To Be a Man

by Anne Schraff

  “Oh Trevor, Mr. Collier was young and good looking, and I really had a crush on him,” Vanessa admitted. “All the girls liked him. I was like fourteen or something. I flirted with everybody when I was fourteen, going on fifteen. My parents, you know, tried to get me in line, but I was such a little rebel. I thought I was in love with Mr. Collier. I even had a fantasy of him and me running away together. And every time he smiled in class, I thought he was smiling at me. I just dreamed of him and kept his picture by my bed. Then one day he asked me to stay after class. I was so excited. I thought he was going to tell me that he cared about me too in a special way.”

  “So what happened?” Trevor asked.

  “Mr. Collier changed,” she answered. “That nice, smiling, handsome teacher who I loved turned into an angry monster. He told me I was evil and wicked. He said I made him sick to his stomach. He told me I disgusted him. He said if I don’t change my ways I’ll have a miserable life, and I’ll deserve it. He said I’d end up in juvenile hall with other bad girls if I didn’t stop flirting with men like him who were older and married. I didn’t even know he was married. Oh Trevor, I burst into tears. I was hysterical. He didn’t care. He said I should wipe my face and get out of his sight, and if I ever act like that again he’ll have me thrown out of class. I never was treated so awful in all my life. I was so crushed. Then I was angry. He said such terrible things to me, and I had almost loved him!”

  Vanessa looked down at the sand for a few seconds, then she continued. “I went to see Mr. Hawthorne, the vice principal. I was wild with rage. I told him a lot of lies. I told him Mr. Collier was trying to make dates with me, and he was harassing me. Mr. Hawthorne really freaked. I don’t know if he believed me or not, but I guess he just thought it’d be safer if he didn’t keep Mr. Collier at Tubman. So Mr. Collier wasn’t, you know, asked back.”

  “Uh, did you ever tell Mr. Hawthorne that you’d lied about Mr. Collier, Vanessa?” Trevor asked.

  “No,” Vanessa confessed. “I thought I’d get in terrible trouble. I thought there was some law I’d broken, that telling those lies would get me sent to juvie or something. But later on I heard his old school hired him back, so that made me feel better. I mean, I didn’t ruin his whole life.” Vanessa reached out and put her hand over Trevor’s.

  “I know it was a terrible thing I did, and I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t want to see me anymore, Trevor,” she told him.

  “No, no,” Trevor protested. “It took a lot of courage for you to tell me the truth like you just did. You could’ve lied, and I would have believed you. A lot of kids would have just covered it up with more lies. I really respect you, Vanessa, that you owned up to what you did. You were just fourteen, and that’s a stupid age. I was about that age when I did something stupid, you know. My ma almost killed me. But that one stupid thing I did wasn’t me. And what you did wasn’t you. Anyway, we’re older now, and we got more sense, right?” Trevor leaned over and kissed Vanessa on the cheek.

  “Oh Trevor,” Vanessa said, “you’re amazing. I never knew there were boys out there as cute as you and as understanding.”

  “Well,” Trevor responded, taking Vanessa’s hand and pulling her to her feet, “I guess it’s time we head back. I’ll drop you off at your apartment.”

  “I’m so glad we had this talk, Trevor,” Vanessa said as they went up the steep path to the street and got back in the car. “Thanks for bringing it up and just getting it in the open. Otherwise you’d be thinking about it and wondering. I want you to trust me. I want us to be honest with each other.”

  “Yeah,” Trevor agreed and started driving.

  They drove in silence for a minute or so. Then Vanessa spoke.

  “Tomorrow, when Sami’s mom and yours come to the Ice House, I’ll try really hard to make your mom like me,” Vanessa promised. “I don’t remember a lot of the kids at Tubman, but I do remember Sami. We weren’t friends or anything, but she had this pretty face. She was always surrounded by other kids. I envied how popular she was. She was always helping somebody out too. Whatever charity drive was going on to collect money or food or something, she’d be the chairman. And when someone was in trouble, they’d end up crying on her shoulder. That’s how she was when she was a freshman.”

  “She’s still that way,” Trevor said.

  “That’s nice,” Vanessa remarked. She kissed Trevor when they got to her apartment, and she jumped out of the car. All the way up the walk she waved to him. Trevor started the engine then and drove for home. He needed to get Tommy’s Cavalier home safely and on time. It wasn’t eight-thirty yet.

  Ma wasn’t home when Trevor walked in, and Tommy was working on his laptop. “Well, did you ask the babe about the Collier deal?” Tommy asked. “Wait, don’t tell me. She said Collier was a snake in the grass, and he really came on to her. She did the right thing getting him fired. She was just a poor little freshman, and he kept jumping out of the eucalyptus trees to grab a piece of her. Is that about it?”

  Trevor looked hard at his brother. “Yeah, I asked her, and she told me the truth. It was a hard thing for her to talk about, but she told me everything. She flirted with Collier and when he called her on it, she got even by ratting him out to Mr. Hawthorne with lies. She admitted she did a bad thing and she’s sorry. She came clean, Tommy. But she was only fourteen when it happened, and kids do stupid things when they’re fourteen.”

  Tommy took a long, deep breath. “Well, okay, I give her credit for leveling with you. I didn’t think she had that much good in her, but I guess I was wrong.”

  Trevor put the car keys down on the table. “We had a great time watching the sunset. Thanks again for the wheels, Tommy.”

  His brother said nothing.

  Trevor made an effort to tidy up the house before his mother got home. Usually the family had some sort of casserole for dinner—chicken, corn, peas, baked with cracker crumbs on the top. Trevor got everything ready to put into the oven. Then he chopped lettuce, tomato, and cucumber for the salad and stored it in the refrigerator. Ma would appreciate that. And tomorrow was wash day, so Ma would get an invitation to eat frozen yogurt with Sami’s mom. Trevor hoped the visit would help Ma see Vanessa for who she truly was, a nice girl, a hardworking girl with plans to better herself, not just a high school dropout.

  When Trevor got to the Tubman campus the next morning, he ran into Alonee and Oliver. The last time he spoke with Alonee, he was pretty harsh, and his behavior had bothered him. He was angry that she was coming down on Vanessa for something that was probably a lie anyway. But Trevor liked Alonee too much to be angry with her for long. He knew she was saying those things because she was concerned for him.

  “You guys,” Trevor announced to Alonee and Oliver, “I talked to Vanessa yesterday about Mr. Collier. I asked her what really happened.” Trevor could see from the looks on their faces that they expected she had denied everything. “Vanessa admitted everything. She flirted with the teacher and then lied about him when he gave her a tongue-lashing. She feels ashamed and guilty for it. She said the only thing that helped her was when she heard he had another teaching job and was doing great. She’d feared she’d done him permanent damage, but it turned out okay.”

  “Well,” Oliver admitted, “at least she owned up to what she did.”

  Alonee confessed, “I felt so bad Trevor, about some of the things I said yesterday. I was worried for you, you know. When a member of the posse seems to be getting in trouble . . .”

  Trevor smiled at Alonee, “That’s okay, Alonee. I always know where you’re coming from, and it’s always a good place.”

  Later that day, after school, Sami’s mother called her daughter on her cell phone. She and Trevor’s mother had finished their frozen yogurt treat, and all went well. Sami hunted Trevor down. He was waiting for Tommy to pick him up. “Trev,” Sami told him. “Lissen up, dude. Mama told me it went good. Mighta even been a home run for our side, baby. The girl was sweet and polite, and your mama got real quie
t like this is not what she expected at all. When Vanessa talked about getting her GED, your mama lit up like a Christmas tree. She’s even givin’ the girl motherly advice, that it’s not too late to make everything right in her life, that she can be forgiven, and she might just want to go home and live with her parents, ’cause she seems like a special kind of girl.”

  Trevor gave Sami a big hug. “Girl, you’re fierce,” he told her.

  Trevor called Vanessa on her cell phone and told her what Sami had said.

  “Oh Trevor,” Vanessa told him, “I’m so glad. I tried really hard to impress your mom. Your mom seems like a really good person, but she seems really tired. It must be hard to work those long hours at the nursing home.”

  “Yeah,” Trevor agreed, “so Vanessa, you told her you were going for your GED huh?”

  “Yeah, she really liked that,” Vanessa said. “She values education a lot. I told her I was really sorry I dropped out of Tubman, and I’m going to get my GED and then maybe go to community college. She told me that was good, because it’s not too late for me.”

  Trevor paused and then said, “You want to get your GED, don’t you Vanessa?”

  “Oh wow! I never really thought about it, Trevor. I mean, could I even pass the test? I’ve forgotten everything and the thought of all that studying,” Vanessa’s voice trailed off.

  “But Vanessa, you want something better than working at the Ice House, right?” Trevor prodded. “And without a high school diploma, you sort of get written off any good jobs.”

  “Trevor,” Vanessa said, “my sister dropped out of Tubman too, and now she and Bo are making lots of money on the Internet. They’re selling lots of stuff. You’d be amazed how easy it is. I’m thinking about quitting the Ice House and joining them in their business.”

  Trevor felt a little sad that Vanessa had no intention of getting her GED. She’d lied to his mom, but it wasn’t her fault, really. Trevor put her up to it. Yet, at the time and in his heart, he thought maybe she did have plans for getting her GED. “What do you sell on the Internet?” he asked.

  “Oh, everything,” she replied. “Watches, jewelry, trinkets. You wouldn’t believe how quick people are to turn over their money when they see something on the screen.”

  “Well, who knows,” Trevor hoped, “maybe later on you’ll change your mind and get your GED. You’re only sixteen. You got time. Man, you could even go back to school at Tubman. Wouldn’t that be great? You and me in school together.”

  Vanessa giggled and said, “Oh Trevor, baby, the thought of sitting in those classrooms again with all those boring teachers. The thought of seeing Mr. Pippin again, yakking about stuff I don’t care about. I don’t know how you dudes stand it.”

  “Well anyway, Vanessa,” Trevor replied, “I’m glad it went good at the Ice House, and now when I finally get the courage to break it to Ma that we’re friends, maybe she won’t tan my hide! I’ll see you on the weekend, Vanessa, and we can do something fun, okay?”

  “Oh, that’d be great,” Vanessa purred. She had the sweetest voice of any girl Trevor ever knew.

  Ma came home that night at ten o’clock. Trevor was in his room working on Tommy’s laptop, finishing a project for Mr. Pippin in English. Ma usually just showered and collapsed into bed, but tonight she stopped at Trevor’s bedroom door.

  “Hey Trevor, you workin’ on somethin’ for school?” she asked.

  “Yeah Ma, for English. I’m gonna print it in a minute,” Trevor answered.

  “Nicest thing happened today,” Ma said. “Sami Archer’s mom, Mattie, she invited me to the Ice House for some of that frozen yogurt. Tastes just as good as ice cream. Made me feel so refreshed. Mattie’s such a sweet thing. No wonder she got a daughter nice as Sami.”

  “Yeah Ma,” Trevor agreed. “Everybody loves Sami. That’s why we voted her Princess of the Fair.”

  “Trevor, the girl who waited on us at the Ice House,” Ma said in a tentative voice, “was that Vanessa Allen. I know you ain’t seein’ her or anything, but you were eyeballin’ her when you went in there. I could see that and it bothered me. But Trevor, I’m a religious woman, and I believe in people reformin’ their lives, and I’m feelin’ some guilt for callin’ that child those uncharitable names. She seem to be a hard workin’ child, and she regrets quittin’ Tubman. She says she going for her GED. I need to repent of judgin’ her too harshly. But we’ll see. Talk is cheap. She gonna get her GED or that just talk? Who knows? Well, goodnight Trevor. Don’t be workin’ too late. You need your rest.”

  “Goodnight Ma,” Trevor said.

  Trevor thought to himself that Vanessa was a delight to be with. He enjoyed all the time they spent together. And yet a part of her remained a mystery to him. He felt he knew all his friends at Tubman, even the new students like Kevin Walker and Oliver Randall. But as much as he liked Vanessa, he didn’t quite know her as much as he wanted to. And that troubled him.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  On Friday at noon, Trevor got a call from Vanessa. “I’m so lonesome for you, babe,” she told him. “Why doesn’t Dena pick you up at school, and we could hang out for a couple hours? She’d be waiting for you after classes in the parking lot.”

  Trevor had still not told his mother he was seeing Vanessa. Even after hearing that Ma had a better opinion of the girl, he lacked the courage to tell her. Trevor just continued to hope that his secret would not leak out before he could tell his mother himself.

  “Sure, Vanessa, that’d be good,” Trevor agreed. When he closed his cell, Jaris asked, “Your mom know yet how close you and Vanessa are getting?”

  “Jare, I keep putting off telling her,” Trevor admitted.

  “It’s your business, dude,” Jaris advised, “but I think you’re making a big mistake. If she finds out from somewhere else, your mom is gonna be mad. Sami said your mom seemed really friendly with Vanessa. She might surprise you by being okay with you hanging with the chick. But if she finds out you been doing it behind her back . . .”

  “Yeah,” Trevor agreed. “We’re going to take Ma to dinner some Sunday, me and Tommy. We agreed to do that. Maybe this Sunday. When she’s in a really good mood, I’ll tell her. It won’t be easy, but I will.”

  “Yeah, that’s best,” Jaris assured him.

  “Hey Jaris, how’s your little sister doing? Chelsea doing okay?” Trevor asked, trying to change the subject. He remembered Tommy saying how Chelsea had hung with a bad crowd earlier in the year and how Jaris had to rescue her or there may have been serious trouble.

  “Yeah, chili pepper is fine,” Jaris answered. “I’m keeping my eye on her, though.”

  “My brother,” Trevor said, “he told me she’s had some scrapes. That she was hanging with some dude from Tubman, and you had to get her out of a party where they were doing bad stuff. He said you got Chelsea out of trouble before something bad could happen.”

  “Yeah, that’s true,” Jaris admitted. “I never told anybody. I promised Chelsea I’d keep her secret as long as she stayed out of trouble. Tommy must have heard about it from someone else at the party.”

  “You know what Tommy said?” Trevor asked. “He said Chelsea never would have tried to sneak off to that party if she had a mom like we got. He said because your parents are easier on you guys, Chelsea felt she could do something risky. But we Jenkins kids are so scared of Ma, we’d never step over the line. That’s what Tommy said.”

  Jaris did not respond immediately but looked a little steamed. Then he spoke. “I guess that’s true. Mom and Pop, they’re great parents, but they never hit us. Never. You’ve told me about your mom whupping you until you were sore. It’s just amazing to me, dude. If anything like that happened to us, to me and Chelsea, man, I’m not sure what I would have done. The idea of getting beaten by a parent, man, it blows my mind.”

  “I guess when my father left, Ma went over the edge,” Trevor suggested. “She thought she had to whup us into line even if we didn’t need it. Maybe she was taking out her
pain on us. I had a nightmare the other night. She had this knotted wet towel, and she was whacking away at my face. I could almost feel my face swelling up. I jumped out of bed and checked my face in the mirror, and I couldn’t believe it was okay, the nightmare was so real.”

  “She whipped you with knotted wet towels for real?” Jaris asked.

  “Yeah, I remember sassing her when I was fourteen and that old wet knotted towel,” Trevor recalled.

  Dena picked Trevor up from Tubman right after school. Dena was only twenty, but she looked much older. She looked hard. Her eyebrows were thinly plucked, and she wore a lot of eye shadow and mascara. Trevor didn’t think it made her look pretty. It just made her look older and hard, like she was thirty or so.

  “Hey Trevor,” she greeted him. “Have a good day at the house of horrors? That’s what we used to call Tubman. Me and my friends really hated school.”

  “It’s not bad,” Trevor said. “I like some of the teachers, and my friends are great.”

  “Does Mr. Pippin still teach English?” Dena asked.

  “Yeah,” Trevor replied. “Vanessa wanted to know that too.”

  “He still carry that old briefcase and look like he’s going to his own execution?” Dena asked.

  Trevor laughed. “Pretty much.”

  “I thought I’d die in that classroom,” Dena continued. “He taught freshman English when I went there. I’d draw this grid in my notebook with a square for each five minutes of class. The only thing that kept me going was when I could darken a square every five minutes. That’s how I psyched myself out and kept sane.”