All I Want For Christmas

by Ann Roth

  He left the building wishing he could share what had happened with Tina. But she’d gone back to work today, and Ryan doubted she wanted to hear from him. He had no illusions that with her new responsibilities she’d soon forget about him and Maggie.

  Sure, she’d said she’d call Maggie. Once, he figured, before work took over her life.

  Now that she was gone, Ryan meant to forget her, too, and move on. Period. Christmas was a month away, and he was certain that by then this Tina thing would be behind him.

  AS SHE’D PROMISED, Tina stood at Jim Sperling’s side Monday morning. The entire staff of CE Marketing was crowded into the reception area, some still not quite awake this first day back from the Thanksgiving holiday, assembled for a hastily called meeting.

  “I have an important announcement to make.” Her boss smiled at her fondly. “Please join me in welcoming our new creative director, Tina Morrell.”

  He applauded, and everyone followed suit—even Kendra. Though her smile looked forced.

  “Thank you all,” Tina said. “I’m pleased and excited to have this wonderful opportunity.”

  Surrounded by friends and colleagues, she almost believed herself.

  Following the announcement, Jim went into CEO mode. “All right, people, we have a business to run. Let’s get to it.”

  As Tina headed with June toward her office, which they were about to pack up and exchange for a bigger, corner space, she wondered what had happened with Ryan’s meeting at bank headquarters. Had he resigned, and if so, what would he do next? And how was Maggie? Had she slept badly again?

  She wanted to call and talk to the little girl today, but if she meant to get over Ryan, it might make more sense to wait a while. Besides, she didn’t want to crowd him. She would call in a few days, she decided. Until then, she’d have to get her information from G. G.

  For now, she had an ad department to run.

  RYAN TOOK Wednesday morning off to meet with Dr. Patricia Wright, the specialist Dr. Dove had recommended. “A whiz with children and their parents,” he’d said. Preoccupied with today’s appointment, Ryan hadn’t yet told his staff he was resigning. He figured he’d do that sometime next week, around the time the board announced that the bank was for sale.

  As he drove across town, his windshield wipers swished in vain against the pouring rain. Compared to L. A., winters in the Pacific Northwest were gray and rough on a man’s spirits, but he didn’t think about that today. He actually looked forward to talking with Dr. Wright. Anything to help Maggie.

  Minutes later, he was standing in the therapist’s office, shaking her hand. She was an attractive blonde of indeterminate age, with a firm grip.

  Her office looked friendly enough—there was an oriental rug over the carpet and cream-colored leather furniture. Nice pictures on the wall, and a small potted tree in the corner of the room, as homey as someone’s living room. Ryan wouldn’t have cared if they’d met in a broom closet.

  “Please, sit down.” Dr. Wright gestured toward two armchairs separated by a glass coffee table. “Would you like coffee?”

  This wasn’t a social visit, and he shook his head. Took his seat, and cleared his throat. “How does this therapy stuff work?”

  “We talk, that’s all.” Looking relaxed and ready to listen, she smiled. “Tell me about Maggie.”

  Since the therapist already knew Maggie’s age and that she was in kindergarten and an only child, Ryan went right to the critical information. “She’s had a rough life.”

  He told Dr. Wright everything—about his impending divorce from Heidi and her tragic death when Maggie was eighteen months old. The break-off of his engagement last year, when his fiancée had chosen a job in Texas over him and Maggie. How Mrs. Miumi, who’d been around since Maggie was born, had left soon after that to care for her grandson.

  “Every female she ever loved disappeared from her life,” he said. Dr. Wright gave a sympathetic nod, and he continued. “After Mrs. Miumi left last spring, I decided to sell my business so that I could spend more time with Maggie. Halo Island seemed to be a great place to raise kids, so we moved here. Now I work a job with regular hours, and Maggie and I are together every night and on weekends.”

  Maybe he should tell her about his resignation. “The job I took isn’t working out, though. As of the first of next year, I’ll be unemployed.”

  “We’ll get to that later. Tell me more about Maggie.”

  He nodded. “We’re in an excellent neighborhood, and she seems to enjoy living on the island. She likes her teacher and her school, in general, and she’s made friends.”

  “That all sounds fine. But you’re not here because things are going well.”

  The woman was right. Ryan drew in a breath and then let it out. “After Heidi died, Maggie started waking up crying. Nightmares. They flare up whenever someone she loves leaves. Lately, she’s been waking up a lot, sometimes two and three times in one night.”

  “Do you have any idea why?”

  He hesitated, wondering how much to say. Therapists weren’t supposed to talk about their patients, but what if Dr. Wright did?

  “If you don’t think you can trust me, Ryan, maybe you should find a different therapist.”

  He gave her a humorless grin. “What are you, a mind reader?”

  “After years of practice, I’m pretty good at reading people. Now, why don’t you tell me what’s going on.”

  “The woman across the street—her name is G. G.—is like the grandma Maggie never had. She watches her after school and spends a lot of time with her. A month ago, she had hip surgery. While she recuperated, she needed help, so…”

  He told Dr. Wright about Tina, and Maggie’s immediate attachment to her. He explained about Eggwhite escaping and G. G.’ s emergency trip to the hospital, and about Tina’s promotion. He told Dr. Wright everything, except what had happened that night in Anacortes. That was private.

  “Maggie’s crazy about Tina,” he said. “And even though both Tina and I reminded her often that Tina wouldn’t be staying long on the island, she didn’t understand. The multiple nightmares started around the time Tina left on Sunday,” he finished. “I know they’re directly related to her leaving and to G. G.’ s stay in the hospital. For some reason Maggie thinks Tina left because she did something wrong. Tina promised to call Maggie, which probably will help, and G. G.’ s better now. But the nightmares keep coming.” He made a helpless gesture with his hands. “I don’t know how to help my daughter. That’s why I’m here.”

  Dr. Wright offered no advice, just silently jotted down notes.

  Impatient, Ryan shifted in his chair. “Any ideas?”

  Her pen stilled. She looked at him without judgment or pity. “I’ll know more after I talk with Maggie this afternoon. Let’s talk more about you now. Tell me about this job you’re leaving and what you want to do with the rest of your life.”

  BY THE TIME Ryan and Maggie left Dr. Wright’s on Wednesday afternoon it was almost dark, but at least the rain had stopped. Work had been a bitch, and Ryan was sure Jason would give his two weeks’ notice any day now. He’d called a branch meeting for Monday to announce his own resignation and to share the news that, come next year, Halo Island Bank would be up for sale.

  In no mood to cook dinner, he glanced at his daughter. “What do you say we stop at the drive-through for burgers and fries tonight?”

  “I say, awesome!” Maggie bounced in her seat, bumping against the seat belt. “Can we listen to the radio on the way?”

  “Sure.” Ryan turned to an oldies station, her favorite.

  While she sang along off-key, acting like her usual bubbly self, Ryan counted his blessings. Meeting with Dr. Wright hadn’t upset her nearly as much as he’d feared it might.

  He reviewed his and the therapist’s final conversation, had while Maggie played with one of her assistants in a different room.

  “Your daughter is a resilient little girl,” Dr. Wright had said. “Children often blame
themselves for everything that happens, however, and that’s what Maggie has done. Yet despite losing her mother and other women in her life, she remains cheerful and happy.”

  “Except when she sleeps,” Ryan had replied.

  “We’ll discuss that shortly. The one constant in her life is you. You’re also the most important person in her world. That is the basis for her well-being—she knows that no matter what happens, her daddy will always be there for her.”

  That was good to know. “That’s the plan.”

  Ryan had barely let out a relieved breath, before the therapist continued.

  “However, because you’re the center of Maggie’s life, when you’re not happy, neither is she. Right or wrong, she blames herself.”

  Hadn’t Tina said the same thing? “I’m happy enough,” he’d said, knowing that Dr. Wright didn’t necessarily buy that. Too bad because he wasn’t about to get into his personal issues. “What can I do to help my daughter?”

  “Every child craves a mother’s love, and Maggie is no different. It’s normal for her to form an attachment to a woman around the age her mother would be if she were alive, especially if the woman genuinely cares about her. For that reason, I’d be surprised if she didn’t grieve now that Tina has gone.”

  Get happy and find a mother figure for Maggie. A while back Tina had given him the same advice. Well, hell. He could’ve saved the time and money and skipped the therapy.

  “I suggest you talk about Tina often, and continue to reinforce the message that she left for reasons that have nothing to do with Maggie.”

  “Talk about her?”

  Dr. Wright had nodded. “It’s an important way to acknowledge her entirely valid feelings and get her to open up to you.”

  “Tina promised Maggie she’d call now and then, but she’s busy with her career. Even though she has good intentions, I’m not sure she’ll follow through.”

  “If she doesn’t call you, then you call her. That way Maggie won’t feel that Tina has deserted her. And Ryan, I suggest you seriously consider buying the bank.”

  This had dumbfounded him. Sure, he’d told her how much he enjoyed building and running his own bank, but he’d also let her know that Maggie came first. He frowned. “But that would mean hours and hours away from Maggie.”

  “I’m certain you and she can work that out. You’re far too young to retire. Without a career that makes you happy…”

  “I know, I know. If I’m unhappy, Maggie will be, too.”

  Ryan wanted to discuss the whole thing with Tina. Damn, but he missed her. He wasn’t calling her, though. Not until Maggie asked him to.

  The song on the radio ended and his daughter glanced at him.

  “Dr. Wright teached me what to do when I have a bad dream.”

  The therapist had explained this to Ryan, too, but he wanted to hear Maggie’s version, to find out whether she understood. “What did she say?” he asked, slowing to make a turn.

  “That I can make the bad things stop. I just stamp my foot and say, ‘I don’t like you, go away!’ and the mean people will.”

  Such a simple technique. Maggie sounded quite pleased about it, and Ryan only hoped it worked. “If you’re asleep, how can you do that?” he asked, wanting to know.

  “Practice, practice, practice,” she said, parroting Dr. Wright. “If I really want to get rid of those mean people in my dreams, I can.”

  “I believe you, Maggie.”

  “Good, ’cause I’m gonna do it.”

  The way she raised her chin reminded him of Tina. Copying her gestures? Man, was she attached. Ryan hoped the therapist was right about Maggie being able to stop the dreams and that she would quickly get used to life without Tina.

  A new song started. Singing along, Maggie turned to look out at the darkness. Ryan went back to thinking about the rest of the afternoon’s conversation with Dr. Wright.

  “Maggie won’t be getting a mother,” he’d said. “My track record with women has been lousy.” He thought about Tina, who was basically gone from their lives. She might be back for the holidays, but like all the women he’d cared for, her career came first. “I’m not about to put my daughter’s heart at risk again for any woman.”

  “Fine, but if you meet the right woman, and she loves both you and Maggie, why not take a chance at happiness?”

  Chapter Sixteen

  “Is it all right to clean in here, Miss Morrell?”

  Tina looked up from the computer screen, where she was putting together numbers for a presentation. She smiled at the janitor. “Certainly, Henry. I need a break, anyway.”

  She glanced at the card Maggie had given her, which occupied a prominent position on the corner of her desk. The little girl was doing well. The nightmares were less frequent now. Tina received daily reports from G. G., who, having made a quick recovery following her hospital stay, was back to watching her after school.

  Stretching, Tina headed down the empty hallways of CE Marketing. The last one here, as usual. Especially this time of year. With only two weeks until Christmas, business was slowing down, and everyone was preoccupied with holiday activities.

  Since Tina had finished her shopping the weekend before and had no family here, she was happy to stay at work. She was still settling into her new job, and with so much to do, and the office closed from next Friday until January 2, she could use the extra time to catch up.

  In the fifteen days since she’d assumed the title of creative director, she’d made a habit of arriving at the office early in the morning and leaving late. The long hours and breakneck pace kept her way too busy to think.

  Yet for the first time in her life, work failed to distract her from the gaping hole in her heart. Every day she grew more dissatisfied and unhappy, and every day she worked harder in an effort to stifle her feelings. As a result, she was sleeping badly and now had a bear of an ulcer. She’d had to give up coffee altogether and had switched from over-the-counter antacids to a high-strength prescription medication.

  Too bad no one had invented a pill for heartache. Tina missed Ryan and Maggie—and G. G. and Kate and the rest of her friends and neighbors on Halo Island.

  At least she’d talked with Maggie and Ryan a few times. She’d called them twice. They’d called her, too, Maggie always talking first and then handing the phone to Ryan.

  The difference in their tones was telling. While Maggie was sweet and chatty and full of news, Ryan was more reserved. He did mention that he’d resigned and was looking into various options, but with Maggie nearby he never said much. And he never called without his daughter nearby. Well, he didn’t want a relationship.

  Crossing the reception area, which was festively decorated with holly, poinsettias and a tall artificial tree, Tina moved to a large window overlooking downtown Seattle. Staring out at the darkness and the lights of the bustling city below, she felt as if life were passing her by. The one positive was that G. G. and the others were proud and pleased about her job.

  That’s what matters most. Wasn’t it? Suddenly needing to hear G. G.’ s reassuring voice, Tina pulled her cell phone from her blazer pocket and called.

  “What a pleasant surprise,” G. G. said, sounding much more like her old, energetic self. “You just missed Ryan and Maggie. That sweet man stopped by tonight to bring my Christmas decorations down from the attic. He offered to string the outdoor lights tomorrow.”

  The mere mention of Ryan’s name made Tina’s heart ache. “That’s very considerate of him.”

  “Yes, it is. I promised Maggie I’d save decorating the tree for after school tomorrow. We’ll hang the ornaments and tinsel, and then have Christmas cookies and cocoa, the way you and I used to do. Won’t that be fun?”

  No doubt Maggie’s boundless enthusiasm would add special magic to the festivities. “You’re making me feel extremely nostalgic,” Tina said. “I wish I could be there.”

  She loved the December holidays, but never bothered to decorate her Seattle apartment. What fo
r, when she always spent Christmas on Halo Island—the only place that had ever really mattered? “How was your checkup today with Dr. Lomax?”

  “Excellent. You’ll never guess—I’ve graduated to a cane now. No more walker! He says that by the time you’re home again, I’ll be walking without any help at all.”

  “But that’s only a week from Friday. You’re doing so well.”

  G. G. chuckled. “I know, and I’m tickled. You didn’t ask about the Rosses’ potluck last night. It was great fun, but of course we all missed you. We toasted you and your promotion—even Maggie. Of course, her eggnog was alcohol-free.”

  In her mind, Tina pictured her friends and loved ones, laughing and talking and sharing their holiday plans. And felt even more wistful. “Sorry I missed that.”

  “We all understand, honey. Your career comes first.”

  Which Tina knew all too well. She sighed.

  “What is it, dear?”

  “Nothing. It’s been a long day.”

  “You’re still at the office, aren’t you?”

  “I’m afraid so.”

  “You’ve always given your all to the job. That’s how you got where you are. Did you take the time to have dinner tonight?”

  “I had a sandwich.” Purchased from a vending machine in the company lunchroom.

  “That’s not much of a meal. Go home, dear. The work will keep.”

  If she went home, she’d only feel lonely. “I will. Soon.”

  “I’ll bet you’re looking forward to the company party on Friday night.”

  Every year Jim Sperling treated his employees to a catered dinner party at an exclusive club, followed by an evening of entertainment. Always good fun.

  “I am,” Tina said. Even if she didn’t have a date. “You should see the glittery cocktail dress I bought.”

  “E-mail me some pictures, or better yet bring the dress with you next week. Who are you taking?”

  “Um, nobody.”

  “No one to appreciate that new outfit? That seems a shame.” G. G. made a sympathetic noise. “You know, if you invited Ryan, he’d escort you.”