Memory Reload

by Rosemary Heim

  Maybe it was purely physical. Right now, he didn’t really want to examine the why.

  He just wanted. His fingers brushed across the naked expanse of her back as he slid his arm around her waist. Shock waves set his heart to thudding with a heavy beat.

  She moved against him, and he tightened his embrace, running his hand down her spine, pressing her silk and heat closer. She shifted again, fitting herself in his arms, her soft curves against his hard muscles. From chest to thigh, they touched.

  A sigh trembled between them and Ryan would have been hard-pressed to say whose it had been.

  He wound her braid around his free hand, tilting her head back with a gentle tug. Her lips gleamed in the soft patio light.

  Desire threatened to blaze out of control. If he didn’t kiss her—

  A light flared on in the breakfast room beside them. AJ stiffened in his arms.

  The patio door slid open and Jamie stepped out. Ryan made no effort to disguise his frustrated groan.

  “Am I interrupting?”

  “Yes.” Ryan drew a deep breath and contented himself with kissing AJ on the corner of her lips, right where her dimple appeared when she smiled.

  “Later.” He whispered the promise as he released her.

  She blinked and bobbed her head in the smallest of nods.

  Amusement danced in Jamie’s eyes. “My apologies, however the wine is breathing and dinner is ready to be served.”

  AJ welcomed the momentary distraction. If that’s what it’s like to be almost kissed by Ryan… Heaven help her if they ever actually progressed to the next step. The timely interruption had kept the situation from flashing out of control.

  Jamie turned to AJ. “Welcome to my home. Now that I’ve rescued you, for the moment, from Ryan’s ardor, won’t you come in?”

  She gathered her shredded composure enough to follow their host through the breakfast room into his kitchen.

  A work island with stools along one side dominated the well-appointed space. Jamie held out a stool. “Have a seat while we finish the salad.”

  She sank onto the cushioned seat with silent relief. High heels may look sexy, but they were better for sitting than moving, especially for someone more accustomed to flats. The short walk from the patio had tested her already compromised sense of balance.

  Ryan finished the salad greens as Jamie stirred together a balsamic vinaigrette dressing. They moved about the kitchen with an easy camaraderie reminiscent of the Angelini brothers. Ryan relaxed, his smile came easier, the tension lines around his eyes and mouth lessened. His trust in Jamie lit their easy banter.

  That, too, reminded her of the Angelinis.

  To distract herself from that train of thought, she looked around, taking in the layout of their surroundings. Noticing there was no clear view of the patio from anywhere in the kitchen she turned back to Jamie. “How did you know we were here?”

  He looked from her to Ryan and back. “Let’s just say the glass doors are poor insulation against certain types of energy.”

  “Oh.” Heat bloomed in her cheeks as his meaning registered. She knew what she’d been feeling as Ryan played Prince Charming to her Cinderella. She risked a sideways glance at him. A dull red crept up his neck. He busied himself at the counter cleaning up nonexistent spills.

  Jamie cleared his throat. “Shall we go into the dining room?” He led the way to an elegant room softly lit with candles. Windows comprised an entire wall, offering a spectacular view of the night.

  “I hope you don’t mind the candles.” Jamie held a chair for her. “I find them much more conducive to relaxation than artificial light.”

  “They’re lovely. The scent is intriguing.”

  “A friend makes them for me with specially distilled oils. Tonight we have lemon and rosemary for memory.”

  “For my benefit?” She smiled at Jamie. In this light particularly he appeared very mysterious.

  He chuckled as he took his seat. “For Ryan actually. In an effort, futile I am certain, to help him remember to behave.”

  Ryan bristled at the implication. “I don’t need some New Age hocus-pocus to remind me of that. My mama raised me to be a gentleman.”

  “Would that have been your Mama Ellie? Or Mama Dorothy-Ann?”

  Ryan shook open his napkin, ignoring the question.

  She studied his shuttered expression, curious about what he wasn’t saying.

  Jamie didn’t seem bothered by Ryan’s silence. He handed her a plate filled with salad. “How was your day? Have you made any progress in remembering?”

  “Actually, yes.” She swallowed a bite of the delicious salad, surprised by her hunger. “We found my home and my pet. I hope you don’t mind that we brought Ansel back. He’s barely more than a kitten. I couldn’t leave him again and Ryan wouldn’t let me stay there.”

  “Why is that?” Jamie turned to Ryan.

  “Because someone had searched the place very thoroughly and very carefully. It’s not safe.”

  “You can’t be certain—”

  “Yes I can.” Ryan cut her off. “We both saw the signs. And we both saw what went down at the lab.”

  “I know, it’s just that…that was my home,” she whispered.

  “If having Ansel makes your stay in the cottage a bit more comfortable, he’s more than welcome, AJ.”

  “Thank you.” She relaxed against her chair back. “I’ve also remembered my full name—Alexandra Justine Davidson. Alex to my friends, although I’ve come to like AJ.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” Ryan’s sharp question had both Jamie and her looking at him.

  She couldn’t read the expression glittering in his narrowed eyes. For an instant it seemed to be mistrust, then he blinked and the impression disappeared.

  “I didn’t think it would make a difference. There were so many other things…besides, you usually call me sugar.”

  “Alexandra’s a lovely name.” Jamie’s comment smoothed over the tension before it could fully develop.

  “When I was in elementary school, my name led me to my best friends. Or rather,” she smiled at the memory, “led them to me. Justin and David decided I belonged to them because of our shared names. Once the Angelinis laid claim to something, they never let go. Even after my family moved to the mainland, they kept the connection alive. They are…were…” Her throat tightened.

  Ryan brushed her hand with his, lingering just long enough to pull her back from sadness. Renewed awareness of him warmed her cold hand. She took a sip from her water glass before continuing. “They were the best friends a girl could have.”

  Jamie filled a wineglass with a deep red Merlot and handed it to her. After a taste of the fortifying alcohol, she chuckled. “Of course, having two such paragons at my back did make dating rather difficult.”

  “They scared all the boys away?” Jamie handed her a plate of beef Wellington.

  She tilted her head to the side. “No, it wasn’t that. More like no boy or man could hope to compete with the brothers for my affection. So very few even tried.”

  Ryan was the exception. She wondered if he understood that and glanced in his direction, catching his intent stare. He looked away as he picked at his food. A tiny frown shadowed his face.

  “I knew Justin.” Jamie’s revelation brought her attention fully back on him. “In fact I worked with him on several cases. The last time we consulted, he told me of his friend, a wonderful photographer. He was very proud of you.”

  “Thank you.” She missed Justin. Memories of him seemed easier to recapture than those of David. Tears stung her eyes.

  “I never understood what happened, why he disappeared.”

  “He was murdered.” The hard word stuck in her throat, stealing her appetite. “He’d gotten too close…” She looked at Ryan and stopped.

  “Too close to what?” he asked. “Do you remember?”

  She bit her lip to keep the tears at bay. “I don’t know.”

  “I’ve always
been interested by how the mind works.” Jamie again turned the conversation from an awkward moment with a change of topic. “Would you mind telling me more of your amnesia, what’s happened, what triggers the memories.”

  For twelve minutes they talked about the process of regaining her memory. All the while, awareness of Ryan, of his steady gaze watching her, stole a little of her breath.

  “Has there been anything you’ve known all along, that you haven’t had to remember?”

  “My camera. Holding it is like breathing for me.”

  “Did Ryan tell you I have a darkroom?” Jamie shifted the topic with masterful ease. “I keep it stocked, but seldom have time to put it to good use.”

  Details of her upcoming show bubbled to the foreground of her memory. They chatted on about her photography preferences.

  “I don’t normally photograph people.” She eased into the request she’d wanted to make since meeting Jamie. “But I’d love to shoot a portrait of you sometime.”

  “I’m flattered.” Jamie smiled at her. “Unless, of course, you think you’ll capture spirits floating around my head or some other such nonsense.”

  “Tropical plants were more what I had in mind.” She studied him for a moment. “Or, with your eye color, perhaps the ocean and sky.”

  “Actually, you’d be doing me a tremendous favor. I’m to be a guest lecturer at university for a term in the autumn and need a new photograph. I’ll give you whatever time you need and free rein in the darkroom.”

  “It’s a deal.” The new project would provide a welcome, if temporary, distraction. “Whenever you have time, let me know.”

  “Would tomorrow be acceptable? I’m not working on anything at the moment.”

  “Ryan hasn’t asked you to consult?”

  The men exchanged glances. Ryan shrugged.

  “I’ve offered my services.” Jamie said.

  “Has he accepted?”

  “‘He’ is in the room,” Ryan reminded her. Not that she could have forgotten. The soft touch of his lips still tingled on her cheek. Every time he moved, she was aware of him, aware of the strong attraction between them. She also was aware of the fact that he hadn’t said anything about his errand to Honolulu.

  “Have you accepted Jamie’s offer?” She turned to Ryan.

  “I believe in using every resource available.” Ryan stood and gathered their empty plates.

  “I see.”

  “No, I don’t think you do. I’ve been called back on assignment.” He carried the dishes to the kitchen.

  “Oh.” She’d known this would happen, sooner or later. Later would have been so much better. “So you’ll be leaving,” she said when he returned.

  He sighed. “No.”

  “Your assignment is in Hawaii?”

  Ryan kneeled on one knee beside her chair. “Did David ever tell you about his undercover assignments while he was on them?”

  She frowned. An inkling of where he was leading glimmered into existence. “Sometimes, when things were wrapping up or the case had gone cold.”

  “Then you understand that I can’t talk to you about an active case just now.” He took her hands in his and squeezed. “I’m sorry, baby. I wish it could be different. On the upside, I’ll be staying here for a good while longer.”

  “What happens to me in the meantime?”

  “You stay with me. I’m not abandoning you.” He raised her hands to his lips and brushed a kiss across her knuckles. “You don’t get rid of me that easy.”

  She relaxed with his reassurances. A little warning light blinked on in the back of her mind.

  Even if he was staying longer than he’d anticipated, he would be working. Their time together would be limited.

  And, when it was all over, he would still leave.

  Then she’d be alone, without anyone to lean on. She needed to prepare for that.

  Recovered memories of the Angelinis had provided her a certain amount of strength. Perhaps, if she could store away enough memories of her time with Ryan, she would be strong enough when he left.

  He stood and helped her to her feet. “Come on, sug— Alex. We’ve both got work to do tomorrow, we better head home.” He tucked her hand into the crook of his arm. Beneath her fingers, his muscles flexed with a subtle strength, rekindling the awareness that had been simmering since their almost-kiss on the patio.

  Home. She liked the sound of that. What would it be like to have a home with Ryan?

  The warning light grew brighter.

  Chapter Eleven

  Ryan rested his hand on AJ’s back as they strolled along the path to the cottage. The skin left naked by the low back of her dress felt satin cool to his touch. Her long braid brushed the back of his hand. He wanted to play with her hair, free it from the confining style, feel the silken strands sift through his fingers.

  He wanted to concentrate on all the sensations her proximity generated. Instead, an uneasy mix of feelings plagued him.

  On the surface was jealousy. Ryan acknowledged the emotion for what it was. Plain old green-eyed jealousy would have been bad enough. Worse, this was jealousy of two men who were, near as he could figure, both dead.

  From everything AJ had said, the relationship with the Angelini brothers had never been anything other than platonic. So there really was no competition, nothing for him to be jealous of.

  Nothing, except for the fact that AJ had relied on them. They had saved her from some hell she refused to tell him about.

  Ryan glanced at her. Moonlight edged her hair with a subtle glow, giving her the appearance of wearing a halo. The fanciful image forced a smile from him.

  Whatever she may have been involved in, it couldn’t be as bad as she believed. He’d glimpsed the real person, before memories had started returning, weighing her down with life’s guilt and disappointment. Whatever she’d done, it hadn’t been of her own free will.

  While it was true she shared a history with the Angelinis, he had her present. He hoped that would be enough. He could offer her sanctuary for now but he could never offer her a future. Not now, not here. Not in his line of work.

  That work brought in another factor of his discomfort. Layered with the jealousy was a certain distrust. The meeting at the Honolulu office had raised a lot of questions. David Angelini’s recent actions appeared highly suspect.

  By her close association, she fell under some of the same suspicions. Regardless of his personal feelings toward her, professionally, he had to follow where the evidence led.

  Being attracted to someone in collusion with a traitor didn’t sit well. He had no doubts that the woman he’d come to know understood the importance of loyalty and honor. What he didn’t know was where her loyalty lay.

  Maybe he just didn’t want to see what would be clear to anyone else.

  Maybe being half in love with her was blinding him.

  Half in love? That realization sent dread crashing through him. In Montana, he’d seen what being in love could do to an agent on assignment.

  There was no room in his life for that sort of emotion. Love meant caring for someone, belonging someplace, feeling connected.

  The way he felt with AJ.

  “You had more than one mother?”

  Her question caught him off guard. He would have welcomed the distraction from his thoughts if it had been any other topic.

  “No.” He brushed his hand down her back, caught and slipped off the ruffled elastic holding her braid together. “Only one mother.”

  “Who were Mama Ellie and Mama Dorothy-Ann?”

  Ryan considered not answering, but he owed AJ better than that. He owed her an understanding of why he could never be the man for her. “When I was young, my mother…became ill.” That was one way to put it. “She left me with an aunt of hers for a time.”

  “How old were you?”

  “Six.”

  “So young.” Her soft words were nearly lost on the breeze.

  He looked straight ahead, unwilling to s
ee the sympathy in her expression. If it hadn’t been for him, his mother probably would have coped with life just fine. The burden of a child, of him, had been too much.

  “How long was it before your mother came back?”

  “I stayed with the first aunt for a year. Then I moved on to the next relative’s. There always seemed to be some aunt or other who was willing to take me in for a time. When I hit eighteen, I entered the navy.”

  They walked in silence for a few steps, the soft sand giving beneath their feet, the waves whispering secrets against the shore. “The aunts were good women.”

  “They must have been, to help out a niece and raise her child.”

  Ryan shrugged. He brushed his hand across her back and a couple twists in her braid came undone. “I took to calling each one ‘Mama.’ It was simpler than ‘Great-Aunt whoever.’ Each one of those ladies taught me something important about life.”

  “So, all this time you’ve been referring to them. How many were there?”

  “Enough to provide a well-rounded education.” One lesson he’d learned from all of them was the nobility of doing the right thing. If they could see him now they’d be fixing to tan his hide.

  His intentions toward AJ were anything but platonic and not particularly noble. What he wanted with her was the impossible.

  He would be leaving when he completed his assignment. While he would come back whenever he had an opportunity, that wasn’t the kind of relationship AJ deserved.

  No. Not AJ. Alex.

  Another reminder that he seemed more focused on his own agenda. When the memories had begun to return, he’d never even thought of asking her name. That failure, as much as anything else, proved he was far from what she needed.

  Time for a change of subject, before she asked any more questions and he came face-to-face with more of his shortcomings.

  “While you’re working with Jamie tomorrow, I need to head to the Field Office for a while.” He ran his hand down her back and managed to undo a little more of the braid. “I can stop at Kimo’s lab to pick up the film.”