Cockpit

by Joanna Blake

  She was a tough nut to crack, my girl. I had to make sure I got through to her. I had the photo in one pocket, and a borrowed engagement ring in the other.

  Margie hadn't been too happy to see me when I'd stumbled into the bar but I'd made my case anyway. She'd been furious at me for breaking things off with her favorite waitress. I'd taken a verbal licking that was beyond anything my CO's had dished out.

  But it was worth it.

  She was worth it.

  In the end, she'd believed that I wanted what was best for Jenny. That I just might be the man for her. She'd given me a ring and an evil grin as I'd gotten up to leave.

  Good luck, Jagger. You'll need it. If you think I'm tough, you have yet to tangle with Jenny.

  I grinned. She had that right. And I had a whole lot of tangling to do.

  Jenny

  ✈

  "And you want to share custody?"

  I nodded, unnerved by the way the lawyer's eyes roamed over me every two seconds. He looked sharp and hungry, like a predator. And he was definitely more interested in my tits than my case.

  He leaned back, rubbing his lip.

  "You don't need to do this you know."

  "What do you mean?"

  He shrugged.

  "You're not currently in a relationship are you?

  I shook my head.

  "But if you were to be... sharing custody might create issues."

  "I don't understand."

  "If you truly give him shared rights than you couldn't move too far away without his explicit agreement. Ideally, both parents live in the same state."

  I stared at him. I felt sick thinking about years and years passing, having to live near Jagger. Seeing him but not being able to talk to him. Or touch him.

  "What if you started seeing someone in Charleston? He's the employeed party. A Judge could insist you return there so he can support the child."

  The lawyer steepled his fingers. I had the oddest feeling that he was talking about himself when he said 'seeing someone in Charleston.' I frowned.

  "Derek. His name is Derek."

  "Right." He flipped through his notes. "Derek Jagger."

  I exhaled, shaking my head.

  "I don't want to deprive him of anything. I want Hallie with me for school once she starts, but everything else should be split. If he wants fifty percent, he can have it."

  He raised his eyebrows.

  "That's unusually generous as a first negotiating point. What if he pushes back? Or wants sole custody?"

  "He won't."

  "So, the split was amicable?"

  I nodded. It had been amicable. If you didn't count me sobbing my eyes out.

  Or the blond.

  "I want him to be happy with the agreement. We don't need to negotiate."

  He held his hands up.

  "Alright Ms. Reeds. If you're sure. I'll draw something basic up."

  "Thank you."

  "We'll get it to you next week."

  I shook my head vehemently.

  "No. I need it right now."

  "That's not how we work. I need to have my staff-"

  "Please, I can't afford any extra billing. I gave you everything I have."

  He looked at me with a calculating stare. Then his eyes softened. He nodded and I nearly slumped in relief.

  Twenty minutes later I stood in the waiting room with the document in hand. The lawyer did ask me out, but I politely declined. I felt a heavy weight lifted as I put the envelope into my purse. He'd send another copy directly to Jagger. It was cleaner that way.

  All future arrangements would be scheduled through a third party we would select at a later date. My contact with Jagger would be minimal at best. Maybe I'd be able to bear it someday, but not yet.

  I stepped out into the sunshine, willing myself to enjoy the beautiful day. It was green here, and the air was more humid. I touched my hair, which was curling up like crazy and shrugged.

  What did it matter what I looked like anyway?

  Hallie shook her chubby little arms in the air as I pushed her down the tree-lined street. I headed towards a discount store I'd seen. It was near the shabby neighborhood we'd moved into.

  I'd gotten the keys that morning and moved in right away. I had lots of cleaning to do at our new place. It was half of the second story of a two family row house. It was really old, built around the turn of the century. The two-room apartment was nothing fancy, but it was ours.

  I almost smiled as we walked through the streets, feeling like I had a plan. Anything was possible. I might even learn to laugh again, if nothing else.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Jagger

  ✈

  "What do you mean she moved out?"

  I didn't mean to sound so mean. But I could not believe this was happening. Had Jenny found out I was coming and left the hostel already?

  I gripped the edge of the counter, feeling the grit and grime under my hands. This place was a shithole. Maybe she'd found a better place. I hated thinking of her here, all alone.

  With our baby.

  The front desk attendant was a skinny little twerp. He looked nervous as hell to be facing off against an angry Marine. I didn't blame him.

  "Dude, I would totally help you out if I could. But this isn't the sort of place you leave a forwarding address."

  I closed my eyes and prayed for patience. Jenny had been gone for days now. I hadn't seen her in over a week. And that last time had been... awful.

  I could still see her, looking so beautiful in the rain. Beautiful and fragile and vulnerable. And that was before she saw Suze, guzzling beer in my apartment like she lived there.

  I'd hurt Jenny badly, and more than once.

  I cursed and walked out of the hostel without a word. I looked around at the seedy cafes and bars in the area. I was not getting anywhere on my own. It was time to call in backup.

  I didn't bother with calling any of my war buddies. I went right for the big guns. I called in the girls.

  Thankfully, Crystal picked up on the first ring.

  "She's not here."

  "What?"

  "I don't know what to do, Crystal. She's gone."

  "Alright take a deep breath. Maybe she found a place already. I haven't heard from her in a few days."

  I moaned, covering my face with my hand.

  "What about Margie? Would she know?"

  "No, I don't think so."

  I swallowed.

  "The General?"

  "Maybe. But if I were you I would use that as a last resort."

  I paced up and down the street, trying to imagine how the hell I was going to find her.

  "Wait!"

  I held my breath, waiting for Crystal to talk.

  "I know how to find her! Margie got her a job at a bar, she must know where she works at least."

  I thanked Crystal profusely and hung up. I may have promised to babysit her kids. Every weekend. For a year.

  I just hoped Jenny would be there to babysit with me.

  I said a little prayer and called Margie at the restaurant, hoping she would help me again. Lord knows she'd raked me over the coals already.

  "You ask her yet?"

  I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. Margie got right to the point. I explained the situation and she gave me a hard time for a few minutes.

  "Please Margery. I have this pretty ring of yours and no one to give it to."

  She laughed and I felt relief wash through me.

  "Sure thing Jagger. It's called Whiskey Wild. I'm just bustin' your nuts."

  "I owe you Margie."

  "Damn right you do!"

  I hung up and looked up the address for Whiskey Wild. It wasn't too far so I walked over there, practicing what I might say. It was mostly 'I'm sorry' and 'please forgive me' with a liberal dose of 'I love you, I love you, I love you.'

  Hopefully she'd be more willing to listen than I'd been.

  I stared at the bar front, calming my nerves. Thinking of
her walking home alone from this place was making me upset. It was in a nicer part of town at least.

  Through the window I saw a beautiful girl at the hostess station. I almost didn't recognize her, she looked so sophisticated.

  Jenny was in a uniform. A black mini dress, sheer black stockings and heels. I swallowed. I'd never seen her looking like that. She stood straight, her face calm and impersonal as she greeted a group of customers.

  She looked like someone else. A rich city girl. The dress was even better than the red outfit Crystal had put her in.

  Not better.

  Worse.

  She was so sexy it hurt to look at her, knowing that she probably hated me. A million guys would kill to go out with her. They wouldn't be so stupid and throw it all away.

  I felt my insides clawing at me. I was all twisted up inside. But I had to stay calm and make my case.

  I had to woo her back again.

  I had to fight for her.

  I'd never forgive myself if I didn't try.

  I stepped inside the bar and waited until she looked up. She looked at me like I was a phantom of her imagination. For a split-second, I thought she looked glad to see me.

  Overjoyed even.

  The look on her face made her even more beautiful, if that was possible.

  But then something snapped shut in her eyes. Just like that, Jenny was gone. She was someone else. Someone I didn't know. She stood there, looking like a supermodel and gave me an impersonal smile.

  The only sign she even knew me was her voice. It was a little shaky as she pulled out a menu and greeted me. The sound tore through me, making me want to hold her and tell her everything would be okay.

  But it didn't seem like she wanted to look at me right now, let alone let me touch her.

  "Are you alone this evening?"

  I nodded brusquely. Did she think I'd brought a fucking date? Or was she just going through the motions?

  "And will you be eating or would you like to be seated at the bar?"

  My heart broke a little while she did her little hostess spiel. I deserved it though. I'd fucked things up enough.

  "Jenny..."

  She shook her head, as if warning me not to say her name.

  "We have happy hour specials and snacks at the bar. You can get anything off the main menu as well..."

  I reached forward, almost touching her arm. She stared at my hand like it was a rattlesnake that might bite her. I dropped my arm and swallowed. I could see she was fighting with herself to stay aloof. That's the last thing I wanted.

  I wanted her present, talking to me. I wanted her to scream and cry. I wanted her to yell at me for being an idiot.

  I wanted her jealous over Suze. Shouting. Pouring drinks in my face. Hell, I wanted her to smack me.

  And then afterwards, I wanted her to forgive me.

  "Please Jenny... don't."

  Jenny

  ✈

  "Do you- do you want a table then?"

  He stared at me, a funny look in his gorgeous blue eyes. He must be upset that I took the baby without telling him. Maybe he hadn't gotten my letter. I had my purse tucked into the hostess station. I'd just give him the envelope and he'd go away.

  And I wouldn't have to look at his beautiful face anymore.

  "Is there somewhere we can talk?"

  I frowned at him, then at the reservation book in front of me. I didn't know what to do. I needed this job and I was new...

  I looked around. There were cocktail tables near the hostess stand that were the extent of my section. I had a feeling Margie had put the pressure on them to give me any tables at all, but even if it was pity, I was grateful for them.

  Still, he'd come a long way. I could give him the document and let him say his piece. As long as he didn't get me in trouble.

  "I have to work, but if it gets slow I can..."

  Shit. He was looking at me with those huge eyes of his. He looked tired and upset. But he wasn't looking at me like a stranger for the first time in weeks. Hope sprang up in my chest. I squashed it down just as fast.

  He didn't want me.

  He'd said so.

  He didn't want me.

  "That sounds fine, Jenny. Thanks."

  I led him to one of the smaller cocktail tables by the bar and he sat, angling so his back was to the wall. I felt his eyes on me as I took his drink order and walked away. He always did that. Watched me.

  It was the protector in him.

  It was the thing that was going to make him a great dad.

  I had to be grateful for that, at least.

  Even if he wasn't perfect. Even if Hallie had lots of his women in her life, I knew he wouldn't expose her to anything bad. Maybe it would be kind of nice. She could call them all 'aunties.'

  Then again, I kind of wanted to claw all those imaginary girls' faces off.

  I brought over his soda and a menu. Then I stood there, not sure how to bring up the document. I ended up just blurting it out.

  "I have something for you."

  He smiled at me tenderly and I felt my heart leap. I rushed away before he could see the effect he was having on me. I seated two tables and then grabbed the letter from my bag.

  I could feel Jagger watching me the whole damn time. It made me jumpy. I felt hot and cold all over at the same time.

  "Here."

  I held it out in front of me, forcing myself to meet his eyes. He looked at me, then slowly reached out for the envelope. He opened the folded papers and started to read. I knew I should shut up and just let him read it, but I couldn't. I wrung my hands nervously as I started to babble.

  "I saw- a lawyer and he made it real simple. I get her when she's in school and you can split the rest of the time. If you want to. You don't have to."

  He looked up from the paper and stared at me.

  "Or if you ever lived closer we could share the school week too I guess. I don't know. I didn't... get that far."

  I saw his adams apple bob. He needed a shave. He looked like he hadn't slept in days.

  I knew the feeling.

  "Jenny-"

  "I told you I was sorry and I meant it. It just took me a while to trust you with her. But I do now. So- oh shit, I have a table."

  I hurried to the front and seated two businessmen. They asked for my section and tried to flirt. I smiled and bit the inside of my lip, knowing this was part of my job.

  Besides, douchey guys left the biggest tips.

  I went back to my station, watching as Jagger read the document out of the corner of my eye. He pulled something out of his pocket and stared at it. Then he looked at me.

  I turned my head so fast I felt like I was going to get whiplash.

  The bar was quiet for the next ten minutes. I didn't have an excuse not to go back over to Jagger. I got right to the point. There was no point in dragging this out.

  "Are you going to sign it? He charges an arm and a leg so if we need to make adjustments I'd rather we figure it out now so he can just change it once..."

  I trailed off, staring into his eyes. He was looking at me like he thought I was beautiful. He looked like he wanted to kiss me. But that wasn't right. Was it?

  "I'll sign it if you want me to. But I have something for you first. Two things actually."

  I glanced around to make sure no one was waiting. The two businessmen were slurping back their vodka cocktails pretty quick. I'd have to go over there soon.

  "This is the first thing."

  He slid a dog earred photo across the table. I picked it up and stared at it. It was a boy... him. A lanky, teenage Jagger. He had his arm slung around a girl with rainbow colored hair. She was pretending to pick her nose, obviously annoyed about having her picture taken.

  I looked at him, confused.

  "That's Suzy."

  I still didn't get it.

  "She's my foster sister. The one I told you about. She's blond now. She's the one... you saw that night."

  My throat felt tight as I rea
lized what he was saying.

  "There isn't anyone else Jenny. There hasn't been in a long time. Not since I met you the first time."

  He reached for my hand.

  "There couldn't be."

  I stared at him, his words sinking in. The gorgeous blond at his place that night... he hadn't slept with her. He hadn't slept with anyone.

  He leaned back in his seat and cursed, running his hand through his hair.

  "You have a table."

  I was back a few minutes later. What he'd told me was nice, but he'd still broken up with me. I wanted to hear what else he had to say.

  "What's the second thing?"

  "Do you believe me? About Suze?"

  He ran his hands through his hair again. It looked slightly less perfect than usual. Slightly.

  "I hated knowing what you thought. I hated knowing you must hate me."

  "I... don't."

  His eyes were tormented as he looked up at me.

  "I mean, I don't hate you. I believe you."

  He smiled at me in relief and it was like the whole room lit up.

  The whole world.

  I realized why he came all the way here. He wanted me back. I was sure of it now. I wanted to throw myself in his lap and cover him with kisses. But what if I was wrong?

  I had to be sure. I couldn't handle another rejection. I couldn't get my hopes up.

  "So, what's the other thing?"

  He did something I didn't expect then. He got down on one knee. And he took out a ring.

  The whole restaurant seemed to get quiet.

  "Jennifer Reeds, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?"

  I stared at him, open mouthed. I was in shock. I was ecstatic. Then reality set in. Maybe he was just doing this for our baby. Maybe he just didn't want her to grow up in a broken home.

  I wanted to shout yes. But I had to know. So I asked him.

  "Are you asking because of Hallie?"

  He smiled at me and shook his head.

  "I'm asking because I'm in love with you. And I have been since that first night. Jenny, I was going to ask you anyway. The General told me to wait because you were too young."

  He smiled at me tenderly.

  "But I think you're old enough to make up your own mind about that."