Beginning with Forever

by Lan LLP

  “I have a special remedy for this condition.” He slowly unbuttons his dress shirt, unzips his pants and drops them. I love watching him strip his clothes off. It’s so incredibly sexy. He climbs into bed and begins to undress my willing body. Once again, his skillful hands are quick to remove my clothing. He’s made an art of this.

  “I might be contagious. Are you willing to risk contracting what I have?” my flirting continues.

  “I’m always willing for you, baby,” he grasps my left hand and glides the back of it delicately across his lips. I crave for him constantly, but this time it’s much more than desire. It’s his steadfast commitment that I seek. I need to know that he’ll be mine indefinitely. Right now I have doubts about his love and devotion. How long will it all last? Will he grow tired of me? My mother’s fear of trusting a man’s love has become mine as well. At a young and impressionable age, I witnessed her heartache for years and endured her endless tearful nights. Growing up, I promised myself I’d never give my heart away to anyone. I didn’t want to be hurt like my mother. I broke my promise to myself and made an exception for Carson. I hope he’s truly my Mr. Happy Ending.

  After what Hayden confided in me and confronting Bianca face to face, I fear losing him more than ever. My confidence in him is fragile. I’m not sure I’ll ever be good enough for him. I’m just a simple suburban girl from the Midwest with absolutely nothing else to offer. How can I ever compete with the likes of Bianca and all the other glamorous women that routinely surround him? Soon, he’ll be thousands of miles away from me, and I’ll always be wondering who’s with him every lonely night.

  He presses several gentle kisses on my forehead. “What are these pensive wrinkles doing here while I’m trying to seduce you? Am I losing my touch?” I slowly shake my head and give him a tight pursed smile. “Now, that’s better. Would you like to tell me what’s distracting you from me?” His eyes narrow and his lips press lightly together.

  “I’m thinking about how much I’ll miss you when you’re gone.”

  “Then come to Boston with me. We would be able to see each other every day and sleep in the same bed every night. Just give me the word, and I can have this jet rerouted in minutes.” His pleading is heartfelt because it appears to come directly from the source.

  “You know that I can’t.” It wounds me to deny him, this man, who isn’t accustomed to disappointment or a woman’s rejection. His offer is more than tempting, but I can’t. The only real thing that I can be sure of is my academic future. If I leave my dream behind, and Carson fails to stay true to me, I’ll only end up hating him like my mother does my father. I wish I could let go of my insecurities and follow my heart, but I’m just not brave enough.

  “Carson, if you could have me every day, you’ll quickly be bored of me. The distance will make you want me more every time we see each other.”

  “Lily, your statement is incorrect. I can never get enough of you, and the distance will drive me absolutely insane.” He buries his face into the curve of my neck and starts his irresistible nipping and kissing. I’m defenseless against his sensual taunting. “We have over four hours to kill before we land in St. Croix. I’m determined to make the most of that time with you here in my bed.” What a complete turn-on it is to hear his deep, warm voice promise me four hours of pleasure.

  “Card games? Is that what you have in mind?” I offer him a devilish smirk.

  “Something along that line…strip poker without the cards and with you completely naked the entire time.” He returns my devilish smirk with one of his. I love the little Carson gestures that appear across his handsome face as he playfully seduces me. His lips are gently pressed together with a crooked smile that shows off his irresistible dimple on his left cheek. The distance between his thick dark brows shrinks as he teasingly arches them. His smoldering, marble green eyes zone everything out, but me.

  “I wonder if our orgasms will be heightened since we’re literally already floating high on a cloud,” I purposely ask him a ridiculous question to get a reaction out of him.

  Carson stops his nipping and targets his blazing eyes directly into mine. “There’s only one way to find out. I’ll have to make you come right now. The foreplay can wait.” My throat tightens at the sound of his sultry voice while my body softens. He raises himself to a sitting position and pulls me intimately close to him. I’m handed a condom to sheathe his hard erection with more skill this time around. My legs wrap around his ripped torso, along the V-line of his hips. He lifts my body partially up and guides me over his large throbbing shaft. Though I’m completely wet and ready for him, his penetration is still uncomfortable for me, but as soon as my body accommodates all of him, it’s the highest feeling ever.

  With his strong hands, he grips either side of my buttocks to keep our thrusting bodies in sync. His penetration is deep and my clit is savoring the rubbing along his hardness. My body is floating in ecstasy. I’m gasping and panting for more as I grip him close to me. My moaning encourages Carson to be more aggressive. His blazing tongue forcefully enters my mouth, conquering every part of it. He trails light nips and bites along my neck and down to my cleavage. My skin burns from the sting. Arching my body to bring my swollen breasts into his warm mouth, his tongue flicks each hardened nipple with erotic taunting. I can hardly focus. My entire body is fluttering from Carson’s unyielding sensual stimulation. I bow my body further back to grip the mattress with both hands for support. His thrust becomes more powerful and dominating.

  “God, why can’t I get enough of you? You feel so fucking good.” His breathing is ragged. The low groans escaping his throat tells me that he’s close to reaching his peak. All that’s holding him back is my silence.

  I moan out his name, “Oh Carson…,” and he crosses the finish line with a deep plunging thrust. He holds me tightly in his arms as we both slowly descend from our climax. My breathing is still hurried, but I manage to encourage one last wicked smile from his handsome face. I raise my head up and rest my chin on his chest.

  “Am I officially a Mile High Club member?” I give him a beaming grin.

  “I believe you just passed the initiation process.” He runs his finger along the bridge of my nose and over my lips. I rest my head back on the right side of his chest, reclaiming my Lillian spot. He tucks my disheveled hair away from my face and traces his thumb along my cheek.

  “I’m happy to see my fun-loving Lillian back with me.”

  “You’re probably one of the few people who consider me fun. My obsession with being the smartest kid has made me the opposite of fun. I forced myself to avoid parties and boys. In fact, I’ve only kissed one other person besides you.” His proud expression quickly becomes guarded because he’s unhappy to hear that I’ve kissed even one other person even though he’s slept with God knows how many other women in his past. His temperament can be so fickle.

  “May I ask who you kissed?” I can’t believe he’s interrogating me about an innocent little kiss.

  “It was in high school. Does it matter to you?” I answer him in disbelief.

  “Was it Mr. Carter?” He looks suspiciously into my eyes.

  “Yes, it was. How did you know?” I’m eerily flabbergasted.

  “I can read people well. I watched the way he touched and looked at you while you were dancing with him. I knew there had to be some kind of a connection between you two.” Even though Carson is dead-on with his assumption of Hayden, he has no room to judge. He was dancing guiltily with his ex-fiancée, a terrible memory I still can’t erase from my mind.

  “Carson, imagine how difficult it was for me to see you with Bianca, knowing that you two have slept together for god knows how many times. It bothers the hell out of me.”

  His expression is now remorseful. “Lil, I’m sorry. I know I hurt you last night by agreeing to talk to Bianca, but I needed to end things with her once and for all. Now that it’s done, I’ll cut her out of my life completely. Your happiness is all I care about.” Bianca
will always get under my skin, but hearing Carson willing to put my happiness before everything, truly validates his feelings for me.

  ____________________

  The humming sound from the jet engine is incredibly pacifying. It lulls us both into a tranquil sleep. I lay comfortably in his arms for several hours, only to be awakened by Carson’s mumbling. None of the incoherent words coming from his mouth are making any sense to me. He sounds distraught and is perspiring. Using the bed sheet, I wipe beads of sweat gently off his forehead. It hurts to see him so upset. I can’t stand it anymore. Patting his chest a couple of times, I attempt to end his nightmare. “Carson, wake up,” I plead softly. He opens his moist, confused eyes to acknowledge me and then presses his lips possessively over mine. I’m struggling to breathe. He flips me onto my back, restraining my body with his and spreads my legs apart with lustful need. What’s gotten into him? This isn’t like Carson to be sexually forceful. He’s scaring me with his aggressiveness. Some people sleep walk, is it possible that he thinks he’s still dreaming? Regardless of whatever state he’s in, he forgets that he’s really endowed and unprotected. The power of his plunge makes me bite down on my lip to silence my pain. My eyes water at the corners. I’m not sure what’s going on in his head. He continues to thrust with urgency. It seems like he’s trying to claim ownership of my body. I try to push him off of me, but his strength overpowers me. His moaning grows softer and deeper with each penetrating drive. His body tenses, and he’s on the brink of coming inside me unprotected.

  “Carson!” I scream. “Look at me!” He jerks his head up and pulls his lips away from my neck, really seeing me for the first time since he woke up from his nightmare. His eyes fill with remorse. He immediately withdraws himself from me, depriving him of an orgasm. He rolls his body off of me and sits on the edge of the bed, not uttering a single word or sound. Shamefully, he buries his head in his palms. I want to reach out and comfort him with my touch, but I’m not sure how he’ll respond. He stands up and quickly puts his clothes on with his back still facing me, purposely avoiding my eyes.

  “Lily, you should probably get dressed, too. We’ll be landing in a few minutes. I’ll wait for you outside.” His tone is solemn, and his expression is probably reserved if he’d allow me to see it. He slides the privacy curtain open, walks out and then slides it closed.

  Carson Bradley

  Christ, I feel so ashamed. How can I face her again? I practically sexually assaulted her. Was she terrified of me? Does she hate me now? All I wanted was to know that her body belonged to me. I was having an awful dream about Richard fucking her again. It was too vividly real to sanely process. I was suffocating in my dreams from resentment.

  He carried her into a hospital room and ripped her clothes away from her body with one easy tear. I reached out to stop him, but I couldn’t. Her mouth begged for his. He laid her on an examination table. Her thighs deliberately spread wide to invite him to take her. Again, I tried to push him away, but nothing happened. Richard climbed above her body and drove his erect cock inside her. She eagerly accepted every thrust he offered her.

  “Fuck me harder, Dr. Stevens!” she screamed to urge him to give everything he has for her. “I need you.” No matter how hard I tried to stop them, I couldn’t. She never noticed my presence in the room. I dropped to floor and buried my head in my palms. When I lifted my head up, I found myself locked in a dark room all alone.

  The horrible memories from my nightmare continue to haunt and torture me as I sit here nervously waiting for Lil to come out. I pour myself a glass of bourbon and pick up the newspaper. I finally hear the curtain slide to the side, and then she makes her way towards me. Not knowing exactly what to say to her at this awkward moment, I decide to hide cowardly behind my newspaper. She takes her seat next to me and fastens her seatbelt. “I’m sorry,” is all I quietly say to her behind my paper as I sit and sulk to myself.

  My insecurity of leaving Lily in St. Croix without me is peeling my soul away layer by layer, until there’s nothing left but fear. The fear of losing her and returning to my former life is enough to make me stupidly desperate. Hell, I don’t know what to do. I’ve already offered her a life with me in Boston, but her stubbornness and determination won’t allow that to happen. I can’t ask her to marry me yet because she’d probably run as far away from me as possible if I push her too aggressively.

  With her tenderness and beauty, she’ll have plenty of men seeking her attention when I’m gone. And then there’s Richard, he won’t have any interferences from me and plenty of time to win her over. Honestly, I shouldn’t even think like this because it’ll drive me fucking crazy when we part. I should believe in us wholeheartedly and trust her, but who am I fooling? There’s no way I can handle another four years like this. I’m Carson Bradley, I don’t rely on probabilities. I want confirmation. I hate being underhanded, but she has left me no choice.

  I’ll have Owen call in a favor for me. He’s a former Special Ops Navy SEAL and has many military-government connections. This was how he was able to obtain a full-detailed report for Lillian, from birth to medical records, report cards to traffic violations. If I know her every move, it’ll give me some peace of mind and a sense of security. I’m only spying on her because I love her, not because I’m an obsessive asshole. I mentally justify to myself. She already knows how much I want her with me.

  Chapter 17

  Lillian Ly

  I fight the stabbing impulse to ask Carson about his dream. It’s shredding me up inside, thinking about it. What could have possibly upset him this terribly? He’s normally unaffected by anything. This is a fragile side of him I’ve never seen. But I shouldn’t pry; it’s not worth him reliving his nightmare, especially since it was so disturbing to him.

  We sit quietly next to each other with our seatbelts securely fastened. Carson has remained remote since we left his private cabin. He hasn’t uttered more than several words to me. Actually, just two to be exact, ‘I’m sorry.’ His face is hidden behind the Wall Street Journal, purposely avoiding me. It’s awfully frustrating for me to decipher his mood right now. I’m not sure if I should talk to him or leave him alone.

  I skittishly look out the small jet window to distract my attention from Carson, who’s still preoccupied behind his newspaper. I see endless blue ocean water and then lush green land below light celestial clouds. Soon, I’ll be back on the island alone. The thought of not having him near, saddens me. I want to hang on to him for as long as possible.

  The captain’s voice projects overhead, announcing that we’ll be arriving at our destination soon, and he’ll be prepping for landing. Carson folds his paper up and then considerately places his hand over mine, knowing it’ll help settle my nerves. It’s become an appreciated routine for me. Finally, he’s back with me. His hazel eyes stare deeply into mine, expressing unspoken emotions to me. I hopelessly want to understand, tell him everything will be fine, but fail him miserably. I utter nothing and neither does he.

  The minute the jet door opens for our exit, I spot a mob of photographers in the far distance. What’s going on? Why are they snapping non-stop pictures of us? Owen cautiously exits first. Carson protectively drapes his arms around me and shields my face with his newspaper as we walk towards the limo. We swiftly hop in and close the door behind us to avoid any more exposure to those eager paparazzi.

  “Damn it! Lily, I’m so sorry about this. I should’ve been more discreet about you, about us. My infatuation with you has clouded my judgment. These assholes aren’t going to leave you alone, now that they’ve discovered your location.” He’s angry with himself, clenching his jaw and fists tightly. Could this have been the reason for his unpredictable mood? It’s hard to say. I’m always second-guessing him because of his ever changing temperament.

  “You mean they’re going to follow me everywhere? Can they legally do that?” Panic suffocates me, thinning the air around me. I’m a private person. I don’t want anyone to know my business. “They�
��ll interfere with my schooling,” I gripe, tugging at my sweatshirt sleeves.

  Carson becomes more distressed by the minute as he watches me go through several stages of anxiety. I couldn’t hide it no matter how hard I tried. He attempts to comfort and prepare me for what’s to come—the ugly truth. “Lil, they’ll eventually find another target and move on, but until then, promise you’ll be strong for me. They’ll print hurtful things about you; things we both know aren’t true. You can’t let it get to you. Just remember you’re the only one I want. There’s no one else.” I nod my head somberly in submission, feeling uncertain that I can be strong for him. I miss my simple life. I hate being the center of any attention, especially bad attention. It’s undoubtedly certain that my life will never be the same again, with or without Carson.

  Carson chaperones me to my dorm room. Amelia excitedly races over with her arms wide open to give me one of her big bear hugs. It feels good to be around her and in my comfort zone. I crave for my boring normalcy. “I’ve missed you, Lily. I was here all by my lonely self since you and Richard left the island for break.” Carson’s expression quickly switches from delighted to disgusted as soon as Amelia mentions Richard’s name. I hate that he feels so much animosity for Richard, but I understand his reasoning. The sound of Bianca’s name has the same effect on me as well.

  “Hi Carson, it’s good to see you also,” Amelia thoughtfully adds without offering him her cuddly bear hug. He gives her a friendly nod and his usual stern smile.

  “You have no idea how much I miss you, Ame. We have a lot of catching up to do.”

  Carson clears his throat and says, “I have something for you Lily.” He hands me a little gift bag and looks suggestively over to my shelf.

  “I hope you still have a place for it,” he tells me in an unsure tone. It’s a dark picture frame with our photo from the row boat, same as the one in his office.