Wonderlust (Steel Roses #1)

by B. L. Wilde

  “We need to chat privately. Come on.” I couldn’t work out his mood. Getting up, I gave Diego an apologetic look and followed Alex into his suite.

  Chapter Eleven

  “Look, I’m really sorry about this morning. What I said to Maddison…it was wrong of me.” I tried to defuse the situation as quickly as possible. Whatever I thought of the bimbos he decided to be with, it wasn’t my place to voice them.

  “You baffle me, Straight Lace.” Turning to look at me, he gave a reassuring smile. I breathed in relief that he wasn’t still angry with me.

  “What do you mean?” I followed him to one of the couches, taking a seat next to him. Because his suite was on the top floor, there was an amazing view of London as I gazed out the window.

  “I have no idea what that outburst was about this morning. I’m hoping it has something to do with me, but I’m afraid I might be wrong.”

  “It’s been strange being back home, then David…”

  “Diego said you bumped into him today.” Alex’s piercing blue eyes were searching mine as he interrupted.

  “Yes, I did.”

  “You’re not going back to work for him, are you?” It was almost a plea. I felt my breath hitch. It was like I was seeing Alex properly for the first time. He was frightened to lose me. I could see it there in his eyes.

  “No, I’m not. I’m staying right here,” I whispered with a shy smile.

  “Good.”

  “Where’s Maddison?” I looked around and couldn’t see any of her belongings.

  Alex chuckled. “I didn’t think it would be a good idea to bring her back here. You know…in case you wanted to start round two.”

  “I’m so sorry.” I put my head in my hands, completely embarrassed.

  “She’ll get over it. I’m sure she’s been called worse.”

  “I’ll need to apologize when I see her.” Alex nodded. “How did the shoot go today?”

  “Good. Dustin thinks we’ll wrap tomorrow.”

  “Then we head to Macon to visit your friend,” I grinned.

  “I’ll need some sessions with my vocal coach a few days before. Can you arrange that, please?”

  “Sure.” Pulling out my phone, I made a note to do that when I got back to my room. Alex was watching me with a playful grin on his face. “What?”

  “Do you write lists for everything you do?”

  “For the important stuff, yes.”

  “I’ve noticed you have all your stationery on your desk at home a certain way, too.”

  “I don’t know what you mean.” Shit. My pens were organized according to color. There was nothing wrong with that, but even David had never noticed.

  “Do you know how tempted I’ve been to rearrange your pens just to see what you do?”

  “Don’t you dare!” I threatened, teasing him. “You wouldn’t want to find out.”

  “Is that a challenge?” I could feel my body pulsing at his offer. Licking his lips, Alex inched closer. “You know I’m not a man that likes to back down.”

  “I’m aware of that.” Why was my voice so quiet?

  “Are we still talking about yours pens?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “We’ve been here before, Straight Lace. Are you going to shoot me down again?”

  “I…I…” I couldn’t speak. His soft, pouty lips had captivated me. They looked good enough to eat, or bite at least. Just one taste. What could possibly go wrong?

  “Can’t you even answer?” he laughed, reaching out to touch the side of my face. “What do you want, Natasha?” Right then, I wanted to rip his clothes off and ride him until the dawn, but the logical side of my brain wouldn't let me. Look at the mess you got into sleeping with your last boss. Don’t do it!

  “I…I…I want to have a drink in the bar.”

  “Are you sure?” No! I wasn’t sure at all.

  “Yes,” I murmured, standing up on shaky legs.

  “I’ll join you then.” He reached his bedroom door before me, opening it and allowing me to exit first.

  “Everything okay?” Diego asked when we joined him. Shane and Dustin had arrived at some point, plus a few faces that I recognized from the shoot.

  “Yep.” Forcing a smile, I reached to pour myself some wine that happened to be on the table. I planned on finishing this bottle then passing out.

  “Now I understand why you don’t go to parties. You’re a lightweight,” Alex teased while he and Shane helped me to my room.

  “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I slurred, almost tripping over my own feet.

  “Maybe I should carry you, Nat,” Shane suggested from behind Alex. I brushed off his comment, waving my arm around in a drunken manner.

  “I’ll carry her.” Alex didn’t give me a chance to protest. He scooped me up in his arms and began to walk down the corridor, leaving Shane behind.

  “I can walk, you know.”

  “Oh, I know, but this way is quicker. I’m worried you’ll throw up on me.”

  “I’m not that drunk!”

  “You don’t weight much.”

  “I’ll take that as a compliment.” I yawned as we reached my door. “You can put me down now.” Alex released me, and I had the pleasure of sliding down his firm body.

  “Are you sure you don’t need a hand getting undressed?” He was teasing. Even drunk, I could read his eyes.

  “I’ll be fine, thank you. I don’t have any zips at the back, otherwise I might have taken you up on your offer.”

  “Straight Lace, are you flirting with me?”

  “You wish,” I snorted, pushing him out of the way. “Goodnight, Alex.”

  “Goodnight.” He leaned in close, his breath tickling my neck. Stumbling, I reached for my room key and went inside. At least I could blame the stumble on the alcohol.

  I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had a hangover this bad. That would teach me to mix my wine. At breakfast this morning, I was the one that looked awful. Alex looked refreshingly good. His stubble was short, his hair tamed, and his eyes were wide and mischievous.

  “Go on and say it!” I grumbled. “I know I look like shit.”

  “I wasn’t going to say that, but you do look a little hung over. Maybe you should take the afternoon off? Dustin and Diego can handle things.”

  “He’s right. You look like death warmed up, Baby Cakes,” Diego commented with a mouthful of toast.

  “No, I had all of yesterday off. I’ll be fine today. I just need some coffee.” Pouring myself a cup, I smiled over at him and Alex. “I’ve booked a few sessions with your vocal coach, too.”

  “Thanks. Okay, well I need to freshen up.”

  “What’s up with you two?” Diego asked the moment Alex was out of sight. “You’re acting weird around each other. Did you guys have sex last night?”

  “NO!” Taken off guard, I spoke a little too loud. A few heads turned in my direction to see what was going on.

  “Then what the fuck happened? I can’t get anything out of Alex.”

  “That’s because there’s nothing to tell.” Sipping my coffee, I closed my eyes in attempt to stop the thudding inside my head.

  “What about this David guy, then?”

  “He wants me back.” Diego spat his orange juice all over the table. “To work for him. Not in that way.”

  “Are you going to?”

  “No. There’s nothing for me to go back to.”

  “But you still love him?” I did, but those feelings were fading. Someone else was slowly clouding my mind, and that terrified me. Falling for Alex Harbour would destroy me. He wasn't someone you could pin your hopes on—I knew that—but it was too late. With each passing day I fell a little more for him. “Nat, do you still love him?” Diego asked again, touching my arm.

  “Yes,” I whispered as tears trickled down my face. They weren’t for David, though.

  “Oh, Baby Cakes, come here.” Diego rushed around to my side of the table and threw his arms around m
e as I sobbed uncontrollably. What the hell was wrong with me? I didn’t cry in public.

  I freshened up in my room before meeting everyone outside the back of the hotel. It was safer for Alex than leaving through the front entrance. Security could handle the crowds better. Now that he’d been staying there for a few days, the word had gotten out and the crowds had more than doubled.

  At that moment, it dawned on me that I was falling for a worldwide icon. What was I thinking? I’d never be enough to hold him.

  “You don’t have to come if you’re still not feeling up to it.” Alex took me by surprise, touching the side of my face as the cars pulled up. “Taking a few days off isn’t a bad idea. You haven’t stopped since you arrived.”

  “I like to stay busy,” I smiled, getting into the front of the car. Being in the backseat with him wasn’t a good idea right then. It would be better once we were on set. I’d be too busy running around after him to feel uncomfortable.

  Maddison wasn’t going to be on set until the afternoon, which I was grateful for. Another confrontation with her wasn’t what I needed.

  I sat at the side of the set and watched Alex drive his motorcycle around. He was all in leather today, and looked rough and ready. The man was a walking orgasm.

  “How did Maddison get the female lead on this shoot?” I asked him at lunch. After eight bottles of water, I was feeling much better. The pain in my head had gone from a constant throbbing to a dull ache.

  “I did it as a favor.” My heart sank. Maybe there was more between them than I thought. “She’s very talented. We’ve hooked up a few times over the years, so I knew she never got her big break.”

  “Oh, so that’s why you put her through to the interview stages for my job,” I chuckled.

  “I didn’t know her modeling career was taking off when I did that. Anyway, the director asked if I had any fresh names and she came to mind.”

  “Was she a groupie when you first hooked up?”

  “Not really, but it was at an after party. She came with one of my band members.”

  “Are there many women that you’ve hooked up with more than once?”

  “Yes,” he frowned. “There are quite a few. Why do you ask?”

  “I’m just curious about the life of a rock star,” I muttered, playing with my food.

  “Are you now? Are you thinking of becoming one?”

  “No,” I giggle-snorted. It was a little embarrassing. “I can’t sing or play an instrument, for that matter.”

  “I could teach you.”

  “To sing? You’d need a miracle.”

  “No, an instrument,” he laughed, shaking his head at me. “Straight Lace, you really don’t seem like yourself at the moment. Where has all the banter gone?”

  “Oh, it’ll be back once I’m over my hangover,” I grinned. Crap, I was acting differently around him. I had to snap out of it.

  “I hope so. I’m missing it already,” he winked. That was the first time in ten years that Alex Harbour made me go weak at the knees.

  “You’re needed on set soon. Eat up,” I ordered, trying to regain my composure.

  Maddison turned up not long after lunch, ignoring me as she walked over to talk to Alex. Relieved, I decided to sit near the catering van to try to finish my book. I had a few emails to respond, as well, but they could wait until later.

  “Didn’t you want to go another round with Maddison?” Shane grinned, taking a seat next to me. That was the only problem with this job. There was hardly any time to be on your own. It didn’t really bother me, though. I liked the family feel that came with it.

  “No, I don’t want a black eye.”

  “I wouldn’t let her get that close.” That was comforting to know. “I was thinking of taking a drive around London later, and I was hoping you’d be my tour guide.”

  “Oh, I…I’m not sure…” I stopped. What would be the harm? ”Actually, why not? I’ll take you to my local pub.”

  “Pub?” Shane frowned.

  “It’s like a wine bar, but better.” He seemed excited at the thought. When I glanced over at Alex and Maddison, I noticed they were looking in my direction. They seemed to be gearing up for a big scene. Maddison wasn’t wearing much, just a skimpy shirt. Alex gave me a small wave before turning to talk to the director.

  “We’ll go once we’ve dropped Alex and Maddison off then?”

  “Sounds good,” I muttered, still watching Alex. My worst fear was about to be realized. They were about to do a kissing scene. It was one of those situations when you knew you shouldn’t watch but couldn’t look away. The kiss was powerful. A fake rain machine drenched them as they kissed passionately. I could feel myself mimicking the actions of Alex’s soft, pouty lips, wishing they were pressed against mine. I lost count of how many takes they had to do, but one thing was clear: Alex could kiss. It was all consuming. He took what he wanted without a single thought. I’d always dreamt of being taken that way.

  “Are you ready to leave?” Shane asked while I was responding to Gina’s urgent emails. They called a wrap for shoot earlier than I thought.

  “Oh, they’re done. Okay.” I grabbed my bag and was still finishing the email on my phone as I tried to follow Shane.

  “Watch it, Bitch!” Maddison suddenly rammed into me. Fuck. I didn’t need this right now.

  “Sorry,” I replied, starting to walk away. I wasn’t interested in fighting with her.

  “You will be, you frigid bitch!” She was so original.

  “Maddison,” Alex cautioned.

  “Look, I’m sorry about yesterday. I was having an off day.”

  “I don’t give a fuck! No one speaks to me that way!”

  “All I can do is apologize,” I shrugged. “If you don’t want to accept it, that’s your problem.”

  “Alex, I want you to sack this bitch, right now!” I turned, looking at her in disbelief. Who the fuck did she think she was?

  “Excuse me?” I seethed, taking a step toward her. Shane grabbed my waist, pulling me back within seconds. “Who the hell do you think you are barking orders like that at him?” Alex had moved closer to Maddison, ready to restrain her if needed, but his eyes were locked on mine. “He doesn’t need a trashy woman like you! He could do so much better!”

  “What? You think he’d go for a frigid skank like you?” she sneered.

  “Maddison, that’s enough,” Alex warned in a clipped tone.

  “He told me you were frigid, you know.” My eyes began to water and pain sliced through me as I looked at Alex. How could he? I wasn’t fucking frigid; I was protecting my damn feelings from predators like him! “He came to me because I can show him a good time.”

  “I’ve never fucking wanted him. You’re welcome to him!” I yelled, pulling free from Shane’s hold.

  As I ran away from the situation, I heard footsteps following me.

  “Nat! Natasha, fucking wait!” I wasn’t going to wait for Alex Harbour, ever! “Nat.” Catching up with me, he grabbed my arm, making me turn to face him. “Fucking wait!”

  “You bastard!” I seethed, pushing his chest. “You think I’m fucking frigid because I won’t sleep with you? Why can’t you get it into that thick skull of yours that I don’t want you in that way! You’re a fucking asshole!”

  “I never said that to her, Nat. I promise.”

  “I don’t give a shit what you said. I’m going back to the hotel. I need time to think.”

  “About what?” I looked down at the floor. Taking David’s offer right now seemed like a good idea. If I stayed, my feelings for Alex would only become deeper, and I was in pain already. “You’re thinking about going back to him, aren’t you?”

  “Not him, the job!” I glared. “I can’t do this anymore!” Turning on my heels, I walked away. I’d make my own way back to the hotel using the tube. Luckily I knew my way around London, and this time I wasn’t followed.

  Finally, I had some time alone to think.

  Chapter Twelve


  Pressing my hands against the cool glass window, I gazed out to watch London below me. Did I want to come back here? Was going back to David a good idea? Either way, things wouldn’t end well for me. Neither choice was a good one. Watch David marry and start a family with Sarah, or continue to fall for an egotistical rock star that would break my heart through alcohol, drugs, and other women.

  Why did I get myself mixed up in these situations? At twenty-nine, I should’ve been thinking about settling down. My mother was always telling me that I was scared of commitment; maybe she was right.

  Staying with Alex was still the best option, though. If I could learn to mask my feelings and move on, maybe I could salvage things. It wasn’t like he would ever find out how I truly felt about him. I just needed to chock it up as another case of wanting what I couldn’t have.

  Resting on my bed, I was staring up at the ceiling when my phone rang. Please don’t let it be David or Alex! I frowned, picking it up to see Gina’s ID.

  “Hi, Gina. Is everything okay? Did you get my emails from earlier?”

  “I did, thank you, Natasha. I’m calling regarding another matter.” Oh, I knew where this was heading. “Alex has just called me with some disturbing news.”

  “Has he?”

  “You’re not really thinking about going back to work for David Barclay, are you?”

  “Oh, I…”

  “It would be such a step backwards. I can see great things ahead for you. Don’t ruin it by chasing a man. You’re better than that.”

  “It’s been a strange day. I’m shocked that Alex called you, to be honest. Is he that worried?”

  “You’ve been a lifeline for him. Everyone has commented on how calm he’s become these days. I knew you’d be good for him. You’ve given him boundaries and challenged him. He’s needed that for a long time. His arrogance was overbearing to everyone around him at times. I was the only person to say no to him before you. He thought the world was his—that he could have anything he wanted. You’ve opened his eyes.”

  “I can’t see myself leaving, Gina. You have nothing to worry about.” She breathed in relief. “I’ve had a difficult few days. Alex and I had words earlier, too. I was lashing out at him by telling him I might be leaving.”