s dad. He couldn’t imagine what Phoebe’s dates had gone through when they came to pick her up.

  “I hope all of it was good.”

  The General laughed and Shane felt marginally better.

  “Most of it, anyway,” said General Brophy. “Are you calling to tell me my daughter is the best paralegal you’ve ever hired?”

  Now Shane laughed. “I won’t lie. She is absolutely the best paralegal I’ve ever hired.”

  He liked the way Phoebe flushed.

  She wasn’t having any more of it. “Okay, you two can carry on your little lovefest later. I’m calling for a reason, dad.”

  “She used to use the same tone with me when she was young. I think she gets a kick out of being the only person on the plant who can boss me around.”

  “True. There are a few people who outrank you, dad.”

  Shane’s brows went up, but he heard laughter on the other end of the line.

  “Okay, Pumpkin. What can I do for you?”

  “We’re actually calling for a friend. We’ve been helping her track down her brother’s grave. She’s estranged from their father, but she was told years ago her brother had died. We haven’t been able to locate any information on him, but a neighbor just told us the brother enlisted in the Army. I was hoping you can tell us how to go about getting information for her?” Phoebe paused. “Or maybe you might look him up off the record for us?” She said this last in her best pretty-please voice.