Heart's Desire

by Lanigan, Catherine

  “Sophie? Your friend?”

  “Yes.”

  Mrs. Beabots shook her head. The frown on her forehead was deep with concern. “That is a new development. And I don’t like it.”

  “She works with Nate every day. He has great respect for her, since she’s his surgical nurse and all.”

  Wagging her finger, Mrs. Beabots said, “Don’t say things like that. He has respect for you as well. And Nate knows about Alex?”

  “Yes, but not about what Alex said tonight.”

  “I was wondering if you’ve seen any signs of jealousy on Nate’s part?”

  “Yes, now that you mention it....”

  “Hmm...” Mrs. Beabots tapped her cheek with her forefinger thoughtfully. “And you’ve displayed some jealousy of your own over Sophie’s interest in Nate.”

  “I have?”

  “Decidedly so.”

  “I feel more scared than jealous.”

  “That’s even better,” Mrs. Beabots replied. “What you’re really saying to me, Maddie, is that you love Nate but he won’t commit. Or hasn’t. In the meantime, you see Alex as a second option if Nate doesn’t pull through for you.”

  “Am I really doing that? It doesn’t feel like I’m using anybody. It feels like I just can’t decide.”

  “Alex is part of the dream you created for yourself when you were a little girl. Nate left you, so you started thinking of running away yourself. Running away to Oz, to a land of golden streets and beautiful people. And now Alex has shown that the world you conjured up in your head is a real place. People live like that every day. They work very hard and they have problems of their own, but they don’t live in Indian Lake. Their priorities truly are finding the best gelato and the best cappuccino in town. They do all the things you wanted to do all your life.”

  “Like go to college,” Maddie interjected.

  “That’s right. But you can do all those things on your own terms. You can take time off and go to school and study what you want. You take this franchise business by the tail if you want, and work it night and day until you become even wealthier. You can travel and meet all sorts of people. You can have this romance with Alex, or not. You can see where things lead with Nate and make a decision later.”

  Maddie pressed her palms to her temples and cheeks. “See? This is what is driving me mad! I want it all!”

  “No, you don’t.”

  Maddie gaped at her friend. “I don’t?”

  “I think you want almost all of it. And you’re young. You have enough years to do all these things. Just make sure you do them with someone you truly love and want to spend time with, someone who feels the same about you.”

  “So, you think it’s Nate?” Maddie asked, her mouth dry.

  Just then Maddie’s cell phone rang.

  She swallowed the lump in her throat and answered the phone on the second ring. “Hi, Nate,” she said, and she smiled with enough energy to light fireworks.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  THE DELIVERY TRUCK in front of Cupcakes and Coffee took up four parking spaces, including the room necessary for the long metal unloading ramp that the driver would need to haul out Maddie’s new chairs.

  Maddie walked up to the beefy man dressed in baggy jeans and a faded plaid shirt. He carried a clipboard with a pen dangling from a shoelace. He took off a pair of cheap sunglasses before he spoke. “You Maddie Strong?”

  “I am.”

  He made a check mark on his clipboard, then showed her where to sign.

  “Sorry about this bein’ after hours and all, but I had a delivery in Indianapolis that took a lot longer than I’d planned.”

  “That’s fine. I didn’t think they’d be here for days, so this is a nice surprise.”

  The man walked up to the cab and tossed his clipboard on the seat. “If you’ll just show me where...”

  “Right through the front door,” she said. “Do you need help?”

  “No, ma’am.” He pulled on a pair of work gloves. “I got my dolly. I’m all set.”

  When the driver had finished unloading the chairs, Maddie said goodbye and went back inside. Minutes later, Nate’s Hummer pulled up. She went to the door and unlocked it. She watched him check his hair and she smiled to herself. She was amazed how much that tiny gesture meant to her. He wanted to look nice for her and that knowledge made her glow.

  Maybe I’m more in love with Nate than I realized.

  The evening sun was behind his back and outlined his physique as he stepped out of the car. He was wearing a pair of camel slacks and a black short-sleeved shirt that showed off his well-defined biceps. He paused when he caught sight of her, his expression serious.

  “What’s wrong?” she asked.

  “Nothing at all. You came outside to greet me,” he said, closing the distance between them in three eager steps. “That means a lot to me.” He kissed her nose.

  “I was excited to see you,” she said, surprising herself with her answer. Her own smile warmed her, and she liked the way that felt.

  “Thank God,” he breathed.

  “Come on in. You may be sorry you volunteered to help me tonight.”

  “Why’s that?” he asked.

  “Because my new chairs came, and now I have to move the old ones down to the basement. Then we have to unwrap the new ones and get the place set up for business in the morning.”

  “What about the cake batter? You said we were going to bake.” He forced a pout. “I was looking forward to licking the beaters. Or whatever it is you use. I’m only here for the batter and icing.”

  “Oh, really,” she said, moving closer, peering into his blazing blue eyes. She put her hand on his chest, right next to his heart. “So, am I to understand that you just want the sugar?”

  She leaned into him, her hand still on his hammering heart. He put his arms around her and pulled her closer. Cradling her, protecting her, loving her.

  Maddie remembered their innocent sweetness and naive trust. She wanted to be that young girl again, trusting Nate. Trusting herself to love Nate fully and totally, the way she once had.

  Gazing into his eyes, she searched for answers to questions that were still forming in her head. But as much as she wanted clarification and understanding, she was afraid of it. In some ways it was easiest to just leave everything as it was. But that wasn’t fair.

  Not to her and not to Nate.

  He kissed her, but she pulled back.

  “What is it?” he asked. “Talk to me.”

  Nodding, she said, “I guess that’s what we should be doing more of—talking. And not kissing.”

  “I wouldn’t go that far,” he joked.

  “In high school, that’s all we did. We kissed. But we didn’t talk enough.”

  Nate released her and led her to one of the tables. “I remember it differently.”

  “You do?”

  “You were my best friend,” he said, holding her hands. “I could tell you everything. And I did. Don’t you remember that?”

  “Yes, I guess so. I always felt like we were hiding in the shadows, kissing behind the gym doors or in the back of your car so no one would see us. But what I’ve really been afraid of lately is if any of it was real between you and me. I was afraid that maybe back then I was using you to negate all my insecurities. That maybe you weren’t a real person to me and that was all it was.”

  Nate was silent.

  Maddie saw true deep pain in his eyes. If she’d sliced him open with one of his scalpels, she couldn’t have cut any deeper. And her heart broke for him.

  He shook his head slowly, his eyes glistening with the smallest prick of tears that he battled to discourage.

  Suddenly, she had her answer.

  “Nate,” she pleaded,
touching his cheek. “I’m so sorry. So very sorry, but I had to say it.”

  “Jeez. I’d rather have the punch in the gut,” he quipped morosely. Then his eyes bore into hers. Probing. Demanding answers. “You didn’t finish, did you? What about now?”

  “I was wrong,” she admitted. “I do believe like you do that what we had was very real. I feel we are in a very good place right now. And very honestly, I feel we’ve talked more and shared more about who we are and what we want out of life since you’ve been back than we ever did.”

  “But it’s not enough?” he asked readily.

  “It’s not. We see each other in snippets. Our phone calls at night are short. And I know how tired you are. Your work is grueling. I’m tired by the end of the day, too, and then I have to bake cupcakes all night long. We just don’t have enough time together.”

  Nate nodded his head and said, “I totally agree with you on all counts. Frankly, we have to make some changes.”

  “What kind of changes?” she asked.

  “First of all, you need to hire someone to do the baking at night. Together we can find someone trustworthy. I know we can.”

  “Fine,” she said, noticing that Nate still seemed a bit anxious about something, rather than being relieved. He kept rubbing his thumb against her fingers and looking down at their hands. “What is it, Nate? Is there something wrong?”

  He took a deep breath and raised his head. Twice since walking in the door he’d thought he should propose to Maddie. Twice he’d chickened out. He thought he should have bought a ring first. Then he’d thought better of it. What if Maddie wanted to choose her own setting? What if she wanted something very specific? It had to be the perfect ring for her. It couldn’t be just any ring, either. He should have gone to Chicago and hit up Tiffany or C.D. Peacock and gotten something last weekend, but he’d been on call and had that emergency surgery.

  Then again, what if she turned him down?

  She’d already told him that this was her turn in life to discover all kinds of things about herself that she’d never had the time or money to pursue. Things were different for her now. She had the satisfaction of a major accomplishment in the business world. It wouldn’t surprise him if she wound up on the cover of an investment magazine. She was a hive of new ideas that buzzed around her just waiting to pollinate. She was so full of life, it made him feel even more alive just to be near her.

  Nate was all too aware that he could really blow it if he pushed her too fast when so much was changing for her.

  When he first walked in the door, he’d scoped out the café for signs of the expensive flowers his competition was sending to Maddie, but there was nothing like what he’d overheard Sophie talking about. In fact, there were no flowers in the café at all.

  Nate knew he had to win Maddie from Alex Perkins.

  Nate wanted a huge family wedding. He wanted lots of family holidays, with his mother and Maddie chatting in the kitchen, along with his grandmother and aunts, while they made Thanksgiving turkey. And when the time came, he wanted both his parents to be happy when their children were born. He wanted to give Maddie the kind of real love and affection that his family was capable of providing. She’d never had a family and he wanted to give her that.

  Nate knew he had to play every one of his cards the smart way and with extreme care. He had to take his time and not be impatient with her or himself. He didn’t mind the gamble. Maddie was worth risking his heart. But there was no way he was going to blow his chances with Maddie a second time.

  No way.

  “There’s nothing wrong, Maddie. Except that I think we should get these chairs set up for you. The sooner your work is done, the sooner you can go for a moonlight drive with me to the beach.”

  “Ah, so you do have ulterior motives,” she joked.

  He exhaled deeply and kissed her. “Where you’re concerned, I have all kinds of ulterior motives.”

  “Okay, then. Let’s get to it.”

  It didn’t take long for them to move the old chairs to the basement and stack them against the brick wall. Maddie got out a couple box cutters so they could cut away the shrink-wrap and brown paper covering the new chairs.

  “I’m really excited about this,” Maddie said, slitting the plastic. “I should show you the drawings, Nate. Sarah and Charmaine made them. They’re incredible. Just gorgeous interiors. My franchises will all have Italian decor.”

  “Italian,” he repeated. He straightened and balled a roll of shrink-wrap in his hands. “My mother would love it.” Nate conjured more visions of what marriage to Maddie could be like and the notion fit quite well with him. He liked the way she was lit like fire when she talked about her café and the changes she wanted to make. He was impressed and proud of her. It took a lot of persistence and determination to come as far as she had. She was a great deal like him in that regard. They were a perfect match in so many ways. His problem was going to be trying to keep up with her. He wished he could promise her the moon, but the reality was that he was offering a life on or near an Indian reservation—maybe several. Maddie dreamed of moving to Chicago. She would have to give up an awful lot just to be with him.

  Nate’s nerve dwindled like a lost helium balloon in the sky.

  “The Italian theme is one of the requisites. I’ve been a stickler about it. But yeah, I spent months working with Sarah and Charmaine on the colors and the theme. The logo. Everything is geared to the cappuccino theme. All the cafés have to have a brass-and-copper cappuccino machine similar to mine.” She stripped away the last of the paper from one of the chairs. “Don’t you love it?” she asked.

  “Don’t you love the yellow-and-white stripes?” Maddie asked, sitting on her new chair and beaming happily up at Nate.

  Nate stared at Maddie. The chair was covered in upholstery that was a dead ringer for the fabric his mother had just chosen for her new chaise longues around their pool.

  He thought about his mother inviting Sophie Mattuchi to Mother’s Day at their house. Nate had realized his mother was trying to play matchmaker, but because he wasn’t sure about his future with Maddie, he hadn’t said a word to his mother about his intentions. After dinner, however, he’d made it clear to Gina that he wasn’t romantically interested in Sophie.

  “Do you like it?” Maddie asked again.

  “Love it,” he said with a wistful whisper, moving closer to her. Nate didn’t believe in divine signs, but there was no other explanation for this coincidence. He felt the urge to take action.

  Be bold. Be bolder.

  Carpe diem.

  Suddenly, all his fears vanished. His path opened up to him, and at the end of it was Maddie.

  “Nate,” Maddie said. “Are you all right?”

  He dropped to his knee, took her hands in his and kissed her palms. He gazed up into her eyes and felt the love in his heart explode throughout him. “I know I’ve asked you this before, but Maddie, will you marry me?”

  Maddie was speechless. She wasn’t any more prepared for this proposal than she had been for the first one. How had they gotten here so fast? Or maybe this was eleven years overdue. She felt an overpowering eruption of emotion.

  “Marry me, Maddie,” he said pleadingly, but his tone was firm, as if there was no other alternative.

  Slowly, his words broke through. It was as if she’d been walking through a storm and suddenly the clouds parted and sunbeams shot through, illuminating everything around and inside her. “Right now? Tonight? I mean, are you asking me to elope again?”

  He chuckled and kissed her hands again, then squeezed them. “No, my darling. I want everything to be perfect for us. I guess this isn’t the perfect proposal. I had a dozen different ways I was going to ask you, and this wasn’t one of them. I don’t have a ring for you. I wanted to get you one, but then I thought maybe you could pick out the
ring yourself.”

  Maddie smiled, then she started crying and she couldn’t stop. “Oh, Nate. I would love any ring you chose.”

  “Okay. So we’ll get one tomorrow. Or tonight. Can you buy that kind of thing online?”

  “I don’t know.” She laughed. “Probably.”

  He leaned up and kissed her with a passion so sweet, so endearing, Maddie knew she wanted to remember this moment all her life. Then she broke away.

  “What’s wrong?” she asked. “Oh, my God. Did I even answer you?”

  He shook his head.

  “Yes,” she said, laughing again. She kissed him and he kissed her back.

  “I promise you, Maddie, that whatever you want to do in your life, I want you to do it. Whether you want to go to school and study or run the café or build more franchises, I don’t want to stand in the way of any of your explorations. I want to be there for the ride. I’ve missed so much of what we could have done together all these years, I don’t want to miss another nanosecond.”

  “Are you sure, Nate? Because I’m beginning to realize that I want to do a lot with my life. More than I’d ever thought I wanted to do.”

  He threw his head back and laughed. “This is just what I love about you! Don’t you see? You’re never satisfied. You’re always looking for ways to make things better.”

  “I do that, it’s true,” she said, peering at him for a long moment. “You know, when we were in high school, we always dreamed of living on the shores of Indian Lake. You said the serenity of the water helped you think. And I’ve been wanting a condo in Chicago all these years. But now, your dream has changed, too. You want to work in Arizona.”

  Nate’s smile dropped instantly. “I do.”

  “So I would have to come with you,” she mused, staring at her hands as she pondered the immensity of the situation. “Where is this reservation, exactly?”

  “There are clinics all over northern Arizona. Tuba City, Fort Defiance, to name a couple.”

  “And where did you live?”

  Nate rubbed his chin. “In the doctors’ lounges mostly. And I had an apartment in Tuba City.”