A Soldier's Gift

by Lynne St. James

  “I told him I’d go with him to help.” Oh yeah, her daughter had it bad for Mac. Why didn’t she see it before? Now this could be a big problem.

  “I think he can handle it himself, bug.” Dani flashed her an angry look. Shit, she’d forgotten no more ‘bug’, she was too old for that nickname now. Mouthing the word ‘sorry’, Beth shrugged. Someday she hoped her daughter would be sweet again. Maybe when she was thirty? The teen years hadn’t started yet and already she would get so ornery.

  “Okay, great. We’re going to take off. I’m going to just hang at the hospital with the kids today so you guys don’t have to drive me back and forth. But how about you come over to our house and Tag and I will barbeque tonight. All of you—you too Julie.”

  “Sounds awesome, we’ll bring the dessert. You should invite your sister and her guy too.”

  “My sister has a guy?” Tag’s mouth almost dropped to the tile floor, and Beth covered her mouth to hide her grin, which disappeared at the look of disappointment on her daughter’s face. There could be no putting it off. She’d need to talk to Dani today.

  “Yes she does. I thought you knew. Ooops,” Julie answered. That was Julie, Miss Social Butterfly and always trying to make everyone happy. Beth told her all the time she was cupid come to life. She’d never met another person so wrapped up in love and happily ever after and still single. It would be great if she and Tag worked out, but matchmaking was not Beth’s line of work and she knew better than to get involved. She already had more on her plate than she could handle.

  “Tag, c’mon, bro, I’m gonna be late.”

  “Yeah, yeah. I want to hear more about Anna’s boyfriend later.” Julie flushed a deep pink and Beth felt sorry for her, but at least the spotlight was off her for now.

  Mac practically dragged Tag out of the bookstore, yelling they’d see them later.

  “Dani, I put a few bottles of Yoo-hoo in the fridge if you want one.” Julie and Beth exchanged looks as her grumpy daughter went into the back room.

  “What’s up with her?”

  “I don’t know why I didn’t see it sooner, but I think she has a crush on Mac. Hell, why didn’t you see it, Ms. Cupid?” Julie looked genuinely surprised. Beth wondered if she’d missed it because she’d really fallen for Tag and her romance-radar was busted.

  “I don’t know. What are you going to do?”

  “Not sure. I guess it’s good we’ve kept it kind of quiet around her.”

  “What are you keeping quiet? Is something wrong with Mac? Is he going to die like Daddy?” Shit. So much for that. Turning around, she saw Dani standing behind her with a bottle of Yoo-hoo.

  Beth pulled her into her arms, as tears gathered in her eyes and rolled down Dani’s cheeks. “No. Not at all. Geesh, why would you think that?”

  “You’re keeping stuff from me again. You promised you wouldn’t when Daddy died, remember?”

  Beth got the sinking feeling in her stomach that can only be experienced when getting that accusing look and they’re right. She’d screwed up. “I’m sorry. You’re right. I was wrong.”

  “So what’s going on then?” Dani asked as she wiped the tears on the back of her arm and took a swing of the Yoo-hoo.

  “Umm. I didn’t want to upset you. I’m not sure how you’ll feel about this but Mac and I are dating.”

  “I know.”

  It was Beth’s turn to have her jaw drop. “You know? How?”

  “I’m not blind, Mom. Geesh. I saw Mac kiss you when you thought I was outside.”

  “But.” Beth stopped. This was unchartered waters. She didn’t have the first idea how to deal with it. She looked at Julie who hid her smile behind her coffee cup. Great, no help there. Thank God they’d never had sex when she was home. What a disaster that could have been.

  “So you’re okay with it?”

  “Yeah. Mac’s great.” Beth knew what she saw. She was finding it hard to believe Dani didn’t have a crush on Mac. So what was really going on here?

  “I thought you might have a bit of a crush on Mac.”

  “Eww, that’s disgusting. He’s old.” Did she really get it so wrong?

  “Okay. If you say so.”

  “Just don’t make him leave like you did with Daddy.” Now it all made sense. She’d wondered if Dani blamed her for Doug leaving and she had her answer. It explained a lot too, or maybe she was using it as an excuse to be bratty, or she was being a normal teenager. At least now Beth had a bit more insight into her daughter’s thinking.

  “I think I’ll go check the back. We got some books to put out.” Julie grabbed her mug and went into the backroom. Beth didn’t know whether to thank her or stop her. Sometimes Dani responded better with Julie, but if she’d been blaming Beth all these years for making Doug leave it was understandable.

  Stupid, stupid, stupid. Why didn’t she ever think about it? Probably because Doug was such a shit to Dani, spanking her, screaming, leaving her alone when he was supposed to watch her. Kids had such limited memories, did Dani remember how she’d been afraid to bring friends home because of how Doug might react? Or the one sleepover party she’d had when he got drunk and started screaming and throwing things in the middle of the night.

  Trying to smooth things over with the other mothers sucked, and Dani didn’t have another sleepover until Doug was gone for over a year. But of course in her teenage mind it was Beth’s fault. Motherhood should really come with a manual. Life would be so much easier. It was a mantra she’d said many times over the years but never as much as lately. The terrible twos were a walk in the park compared to hormones and puberty.

  Chapter Fifteen

  “Tell me what’s going on, Lieutenant,” Dr. Andrews insisted as he waited for Mac to answer. Mac wished he could see the doctor’s face clearly. His sight was better every day but still far from perfect. Would it ever clear up so he could see details? The thought passed through his mind at least ten times a day but he shoved it away. He should be happy his eyesight and the goddamned headaches were the only problem. At least until today.

  “I got up this morning and the pain was so bad I couldn’t see. I was dizzy and nauseated. The headaches have never gone away but they’ve never been like this. I thought I was going to pass out.”

  “Where does the pain start?” A wave of nausea washed over Mac as Dr. Andrews shined the flashlight in his eyes, looking for God knows what. Tears formed and he couldn’t keep his eyelids open.

  “Have they been this sensitive to light all along?”

  “No, not that I’ve noticed.”

  “Hmm.” Cool fingers examined the scar on the side of his head, the only remnant from having his head blown open by the roadside bomb. Unless you counted the migraines and the nightmares. He still woke up at least once a week in a cold sweat and heart racing after trying to save his unit. He was sure Tag heard his screams, but he never mentioned them, but then he never talked to Tag about his nightmares either. There’d been plenty of nights Tag’s screams woke Mac up. They were definitely a pair.

  Mac called the addition to his skull his Terminator plate, and he told Dani it gave him super powers, so she’d listen to him with the homeschooling. At twelve he figured she was only humoring him, but he’d pull out the excuse when she got too ornery.

  “Any other symptoms?”

  “No not really. The headaches have been manageable until today.”

  Dr. Andrews arched an eyebrow. Even though Mac couldn’t read his expression or his mind, it was clear he didn’t believe him. “Fine. I’m going to schedule a CT scan, and give Dr. Pinsky a call. I doubt you’re rejecting the corneas at this stage but she’d know better.”

  “I saw her last week and she said everything looked good.” Dr. Andrews nodded as he looked over Mac’s chart.

  “No other pain? Just the head and eyes?”

  “Yes. It’s enough.”

  “How is your vision doing?”

  “Still blurry but getting better. I really hoped it would be bette
r by now.”

  “It takes time. Dr. Pinsky told you it would be at least three months, right?”

  “Yeah, she did. But it’s almost that now.”

  “But you had both corneas replaced. I’m sure it has an effect on the healing process.”

  “Dr. Pinsky said the same thing.”

  “Do you have any idea how lucky you are? There were many men with your same type of head injury who have permanent brain damage or worse. I know it’s hard for you, but…” He left the rest unfinished and Mac was glad. He wasn’t unhappy and he knew how lucky he was. For more than his health. This clusterfuck introduced him to Beth and Dani and changed his life.”

  “I know. I’m sorry, I don’t mean to sound ungrateful. Just my usual impatience, I guess.”

  “Understandable. Okay, wait here let me see when we can get you in for the tests.”

  As the door closed behind Dr. Andrews, a sharp slice of pain cut through his skull. Crushing, burning, like someone put his head in a vise and tightened it until it shattered. Head between his knees and rocking, Mac tried not to toss his breakfast or pass out. He counted to ten, then twenty, it usually helped when he focused. They’d shown him the trick in PT, and it usually helped drive the pain away, but not this time. Sweat broke out on his forehead as the room spun even with his eyes closed. His last thought was of Beth as he slid out of the chair to lie unconscious on the floor.

  The three of them were unpacking boxes of books they’d ordered when Beth’s phone vibrated.

  “Hello?”

  “Beth? It’s Tag.” He sounded frazzled and out of breath.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “It’s Mac.” The buzzing in Beth’s ears increased to a roar. It started when she heard Tag’s voice and hearing Mac’s name sucked the breath out of her chest.

  “Tell me please.”

  “He passed out in the doc’s office. They’re bringing him into surgery now.”

  “What happened? Oh my God. Wait, I’m coming. Where are you?”

  “In the waiting room on the second floor.”

  “I’m coming.” Disconnecting before giving him a chance to answer. She turned to Dani and Julie. “I have to go.”

  They turned from stocking shelves to stare at her. Her voice sounded shaky even to her, and her hands were cold but she was sweating. She’d felt this way before, when she’d gotten the call about Doug and Dani. No way was she going to lose him. She couldn’t. God couldn’t be this cruel could he?

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Mac’s in surgery. I have to go and be there.”

  “You’re not going alone. We’re coming,” Julie said as she got off the stepstool she’d been on to stock books on the top shelf. Dani ran to Beth and wrapped her in her thin, scarred arms. It was one of the few spontaneous acts of love since the accident. Beth blinked to hold back the tears triggered by the feel of her daughter’s arms around her. She needed to hold it together for Dani. Maybe it wasn’t serious. Please God don’t take him from us, she prayed as her daughter’s warmth took the edge of her chill.

  “Yeah, Mom, we’re coming.”

  The little voice in her head was happy, she shouldn’t be driving like this, but was it the best place for Dani? She wasn’t that long out of the hospital herself.

  “Okay, but we need to go now.” They locked up the store, put up the closed sign, and headed to the military hospital. Trying hard to think positive for Mac and Dani’s sake wasn’t easy. Every time she caught a glimpse of her daughter’s pale face, her eyes filled with tears, her heart broke a little more.

  What happened with Mac? He seemed fine earlier when she’d dropped Dani off this morning. Tag needed to tell her what was going on.

  Julie got them to the hospital in record time and after checking to make sure he was still in surgery, they went up to the second floor waiting area. Tag was sitting in one of the chairs staring off into space and didn’t even see or hear them come in. Considering he was as jumpy as Mac, it surprised her. He should have been aware they were walking down the hall before they’d gotten anywhere near him.

  “Tag? Tag…”

  Julie knelt down in front of him and got his attention. “Hey. We’re here.”

  Tag look confused at first, then shook his head and stood with the help of his cane. “I didn’t realize you were all coming.”

  “I didn’t know we were either, but it worked out that way.”

  He nodded and dropped into his chair. “He’s still in surgery. Dr. Andrews said it might take a while.”

  “What happened? Do you know?”

  “Kind of. He was in with the doc and he must have gotten another bad headache like he did this morning and he passed out on the floor.”

  “Like this morning? He didn’t tell me anything was wrong.”

  “He didn’t want to worry you. He figured it was nothing but I convinced him to call the doc. Thank God he listened.”

  Beth dropped into the chair next to Tag and shook her head in disbelief. Why wouldn’t he tell her? “What kind of surgery are they doing?”

  Tag and Julie exchanged glances and she sat on his other side, while Dani sat next to Beth. There were others in the waiting room too, everyone had the same shell-shocked look on their faces and were either pacing, crying or wringing their hands. Beth didn’t want to look or feel that way, she would be positive. He’d be fine. He had to be, she hadn’t told him she was in love with him yet.

  “When Dr. Andrews found him unconscious they did a CT scan and found a small piece of shrapnel still in his brain. He thinks it’s what’s been causing Mac’s headaches. The brain is swelling around it, so they have to go in and get it out.” It sounded too simple, but then it was brain surgery. How much had he been holding back from her? Was it because he wanted to go back on active duty or he didn’t want to worry her? Or maybe both? Taking a deep breath, she let it out slowly, trying to calm her shaking body.

  “Why do I feel like you’re not telling me everything?”

  Tag looked at her then at Dani and shrugged. He was holding back to keep it from Dani. It had to be bad then.

  “Hey, how about some coffee since we’re gonna be here for a while?” Julie stood and smiled. She was the best friend ever and Beth thanked God once again for bringing her into her life. “Dani, why don’t you come and pick out what you want and you can help me carry the coffees.”

  “Okay.” Surprised she hadn’t resisted Julie, she was thankful she didn’t object. Maybe Dani was growing up, this summer she’d seen small changes, probably triggered by the accident and loss of her father. She realized a lot more than she used to, and Beth was going to have to work hard to give her back the childhood she’d lost.

  As soon as they were out of earshot, Tag explained. “The doctor wasn’t sure how much damage the shrapnel had done, and was most likely the reason for the headaches and not the overall injury like he’d originally thought. He was going to remove the metal plate and go in through the opening. They had to be careful they didn’t damage any of Mac’s brain as they located and removed the little metal pieces.

  “I’m not gonna lie, Beth. He didn’t look real confident about Mac’s chances. He may not come out of the surgery or wake up afterwards. You need to be prepared for that.”

  “How can I prepare for that?” Beth grabbed the arm of the chair to steady herself as a wave of nausea hit her hard. Mac, dammit, you can’t die. You need to fight. Dani and I need you. Tag put his hand on her arm to steady her.

  “Fuck. I don’t know. He scared the shit out of me this morning when he almost passed out. It wasn’t long before you dropped off Dani. He refused to call the doc. I had to call and I made him go. Thank God too. I don’t know what would have happened if we were at home and this happened.”

  Beth nodded and took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. This has to be worse for you.”

  “I wouldn’t say worse, but he’s been through enough.” She agreed, hell Tag had more than his fair share too. Mac told her
Tag had been getting more and more belligerent since he left the hospital. He was pretty sure Tag suffered with PTSD, he’d even told Beth they all suffered from it to a certain extent, including Dani after all she’d been through. Tag was so frustrated with these limitations, learning how to navigate life with the prosthetics, and the pushing by his family to go to work at the realty office kept making him angry. .

  There were several trips back and forth to the cafeteria for coffee while they waited for Dr. Andrews to come out and give them an update. The empty cups were stacking up between Beth and Tag. Is it possible to OD on coffee? She didn’t say it out loud but decided she’d had enough. At this rate she wouldn’t sleep for a week.

  When Dr. Andrews finally did appear in the waiting room Beth didn’t know what to think. He looked exhausted. The surgery had lasted six hours and it had obviously been difficult from the look of the doctor. When he saw Beth he looked a little surprised but didn’t say anything, just headed for Tag and Anna who had shown up at some point while they’d been waiting for news.

  “He made it through the surgery. Now we just have to wait.”

  “What do you think though? You must have some idea,” Beth asked when he finished. He probably wondered what she was doing there but too bad.

  “I really can’t discuss it with anyone who is not on his HIPPA list. I’m sorry.” About to blow a gasket, Tag put his hand on her arm. Beth backed down and walked over to sit with Dani and Julie, hoping Tag would ask everything they needed to know.

  On his way out of room, Dr. Andrews stopped by Beth. “I’m sorry, but the laws are strict. I wouldn’t have been able to discuss it with Tag if he wasn’t in the file already.”

  Beth nodded, she understood, but it didn’t mean she was happy about it. Tag and Anna looked grim and her stomach churned from a combination of too much coffee and worrying about Mac.

  “What else did he say?”

  “They actually missed a few small pieces of shrapnel and it was causing his problems, and there was quite a bit of swelling in his brain. He thinks they got it all this time so it’s just a matter of letting the swelling go down and hoping for the best.”