Forever Seventeen

by Lizzie Bowen

CHAPTER EIGHT: Screaming into an empty world

  It was the last week of rehearsals. That meant the tour started in two days. I was super stoked! Throughout the rehearsals, I continued to go out to eat with the boys every day and get to know them better. It was the next to the last rehearsal today and I knew I had to be super focused. No distractions, no joking around, and no kidding. I rode to the grocery store to pick up some last minute snacks for the boys. They swore on their life that it helped them. I threw the snacks in my cart and hurried to the check-out line. As I waited in line, something caught my eye. I nearly had a heart attack when I got a closer look. It was a picture of Hunter and I on the cover of a magazine. I gasped. My eyes nearly popped out of my head.

  HUNTER'S NEW FIERY ROMANCE. Was printed in big letter beside the picture. My jaw dropped halfway to the floor. I ripped the magazine off the rack and flipped to the proper page.

  All4U's Hunter Thompson was seen with new guitar member Sam Baker on numerous occasions. Sources say the couple had a good time laughing and smiling during their lunch date. They couldn't seem to take their eyes off each other. But is this just another summer fling for Mr. Thompson? Hunter has been seen with several girls the past few months and can't seem to keep one.

  “He's just young and wants to have fun. He's quite the party boy.” A source says. “He's too busy for a girlfriend anyway and any girl that thinks they can change that is delirious.” Another source close to the boys says.

  I flipped to the next page. The title was “The many ladies of Hunter Thompson.” Pictures of girls hugging, kissing, and holding hands with him filled the pages. There were even some of him dancing and drinking. Every girl seemed to be all over him as well and it made me cringe. I prayed I was never like that, clinging onto to someone for dear life as if they were the last thing you had. If anyone had the right to do that, it would be me since I didn't have much and I did try to cling to what I had. But I would never be like that. I would never be one of them. I shamed myself to ever wanting to be one and I shamed myself for thinking I was special.

  I shoved the magazine angrily back into the wrack and threw my stuff down on the conveyer belt. I stalked out of the grocery store and heaved the snacks angrily into my backseat. I floored it out of the parking lot. Thoughts raced throughout my mind at a million miles a second. I was such an idiot. I was pretty much the only girl around and that's why he had taken an interest to me. Because he was bored and he constantly had to have a woman falling at his feet. Well, this woman wasn't going to fall at his feet. This wasn't about him anyway it was about the music. Some irrelevant boy wasn't going to get in the way of that. I questioned myself a little though. Why did I allow myself to feel special? What would someone like him want with someone like me? To be honest, I wouldn't want me either. If everyone and I do mean everyone hated me why would a guy with billions of girls chasing after him would give me the time of day? I was stupid. And blind. And I would never be worth him anyway. The girls I saw on those pages were supermodels, singers, actresses, and Hollywood heartthrobs... not some seriously messed up girl from a small town with more issues than she can count.

  I walked into the arena and threw their snacks down on a chair.

  “Sam!” Hunter cried and ran to greet me. He wrapped him arms around me in a warm hug. I stiffened tightly at him embrace keeping my arms glued firmly to my side. He let go after a few seconds of no response. He looked into my face, studying me for any sign of what he might of done.

  “Are you-” He started.

  “I'm fine.” I said a bit coldly.

  “Have I done something?” He questioned, raising an eye. I shook my head stubbornly.

  “OKAY, GUYS HUDDLE UP!” Connie yelled.

  “We'll talk later.” He said.

  “Oh, no we won't!” I protested under my breathe.

  “Okay, lads this is the last rehearsal. You know what that means right? We've got to kill it. I mean, kill it. This is for the fans, your fans. This is your moment to shine, don't let us down. Ready? All4U on three...” Connie said. We all put our hands in the middle. Hunter’s was covering mine. I quickly moved my hand to the bottom. His followed mine. I shot him an annoyed look.

  “One, two, three... ALLFORU!” We all cried. I jogged over to my place at the side of the stage and grabbed my guitar. I could feel Hunter's eyes boring into me. I kept my eyes glued on my guitar, strumming it lightly. I looked up and met his gaze for one moment before looking back down quickly. I was almost tempted to hold his longing gaze for a few more moments though. His blue-green orbs were piercing like daggers in the middle of his face and when you looked in them you almost had no choice but to be captivated.

  The song began and I strummed my first few chords. The boys sounded so good. They're voices blended together perfectly erupting a sweet melody into my ears. I smiled at the sound. Their harmony was perfect. By far the best I'd ever heard. I could understand why they had captured the heart of practically every teenage girl in the world. They deserved it and I was proud to be a part of this no matter what happened. These boys were amazing.

  I was so caught up in their angelic voices that I almost missed my big finishing note. I let the note hold out in it's eerie wailing tone for a while then abruptly cut it off. I was getting good at this.

  “Lunch break?” Hunter asked, once the song ended. All the boys grinned at Connie. Connie rolled her eyes. He looked up at her like a small child timidly telling Santa what he wanted for Christmas. She smiled and shook her head. He was just too cute for her to say no to.

  “Fine, lunch break.” She said with a sigh. The boys all cheered and scattered into different directions. I started quickly toward the door. I wanted to eat alone today. I wasn't in the mood for company at all. I felt a tap on my shoulder. I gritted my teeth and turned around slowly. It was Hunter.

  “Yes?” I said, trying to remain calm. I was about to blow. I could feel the anger seething inside of me. He needed to leave me alone. I was in no mood to be hurt any further than the damage that had already been done.

  “Would you like to grab a bite to eat?” He asked.

  “Not today. I'm busy.” I said, trying to get past him.

  “Are you okay?” He asked, stepping in my path.

  “Yes. I'm fine.” I said, pushing past.

  “Are you mad at me?” He questioned, running to catch up with me.

  “No.” I said through clenched teeth.

  “Then why are you-” He started.

  “I WANT TO BE ALONE!” I screamed. He stopped walking abruptly.

  “Oh, I-I'm sorry.” He said, the life draining from his face. I walked briskly to my car, slammed the door, and sped off. I didn't have time for this... any of this. This is not what I signed up for. I signed up to be a musician not an actor in a soap opera. He was a little fake. Fakes don't make it anywhere, only the originals are what's worth keeping. Originals can't be replaced and I was original.

  When I came back from lunch, Hunter avoided eye contact with me at all times. I knew that I had probably really hurt his feelings and I even considered apologizing. I knew I wouldn't be able to do that though. I was still angry and there was no point in apologizing when I was still holding a grudge. Not to mention, I didn't feel I was the one at fault in this situation at all. I was horrible at apologizing anyway. It wasn't my thing and if I could avoid it all costs I did.

  But there was no time to think of such silly things. Our first concert was in two days and we started traveling tomorrow. I had never been away from home before. Not even really for a sleepover or slumber party because I didn't get invited to many of those to be honest. I was really excited, but I was dreading saying good-bye to my mom. I felt like we were just starting to get along. But I guess I'd just have to enjoy the little bit of time that I had left with her. Everyone said bye to each other after rehearsal then we went our separate ways for the night. Hunter still continued
to avoid contact of any sort with me and I sure wasn't in any way attempting to reach out to him either. I wasn't the pursuing type.

  When I got home, Mom was at the door with a stern expression written on her face. She was holding the magazine cover that had Hunter and I together at the cafe plastered on the front. There were “exclusive” pictures of him helping me out of the car and pulling my chair out for me. I wondered what kind of creepy person got those pictures. It scared me a little that I was being so closely observed.

  “What...is this?” Mom asked slowly.

  “I don't want to talk about it.” I said, starting up the stairs.

  “Well, I do, young lady!” She said, her voice rising a bit.

  “It's not important.” I said, becoming less patient by the second.

  “Is this something going on between the two of you?” She interrogated.

  “No, there isn't.” I said, biting my tongue to keep from screaming at her.

  “This magazine says otherwise.” She said waving it in my face.

  “Well, that's a lie!” I screamed, slapping the magazine away.

  “DO NOT RAISE YOUR VOICE AT ME!” Mom screamed back.

  “YOU NEVER TRUST ME!” I cried.

  “MAYBE IF YOU WERE BETTER BEHAVED IT WOULD BE EASIER TO TRUST YOU!” She shrieked. She looked like she regretted it when she said it.

  “I hate you. I'll hate you forever. I may be your daughter, but I will never be your friend. You can't understand me and you're the one person who's actually supposed to. I'll hate you forever for that.” I said. I stormed up the stairs. All I needed was a friend. One friend. My own mother couldn't give me that. Did anybody hear me? Or was I just a broken girl screaming into an empty world.