Free Spirit

by Andi Bremner

  Juliette started to cry.

  “This is good news,” Dr. Nelson said, “it’s not often we find a non-relative match so close by. This means we can do a transfusion and hopefully put you into a full remission with a very small chance of recurrence.”

  “Thank you,” she said wiping at her eyes feeling a little silly for crying over good news. “Thank you so much.”

  “We need to wait a few weeks’ post chemotherapy,” the doctor continued, “and then we can get started.”

  Juliette nodded. She had one more treatment left, one more session of having the horrible, cold poison pumped through her veins. One more round of the vomiting, the shaking, the nausea, the tiredness, and then she was done with chemotherapy and could start living her life again.

  As soon as she was in her car she picked up her phone and called Noah.

  She hung up. What had she been thinking? Her first thoughts were to call Noah? Noah, who despite her outburst at him the other week had refused to leave her completely alone, although he had stepped back. He still made sure her fridge was stocked with food, and he still popped by with flowers and magazines and movies for her to watch, although he didn’t insist on driving her to and from her chemo sessions anymore. Noah, who spent time in the kitchen preparing healthy, nourishing meals for her and who’d organized for a lady to come in and clean and wash for both Juliette and Ava once a week, much to Ava’s delight. Noah who, despite her outburst, was going above and beyond that of a caring friend.

  And Noah whom Juliette still loved and whom she missed desperately. She missed his arms around her, his warmth beside her in bed, his kisses, his touch and his words. She missed him and she needed him, and she hated that she felt that way.

  Her phone rang in her hand, and she glanced down at it. Noah.

  “Hello?”

  “You called me,” he said. “Everything okay?”

  “Yes, um sorry.” She paused. “I didn’t mean to disturb you or anything…”

  “You’re not disturbing me, Juliette. You can call me whenever you like. Day or night.”

  “Um, okay.”

  “And everything’s okay?” He sounded like he was holding his breath.

  “Yes. In fact, everything is more than great. The doctor said my blood work looks really good—the chemo is working—and that,” she choked on her words, so overwhelmed and teary, “they found a bone marrow match.”

  “Juliette…”

  “I’m just so happy, so relieved. I guess I just wanted to tell someone.”

  Silence greeted her statement at the end of the phone, and she knew she’d just handed Noah a lifeline. When she received her good news, he was the first person she’d thought to ring. That said a lot. That told him she still cared but for some reason it didn’t bother her. She still loved Noah, she was never naïve enough to deny it, and she was starting to let him back in. He was working his way back in, a little bit at a time.

  “I’m glad you called,” he said quietly after a long moment, “so glad. We should celebrate.”

  “Celebrate?”

  “Yeah, tonight.”

  “Um.” She paused. “I already have plans tonight. Mike and Ava are having a bonfire on the beach.”

  “I know it,” he said. “I was going down, too.”

  “Okay. Well I’ll guess I will see you there.”

  “I can pick you up,” he said quickly, “if you like.”

  “No, it’s okay. I’m going with Ava.”

  Silence. “Oh.”

  “But I’ll see you there,” she said keeping her voice light, “tonight.”

  “Yeah.” He paused. “Oh, and Juliette?”

  “Uh huh?”

  “It’s great news. It’s really great news.”

  ****

  Rubbing rouge onto her cheeks Juliette considered her reflection in the mirror and frowned. She was pale and thin, and her eyes, which she used to think were too big for her face anyhow, were now massive, with pale, purple shadows underneath. She looked sick, but there was not a lot she could do about that. She was sick. Although she was starting to get better.

  “Juliette! You ready?” Ava called.

  Tying a gold scarf around her head Juliette grabbed her bag off the bed, stuffing a beanie into it as she did. It got cold on the beach at night. “Yep! Coming!”

  In the sitting room Doug, Ava and Mike were waiting for her. She handed Mike a small wrapped present. “Happy birthday, Mike.”

  “Hey thanks,” he cried. “You didn’t have to get me a present.”

  Juliette’s mouth quirked. “It’s just something little. Consider it more a present for me than you.”

  Shooting her a curious look Mike unwrapped the present and then looked up questioningly. “A set of speakers?”

  “For Ava’s bedroom,” she explained, “if you wouldn’t mind plugging the phone in when you stay over and turning the music up—loud.”

  Doug and Mike both started laughing and the implied meaning. “What can I say?” Mike said. “My girl can’t control herself when I’m around. I’m that good.”

  Juliette made a face. “Actually, the music is to drown out you. It was either the speakers or it was a Bible—since you are big on searching for God.”

  Mike stopped laughing although Juliette’s comments only made Doug hoot with laughter even more and Ava start to giggle, too. “C’mon,” she said, “we’d better go.”

  The bonfire was set up in a secluded section of the beach, a small bay sheltered by rock fall and sand dunes. There were already a few people there, and the fire was already blazing. Someone had dragged logs close by the fire, and people were sitting on them, warming themselves by the heat as twilight descended. Music played from some speakers nearby although it wasn’t loud, more background music. The sound of chatter and laughter filled the air.

  Noah was there, too, and stood up as soon as he saw Juliette, making his way across the sand to her. When he reached her he pulled her into a hug, wrapping his arms around her and pressing his lips to her forehead. It was the first time he’d touched her so intimately in such a long time and despite the wariness in her mind Juliette found herself responding to him, molding herself into him and wrapping her arms around his waist. It was like coming home, she realized. It was like coming back to where she belonged.

  “Great news,” he whispered in her ear, “fucking awesome news.”

  “What’s such great news?” Ava asked with interest, having overhead. She, Doug, and Mike hovered just behind.

  “You haven’t told them?” Noah asked, pulling back to look at Juliette with surprise.

  She shook her head. “No. I kinda got busy, and then, well, then it didn’t seem so important.”

  “What is it?” Doug asked.

  “They found a bone marrow match for me,” Juliette informed them.

  Everyone immediately started whooping their congratulations at the news. Juliette was hugged and petted and kissed until she felt like a newborn baby, as delighted as a small child on their birthday.

  “That deserves a champagne,” cried Gavin. “I think I’ve got some here.”

  “So, you will be coming back to work I hope,” said Toby, “as soon as this is all over. All the regulars are missing you. We can get you trained up if you like, I mean, that is if you plan on staying in town.”

  Juliette spoke quietly, “I plan on staying. At least for a while.” She didn’t look at Noah, although she was conscious of him beside her, his arm locked possessively around her shoulders as if he was staking his claim on her. Someone handed her a beer and then someone else made a toast to her, reiterating her good news, and Juliette smiled and sipped her champagne enjoying the feel of the bubbles in her nose and the delicious taste of the sweet beverage. And feeling loved, as though she had finally found a home. These people, and this town, had in a very short time become lodged in her heart, and she knew she would be there for longer than just one year.

  A little later she sat by the fire on one of t
he logs, sipping another beer and feeling lightheaded and free. Kelly sat down beside her and offered a small smile. Juliette shifted uncomfortably remember the last time she’d spoken to Kelly outside the Oak, where Kelly had been quite vicious in her attack. In the time since she’d managed to avoid being around her but she knew, living with Ava and being friends with Doug and Noah, she wouldn’t be able to avoid her forever.

  “Sorry to hear about your cancer,” Kelly said quite abruptly.

  “Um thanks,” Juliette replied warily, “although it’s not my cancer.”

  “Oh yeah. Sorry. Wrong choice of words I guess.”

  Juliette nodded. People didn’t know what to say, and cancer made them awkward and uncomfortable. She understood that.

  “So, you and Noah are back together?”

  Juliette looked over to where Noah stood with a group of guys. He was laughing and at that moment happened to glance over at her and throw her a wink. Then his eyes went to Kelly, and he frowned a little before turning back to his friends.

  “Um, no.”

  “No? Does he know that? He’s sure acting like you’re the greatest couple again.”

  “No. He’s being nice,” Juliette assured her. “A friend.”

  Kelly snorted. “Noah is nothing but nice. I just hope you aren’t taking advantage of him.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “I mean I hope you aren’t using your illness to get him back.” Kelly paused, eyeing Juliette carefully. “He broke up with you, was happily moving on with his life, but when he found out you were sick he came back. He obviously feels guilty.”

  Juliette remained silent. She wanted to argue with Kelly, but she couldn’t. After all, she’d had the exact same thoughts.

  “Why don’t you just stick with Doug?” Kelly continued. “Do you have to have every guy in town in love with you? Is that how you work? I mean, is that what you do? Travel from place to place getting guys to fall in love with you?”

  “You think I’m a scammer?” Juliette asked. “You think I’m putting this on to get attention?” The idea that anyone would even think that about her made her feel sick. But she knew it wasn’t true. Noah, Doug, Ava, Mike, Toby, and everyone else knew she wasn’t like that. She mightn’t have been here for all that long, but she knew that they were good people and they were her friends.

  “No. But I think you’re taking advantage of it.”

  Juliette stood up having heard enough of Kelly’s speculations. She made to walk away when Kelly stood, too, obviously not finished sharing her opinions. “Just think about it for a minute,” she said. “What happens to Noah if you die? And I know that you’ve had good news, but it’s still a possibility, isn’t it? That you might die?”

  Juliette stared at her, not even able to find the words to respond. Yes. Yes, it was a very real possibility that she might die. But it was also a very real possibility that she might get hit by a bus tomorrow.

  “Do you think Noah would be able to handle it? He already lost Charlotte, and that nearly killed him. Do you think he would survive losing you as well?”

  Juliette bit the inside of her cheek as she stared long and hard at Kelly. She hated it, but knew that what Kelly said was true and it wasn’t something she hadn’t thought about before. It was just that she’d never allowed herself to really think about. Never allowed herself to even consider the possibility that she might not beat the cancer. No one spoke in those terms, not the doctors, nurses, her friends, or even herself.

  But with Kelly saying it out loud she had to think about it. Would it be fair to put Noah through losing someone he cared about again? And Juliette knew he cared about her. He’d more than proved that over the last few weeks.

  “You know,” Kelly continued, choosing her words carefully, “he’d begun to move on with his life. He doesn’t need this from you.” Standing up, she moved away from Juliette, having said what she needed to say and leaving Juliette with an awful lot to think about.

  What did she mean? He’d begun to move on? Had Noah been seeing someone else? Juliette didn’t think so. Noah wasn’t the kind of guy who’d be dishonest about something like that, and if he was seeing someone else, where was she? For the last few weeks Noah had been all about her, wooing her, loving her and making her fall in love with him again. Not that she’d fallen out of love with him in the first place.

  Juliette walked down to the water’s edge, enjoying the dark and quiet that fell around her the further away from the bonfire she got. After a few minutes she sensed and then recognized the familiar body of Noah beside her, but she didn’t say anything, staring out over the black water, at the multitude of stars dotting the night sky. She never knew there were so many stars in the sky, having always lived in big towns or cities that had too much light pollution.

  Noah was quiet, obviously understanding that Juliette didn’t feel quite like talking yet. She liked that about him, about his ability to sense when she needed quiet, when she needed company, when she needed to be touched and when she needed to talk.

  She glanced at him out the corner of her eye. He was so much bigger that she was, broad shouldered with well-defined muscles that bulged beneath his shirt. Suddenly she wanted his arms around her. Turning she stepped into his arms, and he immediately wrapped them around her, pulling her tight against him and pressing his mouth to her head. Juliette clung to him, pressing her face into his chest and inhaling deeply. He smelt like Noah, warm, masculine, minty and fresh. And he was hard and warm, the power of his body evident beneath the smooth skin.

  "Juliette?”

  She tilted her head back and looked up at him. The white of his eyes glowed in the darkness, and she could make out the concerned frown that marred his expression. Then her eyes fell to his lips and lingered there.

  He must have been able to read her mind, sense what she wanted before she even knew she wanted it herself because he lowered his head and kissed her. It was the first kiss they’d shared in weeks, as otherwise his kisses had been to her cheek, to her forehead. He was gentle, tentatively moving his lips against hers as if testing her boundaries. Warmth spread throughout her, and she opened her mouth, encouraging him to deepen the kiss which he did. Juliette arched against him as he traced his tongue along her bottom lip before sucking it into his mouth and nibbling her. Her hands snaked beneath his shirt, marveling at the heat of him, the smooth feel of hard muscle beneath soft skin. Noah’s hands were on her hips, holding her close as he kissed down her throat and over her collarbone before returning to her mouth to claim it in a deep, passionate kiss that left desire swirling in her belly. When he made a sound, part possessive growl, Juliette knew she wanted him.

  “Juliette…” he murmured against her mouth, “I’ve waited so long to kiss you again.”

  “Noah,” she responded, “I want you.”

  “Let’s get out of here,” he growled, and she recognized the flare of desire in the shadows of his eyes. “Now. Before I take you here on the beach.”

  She giggled. “I’ve never had sex on the beach before. I’ve always wanted to.”

  “Too much sand,” he replied, “and too many people around. Another time. Right now, I want to take you in my bed.”

  “Okay,” she replied, even though he hadn’t asked her any questions.

  ****

  Noah

  Draping an arm around her shoulder Noah led her up the beach, past the bonfire and to his car. where he paused to push her up against the passenger door and kiss her once more. A deep, long drawn out kiss that left her breathless and feverish. He pressed his body against hers, his erection pushing into belly and eliciting a delicious moan from her lips. After a long moment he pulled back and was pleased to see her lips were red and swollen from his kisses and her eyes were liquid pools of green.

  Opening the passenger door of his truck he hoisted her up into the seat before running around to the driver’s side, eager to get her home and into his bed where he didn’t think he’d ever let her leave. As soon as
he was inside Juliette leaned across and kissed him, and then climbed across to his lap, straddling him. Her hands cupped his face as she kissed him, lowering herself down so she could feel him, hard and ready, through his jeans, against her center.

  Noah’s hands moved up under her shirt, and he reached around to unhook her bra, before wrapping both hands around her breasts. Her nipples were hard and puckered, and he squeezed them, loving the way it made her breath catch and how she pressed herself more fully against him.

  “Noah,” she whispered against his mouth through heated kisses. “I need you.”

  He grinned, but didn’t break the contact of their mouths or take his hands from her breasts. “Then let me get us both home.”

  She shook her head, her hands trailing over his shoulders, down his torso to the buttons at his jeans. “No.”

  “Juliette…”

  She unzipped his jeans and reached into the waistband of his underwear, wrapping her hand around his thick, hard length. He groaned, loudly and audibly in her ear.

  “Not here,” he muttered as she stroked him. “Juliette…”

  “Yes here,” she whispered in his ear, her voice hot and heavy. “Now.”

  Suddenly he knew he wouldn’t be able to wait, and he was in danger of spilling himself in her palm when he wanted nothing more than to be buried deep inside her. Lifting her he bunched her skirt up around her waist as he tugged at her panties. Juliette moved back, leaning against the steering wheel as she performed what looked like a complicated gymnastic move and removed her panties, throwing them on the floor of his truck. Noah watched her, loving the sight of her, how crazed with desire she was, unbelievably with a passion that matched his own. It struck him, deep in his chest, how fucking lucky he was, how much he loved this girl and how he was never, ever going to let her go.

  He’d been a fool once, but his eyes were wide opened now and he could see what an idiot he’d been.

  Juliette tugged at his jeans, and he lifted his hips as she pulled them down, along with his underwear, allowing him to spring free. Her eyes lingered on him for a long moment, and she bit her bottom lip as she reached for him again, stroking him, making him groan.