Until You Loved Me (Seven Brides, Seven Brothers Book 3)

by Calhoune, Belle

  She nodded her head. “Okay. What is it?”

  “I have an art exhibit next week. It's at the New Orleans Museum of Art.”

  Her pulse quickened at the mention of her hometown. “T-That's wonderful. Congratulations.”

  Remy smiled. He seemed relieved by her comment. “It's all coming together last minute, but it's something I'm really excited about. I've exhibited there before and it's always been such a positive experience. I want you to come with me. We'd leave next Tuesday.”

  “Come with you? To New Orleans?” She felt her body freezing up. Why would she go? She hadn't been back home since the funerals. Just the thought of it caused chills to pop up on her arms. It gave her an uneasy feeling just thinking about it. “I can't. I'm sorry.” She pushed the words out of her mouth.

  He knit his brows together. “Are you worried about taking off more time from work? I'm pretty sure that wouldn't be a problem.”

  “No, it's not that. Your parents have always been very flexible about my work schedule.” She bit her lip. “I-I'm just not ready to go back, that's all.”

  “I think it would be good for you,” Remy said in a quiet voice. “It would give you a chance to go back home on your own terms.”

  Fear, hot and pulsing, grabbed her by the throat. Every instinct warned her to fight against the notion of going back to a place where she'd experienced such horror. He was putting her in a corner and it was an uncomfortable feeling. He was making it sound as if this trip to New Orleans was the answer to all her prayers. It could never be that simple. Not after what her family had endured.

  She held up her hand to ward Remy off. “Please. Stop. I know what's good for me.”

  Remy let out a sigh. “I know the idea of it might sound scary, but we'll be there for five days and we can do whatever you want. I'll be there with you every step of the way.”

  She shook her head vehemently. “No! I don't want to go back there, Remy.”

  “You said that you don't want the past to have a hold over you. This is a way of facing it and squashing it down so it doesn't own you.”

  “What if I don't want to face it?” she shouted. She turned away from him and began to walk in the other direction.

  Remy stuck right by her side, not giving up his pitch. “I only want what's best for you!”

  “You can't decide that for me!” she said angrily. “What is this? Am I suddenly your pet project, the wounded dove you want to take under your wing and rescue?”

  His mouth gaped open. Hurt flashed in his eyes. “That's not fair. I've never treated you like that. I've always treated you with respect and care.”

  Tears sprung to her eyes. “It's not fair to spring something like this on me and try to pressure me to go along with it.”

  He reached out to take her hand and she pushed it away. He winced as if she'd slapped him.

  “Chere, don't put up a wall between us. Not when we've come so far. I apologize if I pushed too hard.”

  “This is too much now. All this pushing and prodding. I appreciate everything you've done for me....and I'm grateful. Asking your family to give me a place to stay after the fire...words cannot express my gratitude for that incredible blessing.”

  “Gratitude? That's the last thing I want from you. All I want is for you to let me love you.”

  She took a step back. “L-Love me?” Those words sent her reeling. Had she heard him right? Love?

  “I love you, Gabrielle.” The tenderness in Remy's voice made her want to reach out and caress him. But there was another part of her that wanted to run in the opposite direction.

  She held up her hands. “Whoa. You need to back off Remy. This is too much all at once.”

  Anxiety was racing through her at the pace of a freight train. It was fight or flight. Either that or get run over by Remy's enthusiasm, unbridled devotion and pushing her to do something that terrified her. Everything was hitting her all at once as if she'd been sideswiped by a semi truck.

  “We really haven't known each other all that long.” She shook her head as a hundred different emotions crashed over her. Love? Did he really think he was in love with her?

  “Time doesn't determine the scope and breadth of a person's feelings. I love you, Gabrielle.”

  She didn't know what to say in response to Remy's declaration of love. Perhaps he was waiting for her to say it back to him, but she was so shocked and put on the spot. She didn't know how to feel.

  “Thank you. I-I—” She was fumbling for words. “I can't go with you. And I really don't want to talk about this any more.” She hated this feeling of being pushed in a corner. It was making her feel as if she'd been put in a little box. “I'm going upstairs to bed. I have to work in the morning.”

  “You don't want to talk about this a little more?” Remy's voice was gentle and patient. Why wasn't he angry at her? Why was he always so kind? It made her feel even worse than she already felt about the way she'd treated him.

  She darted a quick glance at Remy. It killed her to see him so wounded. She'd done that to him! Because of her fear and her doubts and insecurities.

  “No, I don't,” she muttered, wishing she could just disappear. “Goodnight.” She walked away and into the house as if her feet were on fire, ignoring the voice in her head telling her to turn around and run into his arms.

  The minute she was safely behind the door of her bedroom, she sank down on the floor, her back against the wooden door. She wrapped her arms around her knees and heaved a shaky breath. What had she done? She couldn't believe how she'd sounded. Like a person filled with bitterness. That wasn't who she was. Not by a long shot. And she'd hurt Remy. Amazing, caring, supportive Remy, who'd done nothing but support her and lift her up. He only wanted the very best for her. Hadn't he been proving that over and over again ever since he came into her life?

  He loved her? Remy was in love with her. She'd hoped that someday he might grow to love her, but she hadn't expected him to say those words to her tonight. On some level she hadn't been ready to hear it. She'd blown it, out of fear and not feeling good enough to be loved and adored by a man like Remy. The moment he'd mentioned the trip to New Orleans, she'd been on the defensive. Just thinking about going back home frightened her. And although deep down inside she'd known Remy was well-meaning in his efforts, her instinct had been to lash out at him. Out of fear and defensiveness and anger.

  And now, because she still couldn't manage to completely deal with her past, she may have just lost the very best thing that had ever walked into her world.

  *

  You need to back off Remy.

  Am I suddenly your pet project?

  Her words had served as a sucker punch to the gut. He was still reeling from the impact.

  It felt as if someone had run him over with a locomotive. Was it possible that his heart actually had bruises on it? He'd never felt anything quite like this before. His chest felt painfully tight. It was hard to take in a breath without feeling a sharp pain.

  Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. He'd rushed headlong into the conversation without stopping to think about how she might react. And he'd confessed his feelings to her impulsively. Those words had practically jumped out of his mouth. How could something he'd felt was so wonderful be taken so badly? She didn't love him, nor did she want to be loved by him. Or maybe...the idea of being loved scared her. He suspected that she didn't feel worthy of being loved. Oh, brother. Was he bending over backwards now to rationalize how she'd reacted to his declaration of love? Was he simply trying to make things better by convincing himself there was something hiding behind her rejection of him?

  For the next hour he rode around Breeze Point, trying to clear his head so everything didn't feel so muddled. For the first time in years, he felt alone. He didn't want to weigh his parents down with his heartache. Only two of his brothers would really understand what he was going through, and they were at home with their significant others. He parked his car at Breezy Beach and let the top down on his car. Althou
gh this was one of his favorite places in the world, it wasn't enough to lift his spirits. All he could think about was the horror on Gabrielle's face when he'd asked her to accompany him to New Orleans. And when he'd told her he loved her she'd given him a blank stare.

  Not exactly a rousing endorsement!

  Although it was hard to imagine having to give up on his dream of a future with the woman he loved, the events of tonight had shown him that life and love were unpredictable. Just when he'd thought everything was smooth sailing ahead, a wave had come crashing down around them. He prayed there would be an opportunity to repair any damage that had been done.

  *

  Remy stayed away for a few days, and by the third day, it felt as if her heart might shatter. Maggie seemed to sense something was wrong. She'd asked her a few times if everything was alright and she'd played it cool, not wanting to involve her in their relationship drama. No doubt Remy's absence at the house was very noticeable. She was too ashamed to tell Maggie how she'd reacted to Remy's offer to take her to New Orleans. Her pride wouldn't let her pick up the phone and call Remy. What if he never wanted to see her again? What if he was done with her? A man like Remy, who held the world in the palm of his hand, could have any woman he wanted. That knowledge burned a hole inside her chest.

  Finally, on the day before he was scheduled to leave for New Orleans, Remy showed up at the bakery. He asked her if she could take her break with him so they could talk for a few minutes. Vince, who'd commented several times about Remy's absence at the shop, practically pushed her out the door. They walked across the street and sat down on a public bench so they could talk in private. Remy twiddled his fingers in front of him as if he was trying to figure out what to say. It made her sad since he'd never had a problem talking to her about anything under the sun.

  Finally, he broke the ice between them. “I'm sorry about the other night. I was so excited about the possibilities, I never stopped to think about how scared you might be at the prospect of going back home.” Regret oozed from his voice.

  “It felt overwhelming,” she said in a quiet voice. Suddenly, she couldn't think of anything else to say to him.

  Remy was gazing at her intensely. “I know it must be incredibly overwhelming. And I'm sorry if I've messed this all up, especially the part where I told you I loved you. My delivery was terrible. But these feelings have been building for the last few weeks and I'm not the sort of man to hide the way I feel.”

  Gabrielle looked away, not making eye contact with him. “I don't know what to say. I should have been more gracious.”

  “This isn't about feeling grateful or being polite. You're not beholden to me.” He leaned closer toward her, his voice rising a little bit. “And I'm not ashamed that I told you I loved you. It's the truth. One you're clearly not ready to hear. I see that now. I should have waited. But this trip...it's something else altogether. Please don't discount it.”

  There were so many things she wanted to say to Remy, if only she could find her voice. If only she could put aside all her fears and take him up on his generous offer. If only she still wasn't stuck in quicksand.

  “I'm leaving for New Orleans tomorrow.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a piece of paper. He held it out to her. “Here's your ticket. Please take it. Just in case you change your mind and decide to join me.” He pressed the ticket in her hand and leaned down to place a tender kiss against her forehead. He placed his hand on the side of her face and grazed his knuckles against her skin.

  “Goodbye, Gabrielle. In case you decide not to come, I hope to see you when I come back. If I haven't lost you altogether.”

  Within seconds he was gone, his long, lean legs carrying him swiftly away from her. She felt a painful tightening in her chest. She hadn't known how to tell him everything she was feeling. She'd stumbled all over her words and missed the opportunity to tell him she was so very sorry about the other night. Now he was gone, and it felt as if something had ended between the two of them, something she might never get back.

  Through a haze of tears she looked at the airline ticket. It was a first class ticket from Barnstable Municipal Airport to New Orleans, Louis Armstrong Airport. And it had her name on it. Remy had gone to all this trouble to plan this special trip. He'd acted on faith by purchasing a ticket for her and she'd let him down terribly. He had absolutely nothing to gain from inviting her to join him. It was all about doing something for her that would allow her to grow and evolve. And here she was too afraid and too guilt ridden to accept his generous gesture.

  For the rest of the day she was on auto-pilot, going through the motions like a robot. It didn't even feel as if she was a living, breathing person.

  The night passed in a fitful sleep. She tossed and turned for most of the night, only sleeping for a half hour here and there before waking up in a cold sweat. Thoughts of Remy were at the forefront of her mind. That night she cried herself to sleep. She was so disappointed with how she'd handled the situation with Remy. She'd probably lost him with her ingratitude and defensiveness. By the time morning came, she was bleary-eyed and sleep deprived. A look in the mirror confirmed the worst. Her eyes were puffy from lack of sleep, and there were slight smudges under her eyes. Vince took one look at her and raised his eyebrows when she entered the bakery. His manners were too fine for him to question her appearance, even though his gaze raked over her like laser beams.

  At various points in the morning her thoughts drifted towards Remy. Where was he? Had he left for the airport yet? Had he totally given up on her? She couldn't even blame him if he had.

  “What am I doing?” she said out loud, earning herself a quizzical look from Seth.

  Living in fear and guilt and isolation had done nothing to move her forward in her life. Remy—sweet, wonderful Remy—had come into her life like a rainbow after the storm. How could she reject his beautiful gesture? How could she continue to stumble around in darkness when all Remy offered her was love and light? He loved her. Truly. Purely. Deeply. He showed it in every gesture, every word, every act of kindness.

  She knew what was going on. She was afraid. Terrified of surrendering to something that was so much bigger than herself. Something she had absolutely no control over. For so long circumstances in her life had been out of her control, so much so that she was hell bent on holding on to the last vestiges of control she could exert. In fighting against all these forces, she'd hurt the very best person she'd ever known.

  With a wounded cry she ripped off her apron and headed back into the kitchen. Seth followed behind her, asking if she was alright. Vince swung his gaze towards her, his eyes going wide as he looked her up and down.

  She swallowed past the huge lump in her throat, the same one that had been there ever since Remy told her he loved her. “Vince! I have an emergency. I need your help!” she called out, her voice sounding urgent.

  Vince stepped toward her. “What is it? Aren't you feeling well? You don't look so good.”

  “I'm fine. But I desperately need your help. I need to pack a suitcase and have someone take me to the airport.” She looked up at the wall clock. “I don't have much time.”

  Vince's bushy brows knit together. “The airport? Where are you going?”

  “I'm going home, Vince. I'm going to New Orleans with Remy.”

  She prayed she wasn't too late!

  “Faith is that little light that shines in the darkness.”

  Tess Dailey

  Chapter Eight

  As he sat at the Barnstable Municipal Airport in terminal 7A, Remy tried to focus on his upcoming art show and not allow his thoughts to wander towards Gabrielle. Out of frustration he crumpled the empty soda can he'd been holding into an almost unrecognizable shape. She'd made a mistake by not coming with him. It would have been the opportunity of a lifetime...to put all the ghosts of the past to rest. Now, since she wasn't with him, he felt as if a large part of his heart would be left behind in Cape Cod.

  Although he'd wanted this trip to
be therapeutic for Gabrielle, perhaps once again he'd pushed too far. Perhaps her trauma was too great. He wasn't a therapist after all. He had no knowledge as to how deep her scars were. His only goal—for now and always—would be to help her fully heal. There was a little ache inside him, placed there by the angry words Gabrielle had hurled at him the other night. Maybe he was just spinning his wheels with her. Perhaps that night should have served as a huge wake-up call for him. Maybe, just maybe, she just wasn't that into him.

  He loved her. Of that he was certain. But loving someone didn't come with a guarantee. You could love someone with all your heart and soul, without the promise of them ever loving you in return. A sharp pain registered in his mid-section at the mere thought of Gabrielle never returning his feelings. Letting go of that dream would be a painful process, but in the end, he might have to relinquish the thought of a future with her. There were some fights one had to give up gracefully.

  “Remy! Remy!” He whirled around at the sound of his name being called by several different voices. One of them sounded as sweet as honey. The others he'd been hearing for most of his life.

  His eyes landed on Gabrielle at first, before they swung towards Nick, Ryder and Mac, who were standing nearby. Gabrielle placed her carry-on bag on the conveyor belt at the security checkpoint, then breezed through the body scan before turning back to get her bag and slip on her ballet flats. She waved to his brothers, then came rushing towards him at a fast clip. Stunned, he could only stand there and watch it all unfold. Did he need to pinch himself? Was he dreaming?

  When she reached his side, she catapulted herself at him. A string of words gushed from his mouth. “W-What are you doing here?”

  Gabrielle was slightly out of breath, her chest heaving up and down lightly. “I changed my mind. Vince called your brothers and he had Seth watch the bakery so he could bring me to your parents' house. I got all my stuff together and your brothers came and brought me here.” She laughed nervously. “Mac broke every speed limit known to man, but I'm here. I'm going with you to New Orleans.”