“Huh? Oh, right, yeah. It’s not like anything will happen though, right? We’d kill each other after five minutes, anyway.”
I huffed a laugh. “Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe that just means there’s something there worth exploring. I would say give it a shot, except what the hell do I know? I’m the last person who should give out advice.”
Liss jumped on my words, never one to let an opportunity go by. “Since you brought it up...”
I exhaled heavily, planting my butt on the bed and mentally bracing myself for the inevitable questions.
“Have you spoken to him about your predicament?”
Of course not! “That would be no.”
“I talked to him last night,” she said. My heart clenched, fingertips curling into the comforter. “Don’t worry, I didn’t say anything about… you know. I was just trying to get a bit of a read on his emotional state, you know, ask how he was doing, that sort of stuff. The guy’s a hard nut to crack, huh?”
My head dropped in agreement. “Tell me about it.” I stopped, thumbnail lodged between my teeth. “How did he seem?”
Hope was a cruel emotion. It bloomed like a pretty flower, eliciting feelings and emotions that should stay locked away, and then just like that, it wilted and died, the brown, shrivelled petals falling to the floor. Liss' prolonged silence was an example.
“Erm… he didn’t say much,” she hedged, but I’d known her far too long. She was holding back so much more than she was saying.
Lids stinging, I nodded. I’m sure Liss was interested in Reno’s state of mind. They went back a long way and were friends, but I was under no illusion as to the main purpose of her interrogation. She wanted to know where his head was at with our relationship, and determine how he might react to the recent development he was still clueless about. And if her stilted response was any indication, he hadn’t filled her with confidence. My heart sank. I already knew this... I knew he wasn’t going around shouting about us from the rooftops. So why did it hurt so much?
“I see,” I said. Knowing Liss, she’d asked him straight up if he and I were together. If he wouldn’t admit that we were more than a booty call to my best friend, how could I ever approach him about… anything else?
“I think you need to talk to him. I mean, no, the prospect of having a baby at eighteen probably won’t thrill him, but that’s normal, right? We know this. We’re not expecting him to pull out the old cigars and chug a gallon of beer in celebration. But he still needs to know, babe. You shouldn’t have to deal with this all on your own.”
Her words invaded my head like a poison, seeping through every crevice and tarnishing everything it touched. I wasn’t ready. I just wasn’t. My breaths stalled.
“I can’t, Liss, I can't.”
“Okay, okay,” she said, quickly backing off. “But this isn't something that will go away on its own. You know that. And eventually, he will find out.”
I nodded silently. “After the party,” I said, voice small.
“Okay. After the party.” Silence, and then she sighed. “He might surprise you.”
Yeah. And he might just annihilate me.
Thirty-Eight
Riley
Under normal circumstances, arranging an eighteenth birthday shindig would have been fairly straightforward: locate a venue, post the deets on social media, get my mom to buy a keg (which, not to her credit, she would), create a playlist, turn up. The end.
So, when my eyes scanned Danny’s packed yard, adorned with countless streamers, maybe a hundred balloons, handmade banners and blown up photos of Liss as a baby, I figured I might have run just a little too far with this distraction. Danny, with the biggest square footage and frequent socializers for parents, was the logical choice for location, and conveniently for me, he didn’t give a rat’s ass—his words—how I decorated the place.
It looked good. People came, some unwelcome—enter Raya Mitchell—but causing a scene given my current state seemed downright juvenile. Liss was having a blast, albeit completely avoiding Leon… who did the same. Whether they thought they were being sneaky, I hadn’t decided, but they were failing. Their gazes strayed to each other, on average, every three point five seconds. It was both humorous and frustrating to a bystander watching. That bystander would be me, the sober girl hiding out in the smallest corner of the backyard, trying to fade into the background. The amount of times someone had tried to hand me a drink was worrying. We were all destined to suffer from serious alcohol abuse problems in the not-too-distant future. Some were blatantly already there. So, I’d held on to a cup. If my hand was empty, people appeared like ninja waiters, armed and ready to remedy such an unhappy occurrence.
It wasn’t a conscious choice I’d made—not drinking. I’d held a cup of beer to my lips and just... never drank it. It scared me to look deeper into my actions, to decipher what they might mean. So, I didn’t. I just kept on not drinking. And hiding.
“Hey, there you are. Ren's been looking for you,” Jason said as he rounded the corner of the house, dumping a bulging bag of trash into the garbage.
“Oh,” I replied. He was the second person who’d told me that. The phone wedged in my jean pocket indicated the same.
I’d seen Reno since.... yeah, that. Each time, I'd tried to act normal, but lying to him, or rather withholding information from him, was hard. It seemed easier to just avoid him altogether, but he didn’t seem happy about my standoffish behaviour. Our arrangement was supposedly casual, so it shouldn’t have been a problem. But every time I told him I couldn’t meet up, it seemed to bother him. I was trying not to read too much into it. He didn’t know everything yet.
“You coming in?”
I didn’t notice Jason had paused, the bag discarded, his puzzled eyes on my face.
“Oh, uh... yeah. Be there in a minute.” I offered a forced smile to counteract the weird.
His brow furrowed, head tilting as he bent his knees to peer closer. “You okay, Wiley?”
I couldn’t even muster up the drive to clap him around the head. It was our thing. His concern appeared genuine, for once. He earned himself a pass. “Yeah,” I murmured.
“Whoa,” he uttered, straightening. “You just gonna let that fly? What the fuck is up with you?” The saucer eyes would have been funny, except my world was due to implode any day now, and laughing felt like a luxury I could no longer afford.
“Just got a headache, Jase. Don’t worry... I’ll owe you that head slap, and you know I’m good for it.”
A huge grin broke out over his pretty face. Jase was way too boy band for me, but those baby blues and styled sandy blonde hair didn’t hurt his appeal with the rest of the student body. He was a big goofball though, rarely without a silly smile on his face.
“’Kay, Ri.” He emphasized my name, tipping his head as he did, brows up. “You see... you see how I didn’t rack ‘em up?” His pointer finger tapped his temple twice, before circling his face. “It ain’t all about this baby. I got the brains, too. Full package right here.” His arm swept the length of his body, and I couldn’t resist a smile. He was good people.
“No need to tell me, Jase,” I said with a chuckle.
“Aaa-ight,” he drawled, swivelling on the balls of his feet. “See you inside, yeah?”
I nodded with a proper smile.
I should have guessed he’d give away my hiding place. Strong arms wrapped around me from behind, locking at my waist. An open mouth rested in the hollow between my neck and shoulder, soft breaths tickled my skin. A shiver traveled down the length of my spine, all the way to my toes.
“Been looking for you,” Reno murmured into my skin, his teeth nibbling. There was no preventing my body from sagging back into him, or my heart racing to a gallop. “I missed you.”
His quiet admission brought tears to my eyes.
We'd done the hard part, fought our way through the desert, ocean, and wilderness. Overcome every obstacle in our path. And right when the other side was in sight, one l
ast hurdle appeared in our path. This obstacle was by far the biggest. I knew this one would trip us up. That it was probably insurmountable. I turned into him and pressed my lips to his mouth, anyway. His hands gripped me immediately, lifting me up. My body fit against his like we were two parts of a puzzle, and my back collided with the wall as our kiss turned heated. Like kindling, one spark and we were up, flames soaring into the night sky.
He might surprise you.
My eyes flew open, limbs locking. Reno pulled back, confused gaze searching mine. “You okay?” He asked, breathing hard.
“Yeah,” I said, slowly.
His forehead dropped to mine. “Why does it feel like you’ve been avoiding me?”
“Because I have,” I said, legs dropping to the ground. Unease crept over his features.
He might surprise you.
Why did those words keep circling my mind?
It felt wrong to keep this from him. Like I held the key to his future in the palm of my hand, altering its course without his consent. It felt so very wrong. My eyes narrowed, heart stuttering.
“Ren,” I began, but the words lodged in my throat.
He dipped, his head lowering until it was level with mine. “What’s going on, Ri? This isn’t working for you? That why you’re avoiding me?”
I noted the tick in his jaw and the alarm in his eyes. This was more than sex. I could goddamn see it. Bolstered by the realization, I made a grave mistake. I allowed hope to bloom, to dictate my choices and choose my words.
“I’ve been thinking,” I started, suddenly buoyant and entertaining the possibility that we might get through this one last stumbling block. But I thought it would be best to ease him in, start small, and gauge his reaction. “I might stick around here instead of going away to school in the fall. If I got in now, I should be able to do two years here, then transfer junior year. Then we could...” My words trailed off at the look on his face. The shift in him was instant. It felt like the air around us dropped fifty degrees.
Reno’s eyes narrowed, leaving nothing but black. His hands released me, and he took a deliberate step back, creating a void a mile wide between us.
Hard eyes met mine, his face wiped bare of emotion. “You got in?”
Head pressed back into the wall, I nodded mutely.
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
“I’ve been… thinking it over,” I said, stumbling over the words.
His thumbs met his hips and his head angled away from me as he stared out over the pool. The usual noises rang out—splashing, screaming, laughing. They faded to background noise, nothing but a backdrop to the rush of blood ringing in my ears. When he came back to me, it was like invasion of the body snatchers. He was a completely different person.
“Go to college,” he said, emotionless.
“Why?” I demanded, suddenly feeling the force of a week’s worth of repressed feelings working their way up my body, looking for an outlet.
“You know why,” he said, his voice firm.
My head swayed side to side. “For argument's sake, let’s say I don’t. Enlighten me.” I could feel my fists clench, every suppressed emotion pushing and shoving, like an angry mob. I needed him now. I needed him not to freak out, because I was about to fall apart.
Sharp eyes cut to mine. “Don’t change plans for me, Riley. We never banked on this being anything more than it is.”
My hands landed on my hips, trembling with emotion. “And what is it? Fucking?” I spat the word. Threw it at him. “You still trying to pass this off as just sex?” I lifted my hands, bending the tips of my fingers to mimic inverted commas.
My building ire only seemed to incite his. Looming over me, he raised his own voice. “You can’t stay here for this.”
Fighting the urge to shrink, I pulled up to my full height and locked him in my hard stare. “I never said it was about you,” I said, and rejoiced at the shock that registered in his eyes. “But ask yourself if you want me to go... really ask yourself.”
His shoulders pulled back, the tendons in his neck straining. He didn’t like his answer. “This wasn’t a long-term thing, Ri, I told you that. Did I not fucking say that? I thought you understood.”
I snorted a breath, shaking my head in disbelief. “Oh, I did. I understood that you were too afraid to put labels on us. That you didn't want to admit that this was anything more than sex because you're scared of getting hurt—”
“I’m not fucking scared!” he bellowed. “Dammit, Riley. We're friends who fuck, nothing more, nothing less. Don't blame me if you've read too much into it. I never fucking misled you. Never made you any promises.”
Pain radiated through my chest. “This is more than sex, and you know it.”
“It's not.”
My heart was breaking, I could feel it. The anger gave way to agony, and it burned a path down my throat.
“Well, it feels like it.”
His head tilted, gaze cool. “How would you know any different?”
My breaths faltered. My head shook. “Don't do that, Ren. Don’t be cruel.”
“You've only been with me,” he said, detached, and I faltered, my conviction wavering. “How would you know the difference? You've convinced yourself it means something because you let me inside you. You wouldn't be the first or the last.”
Nausea surged, and with it came a swift reminder of the baby. God. It took everything I had to remain standing. Head spinning, my eyes struggled to focus.
“So that’s it... I'm just another screw to you? You would know, right? You’ve fucked enough people. I'm just one on a long list. Another convenient place to stick your dick?”
“Riley, don’t.” His eyes flashed and his jaw contracted, his careful mask slipping a fraction. That, at least, stirred some emotion.
My limbs locked in position, holding me up when all I wanted to do was sink to the ground. I met his gaze. There was just one more thing I needed from him. One thing and then I’d slam the goddamn door on us forever.
“Say it. I want to hear you say it.”
“Don't fucking push me, Riley.” His fists pulsed at his sides, but his voice almost pleaded with me to back off.
“Why?” I cried, my tone desperate. I’d done everything. I had nothing left. It was too much. I just needed him to say it. “It shouldn’t be that hard! This means nothing to you. So, say you don’t fucking love me anymore!”
I’d noticed a while ago that our raised voices had drawn attention. Now I was screaming, and an obvious hush had descended. People weren’t even pretending not to watch the drama unfold. But the absolute worst part of it was that Raya hovered in my periphery, her arms folded and a triumphant smirk slashed across her face. Add humiliation to the rest of the crap being piled on top of me.
“You keep coming back to that like it means something,” Reno said through clenched teeth.
“God, just say it,” I begged. A tear escaped, running down my face. One fucking thing. That’s all I wanted from him.
Reno swallowed hard. His tormented eyes followed the path of that lone tear, and his hands flexed by his sides. He said his words slowly. “This was about sex, Riley. Love doesn't come into it. Love can’t come into it. I'm not willing to sit around waiting for everything to go to shit. Because that's what love does. It leaves you wide open... holding a ticking fucking time bomb.”
Another tear fell as anguish filled me. “You're wrong, Ren. So damn wrong. You won’t be better off for never letting anyone in. I wish you could see that.”
“It’s just sex.”
I knew I was at risk of pushing him too hard, but this was unsalvageable. It was already over. Now it was just about how it ended.
I whispered, “Prove it.”
And he did.
Right as Liss came running from the house, Leon hot on her heels, Reno’s gaze swung wildly around him, landing on the one person I hadn’t banked on. It took him less than two strides to reach her… and half a second for him to shatter my heart
into a million pieces. Reno smashed his lips down on Raya’s. And he kissed her. Right there in front of me.
Eighteen years, he'd never kissed another person.
I didn’t know I was moving back until my body knocked into people clumsily. Disoriented, I stumbled through the bodies, needing away. Needing far, far fucking away. Blinded by tears, I pushed and shouldered my way through the crowd, chest caving, stomach heaving. My head spun. It was too much.
“You fucking asshole!” I heard Liss’ livid scream.
“The fuck are you doing?” Leon roared.
My feet kept moving.
“Fuck!” Reno bellowed, frantic. “Fuck! Riley? Riley!”
Leon and Liss' combined shouts mingled into one big mess of noise. The crowd railed, collective reactions pinging around. But it was his voice I couldn’t drown out.
“Riley!”
His shouts grew louder. Nearer. I fought my way to the side gate and my fingers stabbed at the latch, working furiously to get it open. Just as it popped, a hand wrapped around my bicep.
“Wait!”
Something snapped. I wrenched my arm from his hold, whirling to face him. “No!”
Regret, guilt, shame. Even devastation. Stamped all over his face like a passport.
Too fucking late.
His hands grabbed my upper arms again, tugging my body closer like a rag doll.
“Please, Riley!” he urged, his eyes squeezing shut before opening on mine, the depth of his remorse clear to see. “Fuck, I’m sorry. Riley. I’m fucking sorry.”
I struggled in his hold.
“Wait, okay? Just fucking... wait, please,” he beseeched me, his eyes begging. “I didn't… fuck! I didn’t mean to do that. I'm sorry, Riley. I’m sorry. I didn’t—”
Voice hard, I cut him off with a murmured, “Yeah, you did. I got too close. I factored you into my plans. For a second there, I might even have made you happy. But you don’t want that.” I marvelled at the fact my voice didn’t shake, that I didn’t simply break down into little pieces at his feet. Holding his gaze, chin up, I said, “Don't worry. I get it now.”
Untouchable: (Unstoppable - Book 1) (The Unstoppable Series) Page 23
