Jax (A Bastard Novel)

by J. L. Perry

  ‘My home life kinda sucks,’ he continues. ‘My stepdad is a fuckwit. He’s nice to me when my mum’s around, but when she’s not …’

  I can relate to that, my home life sucked as well. Even though I hate the way it came about, getting out of there was the best decision I ever made.

  ‘Where are you staying tonight?’

  ‘My car, I guess.’

  I think for a minute before I speak. ‘You’re welcome to sleep on my sofa until you find a place of your own.’ Despite what I think of him and Candice, she’s right, I don’t want to see him on the streets. Besides, having him stay with me is better than him staying with her. That would really do my head in.

  ‘I can’t ask you to take me in.’

  ‘You didn’t ask, I offered. You can work here until you find something more permanent. You cool with that?’

  ‘You’re offering me a job?’

  ‘Yes.’ I hope I don’t regret this. Having him here will mean he’s around Candice all fucking day. ‘You’ll need to earn your keep. And if you’re going to be working here, there’ll be no fraternising with the staff, or my clients. Understand?’ I throw that in because I’m a possessive arsehole.

  ‘Of course. You don’t have to do this, you know.’

  ‘I know,’ I say, ‘but I want to. Don’t make me regret it.’

  ‘I won’t. I promise. Thank you.’ Standing, he shakes my hand.

  ‘With your talents, I’m sure you’ll do well.’

  CANDICE

  I knew Jax would do the right thing, he always does. He’d never admit it, but underneath all those muscles and tattoos is a big, soft, teddy bear, and a heart of gold.

  Carter’s been working here for a week now, and is fitting in nicely. I can tell that even Jax is enjoying having him around. They’re a lot alike, and seem to have similar interests. Jax has Carter sitting in on all his jobs, and is teaching him everything he knows. I can’t help but wonder if part of what he’s doing is to keep Carter away from me. If only he knew. Carter has no interest in me in that way, nor I in him. He only has eyes for Indiana.

  The day he arrived, I could tell he was a broken man. It hurt my heart to see him like that. Carter thinks he’s no good for Indiana, and that she can do better than him. He has such a low opinion of himself. Why can’t he see what a great guy he is? I know from experience how they’re both feeling. I was completely shattered the day Jax walked away from me.

  Yesterday, Indiana’s father came to the shop looking for Carter. The horrified look on Carter’s face when he saw him standing in reception told me he wasn’t expecting the visit. When I overheard him say, ‘How did you find me?’ I understood his reaction. Indiana’s father seems like a nice man and it’s obvious he cares about Carter. He’s made it his mission to help Carter find a place of his own, so he’s not living out of a suitcase and sleeping on Jax’s couch.

  Sitting behind the reception desk, I’m scanning through my Facebook newsfeed on my phone when it rings. I see Sophia’s name on the screen, and answer straightaway.

  ‘Hey.’

  ‘Candice … I’m so sorry,’ she cries into the receiver.

  My heart drops into the pit of my stomach. ‘What’s wrong? Are you okay? Is Maddie all right?’

  ‘I’m at the hospital. I only turned my back for a second, I swear.’

  ‘What happened?’ I say, panicked, as I reach for my bag under the desk. ‘Where’s Maddie?’

  ‘She’s in getting an X-ray.’

  ‘An X-ray?’

  ‘Yes. The doctor thinks she may have broken her wrist.’

  ‘Oh God.’ I feel my knees go weak as I stand. ‘What hospital are you at? I’m coming now.’

  ‘I’m at the Children’s Hospital in Randwick. The one we took her to last year when she had a high fever.’

  ‘Shit. That’s twenty minutes from here.’

  ‘I’m sorry, baby.’

  ‘I’ll be there soon.’

  Ending the call, I race to Jax’s studio. I don’t even bother knocking.

  ‘What the hell?’ he says, swinging around on his stool. He’s in the middle of a job. My eyes dart between him, his client, and then to Carter who’s watching on from beside Jax. ‘Jesus, Candice. You’re as white as a ghost.’

  ‘Maddie’s in the hospital. I’ve gotta go.’

  ‘What? Is she okay?’ I can hear the panic in his voice.

  ‘I don’t know. Sophia said she was in getting an X-ray.’

  ‘Fuck.’

  ‘I’m sorry, Jax. I’ve gotta go.’

  ‘I’m coming with you. You’re in no state to drive.’

  I’m not going to argue with him. I need him right now. ‘Okay.’

  ‘Carter,’ Jax says, turning his attention to him. ‘Get Gus to finish this job. Can you watch the front counter for me?’

  ‘Of course.’

  ‘I’m sorry, bro,’ Jax says, apologising to his client.

  ‘It’s all right, mate,’ the man replies. ‘It’s an emergency, I understand. Hope it all works out.’

  ‘Come.’ Jax places his hand on the small of my back, hastily guiding me out of the room. The moment we’re on the street, he steps towards the kerb.

  ‘What are you doing?’ I ask. ‘I need to get to her.’

  ‘Flagging down a taxi, it’ll be quicker.’

  ‘Okay. Good idea.’ At least he’s thinking straight. I’m struggling to hold myself together.

  ‘Christ, you’re shaking,’ he says when we’re seated in the back of a cab. ‘Come here.’ Draping his arm over my shoulder, he pulls me to him. The moment I rest my head against his chest, I start to cry. ‘She’s gonna be all right.’

  I hope so.

  The nurse lets us through the doors in emergency, directing us to the examination rooms. The moment I hear Maddie screaming, ‘No, no, no!’ I break into a run. I can tell by the pitch of her voice that she’s hysterical. Rushing into the room, I find Sophia standing next to the bed. Her face is wet with tears. The doctor is on the other side, trying to plaster Maddie’s arm. It must be broken.

  ‘Thank God you’re here,’ Sophia whispers.

  Reaching for her hand, I give it a comforting squeeze. I know she’d be feeling terrible.

  ‘I’m here, baby,’ I say to Maddie. My eyes frantically scan her body. Apart from the swollen wrist, she appears to be okay. It’s a relief.

  ‘Sissy,’ she cries, as I put an arm around her. ‘I hurt.’

  ‘Sissy’s here,’ I say, kissing the top of her head. ‘You’re gonna be okay, baby girl.’

  ‘What happened?’ Jax asks Sophia.

  ‘I only looked away for a second. I was replying to a text about a job, and she fell off the monkey bars. I feel terrible.’ Covering her face with her hands, she starts to sob. ‘I’m so sorry.’

  ‘You have nothing to be sorry about,’ Jax says. ‘It was an accident, Sophia. Accidents happen. You’re a great mother, your girls are lucky to have you.’

  Jax is right, she is a good mother, and we are lucky. Moving closer, he puts his arm around her shoulder for comfort. I’m glad he’s here to deal with her, because it allows me to focus my attention on Maddie.

  ‘I need to apply the cast,’ the doctor informs me.

  ‘No,’ Maddie screams when he reaches for her arm. The poor thing is beside herself. She’s too little to understand. It’s heartbreaking to watch.

  ‘So it’s broken?’ I ask.

  ‘Yes. She has a small fracture in her wrist. If I can’t plaster her arm this way, we’ll have to sedate her.’

  I don’t want them to do that. I glance over my shoulder at Sophia and Jax. I’m sure they can see the despair on my face because Jax lets go of Sophia and comes to stand beside me. His attention is focused on Maddie, but his hand reaches for mine and he interlaces our fingers.

  ‘Hey, Peanut,’ he says, softly.

  ‘I broken, Jax.’

  Aww. As if my heart wasn’t already hurting enough.

  �
��I know, but you need to let the doctor fix you so you don’t hurt anymore.’ Extending his free arm, he tenderly runs his fingers over her blonde curls. ‘You know, when I was a little boy, not much older than you are, I broke my arm too,’ he says, letting go of my hand and sitting on the edge of the bed.

  Maddie stops crying as her teary eyes widen. She sits perfectly still as she listens intently.

  ‘The doctor put plaster on my arm, just like this doctor wants to do to you. It will make your arm all better.’

  Maddie’s quiet, but I can tell when she frowns that she’s not going to let this happen without a fight.

  ‘It’s just like a bandage, but it’s a magic bandage. It sets really hard, like rock. I can even draw Puppy on there for you if you like, and he won’t wash off like your tattoo did.’

  I grin as I listen to him. Maddie was devastated when her Puppy drawing washed off a few days after Jax had drawn it on her arm, and he knows it. He’s using it to sweeten the deal, but I’m still sceptical as to whether he can pull this off. He can deny it all he wants, but he’s definitely a cutie-pie. He’s always said he’d never have children of his own, that he isn’t cut out to be a father. But watching him with Maddie tells me an entirely different story. He’s wonderful with her.

  ‘’Kay,’ Maddie whispers.

  This time my eyes widen. I never thought she’d give in that easily. She’s a Crawford through and through—stubborn as hell.

  ‘Good girl. It may hurt a little bit, but you’re a brave girl. I know you can do this.’

  ‘Me brave.’

  ‘Do you want to sit on my lap while the doctor bandages up your arm?’ Jax asks.

  I look at Sophia. She has tears in her eyes just like I do. I’m so grateful he’s here.

  ‘Maybe the doctor can put a small bandage on Puppy’s arm too.’

  Maddie nods before climbing onto Jax’s lap. He softly kisses her hair. It makes my heart sing and break all at once.

  Have I made the biggest mistake of my life?

  CANDICE

  ‘LET ME TAKE THOSE FOR YOU,’ CARTER SAYS WHEN I ENTER the shop carrying the groceries I’ve just bought.

  ‘It’s only two bags, I can manage,’ I reply with an eye roll. I love that the guys I work with are gentlemen, but I’m not a damn invalid. ‘Thank you for the offer, though.’

  ‘Give ’em here,’ Carter snaps, walking around the counter and snatching them out of my hand. I’ve noticed he hasn’t been himself today. I know he’s still struggling with his decision to walk away from the love of his life, but he seems happier since her father tracked him down. ‘Where do you want them?’

  ‘They’re for Brian, so out in the garage.’

  I follow him out the back. ‘How’s your new place going?’ I ask as he helps me stack all the food into the small fridge. Brian doesn’t hang around during the day, but he continues to sleep here every night. He keeps the place tidy, and always makes the bed before he leaves. His mug and plate are washed in the small basin in the corner, and placed back on the shelf. What really breaks my heart though is the small pile of loose change I find on top of the fridge each day. He still spends his days begging, so he can give every cent he earns to Jax. It isn’t much, but it’s important to him to contribute. He’s a proud man, so this situation wouldn’t be easy for him.

  When I first told Jax about the money Brian was leaving, he wouldn’t have a bar of it. But Brian refused to take it back. That’s when Jax asked me to buy a moneybox. I place the coins in it each day. Knowing Jax, he’ll find a way to give it all back to Brian.

  Jax has me replenish the food for Brian a few times a week with a variety of different things: fruit, bread, snacks and bottles of water; everything he needs to get him through, things he can take with him while he’s out on the street. Sophia has been saving all our leftovers for him too. She even bought him a small microwave to reheat them. Everyone seems to be getting in on the act now.

  ‘The apartment’s small, but it’s mine,’ Carter replies. One thing I’ve learnt since Carter started working here is he doesn’t have much to say. He’s very closed off, which is sad.

  ‘Are you okay?’ I ask. He can try to hide it all he wants, but there’s something up with him today.

  ‘Yep.’

  ‘Come on, Carter, I’m not blind. Is it Indiana? Trust me when I say she’ll always have a place in your heart, but in time it does get easier.’

  ‘You sound like you’re speaking from experience.’

  ‘You could say that.’ I’ve never told him about my history with Jax. ‘You know that night I came to your house?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘No offence, but I only came because I was trying to forget someone else.’

  He chuckles. ‘No offence taken. I kinda got the impression you weren’t too keen on being there.’

  ‘You did not,’ I say, bumping my shoulder into his. I practically threw myself at him.

  ‘Even though you were acting like a seductress.’

  I laugh out loud. ‘I was not.’

  ‘You were so. I have that effect on people … I’m irresistible.’

  ‘Whatever.’

  Carter stops what he’s doing and makes eye contact with me. ‘You looked terrified when I pulled you through the window. You were trying to be all cool, but you didn’t fool me. I hate to break it to ya, but you can’t act for shit.’

  ‘Fuck off,’ I say, pushing him, and he laughs. It’s good to see. He doesn’t smile often, but when he does—wow.

  ‘So tell me … are you over that guy yet?’

  I bow my head. ‘No. Not by a long shot.’

  ‘That’s fucked up.’ He awkwardly taps my back in an attempt to comfort me. Carter doesn’t seem like the affectionate type, so if that’s the best he’s got, I’ll take it. When he notices me wipe a tear from my eye, he doesn’t hesitate to pull me into a hug.

  ‘I’m just as pathetic as you,’ I say sarcastically, as I sniffle.

  ‘Hey, speak for yourself. There’s nothing pathetic about me.’

  ‘Except that we’re both pining for people we know we can never have.’

  ‘That doesn’t make us pathetic, Candice. It makes us selfless. If you love someone enough to let them go, and all that bullshit.’

  He’s quiet for a few minutes before he finally speaks. ‘It’s my eighteenth birthday today.’

  ‘What? No way!’

  ‘I’ve been thinking about my mum today. It would be hard for her, not having me around.’

  ‘Are you close to her?’

  ‘For seventeen years, we were all the other had.’ He sighs. ‘That was until she married that fuckwit.’

  ‘Why don’t you call her?’ I suggest, running my hand down his arm.

  ‘No. I can’t go back there. Things are better off the way they are.’

  ‘Well, that’s a decision only you can make.’

  Letting me go, he steps back. ‘Anyway, enough about me, how’s your little sister going?’

  I know he’s just trying to divert the conversation away from himself, but I let it be. I’m happy he opened up to me, even if it was just a little.

  ‘She’s going okay. She’s a trooper. Jax has drawn pictures all over her plaster and she loves it. They struggled to get that thing on her, and now I’m starting to think they’re going to have a fight on their hands to remove it.’

  Every time I think about the way Jax was with Maddie that day, my heart goes all mushy. She cried the whole time, but she let them do it. Jax didn’t let her go once. On the way to the car, she fell asleep in his arms. It was the sweetest thing ever.

  ••••

  I’m standing on the footpath outside the restaurant when Carter’s taxi pulls up to the kerb. It took some doing, but I managed to talk him into coming out to dinner with me tonight. It’s his birthday, so he can’t spend it alone.

  ‘Hey,’ he says when he gets out.

  ‘Well, don’t you look handsome?’

  ‘
Would you expect anything less?’ He chuckles.

  I roll my eyes. He’s gorgeous and he knows it.

  ‘Here, happy birthday.’ I pass him the gift bag in my hand.

  ‘You got me a gift?’

  ‘Of course, it’s your birthday! It’s not every day you turn eighteen.’

  ‘You shouldn’t have, but thank you,’ he says.

  ‘Well, are you going to open it?’ I ask as he stares at the bag in his hand. I got him a custom black leatherbound sketchpad, similar to the one I gave Jax before he left for uni. It’s not as nice as Jax’s, but it was the best I could do on short notice. There was no time to get it embossed, so I bought some fancy gold-leaf alphabet stickers instead. I put Carter across the top and Indi Ink underneath it, the words really pop with the black background.

  ‘Fuck,’ he whispers when he pulls out the sketchpad.

  ‘Jax said you’re picking things up really fast. Who knows, one day you may open your own parlour and name it after your girl.’

  My heart breaks a little when he raises his hand and wipes his eye. ‘Thank you,’ he says, pulling me into a crushing embrace. ‘For the present, for tonight, for believing in me … You’re a good friend.’

  ‘And you’re a good guy, Carter. Good things happen to good people, never forget that.’

  He gives me another squeeze before letting go. ‘Enough of this mushy shit. Let’s go eat.’

  I smile as I link my arm through his. His birthday surprise awaits.

  JAX

  My eyes are fixed on the door when they enter the restaurant. Candice has her arm linked through Carter’s, and she’s gazing up at him. She’s wearing that smile she usually reserves for me. I hate that. Seeing her so happy with another man is like a knife being plunged into my chest. Just like earlier today, when I stumbled across them in the garage, wrapped in each other’s arms. It took every ounce of strength I had to turn and walk away when all I wanted to do was pry them apart. I held her just like that only a few weeks ago—and in the same fucking spot. I’ve been trying my best to keep them separated since Carter started working for me. And he’s never been at Candice’s house when I’m there, so I was starting to get the impression that whatever they had was over. Or maybe I was just hoping. That’s probably what they wanted me to believe.