Memory Reload

by Rosemary Heim

  “She’s too much of a question mark for you to risk your life. First she shows up on your beach, now she’s linked to a missing agent and we’re no closer to knowing who she is than the last time we talked.”

  “What do you want me to do?” Ryan watched the seconds tick off on the kitchen clock as he waited for his boss’s answer.

  “Report to the Honolulu office. The SAC is expecting you and maybe he can fill in a few more details. And get me this woman’s fingerprints. I want to see what kind of hits we get on her.”

  Chapter Ten

  AJ tucked the faded T-shirt back in the dresser drawer and pushed it closed. She really didn’t need to keep folding and refolding her clothes. Everything had long since been neatly stored away.

  Hope that having her own clothes, items that were familiar to her, that she’d found in her own home, would trigger more memories faded. No more memories had returned, no matter how many times she looked at or touched the items she’d brought from her home.

  Sadness rippled through her at the possibility she’d never be able to complete the collage of images tumbling through her mind.

  Too many holes still riddled her memories. On top of not knowing what still lay buried behind that curtain, there was no knowing if the information was important.

  Obviously someone thought she knew something or had something of importance. Why else would they have searched her home?

  As much as she might want to, there was no denying that someone had gone through the small house. A shiver swept over her. What would have happened if she’d been there? Would she have disappeared too?

  She scooped Ansel from his perch on the end of the bed and hugged him close. He licked her chin with his rough tongue then squirmed to get down.

  AJ opened her arms and Ansel leaped to the floor to head for the door. He looked over his shoulder at her and meowed.

  She smiled at the cat’s insistent tone. “What? You don’t need me to follow you to the kitchen. You know where your food is.”

  He meowed again, twitched his tail and walked down the hall.

  Her smile faded. Sooner or later, she was going to have to go out there herself and face Ryan. She couldn’t keep avoiding him, which was what she’d been doing. She wandered across the room to the window. Just now though, she couldn’t face him and the questions he’d want to ask.

  Questions she couldn’t answer, not with any real certainty. Random memories kept popping up, but everything was such a jumble. Nothing seemed to be related to anything else. Some of the images were so confused, so hazy, it was like looking through a lens smeared with Vaseline. The scenes were more like dreams than actual events.

  A light knock at the door pulled her away from the window. Ryan stood in the hall, his hands jammed in his pockets. He’d changed from his shorts and wild Hawaiian shirt to more conservative khaki pants, fine-knit shirt and navy blazer.

  With his sun-bleached hair and pale eyes, he looked exactly the opposite of the dark-haired, dark-eyed Angelinis. Underneath the surfer good looks, though, he was the same type of man, honorable and protective of those around him. The combination was wreaking havoc on her nascent desire for self-sufficiency.

  “All settled in?” He nodded in the direction of her suitcase standing on end by the dresser.

  She nodded. “I thought I heard you on the phone.”

  “There was a message while we were gone. I need to head back into Honolulu for a couple hours.”

  She nodded again. When she started across the room he held his hand up to stop her.

  “There’s really no need for you to come along. In fact, it’d probably be better if you didn’t.”

  That surprised her. Up to this point, Ryan had seemed reluctant to let her get too far away from him.

  Up to this point, she hadn’t fought the idea because his presence had been the only constant in her life since waking with no memory.

  Ansel returned and brushed against Ryan’s ankles. He reached down to pet the cat, seeming almost relieved for the excuse not to look at her as he continued. “There’s some business I need to go deal with.”

  She studied Ryan as he crouched to scratch her pet under the chin. He was hiding something from her. His answers were less than informative, almost evasive. After keeping her close, he was suddenly drawing away from her.

  The sense of desertion squeezed in her chest. It shouldn’t matter so much that he was leaving her behind. She’d come to rely on him too much to fill the hours of the day. The awareness of that dependency didn’t sit well. Neither did idleness.

  What did matter was having a couple hours to herself.

  New insights had a way of working their way into her consciousness while she was distracted with her camera. For the first time since he’d found her yesterday morning, she’d have a chance to escape into the healing of her photography.

  That more than anything eased the tightness. Looking through the lens, focusing outward rather than inward had saved her sanity on a number of occasions, especially when she was first learning her craft. Perhaps, when she packed her equipment away this time, she would discover a new order to the jumbled memories that kept appearing.

  Ryan turned to leave, then stopped. “When I get back…I don’t want to just sit around the kitchen table eating potpies for supper. Let’s go out. I know a private little place we could go to.”

  “I’d like that.”

  “Good. I’ve been dyin’ to see how you look in the red dress with your toes painted to match.” He winked and disappeared down the hall.

  Oh. My. Tension of a completely different nature washed over her. Memories of the heat in his eyes when she’d tried on the dress sent tingles chasing from her fingertips to her toes. She looked down at her bare feet. The pale pink polish looked so innocent.

  She shook herself free of the red silk images and trailed after him. “While you’re gone, I think I’ll wander around a little. I haven’t seen much of the estate.”

  Ryan paused by the front door as he slipped on his deck shoes. His glance skittered away from her and he gave a quick nod. “Good idea. My mama always said a body should take at least an hour of fresh air every day. I’ve never found fresher than what’s outside this door.”

  “Is that why you make your home here?” The question slipped out before she realized she was going to ask it.

  “This isn’t my home, baby.” He looked at her then. Only for a moment, but it was long enough for her to see a wishful loneliness in his expression before he looked away. “It’s just a place to hang my hat on occasion. That’s something very different and I never mistake the two.” He stepped outside and closed the door behind him, shutting her in and him out.

  His meaning wouldn’t have been any clearer if he’d thrown a klieg light on it.

  CAMERA IN HAND, AJ WANDERED around the estate for several hours. It didn’t take long before her photographer’s eye became enchanted. Rock banks marked what she presumed were the boundaries of Jamie’s property. On one end of the estate she discovered several tidal pools. In short order, she filled a roll of film with shots of the various sea creatures held captive until the next high tide.

  On the other edge of the property, waves crashed against a high escarpment. She picked her way over the wave-worn rocks and discovered a level outcropping with an unrestricted view of the horizon. From there the endless expanse of blue ocean reached out and touched the sky in a long curve at the edge of the world. She filled another two rolls.

  The unending variety of scenes fired her artist’s vision. The camera, film and lens selection, plans on how to crop the finished photo, every detail absorbed her complete concentration. The process was familiar, comfortable. Safe.

  All too soon, the time she’d allotted for her escape passed.

  Her determined focus on nothing but the scenery faded as clouds gathered over the sun. The light flattened, removing shadows and robbing details from the landscape. She repacked her equipment and headed back to the guest
house. Worry needled at her every step of the way.

  Her path led her by the spot where Ryan had found her. Such a short time ago. The reality of all that had elapsed since then pushed forward, forcing her to consciously consider her situation.

  She’d developed a certain amount of independence in the past two years. At least, she thought she had. But now, returning memories revealed that independence had been little more than an illusion. Like a child learning to ride a bicycle with daddy at her side, AJ’s confidence had been based on knowledge that the Angelinis were always in the background, ready to catch her if she began to fall.

  A soft breeze carried the ocean’s scent to her. She closed her eyes and savored the salt tang in the air. Her sense of independence may have been as ephemeral as the breeze, but it had served a purpose. She’d learned to enjoy solitude. She liked being alone, it was safe. Trust wasn’t an issue.

  Another memory shifted into place. The ease with which she’d accepted Ryan’s presence set off an alarm. She could see the behavior as one that had gotten her into trouble in the past.

  She’d been so hungry to create a home for herself after her parents’ deaths she’d made a similar mistake, trusted the wrong person.

  With the exception of her childhood friends, she’d established a pretty abysmal record when it came to trusting.

  When Ryan left, she’d return to the house in Honolulu. She should be happy that she’d be back in her home. But the fact that she would be alone and there was no safety net this time filled her with dread.

  Memories continued to filter through the disintegrating curtain of the amnesia. Chances were pretty high she’d be dead right now, if it hadn’t been for her guardian Angelinis coming to the rescue.

  Instead, David was dead. She could feel it in her soul even if she couldn’t remember the exact images.

  With him gone, there was no one else for her to turn to, no one to keep her on track, to protect her from herself.

  Certainly not Ryan who refused to maintain a home anywhere. He’d made that abundantly clear with his parting remark. His presence on Oahu, and in her life, was temporary only.

  The one person who would rescue her was herself. Fear cascaded over her, leaving her chilled. Would she ever find the balance between home and independence, trust and seclusion?

  She spun on her heel and headed for the guest house at a faster pace. The added speed didn’t help. There was no eluding the harsh truth. She wasn’t strong enough to save anyone, least of all herself. If she had been, maybe David would still be alive.

  When she pushed through the kitchen door, Ansel greeted her with a scolding meow. He sat on his haunches and reached for her with his front paws. She scooped him into her arms and buried her nose in the soft fur. He was easily appeased when she opened a can of his favorite food.

  If only her fears were so simple to resolve. A good meal, someone to hold her…

  The coming evening held promise for the good meal, at least. The rest she would have to deal with eventually. But not tonight.

  Tonight she wanted to pretend life could be normal. Just for a little while.

  THE SHOWER COMING ON was her first indication Ryan had returned from his errand. She’d focused so completely on painting her toenails that she missed his quiet tread down the hall.

  The boutique clerk must have conned Ryan into buying the bottle of polish. The crimson lacquer gave her toes a happy, sexy look. She couldn’t begrudge Ryan the added expense any more than she could keep from smiling every time she looked down. Especially not when she remembered his teasing comment.

  The shower stopped. Three-and-a-half minutes.

  If he held true to his earlier routine, he’d be rapping on her door in another three-and-a-half minutes.

  Anticipation and maybe a little trepidation warmed her cheeks.

  She checked her reflection in the full-length mirror and her blush deepened. The fire-red dress hugged her body, the modest scoop neck giving no hint of the deep U that bared most of her back.

  The one thing the boutique clerk hadn’t provided was a bra that would work with the dress style so the only item of lingerie between her and the heavy silk was a pair of black silk thong panties. All in all, the sensations teasing her skin were decidedly erotic in nature.

  Maybe this isn’t such a good idea. She finished braiding her hair with practiced speed, but before she could pull a more modest clothing option from the closet, Ryan knocked.

  With a deep breath and one last glance in the mirror, she turned as he opened the door.

  Her pulse skipped at the vision he presented. He stood framed in the doorway looking like the latest hot model straight out of GQ.

  He actually wore a suit. The ebony fabric lay in sharp contrast against a crisp white shirt. That’s where conformity ended. The top two buttons of his shirt were left open. He wore no tie. And no socks or shoes.

  His low whistle ignited another wave of heat in her cheeks. The flock of butterflies residing in her tummy took flight at his appreciative smile and heat pooled low in her belly.

  “Sugar, you better come out or we may never make it to dinner.”

  She scooped the high-heeled sandals from the box sitting on her bed and hurried from the room.

  Ansel followed them down the hall to the back door where he flopped onto his back at their feet. AJ crouched down. “Be a good kitty while we’re gone.” She gave the exposed white belly a good tummy rub before standing.

  The green fire in Ryan’s eyes sent spirals of desire cascading all the way to her toes.

  “It just don’t seem right to be jealous of a cat.” He plucked the sandals from her loose hold, threaded his fingers through hers and led her out the back door.

  Rather than heading for the garage where Jamie kept his collection of cars, Ryan set off across the beach.

  Light from the waning moon reflected off the sand, providing some illumination for their walk. He followed a barely perceptible path through the narrow palm grove. When they emerged from the trees, Jamie’s house stood before them, alive with white bee lights and warm candle glow.

  “I hope you don’t mind. I asked Jamie if we could join him this evening. It seemed…safer.”

  “Safer?”

  He studied her face with such intensity it seemed almost like a physical caress. “Someone’s looking for you, baby.” He gave her hand a squeeze. “Until we know who or why, we’re better off keeping a low profile.”

  She nodded in understanding and pushed away her disappointment. Under normal circumstances, she’d been free to go anywhere she chose at a moment’s notice. It wasn’t unusual for her to disappear for long periods of time, returning home only to clean up and get more supplies. Even though she’d roamed freely around the estate today, she’d been constantly aware of the limitations of her range. The constraints chafed.

  He tugged on her hand and she followed him onto the smooth terra-cotta tiles of the patio floor. A small table stood on one corner of the expanse. A pair of black leather slippers was tucked underneath it, on top was a pile of neatly folded hand towels. He shook out one of the towels and brushed the sand from his feet, before stepping into the slippers.

  “I wondered about your bare feet.”

  “Jamie is a very accommodating host.” Ryan held up a fresh towel. “May I?”

  He squatted in front of her before she fully realized his intention. With great care, he brushed the sand from her left foot, paying particular attention to her now red-painted toenails.

  She’d never realized how sensitive her feet were until that moment. The butterflies took flight once more and breathing became a conscious effort of slow inhale, slow exhale. Tiny shivers chased over her skin.

  Ryan looked up. Even in the low light out here he could see every detail of AJ’s expression. The dilation of her pupils, the rhythm of her breathing, spoke volumes. All the signs confirmed his hope. She wanted him.

  This had nothing to do with Jacquelyn’s suggestion to “use your
charms.” He didn’t share her suspicions of AJ.

  Guilt by association just didn’t fly. Not in this case, not with AJ. Even if there was evidence against Angelini, which there wasn’t. At least not yet. What the SAC had given him was circumstantial and Ryan had a whole lot of digging to do before he’d buy what amounted to speculation.

  No, this had nothing to do with the assignment.

  They had eliminated the possibility of a husband waiting somewhere for her. Which meant all bets were off and he could loosen the tight rein he’d been holding on his libido.

  No, this heat flowing between them had everything to do with a mutual attraction he intended to explore to the fullest extent.

  He slipped her sandal into place, relishing the soft texture of her skin. When he lifted her right foot to repeat the process, she rested one hand on his shoulder to steady herself.

  Her gentle touch set off a chain reaction of sensations from his shoulder to his groin.

  He stood in one smooth motion, capturing her hand and cradling it against his chest. She seemed frozen in place, her eyes, startled and round, hinted at the dawning realization of what she read in his expression. Her lips…he nearly groaned.

  She’d used the red lipstick the sales consultant had recommended he buy. At the time the suggestion had seemed innocent enough.

  Now he wanted to kiss the deep cherry color off the lush fullness of her lips and never stop. He leaned closer. Her silk-clad breasts brushed against his shirtfront.

  Sweet heavens, no bra.

  Blood beat a fierce trail to his belly and lower. Muscles he had no control over tightened to attention.

  Her tremulous sigh fanned the flames.

  The towel he still held fell to the patio floor. He pulled her closer, smoothing his hands down her bare arms, breathing in deep. Sunshine and sea. Light and innocence. Her delicate fragrance blended with the salty evening air.

  He closed his eyes, savoring the feel of her skin beneath his hands.

  This woman drew him like no other ever had. Maybe it was the mystery that surrounded her. The need to protect her, keep her safe from more pain had him holding back questions that wanted asking.