My Winter

by Nikki Young

  We finish lunch and Adam agrees to pick me up at Cari’s later in the evening. When he kisses me just before entering the elevator, it’s sweet and quick, yet my lips burn from the feel of his.

  Needing a moment to get my shit together before returning to my desk, I head to the employee lounge. I know his smell is lingering in my cubical, which will only add to my desire to hunt him down and rip his clothes off.

  I open the lounge door and quickly become distracted by the pile of magazines and books that grace the junk table. Brightly colored fonts, glossy, glowing faces of celebrities and headlines that would draw in even the most uninterested human. Before I know it, I’ve spent the last thirty minutes following up on all the gossip rags, along with admiring the stellar work of some of my fellow advertising friends.

  When I return to my desk Cari is sitting in my chair looking totally annoyed, her foot tapping and her lips pursed. I roll my eyes before swatting at her to get up. When she moves there’s a vase filled with some of the most beautiful flowers I have ever seen.

  “These had to cost a fortune,” Cari says pointing to the flowers. “What the hell have you been up to?” The questioning tone of her voice makes me shrug my shoulders and giggle. “I’ve been sitting here forever waiting for you to open the damn card. I’m growing rather impatient,” she chimes dramatically.

  I roll my eyes at her again, knowing they are from Adam, I grab for the card with a huge smile on my face. Teasing her just a little longer I stop with the card in my hand.

  “Just so you know, I’m kinda pissed at you for selling me out to Adam. Now he knows I eat from a food truck on a regular basis. That’s the kinda shit that stays hidden. I don’t want him to think I’m a pig.”

  Cari huffs and grabs the card from my hand. “Just so you know, I’m kinda pissed at you for not sleeping with him on that sorta second date and FYI, you are a pig.” Seconds later she rips open the card and freezes. Her mouth opens slightly and her eyes meet mine. When they widen, I pull the card from her outstretched hand. Cari shakes her head and walks back to her cubicle without saying a word.

  The card falls to my desk as my ass hits the chair. I exhale hard completely unsure how to handle this situation. Why won’t Ellis just disappear? Two weeks ago he could have cared less about me and now I’m being pursued like he can’t live without me. His card is what gets me. “Leah, I’m so sorry. Please come home. I love you.” Reading it for the second time makes my stomach churn. I know I need to tell Adam, because it’s clear that Ellis won’t give up.

  Pulling my phone from my purse, I text Ellis.

  Me: Thank you for the flowers, they’re beautiful, but it’s still over, Ellis.

  Before I even have a chance to set my phone on my desk, his reply comes through. If anything, he really is trying to win me back. I can’t remember a time when he responded to anything I’ve done so quickly.

  Ellis: Will you at least meet me for dinner? I’d like a chance to apologize for my behavior in person.

  I can’t answer him.

  “Cari?” I call out without leaving my desk.

  “Yeah?” she responds in a clipped tone.

  “What the hell am I supposed to do?” My voice grows shaky. I can feel this Ellis/Adam thing turning into a hot mess.

  “Be honest with both of them,” she implores. “Tell Adam the truth and tell Ellis to piss off. This is gonna blow up in your face if you don’t.”

  She’s right. Rarely are there times that Cari is wrong, so I really should listen to her more often.

  “You’re right,” I say even though I know she’s going to gloat.

  And right on cue she replies back with, “I know I am. I’m always right.”

  “I wouldn’t say always. Remember when you swore up and down that we wouldn’t get a hangover from French wine? You failed.”

  “So once I was wrong. You always gotta bring that up, don’t you? Either way, take care of this shit with Ellis and tell Adam tonight.”

  “Good plan,” I say, but as the words leave my mouth, I know it will be easier said than done.

  Deciding to finalize things for a second time with Ellis, I reply to his text letting him know I’ll meet him for coffee in a few days. Dinner is far too formal and could possibly give him the wrong idea, not to mention the fact that I really need him to understand that we are over. I don’t even know how I should feel about meeting him, but there is a strong sense of guilt pooling in my stomach. The tables have turned and now, once again I feel as if I’m disrespecting what I have with Adam by seeing Ellis. I convince myself that coming clean will clear my conscience and free myself from the constant state of panic that looms every time I think of Ellis and Adam in the same thought.

  Chapter Nine

  Adam picks me up at Cari’s house later that day and the wait to see him has been killer. Since the minute he left, I couldn’t stop thinking about him and it didn’t get any better when I got home. In the shower all I could think about were his hands groping my body, him making me moan with every touch, needing him to end this burning desire that has been scorching since I first met him.

  I refuse to allow him to come upstairs because Cari will undoubtedly say something embarrassing. Right now, my thoughts are not clear enough to keep up with her. This ridiculous lust I have for Adam clouds my common sense and definitely my ability to go head to head with Cari.

  When the doorman rings, I tell him I’ll be down in a minute. I slip my feet into my shoes and peck Cari on the cheek as I make my way to the door. Cari calls out as the door slams shut. I missed what she said, but I’m sure it was about telling Adam about Ellis.

  The elevator ride seems slower than normal. The longer it takes the more anxious I become, so when the door opens, I skitter out and slam right into Adam’s chest. He grips my arms firmly, steadying me. I giggle at my clumsiness and when I do, Adam pulls me closer to him. His breath is hot against my face and although I feel my cheeks grow warm, goose bumps pebble under my skin. He smells amazing, like always and my eyes close, enjoying the moment.

  “Oh, Leah,” he murmurs softly in my ear. “That giggle gets me every time. You have no idea how hot you are. Let’s go before I lose what little control I have.”

  I nod my head in response because that’s all I’ve got. When his fingers entwine with mine, my stomach feels like it’s filled with butterflies that eventually fill my entire body. How did I get here? One day I’m engaged to someone I think I love and the next thing I know, I’m falling, hard and fast for a beautiful boy I hardly know.

  The rain has stopped, sending a chill through the air. The drop in temperature reminds me that winter is coming, something I dread. I shudder at the thought and in response Adam drapes an arm around my shoulders, pulling me close. The warmth of his body is something I can’t get enough of and when we separate to enter the car, I feel lost.

  The date is pretty textbook. Appropriate dinner conversation, good food and a few drinks. Knowing it’s a Monday night and I have to get up the next morning for work, I keep myself in check. Yet somehow the wine we have with dinner is making its way to my head and I begin to feel just a little bit tipsy.

  I stumble slightly when I rise from the chair. Adam’s arm snakes around my waist, pulling me close to him as his hand grips my hip. I look up at him and smile, but when I see his eyes, I nearly cry. Something in the way he looks at me makes me fear all the feelings I know are buried inside me. He looks at me the way my father looked at my mother.

  He places a quick kiss on the top of my head before guiding me out the door and into the car. I fight back the tears I feel welling in my eyes and I’m entirely thankful for the darkness of the evening. Having to explain my bizarre hang up about falling in love is not my idea of an awesome second date.

  I’ve never been the kind of girl to equate sex with love. I’ve always viewed it as an emotionless act between two people, which makes everything a lot easier because I never become attached. It’s also become a great way of shutting
down my feelings when they become more than I can bear.

  Adam pulls up in front of Cari’s apartment and I’m torn. I want to bail, leave before my emotions take over, but I don’t want to leave him, not tonight, possibly not ever.

  Unbuckling my seatbelt, I lean onto the console, sliding my hands onto his thigh. My lips nearly touching his ear, I whisper, “I don’t want to go home.” In the darkness of the car, my senses are heightened and I feel his breathing increase, he shifts in his seat until his lips glide along my cheek and find my mouth. But before he kisses me, he whispers against my mouth, “I don’t want you to leave.” Within seconds my body takes over, losing myself in the moment.

  I’m straddling Adam as his hand finds its way under my shirt, my chest heaving as desire pools everywhere in my body. I ease myself down against his lap only to find that he wants me as badly as I want him. His hand slips into the front of my jeans and when he touches me, I moan and grind against him. I can’t control my response to his touch.

  Adam tangles his hand in my hair and pulls my head to the side. His lips and teeth skim my neck as my body becomes more racked with need. He growls against my skin and the vibration makes me press into him harder.

  “Leah, get back in your seat,” he says, his voice demanding. And when I don’t move, he repeats his words with more force. He yanks his hand from my pants when I don’t comply, and with both hands clutching my hips, he physically returns me to the passenger seat. “Not here,” he says, his voice booming throughout the car. He shifts the car into drive and pulls away from the curb hard and fast.

  Neither of us speaks as he drives through the night. Streetlights and cars fly past in a blur. The city has grown quiet, as has the car. The radio is off and the only sound is Adam’s fingers tapping methodically on the steering wheel. I can only hope the sound echoing throughout the car is drowning out the sound of my rapid breathing.

  The stress of wanting him is beginning to wear on me. I’m tense, my body rigid in the seat, waiting for the only thing that will ease me. I need him to touch me, anywhere, everywhere. And like he can read my mind his hand reaches over and grips my thigh. Loosening, he slides his hand up, nearly grazing that part of my body that was left wanting more—so much more. Yet sliding back down and coming to rest just above my knee. I want to scream out loud, I want him to stop the car, finish what we started and end the physical ache that has taken control of my body.

  My heart is still pounding wildly as he pulls into the parking garage. Before I even step out of the car, Adam opens the door. Reaching in he grabs me by my wrist, pulling me to my feet. His lips crash into mine as I am pressed against the car by the weight of his body. My hands find their way into his hair, gripping hard; I lean away from the car and force myself against his firm chest. Adam begins to pull away, but I don’t ease up, I lean closer to him, as my hands grab for the hem of his shirt, locking tightly.

  I feel Adam smile against my mouth and he chuckles slightly. “Get control of yourself,” he says as a wicked smile crosses his lips.

  “Don’t act like I’m the only one who wants this,” I reply back, but my voice isn’t my own. I sound far more seductive than I ever thought possible.

  “I’m desperate for you,” he whispers back and my stomach fills with butterflies that make their way into my chest, coming to rest in my throat. It’s not only the way he speaks, his voice a hoarse growl that gets me, it’s the way his eyes never leave mine, the way his hands seek any part of my body and clutch it as if I might disappear.

  Adam is so different from Ellis. So real and so raw. Two things I miss, two things I long for. Two simple things I find myself loving about Adam.

  He takes control again, leading me toward the door and into the elevator. His posture is demanding and in a way frustrated, almost angry.

  The tension is building. An epic frenzy looming as it fills the elevator. I want to scream, force him against the wall and take what I’ve been waiting for. But in seconds the car fills and silence takes over. My hand is firmly wrapped around my purse strap with the weight of it bearing down on my shoulder so intensely that I know it will leave a mark. It keeps me under control. I slowly breathe out, exhaling through my mouth in a weak, ragged attempt to settle myself.

  I can’t look at him and when I glance down, his hand is clenched in a fist at his side. He opens his hand and stretches it once until his long fingers extend fully. As I take in this simple act, my mind flashes to where those fingers once were. Sliding under my shirt, over my bra, my head thrown back as he glided down my stomach and dipped into the front of my jeans. My legs clench together involuntarily. I bite down hard on my lip, but it fails. I want him. Fuck that, I need him.

  The doors slide open and before I have time to gather myself, Adam’s hand locks firmly around my wrist. When his skin is against mine, it registers and I stop breathing. He shoves me forward with a hard tug and a gasp escapes my lips. To the watchful eyes of the elevator passengers, Adam appears angry, maybe even slightly violent. What I see is restrained lust. A mumble leaves the mouth of a female passenger, and as her eyes lock with mine, she looks concerned, but just before the doors slide closed, Adam locks his free hand around my neck, forcing my mouth to his. He presses me into the wall outside his apartment door. I moan out loud at his dominance and laugh as the girl in the elevator grumbles at her boyfriend. I can only imagine what this looks like.

  Adam pulls his keys from his pocket, but his mouth never leaves mine. Both of us are groping at each other with no regard for anyone who might be within our eye line. Behavior like this always seemed unrealistic and ridiculous while I was dating Ellis. I thought people only carried on like this in movies. Then Cari clued me in that she and Jimmy are like this every time they come in contact with each other. I remember being jealous, but I also remember thinking that they spent so much time apart that it had to account for their reckless sex.

  Adam kicks the door closed with his foot and lifts me off the ground. Within seconds we enter his bedroom. Setting me down, he pulls at my shirt and we separate for the first time since exiting the elevator. Adam stands in front of me and removes his shirt as I lie on the bed and take him in: his well-defined chest, his flat stomach and his muscular arms. Everything about him is perfection. Suddenly, he’s on top of me, sliding his hands underneath me; he undoes my bra and tosses it off the bed.

  Adam’s lips return to mine as his tongue slowly slips into my mouth. I move against him, but he slows everything down, kissing every part of me, my lips, my neck, my chest. I need him inside me.

  Reaching between us, I unbutton his jeans, sliding my hand in and around him.

  “Adam,” I plead. “I want you now.” His touch is driving me crazy in ways I never imagined. I shift against him until he’s between my legs and for a moment I find relief. But within seconds the need returns. “Adam, please,” I beg again.

  Adam stops, his fingers tracing down my cheek to my neck and between my breasts. His eyes are heavy, his lips swollen and when I open my mouth in one last attempt, he silences me with a kiss.

  He pulls away, smiling softly. “You’re all I want right now. I’ve wanted you since the moment I saw you.” He leans down and kisses me again, trailing his lips along my cheek, he stops at my ear. “I need to go slow. I need to feel you. I need to taste you. I need to hear you moan when I’m inside you.”

  “Oh my fucking God,” I mutter as his mouth returns to my body. His fingers easily undo the button on my jeans. I lift my hips as he slides them down, where they fall to the floor. Adam makes his way down my body, stopping occasionally along the way. He reaches my panties and his fingers trace the top, yet never entering. I’m squirming again and Adam laughs.

  “Fuck, Adam!” I yell out. I’ve never been so turned on like this. I can’t take it any longer.

  He runs his tongue where his fingers just touched. My body is burning and the coolness of his tongue only makes the ache worse. He traces his tongue up my body, his teeth grazing my br
east. I gasp, burying my hands in his hair.

  Adam stills above me with his arms resting next to my head. My heart is pounding, my breathing labored.

  “Leah,” he says and I swear my heart is going to explode. “I need you. Nice and slow. Then I promise I’ll fuck you.”

  His words do nothing to ease my frustration, but in that moment he slips off his jeans and his boxers. Reaching into the nightstand, he pulls out a condom and settles himself in between my legs.

  The holding out is excruciating. I feel him against me and I moan with need. Pulling my panties to the side, he slides into me. My legs fall open willingly as he rocks inside of me.

  “Fuck, Leah. I never imagined you’d feel like this.”

  Adam starts to move harder and faster. My hands clutch his shoulders, my fingers digging in. My hips coming up to meet his every thrust. Both of us moaning and knowing I won’t last much longer, I lose myself in him. Within minutes we both finish. The only sound filling the room is our strained breathing.

  I lay with my head resting against Adam’s chest, my leg draped over his as if we fit together perfectly. My limbs are loose, any tension that existed is now gone, leaving me with a feeling of effortlessly calm emptiness. Hearing Adam’s heartbeat brings me a sense of peace, and feeling his fingers softly weaving in my hair makes this entire moment like nothing I’ve ever experienced. And although neither of us says a word, it’s okay. It’s a wonderful comfortable silence.

  We both fall asleep, and when I wake a few hours later Adam is still asleep next to me. His chest rising and falling slowly, his face peaceful and a simple smile crosses my lips. I watch him for a few minutes taking in the quiet, calming feeling he brings me. I don’t know how I ended up falling for him so quickly, but I do know I don’t ever want this feeling to end. It scares me and excites me all at the same time.

  I slip out of bed and into the hallway where I dropped my purse during our rushed arrival. It’s after midnight and I know Cari will be wondering where I am. I take my phone from my purse and find just that. A multitude of texts sent over the last hour.