By My Side

by Wendy Lou Jones

  The radiologist studied the pictures. “No. There’s no bleeding.”

  Adam visibly sagged with the relief. The final hurdle of the night was over.

  “We’ll be off then,” Clare said.

  Adam nodded. “Right, let’s get her settled in,” and the team headed down the long corridor to the bed waiting for her on ITU.

  By the time they got there it was nearly six: The silent time, just before the wards wake up, when the last vestiges of calm linger on in the quiet corridors of the hospital sleeping.

  Adam greeted Katrina, the nurse in charge, and told her what had been happening. He checked that everything that might be needed was written up on the drug chart and that the staff knew what to expect from his side of things and when they should be calling him, and then he returned to the bedside letting the anaesthetist take control.

  Adam pulled up a chair and settled down by Kate’s side, holding on to her hand. “Hang in there,” he quietly pleaded. “I’m here with you. I’m not going anywhere.” He softly stroked the back of her wrist but of course she did not respond. “Keep fighting, Katherine. You’ve had a bad night, but you’ll get there. I know you can do this. You have to do this… for me.”

  But morning wasn’t far around the corner and what with Kate’s need for frequent observations, the nurses’ drug round and the changing of the shifts, Adam had little time alone just to sit.

  When the hand-over reached Kate’s bed, Adam stood up, letting go of her hand and the sudden loss of security shook him. But the staff seemed happy and then Adam looked at his watch. The dawn was rising outside. He needed to freshen up before he could face another day. “I’m around, if you need anything,” he said. “Anything at all.”

  Katrina nodded. “We’ll call if we’re worried. I’m sure she’ll be fine now.”

  Adam hovered for a moment, uncertain if he had the strength to pull away.

  “We’ll take good care of her, Mr Elliott,” Katrina said. “Dr Lambert’s on his way and Mr Hammond will be round to check on her in an hour.”

  Adam blinked. “Yes, of course. Good.”

  He walked along the hospital corridors to his office and sat down with his head in his hands. He checked his watch again. There was an hour to go before clinic started, so he sat back in his chair and stared at the walls. He’d almost lost her. He may do yet and he had never let her explain. As soon as she was better he would clutch her to his heart and, if she would still have him, he’d never let her go. But it was her decision.

  A noise outside his office made Adam sit up. It was five to nine. He quickly splashed some water over his face and used the deodorant he kept in his desk drawer. He tidied himself up and rang his registrar, telling him to take the ward round without him and to meet him up in clinic to report when he was done.

  At lunchtime Adam stopped off at ITU to see how Kate was doing and then again around six. He could think of no reason to go home. He couldn’t bring himself to leave. How could he, when the woman he loved needed him there? He tried to catch up with some paperwork, but his concentration was shot. He was weary from the anxiety, his lack of sleep and from holding on to such overwhelming regret.

  Later that night, when the hospital was sleeping, Adam snuck back on to ITU. The nurses welcomed him and tried to give him some space, so he sat in the chair at the side of the bed begging Kate to fight. She meant more to him now than he could have ever imagined, but he had been there before.

  Pictures of Alison rigged up to tubing riddled his thoughts as little by little he began to feel her with them. It was like a presence at his shoulder that he couldn’t see. He knew it was all in his mind, it had to be, but still he believed it was true. She was with him, standing beside him, waiting and willing Kate to pull through; he felt it as surely as he felt the ground beneath his feet. She wanted it, and with a heart filled with gratitude for everything that she had once meant to him, he now knew that he was free.

  Six o’clock the next morning the nurses woke him up. His neck hurt as he dragged himself back to reality. He had fallen asleep over Kate’s bed and his body was complaining. Adam sat back and stretched, apologising, and he asked if anything had changed. The nurses assured him that all was well, but that he should probably tidy himself up before his team saw him that day.

  Adam went back to his office, arranging to be back a couple of hours later to ask the doctors about their plans for taking her off the machines.

  Dr Lambert met him as he strode eagerly on to the ward. “Ah, Adam, come on in, we’re just about to remove her tube.” Adam stood behind the others around the bed as the machine was switched off and silence lingered over them. Adam began willing Kate to breathe as seconds weighed like hours and he held his breath and waited. Machines around him hissed and ticked. And then Kate spluttered into life, the tube was removed and her chest drain started to bubble again and Adam let out a sigh. ‘Good girl,’ he thought. ‘Keep fighting’.

  He asked when she would be likely to move to a general ward and, as if reacting to his voice, Kate awoke. She was startled. Her hoarse voice cried out as she thrashed what parts of her she could. The nursing staff rushed to her side. “No,” she croaked looking straight through Adam as if he wasn’t there. Had she seen him? Did she still hate him? Adam backed away as the nurses tried to calm her, but her panic-ridden eyes scanned the room and spotted him. Pitifully, Kate tried to yell, but nothing came out and she winced with the pain. Adam could do little but watch as his face echoed the pain in her own and then he knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that he had to walk away.

  Katrina came out a minute or two later and found him leant up against a wall. She looked at him. “You know it’s just disorientation,” she told him kindly. “She had quite a bump on the head remember. And then there’s the anaesthetic and the sedation.” She touched his arm for reassurance and Adam looked at her for a moment and nodded and she walked back inside.

  The nurses in clinic said nothing about the state of their consultant that morning, but he was well aware of the looks passing between them. He closed the door and sat down in his room and a nurse knocked and walked in.

  “Just give me a few minutes,” he said, sharper than he should have, and the nurse backed away. Adam hung his head in his hands and leaned on his elbows over the battered old desk. He looked up as he remembered something he had to do. Reaching out he picked up the phone. “John? It’s Adam.”

  “Adam. How did it go?”

  “Okay. She’s on ITU at the moment, but hopefully she’ll be going to a ward later today. I’ve put her under Keith. She’s just started coming round.”

  “What about her head?”

  “CT was clear and they’ve just taken her tube out, so she’s off the vent now too.”

  “I’m glad. So what was it that was bleeding?”

  “Her kidney. Keith had to remove it. Now I’ve fixed her radius, ulna, humerus and femur on the right side and her chest drain is working well. I wondered if you’d do me a favour and look after her? I mean, I’ll keep an eye on her of course, but… I think things may go a bit more smoothly if she doesn’t know I’m involved.”

  “You want me to be the front man?”

  “Yes. If you put it like that?”

  “Oh, what tangled webs we weave.”

  Adam was silent.

  “Go on then. If you think it will help,” Mr Barker offered. “On ITU, you said?”

  “Thanks, John. I owe you one.”

  “A bottle of Laphroigh should just about cover it. Did you manage to get any sleep?”

  “No.”

  “Bad luck. Did you hear what happened to the lad?”

  Adam had completely forgotten about the other casualty involved. “No. I…”

  “I had to airlift him to the neurosurgeons. Nasty bleed.”

  “What happened? Do you know?” Adam asked.

  “Sorry. I think Mark was speaking to the police after you went up to Theatre, though. I’m afraid I was too busy with the boy.�
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  “I’ll talk to Mark. Thanks, John.”

  “No problem.”

  Adam sat back in his chair and rubbed his face with his hands. He rolled his head around and rubbed his sore neck.

  Half way through clinic Adam got a call back. “She’s awake, Adam, and doing fine, considering everything she’s been through, just a bit groggy. We’ll keep a close eye on her; I just thought you’d like to know she’s off to Aintree Ward this afternoon. She’s heading in the right direction.”

  Adam thanked him and carried on with his work, trying hard to be sympathetic to all the relatively minor ailments he had to see.

  At lunch time, Adam went looking for Mark. He found him in the doctor’s mess, chatting with one of the medics. Mark looked up.

  “Adam. How is she?” he asked.

  Adam nodded a few times. “Okay.”

  He got up. “Sit down. You look fit to drop. Let me grab you something to eat.”

  Mark Cobham came back soon after carrying a tray with pie and chips, a cup of coffee and an apple balanced on top. “Get your chops around that lot,” he told him, plonking the tray down in Adam’s lap.

  Adam looked at the tray and then back up at his friend. “I’m really not that hungry,” he said.

  “Don’t be a bloody fool, man. You’ve got to eat. When was the last time you had a decent meal? Too long, I’d wager.”

  Adam looked back at the tray and picking up the knife and fork, reluctantly, he tucked in.

  “Mark, John said you might know what happened with Kate.”

  “What, about the crash, you mean?”

  Adam took a mouthful and nodded.

  “You really want to know? It was just your typical winter’s night crash, apparently,” he said. “Kate was driving out on the back road. Lord knows why at that time of night? She’d only finished at nine and she was down for an early the next morning. And it was a hell of a night too. Still, it seems she was turning right towards Brisely when the lad in the other car came steaming round the corner far too fast. He couldn’t brake in time and went slap bang into the side of her.

  “They found her car on its top in the ditch by the side of the road. The lad’s car – if it was his car, of course - was spun around, facing the other way. His bloods came back well over the limit, so…”

  Adam’s jaw stopped chewing.

  “But Kate’s okay, Adam. You said so yourself.”

  Adam slowly started chewing again. He swallowed.

  “You look awful. Are you sure you’re okay? This has got to be… horrendous for you.” They exchanged looks.

  Adam took a swig of coffee. “Yes. I’ll be fine. Do me a favour. I know you’ll go up and see her some time. Don’t tell her I was involved, will you?”

  “Why ever not?”

  “I just think she’d rather not know. John’s agreed to babysit her for me. It’s just easier this way.”

  Mark shook his head. “For who? I think you’re wrong and I won’t lie to her, Adam, but if you want, I’ll try and avoid mentioning your name.”

  “I’d be obliged.”

  “The main thing is she’s all right though, or at least she’s going to be, right?”

  After work that evening Adam walked up to Aintree Ward and quietly slipped inside, making sure to stand out of view. He asked the nurse how Kate was doing and then crept up to the window of her room and peeped inside. She was sleeping. Adam watched as her rhythmic breathing forced bubbles into her chest drain and he peered around at the lines bringing her pain relief and fluids. She looked comfortable. A nurse approached him asking if he wanted to go in. Adam thanked her and said he was happy to let her sleep for now, but he would look back in on her later that evening and he left the ward as quietly as he’d arrived.

  ~

  It was the following morning before the police located Kate’s phone, flung clear at the site of the crash. Her identity had been gathered from the staff at the hospital. They had left messages for her parents on her father’s mobile phone and someone had gone round to their house, but with no luck. It was only after finding a message from her mum and dad on Kate’s phone that they managed to track them down.

  Kate woke up to find her mum and dad at her bedside. When she saw them, she burst into tears. The relief of seeing them after such an ordeal was overwhelming. Her mother held her gently.

  “I’m so sorry we weren’t here when you came in, my darling. We were staying with your Auntie Ann. We should have been back last night, but it got so late, and with all the drinks, the chatting and mince pies, she asked us to stay over. We didn’t realise that your Dad had forgotten his mobile, either,” her mum said, her eyes full of worry and concern.

  Kate sniffled. It was too uncomfortable to cry for long. Her chest felt like a knife was sawing through it and her body ached all over. She reached up with her good hand to touch her head, but her mother caught it first.

  “It’s bandaged, my love. Try not to touch it,” she said.

  Kate rested her arm back down again. “What happened?” she asked, even though she felt she must have been told this several times before. Everything was still a bit hazy for her.

  “You were hit by another car out on the Brisely road. What on earth were you doing driving all the way out there at that time of night?” her mum asked.

  “Going to see Anna, I think,” she told her.

  Her dad joined in, his voice gentle. “At ten o’clock at night? What was so important that you would drive at night at the end of a long shift?”

  Kate looked at her mum and her forehead began to quiver.

  “Oh, no. It doesn’t matter now. You just concentrate on getting better,” her mum said. “The nurse told us how… To think we might have lost you.” And her eyes began to fill with tears.

  Kate’s dad placed his hands on either side of his wife’s shoulders. “But she’s going to be all right now. Aren’t you, love?”

  To be honest, Kate felt pretty dreadful, but not quite at death’s door yet. “I’ll be fine,” she said, wearily. “A bit bionic, by all accounts. I might set off the odd security alarm at the airport, but I’m not done for yet.”

  “Quite right too,” her dad said.

  “How are you feeling?” her mum asked. “Are you in a lot of pain?”

  Kate tried to move and regretted it. Her face twisted.

  “I’ll get the nurse.”

  Kate was a little surprised that Adam had not been up to see her. Even though they hadn’t parted on great terms, after such a nasty crash, she would have hoped that he’d have at least called in to make sure she was okay. Nurses and doctors from half the hospital had been up to check on her, but from Adam there had been nothing. In fact, she felt it was a relief she had been put on the surgical ward instead of orthopaedics. How had she been so wrong about him? Her choices in men hadn’t been great so far in life, but this one certainly took the biscuit.

  Gloria had popped in at one point, but Kate was a little too drowsy to remember much. She had assumed Adam had been treating her and Kate had almost laughed, except that it wasn’t funny.

  When visiting time ended Kate was actually relieved. It had been wonderful to have her mum and dad back again, but she was hurting and exhausted. Up until then Kate had never realised just how exhausting it could be, being injured. All she had to do was lie in bed all day long and get better and yet she could hardly open her eyes. She longed to be better and she longed to go home.

  ~

  Adam walked onto the ward in the early hours of the morning. He said hello to the nurses and asked how Kate had been. “What about her parents?” he asked.

  “They’ve been in, at last, poor things. They were staying with family. They only found out when they got home.”

  “But she’s seen them?”

  “Yes.”

  “I’ll just pop my head round the door,” he told her.

  “Okay.”

  Adam slipped into Kate’s room and stood at the foot of the bed and stared
at her, tears springing to his eyes. She stirred in her sleep and Adam stilled. Kate tried to shift in all her bandages and her discomfort showed on her face. He stepped closer and carefully soothed her hair away from her lips. Very gently, he held on to her hand, speaking softly to her as she tried to settle. “I love you, Kate,” he said. “I love you so much it hurts. You’re all that matters to me. I need you to know that. That, and I’m sorry.” He looked at her lovely long hair all bloody and matted and he leaned down and kissed the back of her hand.

  Kate turned her head and appeared to open her eyes. Adam froze, preparing to make a swift exit, but she looked right through him, smiled and closed her eyes again. Adam lifted her hand to his cheek and silently prayed to God to keep her safe. Then he gently laid it back down again and walked away.

  ~

  The following day Kate had more aches and pains than the one before, but the wounds from her injuries and operations were doing well. The physio came in to see her to discuss her breathing and limb movements. Kate felt useless. The reality of her predicament was sinking in and she was beginning to feel low and tearful, managing to put a brave face on when anyone came in to see her.

  Mark Cobham dropped by at lunchtime with a huge bunch of flowers. “You’d better get well soon,” he said. “You made an awful mess of my department. And you know we’re going to leave it for you to clean up when you get back.”

  At this Kate managed a small laugh as she held on to her chest.

  “How are they treating you up here?”

  “I have to keep an eye on them,” she told him, “but they’re not too bad.”

  “Glad you’re keeping them on their toes, Kate. Gloria said to tell you she’ll be up later on. She’s made you a cake.”

  “I’m not sure if I’m up to eating cake just yet,” Kate said, smiling weakly.

  He chuckled. “I did try to warn her. But you know what she’s like?” he said with a wink.

  Kate tried hard to stifle a yawn that silently crept up on her, but Mr Cobham noticed and stood up.

  “I’ll let you get some rest,” he said. “I’ll pop by in a couple of days and see how you’re doing.”