Forty and Free: A Sweet Romance Series Bundle - Books 1 - 4

by Blake, Lillianna

  Dane reached out and ran his hand across her arm—the one that the man had grabbed. “Did he hurt you?”

  “I’m okay. I could have handled it.”

  “Okay.” Dane held his hands up and started to turn away.

  “Wait. I’m sorry.” Ella sighed. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Thank you for helping me.”

  He turned back and met her eyes. “You’re welcome.”

  “I’m sorry about earlier. I never should have sat down with you and your son. It was intrusive, I know.”

  “Don’t, please.” Dane shook his head. “Let’s just forget it. Have a good night.” He turned away again.

  Ella held her breath. She could let him walk away or she could reach for him. She wasn’t sure which was the right move.

  “Dane.”

  He paused but didn’t turn back.

  “Dane, will you dance with me?”

  He glanced over his shoulder at her. “I don’t think that would be a good idea.”

  “Why not?” Ella stepped closer to him. “What harm could it do?”

  “I don’t know what you want.” He studied her for a moment. “But I know it isn’t me.”

  “You’re wrong.” She caught his hand and pulled him toward her.

  “Ella, don’t do this.” Dane held her gaze.

  She saw the ripple in his jaw, the tension in his lashes.

  “I know what I want.” She squeezed his hand. “Dance with me.” She didn’t care that she was practically begging him to dance. She didn’t care that a few people around them watched the strange couple that was not dancing on the dance floor. All that mattered was that his hand was still in hers. Maybe she had one more chance to get to know Dane—to see what happened next.

  He licked his lips. He dipped his chin as if he might turn around. But he didn’t pull away.

  “I don’t want to just dance with you, Ella.” His voice was quiet, but she still heard it over the drums. “I don’t want to apologize for wanting more than that. I know it might not make much sense to you, but I can’t change how I feel. I won’t. If you can’t handle that, then don’t ask me to dance.” He glanced back up at her. “It may not be modern of me, but I don’t want it to be just this—just tonight. I can’t let myself feel for you the way I do, if you’re not going to take it seriously. If that’s not okay with you, I understand. I’m pushing for too much too fast. I get that. There are plenty of other men here who would love to dance with you.”

  “I don’t want to dance with anyone else.” She grasped his other hand and pulled him closer. “Only you.”

  “Are you asking me to stay?” He searched her eyes.

  Chapter 29

  Dane wanted to draw back. He wanted to close his eyes and make Ella disappear. But in the same moment, the very thought of her hand not being in his made his heart lurch. He tightened his grasp as he awaited her answer. He tried to be detached, but he knew if she denied him, he’d be crushed. It might not have been logical but he had no real control over his feelings.

  He watched her expression. He waited for her to tell him to go. Her lips parted. His body tensed.

  “I want you to stay, Dane. I want to see what happens next. But I can’t guarantee that I won’t hurt you.”

  He shook his head, then stared into her eyes. “I’m not asking for guarantees, Ella. I don’t need you to protect me. I’m just asking for a chance.” He held her gaze and stepped closer to her. “I can’t tell you what will happen. But I can tell you that right now—in this moment—there’s nothing I would rather do than dance with you.”

  “Then let’s dance.” She smiled, and she looked relieved to him as she wrapped her arm around his waist.

  He still held her hand in his as he embraced her in return. The sensation of her body close to his reminded him that whatever was between them didn’t have to make sense. It just was. Every moment that he held her close to him, it grew stronger. Did she feel it too?

  He stole glances at her, but she refused to let him meet her eyes. He released her hand and curved his palm along her cheek so that she couldn’t turn away. “What is it, Ella? Tell me? Why are you hiding?”

  She narrowed her eyes and ducked her head away from his touch.

  Dane felt a sharp tension in his muscles. Was she going to push him away again? “You asked me to stay. What’s going on with you? Just tell me.”

  She looked up at him, her cheeks flushed. “I didn’t think you’d forgive me—after what I said to you. How can you forgive me?”

  He reached up and brushed his hand back through her hair in a slow soothing stroke. “I know what it’s like to be afraid, Ella. I know you didn’t mean what you said. I hope you know I didn’t mean what I said.” He looked into her eyes. “I don’t think of you that way at all. Life gets a little more complicated every year you live it, and you and I—well, we have more than our share of baggage.”

  Ella nodded. Then she rested her head against his shoulder.

  He closed his eyes when she did. It felt as if it was exactly where she was supposed to be. The music washed over him. His body moved naturally to it, in time with hers. He held her close as the dance floor grew more crowded.

  “Ella, why were we fighting this?”

  “Because when the music stops, everything gets complicated again.”

  “Let’s try not to let it. Hm?” He tilted his head so that he could look into her eyes. “Let’s try to make this work.”

  “Come back to my cottage with me?”

  “I don’t know.” Dane narrowed his eyes.

  “Just to talk. That’s all.” She smiled. “I promise. Maybe if we get to know each other a little better, we’ll feel more comfortable with what is happening here.”

  “Maybe.” His voice softened. A part of him was worried. Ella was used to a fun and fast lifestyle. If she got to know him, wouldn’t she just see how boring he was?

  “We’re going to try, right?” Ella slipped out of his arms. “We have to make up for lost time.”

  He stared at her as his instincts fought his logical mind. His instincts told him never to leave her side. His logical mind demanded that he not be alone with her, as he had no idea if he could stay in control. A kiss had pushed them apart before; what would being alone in her cottage do to him?

  “Ella, why don’t we stay a little longer? We can look at the stars, grab something to eat.” He stared at her with a sense of panic building inside of him.

  She smiled a little as she closed the distance between them again. She gazed into his eyes. “You’re afraid to be alone with me, aren’t you?” Her fingertips traced over his bottom lip. “You’re afraid of what might happen?”

  “Ella.” He drew a sharp breath as she touched him. “It sounds crazy, but I feel so out of control when I’m with you. I just don’t know if I can trust myself.”

  “You don’t have to.” She curled her arm around his neck and drew his lips to hers.

  Before he could pull away, she offered him a light sweet kiss. It triggered an avalanche within him, but not the frenzied passion he’d felt before. It was somehow comforting to feel her lips again.

  “I trust you, Dane.”

  “You do?” His eyes widened.

  “Nothing is going to happen that both of us don’t want. Alright?”

  “Alright.” He nodded and sought another kiss.

  She responded to it with more passion than the first. The drums picked up their pace to the point that they seemed to mimic the pounding of his heart.

  He pulled away and smiled at her.

  “See?” Ella grinned. “We’re doing just fine.”

  “Not a lot of conversation going on, though.”

  “Okay, okay. First rule of the cottage—more talking, less kissing.”

  “I can agree to that—I think.” He threaded his arm through hers and they began to walk away from the dance floor.

  Chapter 30

  The walk to the cottage was nerve-wracking for Ella. She
grasped Dane’s hand a little too tight as she waited for him to pull away. He’d told her that he forgave her, but how could she know for sure? What was even more difficult was not knowing her role. When she went on casual dates, there were no expectations to fill. But this was different. Dane could be affected by everything she said or did. She wanted him to enjoy himself, but she also didn’t want to pressure him into anything he didn’t want.

  “I wondered about these cottages. I can see them from the window of my room. Why did you stay in one of these instead of in the hotel?”

  “I thought it would give me a little more privacy—a little space from other people.”

  “I guess that didn’t work out so well for you.” Dane glanced over at her and smiled.

  “Yes, Dane—you were very unexpected. But I’m glad that we met. Are you?”

  “Very.” He paused as she unlocked the door to her cottage.

  She noticed him hesitate to step inside. She turned to face him and offered her his hand. “Come in. I’ll be good, I promise.”

  Dane quirked a brow in such a way that it made her wonder if that might not be what he was hoping for. When he stepped inside she closed the door and turned to face him.

  “It’s not much, but it’ll give us a chance to talk away from all of the commotion. Would you like a glass of wine?” She paused. “Oh that’s right, you don’t drink.”

  “No, it’s fine. I drink now and then. I prefer not to if I’m not sure of my surroundings. I’d love a glass of wine.”

  Ella poured them both a glass. As she handed him his, she looked him up and down. He wore pale, neutral colors. His haircut was traditional. He even wore sensible sandals rather than flip-flops.

  “You’re very cautious, aren’t you, Dane?” She was teasing him, hoping that she sounded playful.

  He shifted on the couch as she sat down beside him. “I tend to be, yes.” He frowned. “I guess that seems painfully boring to you.”

  “Not exactly. I think I’m cautious in my own way.”

  “You mean, not letting people get close?” He took her hand in his. “I’d like to know more about that.”

  She took a deep breath and smiled. “Are you sure? It’s not very interesting.”

  “I find that very hard to believe.” He passed his thumb across her knuckles. “It’s what we’re here for, right? To figure out what this tension is between us? Is it just chemistry, or is it something more?”

  Ella braced herself. Dane wanted to get to know her. If he knew the real her, would he still feel the way he did?

  “What do you want to know?”

  “Tell me about him. I’ve told you about Pam.”

  “I’ve told you some things already.”

  “Tell me more.” He leaned back and took a sip of his wine.

  She noticed how he created distance between them. Whether he meant to or not, he scooted away from her on the couch.

  “I was young. I was naïve. He said he loved me and I actually loved him. There’s not much more to it than that.” She shrugged.

  “I don’t think that’s all there is to it. I’d like to hear more—if you’re willing to share it.”

  “It’s just that I’ve spent so long trying to keep things to myself that it’s hard for me to bring these things up.”

  “I understand that. After Pam died, I avoided all of our mutual friends. I didn’t want to hear them tell me how sorry they were, or see the way that they looked at me. I think a part of me wanted to pretend that she was still alive, that nothing had changed.” He leaned forward some. “Is that what you’re doing? Pretending your marriage never happened?”

  Ella pursed her lips. She swirled her wine in her glass. “If I could erase it, maybe I would be a different person.”

  “Hm.” He took another sip of his wine. “Maybe you shouldn’t hide from the person that it made you. I happen to like that person.”

  “Sure you do. That’s why you won’t sit too close to me.” She looked away from him and set her wine glass down on the table. “That’s why you don’t feel safe with me?”

  “I never said that.” He shifted a little closer to her. “It’s not that I don’t feel safe with you, Ella. It’s that I don’t know who I am when I’m with you. With Pam, it was easy. I was husband, father, gutter cleaner. With you, I guess I don’t know how I’m supposed to act. One minute I’m a gentleman, one minute I’m very far from it.”

  “I noticed.” She winked at him.

  “Ella, I’m serious. Is that what you think? You think I judge you?”

  “Don’t you?” She looked him straight in the eyes. “You weren’t doing that in the water that night?”

  He shook his head. “No. I wasn’t.”

  “I don’t believe you.”

  “You should. I wasn’t judging you. I just wasn’t ready for that. With someone else, I’m sure that would have been innocent fun. But for me, it was overwhelming and too fast. I want to know you. I already know how beautiful you are, but I want to know who you actually are. That might be a little difficult if you’re not willing to share anything with me.”

  She rested her head against the curve of his shoulder. “I know, I know. So ask me anything.”

  “Okay. Where do you see yourself in five years?”

  “I try not to think about it.” She chewed on her bottom lip.

  “Why not?” He twirled a finger through her hair.

  She smiled at the sensation.

  “I’m not sure. I guess I’ve been focusing on the here and now for so long that I’ve not thought about the future.”

  “Would you ever get married again?”

  “Are you asking?” She grinned.

  “No.” He cleared his throat.

  “Relax, Dane, I’m just joking.” She patted his chest playfully.

  “And cleverly avoiding answering the question.” He caught her chin between his fingers and gave a light tug. “I thought you were going to be straight with me?”

  “Alright.” She sighed and nestled her head closer to his neck. “I don’t know if I could do it again.”

  “I don’t know if I could either.” He kissed the top of her head. “It’s difficult to think about things like that. What about the good things? Are you going to get a motorcycle and explore the country? Are you going to sail the world?”

  “Both very good ideas.” Ella looked up into his eyes. “I guess it would depend on if I had good company.”

  “Would you want company? Or would you rather be alone?”

  “I could see myself wanting some company.”

  “So what happens between then and now? When do you start opening your heart and allowing someone to be part of your life?”

  “I don’t know.” She frowned. “I’m not sure how to get there—from here.”

  “Maybe a little bit at a time?” He stroked her cheek.

  “Maybe.” She tilted her head to look at him. “What about you? Where do you see yourself?”

  “Just about the same place, I suppose. I imagine Thomas will take a long time to settle down. I’ll probably be on my own for a while.”

  “So, no wedding in your future?”

  He sighed and sat up a bit on the couch. “It’s hard for me to think of those things without Pam. I know it’s what she wanted—she even asked me to remarry—but, I don’t know…”

  “So we’re both a little lost.” Ella shifted closer to him. She traced a fingertip along his cheek and down beneath his chin. “Maybe that’s why we found each other.”

  Without hesitation she kissed him.

  Chapter 31

  Ella’s kiss lingered on his lips, tempting Dane to kiss back and draw her close against him. When he broke the kiss, her lips chased after his. He shuddered and gave in to her seeking.

  He broke away again and looked into her eyes. “More talking, less kissing, remember?”

  “I’m done talking. Aren’t you?”

  He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and sighed. Having
her in his arms was wonderful.

  When her hand wandered across his chest, his muscles tensed. He shifted and looked over at her. “It doesn’t matter, does it?”

  “What doesn’t matter?” She tickled along his collarbone.

  “No matter what we do, this thing between us isn’t going to go away.”

  “You want it to?” She frowned.

  “No.” He held her tighter. “No, I don’t. So what are we going to do about this?”

  “I have something in mind.”

  When her lips met his, he didn’t have a chance to pull away. She pushed against his chest with just enough pressure to keep him pinned back against the couch. She guided his lips with her own even as he willed himself to draw back. Every time he thought he had the strength to stop the kiss, the warmth of her mouth would draw him back in. The intense pleasure that coursed through him left him dizzy.

  It’s just a kiss, Dane, loosen up. He tried to convince himself that he could relax and enjoy it. Before he knew it, she was unbuttoning his shirt. He drew a sharp breath between the flow of their kiss.

  “Ella.” He reached for her waist and found that her skirt had slid up quite far.

  “Sh, Dane. Just enjoy it.” She kissed his cheek, then down the side of his neck.

  Dane coasted his hands down along her back. He closed his eyes as he was consumed by his desire for her.

  “Ella, stop.”

  “No. I don’t want to. I know you don’t want to either.” She moved her lips back to his for a slow, sensual kiss.

  Somewhere in the back of his mind, Dane was aware that this was not what he wanted. He surfaced long enough from the heat that crackled between them to break the kiss again.

  “Ella, stop. Okay?”

  She stared into his eyes. “Seriously?”

  “Yes. I need you to stop.”

  “It’s not like you aren’t participating here.”

  “I know.”

  She moved to kiss him again, but he turned his head.

  She sat back on the couch, her eyes wide. “Dane, we’re not doing anything wrong.”

  “It’s not about right or wrong, Ella.” He took her hand in his. “It’s about timing. I’m not ready for this.”

  “So we can’t even kiss?”

  “That was a little more than kissing, don’t you think?” He fixed the buttons on his shirt.