Heart's Desire

by Lanigan, Catherine

  “And that’s where we would live?”

  “We’ll find something much better. Arizona is God’s country, Maddie. The vistas make you think you’re in heaven. Up north, there’s a change of seasons and all kinds of lakes around. We could get a house on a lake up there. And wait till you see the incredible blooming cactus flowers that are just everywhere,” he said excitedly. “I’ll find a great place for us to live.”

  “I know you will. But Nate, I have to think about how I’m going to do this. My franchises haven’t even gotten off the ground, and I refuse to abandon them now.”

  “I don’t want you to,” he said letting his troubled eyes fall to the floor. Then he brightened and looked at her with renewed enthusiasm. “You could open your cafés in Arizona.”

  “But how long will you be in each place?”

  “A year...or less.”

  She glanced around the little café she’d nurtured for a decade. She was so proud of all the changes she was making and the plans she had. She’d spun a tapestry of dreams within these walls. Would she ever see it again? Would she have to sell it? And what about Chloe? Where would she get another job like this one, where Maddie let her take time off whenever she went chasing another acting class with Deb DuPont?

  Each time Maddie thought of one change she would have to make, a dozen others sprung to life like Hydra heads, bent on defeating her and destroying her bliss.

  Nate saw doubt and fear cloud Maddie’s green eyes, and he knew he had to banish them before they took a foothold. Otherwise, he would lose her for good. “It’s not going to be easy for us, Maddie. But together we’ll take each of these challenges and fight them head on, okay? We’ll work it out. The important thing is that we’ll be together. All the rest, we can discuss and we’ll find a way. I believe in us, Maddie.”

  Maddie felt her heart swell. He made it all sound so simple. It had been a long, long time since Maddie had trusted anyone with her life. And that someone had been Nate. Maybe he was right. They would be together. Love would always find a way.

  She kissed him and smiled.

  “Maddie, girl,” Nate said nearly in a whisper.

  Maddie could still hear trepidation in his voice.

  “There’s something else, isn’t there? I can feel it. It’s not about the ring, is it? The ring isn’t important, Nate—”

  He cut her off. “It’s not the ring.”

  “Then what is it?”

  “Could you do me a very big favor?”

  She put her arms around his neck. “I thought I just did.”

  “I was thinking of something else.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Could you tell the other guy to take a hike?”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

  MADDIE HAD THOUGHT that once her decision was finalized, all the pressure and anxiety she’d been experiencing would be relieved. She’d believed that once she had Nate’s ring on her finger, the conflict she felt about Alex and the possibility of a life in Chicago would vanish.

  It did not.

  When Nate proposed, Alex had been in London for three weeks of business meetings. He had texted her that he’d be flying back to Chicago right after Memorial Day, and he wanted to see her then. Maddie made arrangements through Alex’s assistant and confirmed a lunch.

  Maddie was shocked to realize she was looking forward to seeing Alex again, even if it was to officially inform him about her engagement to Nate.

  She picked out a black-and-shocking-pink summer dress at Judee’s Dress Shop to wear, and this time she chose the location—the Atwood Café in the historic Hotel Burnham in downtown Chicago. Maddie loved the theater district and had bought herself a ticket to a matinee. She figured it was a good way to cover her bases because she had no idea how Alex would react to her news. She might end up spending more time with him and not make it to the play. Or he could have the opposite reaction, which would result in a very, very short lunch.

  Maddie knew she would have to be extremely diplomatic because she was bound to Alex and his company for years to come. Each time one of her franchises sold, Alex would handle the negotiations. There was the chance that he would turn her business over to someone else in his office, but her suspicions were that Alex was not leaving her life.

  Maddie arrived at the Atwood Café at ten minutes to noon and asked the hostess to seat her. The table looked out onto Washington Street, where she could watch the shoppers and the theater crowd.

  She had just ordered a glass of iced tea when Alex arrived. He was blindingly handsome, dressed in a pearl-grey suit, white shirt and a grey-and-black-striped tie. He thanked the hostess and sat in the chair opposite her.

  “You look beautiful,” he said, taking the napkin from the table and spreading it in his lap.

  A waitress came up and asked for his drink order. “Perrier and lime, please,” he said, barely taking his eyes off Maddie.

  The waitress left and he folded his hands on the table, leaning toward Maddie. “Don’t you love this place?”

  “I do. I picked it because it’s so historic. It used to be a hangout for Al Capone,” she said. “Isn’t that interesting?”

  “I know. This is one of my favorite areas of town.”

  “What’s your very favorite?”

  He thought for a minute. “The lake. I love all the beaches. When I need to come up with a really great idea or solve a problem, I can go to the lake and look out over that water and it’s like all the pieces of my problems fall into place. And boom!” He snapped his fingers. “I get my answer. Yeah. Definitely the lake.”

  Maddie smiled. “That’s so funny. It’s the same for me. Only my lake is Indian Lake. I take a notebook and pen and I come up with all kinds of ideas watching the sunset. Or the sunrise. My girlfriends and I sometimes row on Saturday mornings at dawn. It’s just gorgeous. Serene.”

  “See? There’s another thing.”

  “Thing?”

  “We’re so much alike, you and I.”

  Maddie was incredibly nervous and didn’t quite know how to bring up the subject of her engagement. Should she just blurt it out? Or slowly lead into it? It seemed unkind to just hit him over the head with it the second they sat down together. “How was London?” she asked.

  He didn’t miss a beat. Once the subject was changed to his interests, he transitioned over like a bullet train switching tracks. “Super. Fantastic. Now, there’s a town. I can sense the money being made in that place. I would wager there are more billionaire Arabs in London than there are in Riyadh. Anyway, my meetings went well. I closed one and put together two more. One died quickly, but I knew it going in. It was a long shot.” He shrugged his shoulders. “It’s all just a numbers game anyway.”

  “Numbers game?”

  “Yeah. I work about a dozen clients on my front burners. Then another two dozen on the back burners.”

  The waitress came to take their order.

  Alex hadn’t even looked at the menu but said, “I’ll have a baby-beet salad and the smoked trout with the hazelnut sauce.”

  “And you, miss?”

  “I haven’t looked—” Maddie began when Alex interrupted.

  “Do you like fish? Their halibut with coriander beurre blanc is great.”

  “Great. I’ll have that and I’ll try the beet salad as well.”

  The waitress left and Maddie leaned slightly forward. “You come here so much you know the menu?”

  “No. I looked it up online. I do it all the time.”

  “Online?”

  “On their website,” he said, hearing his cell phone buzz in his pocket. “Excuse me. I have to take this. London.”

  “Sure, go ahead.”

  Maddie made a mental note to talk to Charmaine or Sarah about a website. She hadn’t though
t about posting daily choices on a website. But that was the future. It was more work for her—unless she could train Chloe to post the daily changes. Maddie was so involved in her own thoughts she hadn’t realized that Alex had finished his call.

  “Maddie?” he asked. “Is there something you want to tell me?”

  She was playing with her hair, which she did sometimes when she was creating or planning. With her left hand. The one with Nate’s ring on her finger. They’d picked it out at the Indian Lake Jewelry the day after he proposed. She looked at Alex, who didn’t take his eyes off the ring.

  “I do,” she said, feeling her mouth go suddenly dry and all the nerve endings in her skin suddenly misfire and make her feel very anxious. There was one way and only one way to handle the situation now. “I’m engaged,” she said. “Before I announce it formally, I wanted to tell you in person.”

  Alex folded his arms on the table, and peered into her eyes. He took a deep breath as if he had four sets of lungs to fill. He didn’t expel. “So, you’re not moving to Chicago.”

  “Not.” She continued gazing into his eyes. She couldn’t tell if his apparent calm was born of shock or apathy.

  Then he swallowed hard and cleared his throat. “Do you...love him?”

  It struck her that Alex had never told her that he loved her. He had not mentioned the M word. There were a lot of things Alex had not said. All he had asked was that she move in with him. It wasn’t much of an offer, now that she thought about it.

  “Yes. Very much,” she replied.

  “For how long?”

  “Twelve years.”

  Alex’s head jerked back as if someone had slapped him. “Well, don’t I feel like an idiot. You’ve been dating someone for twelve years?”

  She took a deep breath. “Not exactly. This,” she said, pointing to the ring, “is a new development.”

  “So, when we kissed?”

  “No, I wasn’t with him then. Not really.”

  “But you said twelve years. I’m confused.”

  “We were boyfriend and girlfriend in high school. We were crazy, young and in love. And then, he left. I didn’t hear from him for eleven years. He just recently returned to Indian Lake.”

  Alex whistled. “I’ve got to give this guy credit. He moves fast.”

  “You think so?” She remembered far too vividly all the years of pain and worry. She also knew that if she hadn’t truly been in love with Nate all that time, she would have forgotten him and the memory of her heartbreak would have faded. But it never had.”

  “It would seem that way to me, yes,” he replied, sitting back and casting stern eyes on her. He forced a smile. “Here I was being all gallant and romantic and doing my thing in London and this guy moves in for the kill.” He was trying to be flippant, but Maddie didn’t miss the catch in his throat.

  He reached across the table and held her hand, the one with the ring on it. He looked at the ring. “Not bad, but I would have done better.”

  “I’m sure of that,” she said.

  When he looked at her, his eyes were filled with sincerity. “I was falling in love with you, you know.”

  “I felt that, yes.”

  “I really think I would have been over the moon for you, given more time. The right thing to do is let you go, but I don’t like losing, either. Not that you are the prize in a game—” He stopped himself midthought and Maddie could clearly see he was fighting his emotions. “Answer me this. Is he what you really want?”

  Maddie paused for a long moment. Then she nodded. “Yes.”

  “You hesitated. That’s a sign. A sign that there still may be a chance for me.”

  “I hesitated because there are a lot of things about you that appeal to me, Alex. I like you a lot. And you’re right, there are many things about us that seem very much the same. You almost feel like family.”

  “Don’t say like brother and sister. I couldn’t take that one.”

  She chuckled and squeezed his hand. “I won’t. But you represent or are part of a dream I dreamed of all those years when Nate was gone and I didn’t know where he was or why he left me. When I truly hated him. I wanted, and I may still want, to have a life in Chicago. I’m still working on that one—how I’ll incorporate that into my new life because Nate wants to live on an Indian reservation, possibly in Arizona.”

  “You really do love this guy,” Alex said with a deep exhale. “What about James?”

  “It’s important to me that my franchises do very well for James. I hope he wants to set up more cafés, or that someone else wants a franchise. I’ve even thought of a travelling café of sorts that I could take to Arizona. Maybe buy an RV that I could fix up and sell cupcakes and cappuccino from wherever we live.” She rolled her eyes. “I don’t know, Alex. I’ve got a dozen ideas floating around in my head. I want my creation to go on forever.”

  “We can always hope. The public is always looking for something new,” he said, flicking away a crumb on the white linen tablecloth.

  “I’m sorry, Alex.”

  “So am I, Maddie.”

  “It’s also important to me that we still be able to work together. Can we do that?”

  His eyes delved into hers as a slow smile crossed his face. “We can do that. That doesn’t mean I won’t still long for you, but I’ll keep a rein on it. Just as long as you remember one thing.”

  “What’s that?”

  “I don’t give up on something that I think is a winner. You and I together would have been a real win, Maddie. We could have had the ride of a lifetime. So, if this Nate ever screws up, you let me know.”

  Maddie’s eyebrow racheted up with surprise. “Alex, what are you saying? Really.”

  “This isn’t an idle promise, Maddie. I mean it. I was falling for you. I’ve never done that. It’s kind of a big deal to me to finally find someone that I’m simpatico with. You know? So, if this is what you want, I’m happy for you. But I’m not going to go away. I’m going to be here. Chicago is my town. I wouldn’t be happy in a place like Indian Lake, I don’t think. I like the energy of a big city. I like the noise and the creativity and the diversity of humanity. I like the arts and the pioneer spirit that Chicago has. That’s what I felt in you. You like changing things and making them better. A billion guys have come along trying to reinvent Starbucks and failed. But you did it. With sugar. So simple. Why didn’t anyone see it? You did. I love your brain,” he said, tapping his temple. “And I love your heart, which makes you passionate enough to be persistent. Don’t ever lose that, Maddie. I hope this guy is your brass ring. Because I believe if he’s not, I am.”

  The waitress brought their meals, and Alex ordered two glasses of champagne.

  Maddie looked at him. “We’re toasting?”

  “Absolutely. I’m going to drink to your happiness.”

  “Well, thank you.”

  He grinned at her mischievously. “I will not drink to your engagement. I will drink to your happiness because I believe I’m the guy who can make you happy.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

  THE AIR-CONDITIONING was cranked up to just below freezing in the surgical wing as Nate finished up a particularly difficult ablation. When he exited the OR, Carla, the office receptionist, was standing near the door waiting for him with a note in her hand. “Dr. Caldwell needs to see you. Now,” she said with a fluster in her voice and a breathy sigh that signaled trouble.

  “Tell him I’ll be on my way after I talk to the family,” Nate instructed.

  After speaking with the patient’s wife, Nate headed to the office area and rapped on Roger Caldwell’s door before opening it. “You wanted to see me?”

  Roger spun around in his chair and hung up his phone. “Sit down. There’s been a development.”

  Nate sat in the chair o
pposite Roger’s desk. “I don’t like the sound of that. Are we being sued?”

  Roger reached into a folder and pulled out a piece of paper. It was an airline boarding pass. “I’m doing your surgeries for you tomorrow,” he said, handing the page to Nate.

  “This says Phoenix.” He looked up at his boss. “What’s going on?”

  “Last month, I sent a glowing letter about your accomplishments to the board at Northwestern and to your mentor, Dr. Klein. I told them how quickly you’d come along and that your skills were nearly surpassing mine.”

  Nate’s eyes widened. “That’s very kind....”

  “It’s the truth,” Roger continued. “But listen, the head of cardiac surgery at the reservation in Arizona, Charles Jessel, just quit. Lung cancer. He and his wife are going to retire if he makes it through this. This is a request that you return to Arizona.”

  “Poor Charles,” Nate said. “I liked him. When do they need me?”

  “Tomorrow. They don’t have anyone else who’s proficient with cold beam laser.”

  “That soon?”

  Roger bit his lower lip pensively. “The job is yours. Permanently.”

  Roger stuck out his hand as Nate rose. “I knew you were too good, too skilled to stay around here for long. I just didn’t think it would come this fast.”

  Nate felt a flush of victory surge through his veins. He was on fire as the realization hit him full force. He was going to be top heart surgeon at the reservation. He was being given a shot at making a real difference in so many people’s lives. This was everything he’d sacrificed for and dreamed of. All those years in the navy. Med school. Internship. Residency. Now Indian Lake. Nate was as ready as he’d ever be. His only dilemma was how he’d break the news to Maddie.

  When Nate proposed, they’d spoken briefly about where they’d live, how they’d accommodate each other’s dreams. But it had been such a joyous moment that they hadn’t wanted—hadn’t needed—to hash out any of the details. Nate still had nine months left on his contract, and they’d thought they had plenty of time to plan for the future.