Zandor

by M. J. Fields

  I sat back and watched Bekah. I could tell Tiffany was trying to make her smile. She did her best but she was hurting and I could tell. I knew it because as angry as I was I knew that it was deeper than being pissed off. I’ve felt pissed off before, I’ve been hurt before, I’ve lost someone I loved, and I’ve watched as my brothers had worked through their hurt and pain. Feeling it all. Making it my life’s mission to not get that close ever. I flipped a switch in my head, turned off that type of feeling and it worked for me.

  She’d felt pain, too. Maybe not exactly as I had but it makes it no less of a feeling. She’d found someone who made her feel less hurt and then he crushed her. Now she wore it like a badge. Her own self-applied scarlet letter. That burden was holding her back from a happiness I knew I could give her. I wanted to give it to her…forever.

  Carrie sat beside me again. “I hope you don’t mind but I don’t know anyone else in here. But if I become a bother, please just let me know. I know I will be catching a cab home, Teresa looks like she’ll be busy for the night and I won’t spoil her good time.”

  I dragged my eyes away from my Kitten and smiled. “You’re not a bother.”

  “Good, because I never get out. I’m a sit at home when the kids are in bed kind of girl. This is a big step for me.” She was more talking out loud, and it made me laugh. “Sorry.”

  “Don’t be, someday I’ll probably be the same.”

  “You like to read?”

  “Sure, a little.”

  “What do you read?”

  “Hmm, Carrie I don’t think you’d like the answer to that.”

  She blushed. “Magazines?”

  “Worse.” I laughed and so did she.

  “I read romance novels.” She giggled.

  “I’ve read my fair share,” I admitted and she laughed.

  “Tell me what you’ve read.”

  “No way.” I laughed.

  She smacked my chest. “Come on.”

  “This isn’t a conversation I’m willing to have.” I smiled.

  “Fine.” she giggled.

  I looked up and saw Bekah standing in the middle of the floor motionless staring at me. She looked so fucking upset.

  She turned around and a guy leaned in and asked her something and she nodded. The music changed to a slow song and his hands rested on her hips and that was fucking it!

  “Excuse me please, Carrie.”

  I stood up and pushed my way through the crowd.

  “May I cut in?”

  She looked up at me and scowled. “No.”

  The guy looked at me expecting me to step away and I didn’t.

  “She said no.” He looked away.

  I took his hand and pulled it off her. “Let go motherfucker or you’ll regret it.”

  “Fuck you, man, she said no,” He went to put his hand back on her hip and I grabbed his arm and jacked it up behind him.

  She yelled something but I have no fucking clue what she said. I raised his arm so he was tinker belling it on his fucking tippy toes to the front door. I pushed him through it and then kicked him in the ass and watched as he fell to the ground.

  “What the hell are you doing?”

  I turned and saw the horror in her eyes and I wasn’t fucking thinking straight. I grabbed her hand and she tried real hard to pull away but I wouldn’t let her. I dragged her screaming behind me and opened the door and set her in the car. I got in the driver’s seat and she was almost out the door. I grabbed her shirt and yanked her back in and took off with the door still opened.

  “Shut the fucking door, Bekah!”

  “Are you insane?”

  “You’re making me fucking insane!”

  “I was dancing!”

  “With some guy who wanted to fuck you!”

  “It’s not your problem!”

  “The fuck it’s not. You’re my…”

  “I’m your nothing! You were sitting in a dark corner all wrapped up in your next fucking-- whatever you call them.”

  “I was doing nothing wrong!”

  “Oh, I know. That’s right, I forget you’re fucking Robin Hood. Your indiscretions mean nothing because you’re providing fuck…”

  “Ladies don’t say…

  “FUCK therapy to all us broken women who you can manipulate by your charm and unusually large COCK! You think that helps Zandor that you can just lay women down and fuck them better and then leave? We’re stupid! Women believe in the fairy tale, and then you walk away with a clear conscience? You’re fucked up! You’re a bad man, Zandor Steel!”

  I was seriously self-absorbed because even though she just laid me out with crushing words I was still tripping on unusually large cock. “It’s a gift Bekah, not a curse.”

  “Wow, there is something seriously wrong with you,” she hissed and then said nothing more.

  I pulled into her parking spot and then opened the door. I tried to make it around to open hers because I am a gentleman. She was already running toward the door.

  When I caught up she was breathless. “My fucking….”

  “Maybe you should stop talking like that if you expect me to…” I unlocked the door and she slid in and slammed it in my face, locked it, and flipped me off.

  I held up the keys fully aware that I may have the ‘Here’s Johnny’ Jack Nicholson look on my face from the movie The Shining, but I wasn’t letting her go that easy.

  I ran up the stairs after her and she stood against the wall beside the door looking a mess, the same fucking way I felt.

  I unlocked the door and held it open for her.

  “Don’t come in.” She stood, arms crossed, shaking like a leaf.

  “You really think I’m leaving right now when you just pulled that shit thinking I was going to cheat on you?”

  “We’re not together.” She said slowly like I was too stupid to understand.

  “Don’t say shit like that, Bekah.”

  “You’re hurting me, Zandor, worse than anyone else in my life ever has. Now that you know that it should be easier for you to leave.”

  “I will strip you down in every way I want and then build you back up. You’ll do as I say and you’ll like it.” I was not going to calm down, I knew what she needed, fucking me!

  “You may not be able to see what it is you’re doing to me. But listen to yourself do you even hear what you’re saying to me? Do you? I was so wrong about you.” She turned to walked away and I grabbed her hand and she winced.

  I looked down and her hand was red. I took it more gently and kissed it. “I’m not trying to hurt you. I don’t want that, Bekah, I want to…I want you to let me show you everything I need to about me that can make you better. Make me better. I know now how you see me…”

  “The same way you saw me in North Carolina when you heard everything about me. You’re kidding yourself if you think…”

  “No, you’re forgetting what it was like! What we are to each other.”

  “Just stop please just stop.” She pulled her hand away from my lips.

  “You deserve to be.” I stopped and closed my eyes feeling the burning rising up. The feeling of loss. “I’ll leave if that’s what you need but listen to me very carefully, Bekah, I won’t repeat this and you’ll definitely want to remember it. Quando chiudo gli occhi vedo solo te. Ti amo gattino.” I watched the confusion in her eyes so I repeated slowly three words I had never said to another woman, “Ti amo gattino.”

  I walked out and closed the door and fucking just in time. I felt tears in my eyes, and I didn’t fucking cry. Ever. And I wouldn’t now.

  What What?

  Bekah

  I watched him sit in the cold vehicle, motionless. He raised his hands to blow into them. It was cold out, I know because I had left my jacket at the bar, apparently he did, too.

  I couldn’t call and ask Tiffany to bring them home, my phone was in my pocket. So I stood watching him sit in my car waiting for him to leave so I could fall apart.

  And that is just wh
at happened. I lay in bed, next to his overpriced jacket that smelled of leather and him. I held it tight and cried myself to sleep.

  ~

  I woke to Tiffany sitting next to me brushing the hair off my tear-stained face. I looked up at her and she held my coat.

  “Thanks,” I whispered.

  “No problem. Go back to sleep.” She kissed the top of my head and started to stand.

  “Tiff, ti ammo gattino?”

  “I love you, too.” She smiled and started to walk away.

  “Wait!”

  She stopped and turned. “What is it?”

  “Ti amo gattino? What’s it mean?”

  “It’s been a few years since I took Italian, but I’m pretty sure in means I love you, Kitten.”

  “No.”

  “Look it up.” She sat next to me and grabbed my phone from my coat pocket and laughed, “There’s an app for that.”

  She played with my phone and then gave me sad puppy dog eyes. “Yeah, it means I love you, Kitten. Did he say that to you?”

  I nodded and started crying again.

  “And it makes you sad?”

  “Yes, damn it!” I lay down and cried into my pillow.

  “Okay.” she lay down and rubbed my back.

  ~

  The next time I woke, it was to a tall blonde gorgeous man tickling my feet. “Rise and shine, darlin’. It’s turkey day.”

  “Chris?” I rubbed my eyes, “What are you doing here?”

  He sat down and hugged me. “Well apparently hell froze over in the South. The colonel called me this morning to wish me a Happy Thanksgiving.”

  “No way!”

  “Yeah, no shit, huh?”

  “Apparently, he wants to make sure his kiddos know he feels like shit about the past four years and hopes that even if we don’t want to spend the holidays with him we should do it together.”

  “What did you say?”

  “I told him I didn’t know if he was hopped up on pain meds but I was still gonna fuck guys when I felt inclined.”

  “You didn’t?”

  He looked at me and rolled his eyes.

  “Of course you did.”

  “He told me life was too short for the bullshit and he hoped we could move past it all. He also told me about some guy that you brought down there that he was an asshole to. Oh and by the way he’s not apologizing for that because he’d do it again. I asked if when I brought a boy home he’d do the same thing to protect my virtue.”

  I laughed and covered my mouth. “What did he say?”

  “He said not to push it.”

  We both laughed. He gave me a big-old Chris hug.

  “You look like shit, Beks, take a shower. It’s two in the afternoon for fuck sake! Get all pretty and we’re going out to Thanksgiving Dinner.”

  “Okay.” I hopped up and ran to the shower.

  As shitty as I felt, I wouldn’t say no. It had been too long between visits with Chris and I and we lived so close.

  Tiffany walked out of her room with Drew. “You sure you won’t go with us?”

  “No, Chris is here, we’re going to dinner.” I know I was beaming and she smiled and hugged me.

  “Glad you feel better. See you later?”

  “Yes.”

  ~

  After my shower I walked into the bedroom and Chris was standing in the window smirking.

  “What’s so funny?” I asked and nudged him with my hip.

  “You’re car just got dropped off by two very hot men.”

  I looked out the window and sure enough the SUV was pulling out and Zandor wasn’t driving. They drove by slowly and Zandor had his head out the window looking up at me and he flipped me off. The driver pulled him back and peeled out.

  “You got an admirer?”

  “Apparently not.”

  “Why because he flipped you the bird?”

  “Yeah.” I forced a smile.

  “It’s Thanksgiving, baby girl. I’d take it as a Happy Thanksgiving greeting.”

  “Rose-colored glasses?”

  “No other way to live. Now get dressed, we are gonna have one hell of a Thanksgiving.” he chuckled and walked out leaving me to get dressed.

  ~

  “Where are we?” I asked as he pulled into the driveway of a beautiful home on a hill just outside of town.

  “I work with this girl. She insisted on me coming here for Thanksgiving, and I promised I would. If you’re not comfortable we can leave. But I think you’ll like them, real down to earth people.”

  He walked around the car and opened my door. “Feels good to have a hot female date to dinner. Been awhile.”

  “Still on the man kick?”

  “You live here now, you tell me how the hell I couldn’t be.” He patted my back.

  The door opened, and a little girl with dark hair and blue eyes said. “Happy Thanksgiving!”

  “Happy Thanksgiving to you, too.” Chris grinned at her.

  “Momma Carly, we have guests!” She yelled as she skipped into the entry.

  A pretty blonde walked out followed by a very petite brunette. “Christoff you made it!”

  “I did and I hope you don’t mind, I brought a date.” He hugged each of them.

  “Of course, there’s plenty for everyone.” The blonde smiled and stuck out her hand, “I’m Carly.”

  “Very nice to meet you. I’m Rebekah. You have a lovely home.” I shook her hand.

  “I know right, crazy beautiful.” She was very sweet and seemed down to earth.

  The little brunette stuck her hand out and smiled. “I’m Tara. What did you say your name was?”

  “Rebekah, but you can call me…”

  “Is that music I hear?” Chris interrupted and dragged me behind him as I kicked my shoes off.

  We walked into a beautiful family room to the little dark haired girl playing a dance game on the television.

  “Come on, Aunt Tara and Momma Carly! I’m not getting any younger.” She clapped excitedly

  Carly looked at me. “I apologize for what you’re about to witness, I’m not a dancer. If you want to sit back and watch, feel free to watch Bella or Tara. Or do me a favor and play along so I don’t feel like an idiot.”

  I laughed. “I’ve never played.”

  “Perfect, maybe I’ll have a few minutes before you get the hang of it to not be the only one that dreadful gaming system boos.” The doorbell rang and she smiled. “Excuse me for just a moment.”

  “You’re player four, see right here?” Bella pointed to the screen and I smiled and shook my head yes. “Let’s get this party started! Christoff you’re playing too.”

  “Fine, I suppose I can do that, just don’t start crying when I wipe the dance floor with you, Bella.”

  “As if,” she snickered. “You’re number 5.”

  We were dancing and laughing. Tara was definitely the one to beat. Bella was great, too. We played for at least five songs before we stopped for a break.

  “You have me sweating.” I wiped my head and Bella did too.

  “Want a drink?”

  “Sure, lead the way, tiny dancer,” She grabbed my hand and pulled me down the hall and into the kitchen.

  I stood looking around in aww. It was perhaps the most beautiful kitchen I had ever been in. The cupboards were distressed white wood framing glass doors. Each was organized beautifully. The double sink was stainless matching all the other appliances. The counters were all white granite except for the large island in the middle, its countertop was black. I loved the contrast in color.

  I heard muffled voices from the other room and Bella grabbed five bottles of water from the refrigerator.

  “Come on, break time is over.” she giggled

  We stepped into the hall and she dropped three on the floor. I laughed and picked them up. I heard a loud inhale of breath and a growl from behind. Before I could look, Bella was dragging me into the family room.

  “Alright let’s do this!” She cranked up
the music, Thrift Shop played. I looked at Carly shocked.

  “PG version. Let’s do this!” Carly shouted.

  We were all doing well, even Carly, who thought she couldn’t dance.

  When the song ended, the room erupted in applause and I turned to look behind me.

  I felt dizzy immediately and must have stumbled because Carly grabbed my elbow and steadied me.

  “You oaky?”

  I couldn’t look away from his angry dark glare.

  I shook my head quickly up and down.

  “Why don’t you have a seat for a minute?”

  Carly walked me over to the couch and it was like Moses parted the red sea. Xavier moved over and patted the spot next to him, as he bit his cheeks, suppressing a grin.

  Joe walked in wiping her hands on her apron and her jaw almost hit the floor.

  Tara smiled at her. “Christoff and his sister Rebekah are joining us.”

  She smiled. “Of course, of course. It’s wonderful, the more the merrier. Nice to see you again, Bekah.”

  Zandor chuckled, and I felt my face heat up. “You too, Mrs. Steel.”

  “Joe is good, Bekah.” She smiled and then shot Zandor a look.

  He and Xavier both chuckled.

  I looked up at Tara who was looking back and forth between Zandor and me almost as if she knew. I wondered if she did. If everyone in this room did, I searched for Chris and he was avoiding eye contact. I wondered if he knew too.

  Bella walked up to me with my water bottle. “Are you okay?”

  She knelt in front of me and opened the bottle and handed it to me.

  “I’m fine thank you, Bella.” I took a drink and only then did I realize I was shaking.

  Zandor reached up and took the bottle. “Why don’t you go see if maybe there’s a couple crackers, Little Bell.”

  When she left the room Xavier burst out laughing and then gave me a big kiss on the cheek. He left the room, and my brother followed him out.

  Zandor turned toward me. “This fucking diet is gonna kill you, Bekah.”

  “You…this is your…”

  “My family? Yes. The guy you came with is Christoff?”

  “Chris, yeah. My…”

  “Brother?”

  “Yeah, you’ve been drinking?”

  “A lot.” He started to rub my leg. “I’m going to have a hard time controlling myself.”