“I want to say that I am not going to tell him, but I know that isn’t the right thing to do. I will try my best to explain it to him, but I need this. I feel like it is one step closer to me standing on my own two feet.”
Brielle searches my face for a few minutes. “He was pretty upset when he left, not at you, not at anyone really, just upset that things are out of his control. Don’t feel guilty; I just wanted you to know, so you can decide how you want to handle it. I have to stay out of the back and forth with you two. I hope you understand.”
“Thank you, and I am sorry if I am disappointing you, or anyone.” I let everyone around me down. Nothing is ever good enough.
“Stop that. I didn’t say that, and I certainly don’t think it. You two have so much to figure out separately, but also together. I just don’t know what to tell either of you, anymore.” When will they get tired of coddling me and holding my hand over the simplest of tasks?
“Can we talk about the job after I get settled at the farmhouse?” I know I may be rushing things, but I can’t help but think I am going to do something that will make them want me to leave, and I need to be prepared. I can’t be dependent on them for everything.
“After you talk to Dustin, move your things, and after we eat, we will all sit down. Like I said earlier, this is a family business and I can’t make that decision on my own.” I know she is lying; she is one to do what she wants, but maybe she is unsure if she should take a chance on me and wants the others’ opinions. Well, I plan to plead my case and make it very convincing.
“Okay, I will find Dustin now and talk to him. Thank you, again. I seem to say that a lot to you guys.” I shake my head in shame.
She grabs my chin softly, and at first I flinch, but she holds my eyes and tells me silently that she would never hurt me. I know this, but the natural reaction is for me to defend myself. She must see me relax as I realize she isn’t touching me with malice. “Quit thanking us, we are your family now.” She is firm in her statement, and all I can do is latch on to that hope and ride the wave. I know one day all this will go away, and I will have only myself to blame.
I take my new phone out and text Dustin asking him to meet me out by the pool. Learning how to use the phone and the difference between texting and calling was a chore in itself. I could get around a computer easily, all my schooling had been done that way; but a phone was a foreign concept. There was never a need for one since I wasn’t allowed out of the house. I have had a few moments of wanting to just throw the phone when I was frustrated, but then Colby would practically beg me to not take up that habit, and his face was so sincere, I quickly forgot about throwing my phone because I didn’t want to make him upset with me.
I have actually become quite comfortable with Colby, Tyler, and Mitch. I haven’t had much interaction with Max. He is always with Cambree, and I see her studying me more, like she is waiting for me to go off the deep end or do something to harm Dustin. She is nice enough, but there is this imaginary line she has drawn, and she won’t cross it. I respect her decision. I know if I were in this family I wouldn’t want someone like me to breach it. Before my mind can go down that path, I hear Dustin approaching.
He looks a little worried about what version of me he is going to get. I try and put him at ease with a smile, but the smile he returns doesn’t seem as genuine. I can’t blame him; it has to be mentally draining doing this dance with me. That’s what frustrates me the most, I know what I am doing, but don’t seem to have any control over it. Damn, that control thing.
“Sorry about snapping at you earlier. I seem to always be apologizing to someone lately,” I tell him honestly.
“Don’t worry about it. I guess I need to learn to read you better, or just let you tell me what you need. I just want to be here for you, Teryn. All I want is for you to be safe and happy.” God, he is so gentle with me. Why can’t he yell at me, tell me to quit being such a screw-up? It would make this whole situation easier if I didn’t constantly feel like the bad person.
“I talked to Brielle for a little while. I feel stupid about the things that bother me, and I don’t want any of you to think I am being ungrateful because I know how lucky I am that your family took me in.” I am rushing because I don’t want him to jump in and be nice again. “She offered to let me move into the farmhouse; it is much quieter, and I won’t have to worry about flipping out in front of the kids. Noise and mess seem to be my triggers right now, and I can’t expect the kids not to live their normal lives and I don’t want Addison and Brielle worried I will scream or lose it in front of them.” I am trying to gauge his reaction. He isn’t saying a word but working something over in his mind.
“That sounds good. You can take any of the girl’s rooms, and I can just move back into my old room. I don’t know why I didn’t think of that before,” he replies, like that is the best solution in the world.
“Hold on, Dustin. You moved out of that house for a reason. You told me it was too hard to be there without your grandparents. You just stay at Tyler and Addison’s, and I will be fine. I think it will be good for you, that way you can do your thing without worrying about what I am doing, or what you think I need.”
“Teryn, it will be fine. Cambree stayed there, and I think I have a better grasp on it. I don’t want to do my own thing, your needs and well-being are always front and center in my mind, why don’t you get that?”
“I don’t want that pressure. Every time you say that, I am afraid of letting you down. I don’t want to hurt you, but you have to let me do some things on my own. You have to back off.” I did not mean to be that harsh, but I can tell that once again I have hurt him.
“What about your nightmares? You may need me.” Damn it, why is he still thinking about my well-being? I am so overwhelmed and frustrated at the same time. It doesn’t make sense to me, and I want to take the easy way out. I want to step into his embrace and let him handle everything for me. I know deep down I would resent him for it, though, and hate myself even more.
“I am dealing with my nightmares as they come. Hopefully with less triggers, they will become less frequent. Dustin, I need to take this step. It isn’t on my own, but it is the closest I have been. Don’t you think I want to turn to you every time something spooks me or makes me upset? You are my safe haven, and I have to break that.” Yet again, he looks like I have just kicked his puppy. I don’t know if I will ever get this communication stuff right, and that frustrates me more, and I can feel myself getting worked up.
“Then let me be your shelter, Teryn. That is all I want,” he pleads.
“I can’t, Dustin. I need this, and I wish you understood that. I feel like we push and pull each other, and one day we are going to snap, and that scares me. It really terrifies me, because without you to turn to when I truly need you, I don’t know what will happen to me.” I try to be as honest as I can, but I confuse myself.
“If this is what you need, then I will try to understand it. Can we do something once a week, just you and I? Since we aren’t sleeping under the same roof, I don’t want to lose any time with you.” He looks nervous, which is funny because he exudes confidence at any other juncture in life.
“I would like that. Kind of like dating.” Oh gosh, that slipped out, and I don’t want him to think I want that . . . even if I do. I think I do, but I don’t know anything about dating, only what I have read and heard through music.
His first genuine smile stretches across his beautiful face, and my heart skips a beat. “Exactly like dating. I just didn’t want to freak you out.” He is staring in my eyes, silently begging me to be okay with this step.
I walk up to him and put my arms around his waist and rest my head on his chest. This is the only answer I can give him right now, and silently we agree one day at a time. Baby steps are the only way we can get through this new territory.
I pull back and gain distance quickly. As much as I enjoy his touch, it still terrifies me. “One more thing. I want a job.” I se
e his scowl forming. “Hey, it won’t be a big thing, I have no skills, and I would rather get experience where I am comfortable. Brielle is bringing it up to you all tonight, and I would appreciate your support.” He just nods at me, and I realize at that moment that I am so damn lucky he found me that day. I have always known he was my knight in shining armor, minus the horse, but I am truly grateful it was Dustin Parker that walked into my life and saved me. Now, I need to save him from me, while still saving myself from me.
Moving went fairly easy. I only have clothes and make-up. The guys did all the work, and then we all met in the living room while Brielle explained what I wanted to do.
“I don’t think it should be at the bar,” Addison says. “Sorry, Teryn, but things can get crazy, and I want you safe. You have to learn to handle some idiots up there, and I don’t think that is the best place for you.” Everyone seems to agree.
“She could answer phones or handle scheduling at the gym,” Cambree chimes in. She looks genuinely happy that I could help out. Before I can get excited, Brielle shoots it down.
“Too loud. Teryn the music and yelling up there will be too much for you. Plus, a lot of men come in for the boxing area, and I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.” They must think I am more trouble than I am worth. I can’t do the simplest tasks.
Max speaks up, “What about the bakery and restaurant? Kayleigh could supervise her, and it is relatively quiet there.” Cambree beams at him.
“I would like that. I can actually bake really well,” I tell them.
Everyone grins, and the answer is right in front of us. They promise to work things out, and we decide I should start next week. I had to argue with the whole bunch of them about pay. I took half of what they offered and told them to put the other half back into what I owed them for all they have done. Finally, I won an argument. Or so I thought until Mitch started laughing at my over excited face.
“Teryn, girl, you didn’t win, Brielle just doesn’t argue back because she will do what she wants, anyways. So will Addy and Cambree. Welcome to our world.” I am an utter failure. I can’t even pay them back.
“Fine, but from now on, I pay for my own counseling and gas to and from. Plus, I will pay rent.” When everyone was doubled over laughing at me, I realized I lost yet another argument. I can’t be that upset, because essentially I am living on my own and have my very first job. I think I can see a light at the end of the tunnel. I just hope I can hold up my end of the bargain.
Chapter 6
Dustin
The wedding is approaching quickly, and Teryn is doing great at the bakery. The rest of my family is wrapped up in their own families and jobs, so that leaves me with a lot of down time and figuring out what I want to do. Yes, I get money from each of the businesses, and I want to build on my land, but I want to do that with the woman who is going to share it with me. I am hoping that is Teryn, but things don’t look too promising. While she is getting stronger and more distant, I seem to be getting weaker and clingier. Our “date nights” aren’t going as well as I expected; she lets me hold her hand occasionally, and I even managed to kiss her, albeit briefly. It was soul altering. I have never felt a kiss all the way to my toes like I did with her. I know she felt it too, it was almost as if there were sparks coming off of us, and the heat in her eyes told me she wanted more, but ever since then she has pulled further away from me. I tried apologizing, and she swears that isn’t an issue, but she is always busy and has missed the last two date nights. I don’t care if I never touch her again. I just want to be around her. That isn’t true, I would give my left nut to touch her again, but her comfort and company are more important than my needs and satisfaction.
I hate coming home to Tyler and Addison’s house every night. I am eighteen years old and need to figure out where my life is going. Brielle and Cambree have both asked me if I thought about getting back to soccer, maybe pursuing it at the college level. Even though I was forced to give up that dream, I miss it every day. On the field I can leave all my worries behind and just play. The best schools for soccer are mostly on the West Coast, and the University of Tennessee doesn’t even have a men’s soccer team. I have other options besides the West Coast, but none of them are home. Two years ago it wasn’t an issue if I stayed home, my eye was on Stanford or Notre Dame for college, and then my dream was taken away. Now it is an option again, and it doesn’t mean the same thing. I would have to leave my family again, leave Teryn, and those choices aren’t an option for me.
I hop out of my car, my beautiful Chevrolet Camaro, midnight black, almost the color of Teryn’s hair, and make my way in to the bakery to see her. The sight in front of me stops me dead in my tracks. She has flour in her hair and smudged on her cheek, and it isn’t freaking her out. I don’t even know if she realizes it because she is so in her element. I clear my throat so I don’t startle her and am rewarded with her head-turning smile before she realizes she has let her guard down. I immediately see her features shut down and the wall go up. Damn it. I wish I knew what was causing it, but I am afraid if I ask her I will be accused of “crowding her” or “trying to fix her,” so I am letting it play out.
“Whatcha’ making?” I am curious as to what has her attention.
“You wouldn’t believe it. Your sister asked me to make her wedding cake. Can you believe she trusts me that much? This is huge for me.” And with her rambling she has let her guard down, and her happiness shines through. I can’t waste this opportunity.
I step towards her and grab her by the waist, gently, and pull her slowly towards me. I see the heat flare in her eyes. I bend down and barely brush my lips on her cheek, and I hear her sharp intake of breath.
“I can believe she asked you, there is no other choice, beautiful.” I tell her honestly. The glow in her cheeks and smile on her face tell me I made the right choice to tell her the truth. “What kind is it?” Not that I really care, but if it will get her out of her shell, I will endure wedding cake talk all damn day. She is rambling on, and I don’t hear what she says, I said I would endure it, not listen to it. I smile and nod at the right times, and she isn’t any wiser.
Once she finishes and actually takes a breath, I start laughing. Her eyes narrow at me. She always feels like she is the joke when people laugh. “What?” she demands.
“You are covered in flour, and I like the look. Not so put together.”
She looks down at herself, and then at me, and starts laughing. “You have it all over you now, and to tell you the truth I didn’t even notice. That is a good thing.” When she giggles, my heart stops for a second. I have never heard that sound from her. I have heard her laugh, seen her cry, but I have never heard the light-hearted giggle that she just did. It makes me want to bottle it and listen to it whenever I want.
She pulls back and doesn’t break eye contact and never loses her smile. I slowly move towards her, and she doesn’t back away. Before I reach her lips The Fray’s ‘Never Say Never’ starts playing through the sound system, and I think I must have some pretty kickass guardian angels orchestrating this moment. Our kiss starts softly, just a brushing of my lips on hers, but when she sticks out her tongue to lick her lips, I can’t help myself. I suck her tongue in my mouth and gently bite her bottom lip, and when she gasps in surprise I take full advantage and seek entry with my tongue in her mouth. She takes a little while to catch on, but once she does, I am not prepared. She kisses me back with a tenacity I wasn’t expecting. She is dueling with my tongue in her mouth, and when she lets out a breathy moan, I have to end this kiss.
I pull back and place a gentle last kiss on her lips and then pull her into my chest. She remains relaxed, and I am counting my lucky stars. “You okay, beautiful?”
She pulls her head back, and I see the turmoil in her eyes, but she says, “Wow.”
I just chuckle at her and say, “Yeah, ‘wow’ about explains it.” After what seems like hours, but I know it is only moments, she pulls away from me and I see the wall being
constructed in front of me.
“Did you need something, Dustin, or were you coming by to say hello?” She is back to formal Teryn.
“I was coming by to ask you to be my date to Cambree and Max’s wedding,” I tell her. I know by her mouth forming an “O” that I have shocked her.
“Aren’t you busy as part of the wedding party? You don’t need to worry about me,” she tells me once she regains her composure.
“Actually, I am only walking her down the aisle, but other than that, I am all yours.”
“What? That doesn’t seem right. Your whole family is in it, and I know how close you are.”
Time to tell her the truth. “We all decided it would be better for me to sit this one out, that way you aren’t alone or uncomfortable.” Clearly that was the wrong thing to say as the counter was cleared with one swipe of her arm. She is clearly upset, and it is a huge turn on to see her fired up, not perfectly poised as she always is. I reach down to adjust my cock and pray she doesn’t notice what she is doing to me.
She must not have because she begins ranting at me, “That is the most ridiculous choice you have made. This is your sister’s wedding. You and Cambree are more like twins, and you aren’t going to be a part of it so you can babysit the poor, pitiful girl who may go off the deep end? Just fucking great, Dustin. Make me more of a freak show.” Wow, I have not heard her drop the f-bomb, and she is clearly pissed off.
“I know how close we are, Teryn. It actually worked out better for Max and Cambree, this way Mitch is involved. We aren’t babying you; it isn’t always about you. Maybe I was being selfish by wanting to spend time with you. I want this, and for once I wish you would understand it isn’t out of pity or remorse, but just out of hope and devotion. I want to be with you, not because I have to, but because I want to. Can you say the same thing? When you get that, let me know.” I turn and stomp out of the kitchen before I do or say something I regret. I don’t know who is more frustrating; Teryn and her pre-conceived negative thoughts, or my sisters and their attitudes. Is it too much to ask for normal? And, no that shit is not overrated when you live a day in my life.
Parker Sibling Series Box Set Page 55
