Beginning with Forever

by Lan LLP

  Carson Bradley

  “Carson, honey, I’m concerned that you’ve fallen so hard and so quickly for this young woman. Do you really know her…trust her?” I can’t believe she’s even asking me these questions, especially after years of me being so guarded and cautious with all women. “Does she love you or your money?” she throws it frankly out there, and I lose all control as soon as I hear the word ‘money.’ My fists clench tightly. With most women in my past, I might have questioned their motives, but never with Lily.

  “Mother, Lil was clueless about my background when I first met her. In fact, she just found out yesterday that I’m the CEO of my company. If she wanted my money, she would’ve already agreed to move here with me and allow me to spoil her. She wants nothing from me, but my love.” My voice intensifies with frustration as I battle to keep my cool. “I’ve become somewhat emotionally normal again because of her. I’m wrapped around her humility and tenderness. I want you to give her a fair chance.”

  She rolls her eyes in disbelief, but I ignore her stubbornness. “I could spend the next hour telling you how wonderful she is, but you’ll have to figure that out for yourself when you’re ready to let her in. Mother, I hope that it’ll be sooner rather than later because it upsets me to see her try so hard to impress you when she really doesn’t have to.”

  “Honey, she’s so young. She’s still probably trying to figure out her future. What will you do when she completes her education and chases her dream without you? Bianca is waiting and willing. She’s beautiful, smart and loves you more than anyone since Emily.” My mother continues to use her maternal persuasion to convince me that Bianca is the right choice for me, not Lily. She’s wasting her effort. There’s no doubt in my mind that Lil is the only woman for me.

  “I have no control over Lily’s future nor do you, so we can’t discredit her over something we don’t know. I’m following what feels right to me, and Lillian feels right to me, not Bianca.” She sighs irritably while shaking her head in disagreement. It bugs the hell out of me, but I pretend not to notice. “Mother, I’m not sure what you two are up to but it needs to end. Lily is important to me, and I don’t like seeing her hurt because of your involvement with my ex-fiancée who refuses to let go. I love her, and I plan on marrying her when she completes her schooling, sooner if she would have me.” Fuck, I probably shouldn’t have impulsively disclosed my marriage plans to my mother. My judgment is really off this evening.

  “Carson, you can’t be serious. You’ve only known her for less than a month.” She’s hyperventilating and grabbing at her chest like the air around her has ceased. My mother can be quite melodramatic sometimes. She should’ve been an actress instead of an elementary school teacher. I offer her my arm for balance, and she accepts it.

  “Mother, I think we’re done,” I attempt to put an end to her enduring sulking. My patience is wearing thin with her.

  “Carson, I want you to be happy—shelter you from another broken heart. How can you be sure she won’t fall for someone else? She’s just twenty-two years old.” Her pleading voice is trembling. My mother witnessed my painful years of depression post Emily’s death. It disheartened her severely to watch my love for life slip away. The dismal look in her grayish blue eyes suggests that she’s probably recalling some of those scarring memories. Her maternal instinct is to prevent me from going down that same path. I don’t disagree that she has a valid argument, but it doesn’t change how I feel about Lil.

  “Mom, I know you love me. Just ease back on Lily. Please. Do it for me.” I hug her tightly and kiss her cheek to help lessen her apprehension. I’m not sure if she’s convinced about Lily, but at least she knows how I feel about her.

  Taking my mother’s hand, we walk back to the dining room. I couldn’t believe my ears. I think I hear laughter, and then I see Dad sharing a veteran joke with both women. My father is a well-decorated ex-Marine Sergeant Major who served his country for over nineteen years and has collected an ungodly amount of stories and dirty jokes to keep his guests or friends amused hours. I’m relieved to see them cordial with each other. I hate that Bianca is hurting, but Lillian’s emotions are far more important to me. She’s the innocent addition to my equation. I brought her into my mess of a life, and it’s my responsibility to keep her out of the miserable side of it.

  “Dad, I’ll have to give you a rain check for the test drive. I want Lillian well rested for our early flight tomorrow morning,” I regretfully break the news to him.

  “Sure thing, Son, have a safe trip. Make sure you see to it that Lillian gets better soon.” Bianca glares at him with bitterness, feeling betrayed, I assume.

  “Thanks, Dad.” I can always count on my father to be impartial and see through anyone’s bull-shit. He’s a good judge of character, and I trust his intuition. I give my mother another farewell kiss and turn to Bianca to give her a guarded smile. I’m not sure I want to say anything to her, but I feel compelled to at least offer her something kind. “Please give your parents my regards and take care,” I hastily spit the words out to make it as painless for Lily to hear and sensitive enough to ease Bianca’s heartache.

  “Carson, may I talk to you if it’s okay with Lillian?” Bianca catches me off guard with a request to speak in private. Immediately, I look over to Lil to assess her reaction. Her expression is passive which alarms me. She has mastered the art of composure tonight. Getting up from her seat, she avoids my eyes and sullenly tells me, “I’ll be waiting at the front door when you’re finished.”

  Lily’s timing couldn’t be better. She misses the smug look on Bianca’s face as she turns her back to us. It irks the hell out of me to give in to Bianca because she’s accustomed to always having her way. I’m only agreeing because I want her to hear me loud and clear that it’s over between us. I had to be more discreet on the yacht last night, but I won’t hold back now.

  Catching up to Lily, I tell her, “I’ll be brief, Angel,” and then release my grip of her elbow. She walks away from me without a response. I hate seeing her dispirited like this because of me. How did I manage to strip her energy and quirky sense of humor in just two evenings?

  I walk back to Bianca with reluctance to find her standing confidently in her heels like one of the models who works for her. “Carson, did you get my gift? I had the building manager deliver it to your place as soon as the photographer added his finishing touches. We make such a beautiful and powerful couple, don’t you agree?” Bianca begins to stir the irritation that’s been simmering in my mind. Her smug expression makes me want to have that manager fired as soon as I can pick up a phone.

  “Yes, I did get the picture, but I got rid of it. I don’t mean to sound harsh, but there’s no we anymore, Bianca,” I tell her firmly as I remind myself to level out my mood.

  She finally breaks down. “Carson, I fucking miss you so much. I can’t let you go,” she whimpers and grabs my hands. “Please give us another chance. I know I can make you happier than Lillian. We belong together.” I disentangle our hands as she tries to hold on. She’s immediately dissatisfied from my reaction. I know she’s heartbroken, and I want to be more understanding, but the woman I love is patiently waiting for me in the other room. There’s no reason for me to keep her waiting any longer.

  “Bianca, I’m sorry that I’ve hurt you. I really am, but I can’t love you the way you need me to. We can’t base our marriage on sex alone. We’re not good for each other; I’m not good for you. You deserve more than what I can offer you.” I want to end it there, but she doesn’t. She reaches for my arm again and gives me a beseeching look.

  “I see. You need more time to think things through. Take as long as you need, baby,” she insists. Is she out of her fucking mind? Did she not hear a single thing I just told her? “I have something important I want to share with you, so please promise me you’ll meet me or allow me to drop it off at your office when you get back,” she hounds me until I give into her.

  “Yeah…sure. I have to go now
,” I hastily agree and then cut her off. The thought of keeping Lily waiting any longer is eating at me. I can’t imagine how I would feel if she spoke to an ex-fiancé while I waited in an adjacent room. Who the hell am I kidding? I’d never give her an opportunity like that.

  ____________________

  My mother prefers the lighting in the foyer to be dim for ambience. Lily is facing the front door with her back to me when I finally break away from Bianca. The flickering flames from the fireplace cast an alluring silhouette of her slender figure. I race over to wrap my arms around her, trying to convey my feelings for her through my embrace. She pulls away and asks if we can leave now. I’ve never heard her so somber. This shitty night is the final blow to her already fragile, emotional state, and it’s entirely my fault.

  “Lil, please talk to me,” I beg and twirl her around to face me. Her moist, red eyes tell me that she’s been shedding unnecessary tears while I shared our limited time with another woman—my ex-fiancée to make matters worse. Why am I such an idiot? Lil’s brave front wasn’t even believable. I should’ve just walked out with her. Hindsight is always far more obvious after the damage is done.

  “What do you want me to say, Carson? Your mother hates me, and your beautiful ex-fiancée still loves you. I find myself completely out of place and unfairly judged by people I don’t even know. Everyone thinks I’m the bitch or even worse, whore who broke up your perfect relationship with Bianca.” I watch her hold back more unnecessary tears as her eyes scan the room while purposely avoiding mine.

  “No, please don’t say that, baby. I’m sorry you feel this way. I only wanted to share you with my parents, the two people I love most in my life. I never planned for any of this to happen.” I want her to know that my intentions are pure and everything I did is to prove how much I love her. I’m hoping the anguished look on my face and the sound of my voice is what she needs to confirm my sincerity.

  “I’m not blaming you entirely. I’m just having a very difficult time taking this in all at once. I’ve purposely kept my life simple, but now it’s complicated, and I don’t know how to handle complicated. Why do you think I’ve never allowed anyone into my life before you,” she blows out a heavy breath while raking her fingers through her hair. Her distraught face appears more pale and feeble as I study it closely. I’ve failed her miserably. My selfish need to have her in my life has robbed her of her spirit and now her health.

  “Let’s go home. I need to pamper you and work out the complications I’ve added to your simple life.” Finally, she flashes me a tiny smile, and it soothes a small portion of my uneasiness away.

  Chapter 16

  Bianca Sorte

  After Carson and that fiancée-stealing bitch left Kat’s house, I was able to show her those incriminating pictures of Richard and Lillian. Oh, she was livid. She cursed and said some of the most damning things about her. Kat is one hundred percent willing to do whatever it takes to separate them. I’ve convinced her to believe that Lillian is after Carson’s money and that Richard is her real lover. They’re conspiring to take everything from him.

  “Over my dead body, they will,” Kat angrily told me. “I’ll protect my son like a ruthless mother hen. That conniving little bitch will have to get through me first.”

  In her eyes, I’m the woman who has Carson’s best interest at heart. I’ve convinced her that my love for her son has driven me to invade a woman’s privacy. I hired a private investigator to check Lillian’s background to protect her son, of course. I had to justify my ownership of those disgusting pictures. This part of my plan is working out perfectly.

  The second part of my plan will be completed as soon as Carson returns to Boston at the end of this week. I’ll surprise him at his office with my version of dirty foreplay after I show him those naughty pictures of his lover with another man. He’ll surely leave her and never want anything to do with her again. He has to. He’s left so many other more beautiful women for less. The only difference is he cares much deeper for this whore than anyone else, including me. I was never allowed to sleep at his place, but she’s been in all his beds. He displays his affection for her and has no qualms about anyone seeing them. Our relationship has always been kept discreet, insisting that he likes his privacy. He hardly made any effort to be with me, but has already given up a month of his lucrative time to spend and wait on her. I fucking loathe her the more I think about it.

  As much as I hate to admit it, I think he’s really in love with her. His handsome face beams whenever he stares at her, making me nauseous just thinking about it. Everything around him disappears, including me, when she’s in his presence. What the hell does he see in her anyways? She’s meek and humble and way too innocent to be able to satisfy him the way that I can. She’s a simple bookworm with absolutely no sense of style or class. I’m not saying that she doesn’t have any potential. She does have a stunning model-quality smile and a killer slender body, but compare her to me, I’m a perfect 10 and she’s maybe a 7, if that. I have her beat, and I’m sure most men would agree.

  I’m counting on him to be more vulnerable at my spring fashion show in New York after his devastating breakup. His sexual appetite is more aggressive when he’s emotionally fucked up, and that’s when I love him best. Carson is a silent investor for my Sorte’s Trendz n Glitz high-end fashion line. In the past, he would make a quick cameo appearance to show his support for my work, and then meet me at the Four Seasons Hotel afterwards. We’d have several hours of hot, raw sex and then he’d fly back to Boston alone. I’m hoping he won’t fail me this year.

  I plan on using this opportunity to seduce him and remind him how much he enjoyed fucking me. God knows I’ve missed his taut, muscular body and large cock inside me. No one has ever been able to pleasure me the way that he can. I can truly attest to this because I’ve had my share of lovers. His endurance is endless. I knew he only fucked me to satisfy his sexual hunger, love was never involved, but I didn’t care. I love him in my special Bianca way.

  I’ll have to have a more effective backup plan if Carson doesn’t leave Lillian or if she’s possibly pregnant. I’m no fool, her flu-like symptoms from last night are coincidentally similar to pregnancy ones. I noted her inability to eat. I also noticed that when she took her first bite of meat, she threw it up almost instantly. From Mr. Miller’s pictures, I can assume they’ve been fucking each other non-stop. She might have even used one of those opportunities to persuade him to be careless and purposely knocked her up. Maybe she’s not as innocent as I pegged her to be. Now that she’s had a taste of his money, she may want more of it.

  It could simply be the common flu, but I’m not taking any risks when it comes to getting what I want, and I want Carson. He’ll never leave her if she’s pregnant with his child, and Kat will definitely betray me for a grandbaby. I’ll have to permanently erase them both from his heart, especially since I’m incapable of ever bearing any children for him. I was born with total tubal blockage and Premature Ovarian Failure, making me completely infertile.

  Over a year ago, I had stopped all contraceptives without Carson’s knowledge. I thought having a baby would persuade him to marry me sooner, and Kat would certainly coerce him to make the right decision. It never happened, so I sought the help of a specialist. He confirmed my infertility through a panel of test procedures. I cried hysterically in his office, not because I was infertile, but because it had spoiled my plans. His sympathy to my devastating news directed my wanton attention to him. I was attracted to his broad muscular physique and his beautiful dark exotic features. It was obvious his admiring eyes never left me. His body language invited me to fuck him in his office even though he wore a wedding band. I certainly did what the doctor ordered. He was happily satisfied, and I appreciated his comfort for that upsetting moment.

  If I can’t have babies for Carson, I’ll make damn sure no one else will. After I’m done with her, she’ll wish she never crossed my path. I’ll reclaim my man and destroy her emotionally.
Don’t fuck with me Lillian you won’t win!

  Lillian Ly

  After we left his parents’ home, he drove me directly to his place, and I wasn’t allowed to lift a finger. Carson pampered me like a princess just as he promised. He strongly encouraged, in other words, forced me to sip warm vegetable broth for nourishment since I was unable to keep anything down. As my nausea subsided significantly, my stomach felt much calmer.

  We bathed together in his extravagant stone tub, which he admitted, was his first time ever using. There’s a gas heated fireplace next to it for warmth. My eyes gazed lazily at the yellow-orange colored flames until my lids became heavy with fatigue. I snuggled my bottom between his legs and leaned back against his chest with my eyes rested. His hands massaged the length of my thighs, but never gave into his desires. After a good twenty minutes, my hands and feet shriveled like prunes, and it was time to get out. We dried off, brushed our teeth and prepared for bed. He handed me his pajama top while he wore the matching bottom.

  He laid my body on his bed and began to unshackle the tension that bounded it with his skillful hands. He avoided sex because he believed rest would benefit me more. Personally, I disagreed. I needed him more last night than any other night, needed him to be mine and not Bianca’s.

  He ran his fingers continuously along either side of my temple and met them at the middle of my forehead and then circled back. Before long, I drifted into a deep sleep and now, I’m lying on another bed thousands of miles high in Carson’s jet. Having him around to distract my fear of heights makes flying a lot less nerve-wrecking for me.

  “Good morning, gorgeous. How do you feel?” I look into his flirtatious green eyes and thank God that he’s mine for keeps.

  “Very horny for you,” I answer playfully as I push my inhibitions aside. He arches one eyebrow in disbelief and flashes me a heart-melting smile.