Lost Truth

by Dawn Cook

  Strell lunged for the surf. Fingers fumbling, he knotted one end of the scarf to the ring at bow. He crouched in the bottom of the dinghy, his brow pinched as he searched the sky. His breath caught as Keribdis lunged at Alissa, missing.

  “Where are they going?” he shouted, but Connen-Neute had already shifted and couldn’t answer. The young raku grasped the other end of the scarf in a hind foot and leapt into the air. Strell gripped the gunwales against the expected jolt as the slack was taken up. The jerk rocked his head back. Strell’s eyes widened as water sloshed over the bow. “Slow down!” he cried, torn with the need to follow her and the fear of drowning.

  Connen-Neute checked himself. As they sped across the waves to the main island, Strell watched the twin golden forms flying in chase. One dropped upon the other, forcing the lower one into a fall. “Alissa!” he cried, rising to a crouch. Muscles tense, he watched them dive to the water. “No!” he shouted, his breath escaping him in an explosion as wings flashed open.

  Strell watched the two rakus speed over the waves, grateful Connen-Neute had come to fetch him. Guilt swept him. He could do nothing to help her. This was his fault. He should have told her to swallow her pride and accept Keribdis’s teaching. He should have told her Keribdis was a fool and to pretend to respect her. He never should have asked her to marry him. “No,” he whispered. He would not feel guilty about that. “I should have tied up her stupid bird,” he said, hearing his voice catch.

  A wave broke over the side, and Strell wiped the salt water from his face, his gaze on the sky. He tensed as Keribdis lunged, then lunged again. She kept missing, growing more and more angry. Alissa was keeping herself maddeningly out of reach, taunting her. But then Alissa began to climb. Slowly the twin forms became smaller. A gap opened between them, then more. His heart pounded. Keribdis couldn’t do it. Alissa would win!

  Then Alissa faltered. Writhing in a pain he could see no reason for, she stalled. Strell gasped as she began to fall. Keribdis dove with a cry of success, her talons outstretched. Strell watched in panic, helpless as she grasped Alissa’s long tail.

  His heart seemed to stop as Alissa shuddered violently. Keribdis unexpectedly flung her wings open, slamming them into the air to stop dead in flight. Alissa pulled free of her grip, smoothly flipping head over tail to dive at Keribdis.

  “No!” he shouted as they tangled into one body and dropped. He watched, not breathing as they fell to the island.

  “Faster!” he exclaimed as Connen-Neute surged toward the rapidly approaching beach. The two rakus fell lifeless onto the beach ahead of him. Neither moved.

  He lurched forward as the rowboat scraped the beach. One raku stirred, rolling to a crouch with her wings awkwardly splayed. Nearly mindless with fear, Strell tipped the boat over, falling into the surf. He tried to run, but the water pulled at him. He fell, crying out in frustration. As he pushed himself upright, the larger raku, bloodied and savage, rose up on her hind legs. Strell felt his stomach twist as she swung her tail to hit the smaller behind the head.

  “Alissa,” he whispered as one fell senseless to the sand. It had been her. He knew it.

  Keribdis reared up with a fierce snarl, spittle dripping from her. Strell felt his face go bloodless. She was going to tear Alissa’s throat out. He’d seen that look on a pack of dogs before they fell upon a wounded rival.

  “Keribdis!” Connen-Neute shouted. His voice was thick with fear. Strell found him by the forest in his human shift. The larger raku spun, snarling as she realized she had witnesses. Strell blanched as the winged beast spread her bloodied wings and pushed once upon the air. Her one eye was red with blood; the sand was speckled with it. She was out of her mind with rage.

  “Keribdis!” Connen-Neute exclaimed louder, pleading. Strell came to a stumbling halt beside him. There was a whoosh of air behind them, then another. Strell wouldn’t look from Keribdis to see who had landed.

  Bellowing in rage, Keribdis reared over Alissa. Her jaws opened in a roar of denial. Terror flashed through Strell. She was going to kill her. She was going to kill Alissa!

  Strell crouched at the roar of protest exploding over his head. Keribdis faltered, and Strell almost collapsed from relief. His knees were weak, and his hands hurt from clenching them. Tearing his gaze from Alissa, he found Yar-Taw swirling back into reality as a man.

  Keribdis rumbled a response. Strell spun back around. The raku had returned to all fours. Her head was high as she surveyed the incoming rakus. Her second eyelid slid shut to cover her damaged eye, and she shifted in a swirl of nothing that was almost black in the afternoon sun.

  Heart pounding, Strell ran to Alissa. The sand slid as he came to a halt beside her triangular head. She’s breathing, he thought, a cry of relief escaping him. His hands were spread wide, not knowing how he could help. He gently touched an eye ridge to feel the sun’s warmth on it. Angry, he looked up, hatred suffusing him as he fastened upon Keribdis.

  The old woman stood in obvious exhaustion. It was as if only her rage was keeping her upright. Blood had quickly stained her dress, and one eye was swollen shut. Savage scratches marred her face. “You hurt Alissa,” he said, his voice carrying a deep hatred.

  Keribdis gave him an icy look. “I let her live.”

  It was the first thing she had ever said to him. “You’re an animal!” he cried, lunging at her. Before he moved three steps, his feet were pulled out from under him. He fell, spinning to find Connen-Neute’s long fingers about his ankle. “Let—go!” he shouted, kicking in time with his words. He scored on the young Master, and his tight grip fell away. Connen-Neute’s pupils were so large, his golden eyes looked black.

  Strell scrambled to his feet. His breath came fast as he realized Connen-Neute had probably just saved his life. Wolves, he was so helpless.

  Keribdis haughtily pulled her red scarf tighter about her narrow waist. She waited with a mocking expectancy, wanting an excuse to ward him to death. Alissa, he thought, fear replacing his anger. Panicking anew, he fell to his knees beside Alissa’s head. Fingers trembling, he reached out to touch her. Please, he thought. Please, Alissa. Be all right.

  Yar-Taw strode quickly to Keribdis. “Are you all right?” he asked, reaching to support her as the woman shakily nodded. “Perhaps you should have used another method to bring Alissa in line. Knocking your student out for willful disobedience is hard.” Yar-Taw glanced at Alissa. “On both of you, it seems.”

  Strell stood. His hands were clenched at his sides. The bulk of Alissa lay behind him. “You gave her a concussion,” he said, ignored. “She might never wake up!”

  Keribdis turned to Yar-Taw. “It wasn’t as if I could control her by withholding information,” she said bitterly. “Talo-Toecan made her untenable.” An ornate bench grew from a shadow, and Keribdis wearily sat down. She took a breath and steadied herself, arranging her dress to try to hide the seeping blood. The shadows of incoming rakus fell over the sand. “And it was necessary,” the woman said. “I didn’t bring down Alissa. That—” She pointed at Alissa. “That is feral.”

  Strell felt the blood drain from his face. Keribdis knew. Connen-Neute had said she flew like a feral beast. Keribdis had seen it.

  “Feral!” Fear pulled Yar-Taw’s face tight as he glanced at Alissa. “She went feral?”

  “Yes.” Keribdis dabbed at her eye with a fold of cloth that hadn’t been there a moment ago. “We were fortunate I managed to bring her down myself. No one but me got hurt.”

  Yar-Taw’s face was stark with horror. He backed up a nervous step. The beach was rapidly getting crowded. Strell felt his helpless anger grow as more and more rakus landed and shifted. They clustered about Keribdis, bombarding her with questions she didn’t answer. Connen-Neute came to stand beside him as if ready to accept punishment.

  Lodesh and Silla stumbled out from the undergrowth. Eyes wide, the young woman clutched Lodesh’s hand for an instant, then dropped it and ran to Alissa.

  “Stop!” Keribdis shouted, jerking the y
oung woman to a halt. Slowly Keribdis got to her feet. The unanswered questions died away. “I know you think I overreacted this morning.”

  “You knocked her out, Keribdis. No student deserves that.”

  “Did you see her fly?” someone asked. “I’ve never seen anyone drop like that before!”

  “And she flipped head over tail!” another exclaimed. “I didn’t know you could do that!”

  Keribdis pursed her lips. “That wasn’t Alissa in the air,” she said, then swallowed as if in pain. “Alissa has gone feral.”

  “Feral!” someone exclaimed, immediately hushed.

  With Yar-Taw’s help, Keribdis took a limping step forward. Strell wondered how much of the pain showing across her face was real and how much was for effect. “Do you honestly think my husband could properly bring about a first transition? Alone? With a rogue transeunt?” Keribdis said, and Strell seethed.

  Keribdis gestured at Alissa. “Her thought signature changed. I saw an echo of a second consciousness in her last night. It was only a matter of time until she went feral. I’m sorry,” she said, dropping her gaze in what Strell knew to be a false sadness.“I think it was my anger that tripped her across the edge.”

  Neugwin rushed forward with consoling words spilling from her. The Master’s soothing voice sent Strell into a wash of delirium. This could not be happening! It was all Strell could do to not stride across the sand and slap her. As if sensing his hatred, Keribdis pulled her eyes to his. The corners of her mouth curved upward, and she raised a hand to cover her smile.

  Connen-Neute took Strell’s elbow as he rocked forward. Strell fingers trembled as he pried Connen-Neute’s grip from him. Lodesh said nothing as he stood beside Silla. His eyes darted everywhere. Assessing the political situation, most likely, Strell thought bitterly.

  Keribdis coughed, clenching in upon herself. Waving Neugwin’s concern away, she straightened. “She will be chained here. There’s no other way to keep her grounded without the holden. When she recovers, we will force her to destroy her feral consciousness. She has not flown under starlight yet. We may be able to reclaim her.”

  “No!” Strell cried, unheard over the buzz of conversations that erupted. Silla clenched Lodesh’s arm. She looked terrified.

  Keribdis’s gaze went distant. “It will be executed properly this time,” she breathed as if eager for it. “I will have my student. She will respect me. By the Navigator’s Wolves, I won’t let Talo-Toecan win this.”

  Strell jerked with understanding. Lips parted, he looked at Connen-Neute. The young Master’s long face was gray. Clearly he heard her as well. Keribdis cared nothing if Alissa lived or died. This was to prove Keribdis was better than Talo-Toecan. To show the Hold that she was the one they should follow, not him.

  Connen-Neute leaned toward Strell. “I will explain to Yar-Taw the pact Alissa made with Beast.” His voice was soft and level, but his hands shook.

  “Now,” Strell said urgently. “Tell them all now. Alissa will kill herself before being forced to destroy Beast. You know it! I almost killed her myself doing the same thing.”

  Connen-Neute’s grip on his shoulder tensed. “I won’t let them tie her to a post. Let me do things the way that will get the best result. If Alissa wakes sane, as we know she will, she has the right to a trial before they force her to destroy Beast. I can get her that, but if you inflame them with the truth in one breath, they won’t slow justice down enough to listen.”

  Strell’s stomach knotted. He watched the assembled rakus break up in ones and twos. Finally he nodded. “All right. Your way. One of us should tell Lodesh not to say anything.”

  Connen-Neute glanced at the Keeper. He had Silla’s elbow and was trying to draw her away from the blood-splattered sand. The young woman was pale and shaking, clutching his arm with a white-knuckled grip. “Lodesh won’t say anything,” Connen-Neute said. “He thinks with his head. You, though, think with your heart.” A very brief smile crossed him. “You’re the most dangerous to her, but you’re probably the only one who can save her.”

  A hard lump fixed itself in Strell’s throat. Alissa, his love, lay unconscious on the sand. He took a breath as he forced himself to see past the “now” and into the “what had to be done.” “Can you get me a tent to shade her from the sun?” he asked. His joy of last night had become bitter ash as he resigned himself to the task of keeping Alissa alive while the world exploded around her. That’s what he was good at. Picking up pieces and putting them back together.

  Connen-Neute bobbed his head. Giving his shoulder another firm squeeze, he strode to Yar-Taw. Strell watched, satisfied when Connen-Neute pulled him from Keribdis with the air of an equal, not a cowering student asking a favor.

  Lodesh came up alongside of him. For a moment, they said nothing as they looked at Alissa. “How are we doing?” the Keeper said, his hands on his hips.

  Strell stiffened at his light tone, then relaxed as he saw the shared pain behind Lodesh’s green eyes. “The same as always,” Strell said, gesturing for him to help him move a wing back into a normal position. “The same as always.”

  30

  Her head was a thick haze of muzzy agony. “Not again,” she whispered, hearing it come out as a guttural sound instead of words and remembering she was in her raku form. Alissa swallowed hard, nausea surging through her. She was tired of waking up like this. Her mouth felt as if she had been eating feathers, and she couldn’t open her eyes.

  Screwing up her courage, she tried to visualize her tracings but was unable to. The ale, she thought, deciding this wasn’t the way to avoid Keribdis. But then a feeling of dismay filled her. The ale had been ages ago. She had flown against Keribdis and won.

  Alissa held her breath and wondered what it felt like when one lost. Ashes, she hurt all over. A slow throb of pain came from her tail and left hand, and she cracked an eyelid upon remembering Keribdis had bitten her. Light stabbed into her, making her head feel like it was going to turn itself inside out. Moaning, she buried her head into the huge cushion her head was propped on. The fabric was damp. “Urg,” she grunted, realizing she had drooled on it.

  “Beast?” she whispered into her thoughts.

  “She cheated,” Beast muttered. “They’re all fools. Go away and let me sleep.”

  Satisfied Beast was all right, Alissa opened her eyes again. The light was almost tolerable this time. A band of red fabric was wrapped tightly around her throbbing left hand. She pulled her head up from the pillow to find a band of metal snapped around a hind foot. A length of chain ran from it. She blearily followed it to where it was attached to an outcrop of stone. Where had they found the metal? she wondered before thinking an occasional ship must maroon here. Her stomach roiled, and she held her breath lest she vomit. She felt too ill to be outraged at being chained to the earth.

  “Alissa?” whispered a gray voice. Concentrating, she blearily focused upon Connen-Neute. He was in his human shift, sitting cross-legged on the sand to put himself at her eye level. The afternoon sun shimmered on his Master’s vest, and he held himself at an unusual ramrod stiffness. They were under a huge black canvas shelter open on two sides. The upwellings of heat over the sand looked reddish from the salt swirling through them. Talon was perched nearby on a stick jammed into the sand, surprisingly quiet and subdued.

  “Ashes,” she moaned into his thoughts. “Make it stop. I can’t concentrate to find my tracings. Please. Run a healing ward for me? My head hurts.”

  Connen-Neute’s long face was frighteningly worried. “Alissa. Don’t try to free yourself. And for the Navigator’s sake, don’t talk to anyone but me. They’re watching.”

  “I can’t free myself. I can’t even sit up. Do something. Please?” She shut her eyes, unable to take the light any longer. How could light hurt so much?

  She heard Connen-Neute’s sigh. “All right. But don’t do anything.”

  Alissa waited, feeling as if she might die at any moment. Warmth filled her as his ward eased over her
, pushing most of the pain and confusion away. It was replaced with a wave of heat, and she basked in it as her tension eased. The headache retreated to a faint memory, whispering a promise to return someday. Her tail seemed almost normal, but her hand had no improvement at all. A blissful sigh escaped her. She could hear the surf pounding on the shore and the cry of gulls. Slowly she opened her eyes.

  “Thank you,” she thought, feeling her muscles ease. Her brow pinched, and she swung her head up and back as she recalled the chain. “Why am I tied up?”

  Connen-Neute’s face was pinched and white. “Alissa, remember. No freeing yourself, and no talking silently to anyone but me. You promised.”

  Anger flashed through her. “I did not!” she exclaimed, struggling to sit up, awkward because she was clutching her left hand close to her chest. It was sending stabs of pain all the way up her elbow. Her wings half-opened for balance and her head began to pound again. Alissa glared at Connen-Neute as if he was at fault. Immediately she unfocused her attention. She would shift right now to get rid of the band of metal about her ankle.

  “No!” Connen-Neute stood up, frantic. “I told them you would do what I said.”

  “That’s your problem, not mine,” she said, furious.

  His brow pinched as he grasped her jaw with both hands. “No, Alissa,” he said, gazing into first one, then the other of her eyes. “I vouched for you. If you don’t do exactly what I say, they’ll burn both our tracings to commoner status. Right here. Right where we stand.”

  Her breath caught. Reading the truth of it in his frightened eyes, she licked her beak. Slowly she nodded. He let go of her head, and she followed his gaze to Silla’s cliff. Three human figures were up there. Beast sent a low, guttural growl of satisfaction through their shared thoughts, and Alissa knew one of them was Keribdis.

  “Now,” Connen-Neute said with a puff of relief as he took a step back. “No shifting. No freeing yourself. And no talking to anyone in their thoughts.”

  Scared, she asked, “Are they angry—” She hesitated. “I hurt Keribdis.” Alissa felt a moment of panic. What would Useless do to her for hurting his wife?