Zandor

by M. J. Fields

  “I’m going to leave, this is your family’s…”

  “You stay. If you try to leave, I may lose my shit.” He stopped and lifted my hand. “I hurt you last night.”

  “I bruise easy. I’m fine.”

  “I never would hurt you, Bekah.”

  “You flipped me off today.”

  “I saw a man in your bedroom window and your hair in a towel fresh from a shower.” He brought my hand up and kissed my wrist and then licked it.

  “Zandor.”

  “No, let me pretend that you didn’t crush my heart last night. Let me pretend that you’re still mine.” He leaned over and kissed my neck. “I won’t come after you again. I said everything I could last night. If your feelings aren’t the same, there is no reason for me to be here.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “It means me…”

  “I got crackers.” Little Bell ran into the room.

  I looked up and Carly, Tara, Cyrus, and another man walked in and looked at me.

  “Thanks, Bella.” Zandor leaned forward and kissed her cheek.

  She laughed. “You need to shave.”

  They all walked in and sat around me.

  Zandor looked up and laughed. “Bekah, I think you’ve met every one here except Jase.”

  Jase smiled and stuck out his hand. “I feel like I already know you.”

  I felt my face turn red instantly.

  “Smooth, Jase.” Zandor sat back and groaned.

  Jase laughed. “I haven’t even gotten started, little brother.”

  Carly stomped on his foot. “Damn it, baby, that almost hurt.”

  “Sorry about…”

  “Sorry to her or me?” Jase interrupted Carly.

  “To her. You deserved that.”

  “Baby, he deserves everything I’m gonna dish out today. No disrespect to you, Bekah, but I owe him big.”

  “The tattoo wasn’t enough?”

  Jase looked shocked and Zandor laughed and grabbed my hand and kissed it, in front of all of them.

  “Hey, is this the girl you went away with?” Bella smiled in wonder.

  “Yeah, this is Bekah, Little Bell.”

  “Good, glad you’re back, he has been grumpy.” Bella laughed when he grabbed her with his other hand and pulled her across his lap.

  “What the hell is that?” Jase yelled and pulled her shirt up further exposing the turkey across her back.

  Zandor laughed as Bella stood up and bent down sticking her little fanny in the air. “Tramp stamp, Daddy. Uncle Zandor gave it to me.”

  I looked at Zandor who was grinning from ear to ear and then at Jase who was turning redder by the minute.

  “Carly, please take our daughter in the other room.”

  Carly took Bella’s hand. “Come on let’s go help the set the table.”

  “Momma Carly, does he think it’s real? It’s not.” She said as they walked out of the room.

  “Tramp stamp?” Jase snapped.

  I started to stand and Zandor threw his leg over mine.

  “She said it, I didn’t.”

  “Where did she learn that term?”

  “I have no clue. Wasn’t from me.”

  Jase looked at him and I could tell he believed him. “Fuck!”

  “Yeah, no shit. She’s gonna go to school and during show and tell she’s gonna say ‘over Thanksgiving break I made cookies, played games, watched the parade, and got a tramp stamp’.”

  I had to bite my lips so that I wouldn’t laugh out loud, and Jase looked at me and then back at Zandor who wasn’t trying to hide his amusement.

  Jase stood.“You two just wait till you have three or four little terrors running your life. Then I can sit back and laugh.”

  He walked out of the room and Zandor looked at me all smiles and I smiled back. “She’s a treat.”

  “She’s the best.”

  His leg was still across mine and my hand was still in his.

  He leaned over and kissed me softly on my lips and I didn’t move away.

  “You belong here with me. Don’t respond.” He closed his eyes. “Please don’t respond.”

  “Zandor?”

  “Yeah?” He opened his eyes.

  “I know you’re drunk but please say it again. What you said to me last night.”

  “Ti amo gattino.”

  “Now tell me what it means.”

  He looked at me. “Doesn’t matter that I’ve been drinking. I’ll tell you again tomorrow and every day for the next fifty years.”

  “Fifty years?”

  “A hundred and fifty.”

  His fingers were gently cupping my chin and he was smiling. “I love you, Bekah.”

  I closed my eyes and he kissed me. It wasn’t a wet kiss, it was soft, sweet, and exactly what I wanted it to be.

  He pulled back. “Give me a chance. Even if it’s only today to show you how I feel. To show you what a life with me would be like. I promise you it’ll be better than you can ever imagine.”

  “We’re both so young.” I said as he kissed my cheek.

  “Years ago people were married when they were fourteen.”

  I pulled back and looked at him.

  He laughed and sat back. “I’m pushing.”

  “You’re drunk.”

  “On you. I have been since I saw you. The moment I saw you. I knew you and I were a lot alike.”

  I looked at him and rolled my eyes. “Falling in love is like giving another person a loaded gun pointed right at your heart and trusting them to not shoot you.”

  He smiled. “A little dramatic, but I understand why you feel that way. I would never shoot you, Kitten.”

  “If I ever open my heart again it will be to someone who can make me feel secure. I can’t be with someone who makes me wonder when he’s going to figure out I’m not his type and leave.”

  “I’m the perfect choice then.” He grinned.

  “How so?”

  “All those women in the file or whatever the fuck it was on me. All of them would have been just fine if not for one little thing.”

  “And what’s that?”

  “I didn’t love them. I didn’t feel drawn to them immediately. I didn’t want to see them every second of everyday. None of them would have worked out because there has never been another until now. My heart didn’t start pumping until I saw you. I’ve done some rather fucked-up things since I’ve met you, but that’s not me. I can control myself in any situation that I’m in… well I used to be able to, before you were delivered to me.”

  “You’ll kill me.”

  “That won’t happen, not ever. But if it makes you feel any better, I’d die if you did.”

  “Now that’s dramatic.” I giggled.

  “No Kitten, that’s reality.”

  “Zandor, come help me now please.” I heard Joe’s voice.

  “Please eat these crackers and drink the water.” He kissed the top of my head as he stood. “I’ll come back in a few minutes okay?”

  I smiled and took a drink.

  As soon as he left the room, Carly and Tara came rushing in.

  “You okay?” Tara asked as she sat next to me.

  “Yeah, these boys can be very intense,” Carly chimed in.

  “But Zandor is a good guy. He helped me through some stuff.” Tara took my hand.

  “Lucky you, I knew him before Italy, he certainly changed.” Carly laughed.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well you’ll get a good taste of it at dinner, especially if Momma Joe leaves the room.” Carly looked at Tara and they both giggled.

  “The Steel men are pretty rough around the edges,” Carly told me.

  “But they’re so loyal. So honest about who they are and when they love…”

  “Hold up, they’re honest when they’re ready to be,” Carly interrupted.

  “Yeah, but even before I knew about all the things Cyrus did to keep me safe and protected I knew when he said somet
hing he meant it.”

  “Jase had me jumping through hoops thinking I was crazy for two years. When I wasn’t thinking I was crazy I was sure that he was.” Carly threw herself back into the couch cushion.

  “Yeah, they can be secretive.” Tara smiled and looked at me. “But I think it’s more for self- preservation.”

  My head was spinning as I listened to the two of them and they could tell.

  “Okay just do us a favor, sit back and watch them at dinner. You’ll know when they’re trying to hide something. All four of them would back each other no matter what, but I know Jase would never do anything to hurt me. He is my lover, protector, best friend, and arch nemesis all rolled into one amazing package.”

  “To look at Cyrus you’d think he was completely self-centered. I mean he spends more time in the bathroom than I do.” Tara laughed.

  “Jase, too.” Carly agreed.

  “But I know without a doubt now what the words I love you mean coming from him. It’s all consuming. I will never go to bed at night wondering if he’ll be there in the morning…”

  “Or unsatisfied.” Carly leaned back into the couch.

  “Oh and yeah about that. If you haven’t figured it out already, they’re all very sexual. Every conversation between them has a double meaning and always centers around sex.”

  I was smiling when Joe walked in and cleared her throat.

  Tara and Carly looked up and smiled at her.

  “We ready to eat, ladies?”

  They stood up and smiled at me before leaving me alone with Joe Steel.

  “You feeling better?” She sat on the edge of the couch.

  “Yes, thank you. I feel silly but I guess I forgot to eat today.”

  “Zandor is a good man.”

  “I never said he wasn’t.”

  “No dear, of course not…”

  “Okay yes I did, I told him he was a bad man last night.” I felt tears welling in my eyes. “It was a bad night.”

  “You don’t have to explain to me, Bekah. I have had to force myself to try to avoid butting into their love lives. It’s just different with Zandor. He’s a very, um, passionate boy. But I can assure you if he shows you and tells you he cares then he does, without a doubt. Now let’s go out and celebrate Thanksgiving. We all have something to be thankful for, no?”

  “Yes, of course.”

  Sweater Weather

  Zandor

  What a fucking day. You wake up feeling like shit and thinking there was no fixing a situation that can’t be avoided and then bam! She appeared in a little short gray skirt with black tights, a little gray cami and that black, can’t fuck me cardigan sweater teasing the hell out of my cock.

  She walked out into the dining room with Momma Joe, damn she looked so shy right now. I was cool with it, didn’t need to fix it for her, I knew every one of the people in this room was gonna love her just like I did, look at them all watching every step she made. Just like me, they were ready to catch her if she fell.

  Cyrus carried the carved turkey and set it in the middle of the table. I got up and pulled the chair out for my beautiful kitten who gave me pouty lips and sat next to her brother who gave me a look as if to say, ha ha fuck stick.

  Momma Joe walked into the dining room with the Professor, and Carly stood up and hugged him.

  “I’m so glad you made it, I feel like we never see each other outside of work anymore.” Professor Higgins kissed her cheek.

  “Happy Thanksgiving, Carly.” He sat next to me.

  “Now that we’re all here, we can start. Cyrus, you first.” Joe sat next to him.

  “Sure. Obviously it’s been a good year here for our family. We have added a few new members. So I’m very thankful to the beautiful Carly.”

  Jase glared at him and I smirked.

  “What she has given to me I can’t even begin to tell anyone here and I probably shouldn’t since Little Bell doesn’t need to add anymore vocabulary words to the old think bank before she heads back to school. But I will tell you this, Carly you have changed my life for the better. I thank the good lord for the Prince every day because without it you’d have never stuck around to bring my little Birdie into my life. The girl whose ass I fought to bring out of the damn cage and now I’d stuff her back in just so no one else could have her. I love you, Birdie.”

  Tara smiled and looked at Carly and then at Bekah, they all had a look on their face that made me want to laugh.

  “So the first toast is to lavender panties.” Cyrus raised his glass and Jase threw a poison dart glare at him.

  Jase stood up. “My turn. I want you all to look at the beautiful bird we have been blessed with. All of that amazing juicy stuffing that we are about to devour with our mouths, caress with our forks, pound into with…”

  Jase looked at Carly who was now tapping loudly on the table with a fork. “Sorry Baby, but he started it with all his lavender…”

  “Jase,” Momma interrupted. “Please continue, just two things that your grateful for please boys that’s all I ask, every year, that’s all.”

  Momma sat back and took a drink and looked at me and raised her eyebrows, a warning and then looked at Xavier who was having a hard time keeping his eyes open, lightweight.

  “Fine, I’m thankful for my wife’s mouth. The encouragement and love that comes from it makes every day better. I’m thankful for my beautiful daughter, her hugs make even the coldest fall nights warm.”

  Carly stood up and excused herself.

  Jase sat down, glaring at his plate.

  “You wanna take care if that, or should I?” Cyrus teased Jase

  “Cyrus I swear to you I will knock your mother…”

  “Enough! Jovanni go!” Momma had spoken, and Jase got to it.

  He walked out of the room with his tail between his legs sputtering.

  “They think I don’t know.”

  “Know what Bella?” I asked.

  “Carly wants a baby and Daddy says no. He’s afraid if she dies, I won’t have a Momma. I hear them sometimes you know.”

  I got up and grabbed her from her chair. “People die right, nothing anyone can do about it. You afraid of that happening?”

  “No, not really.” She smiled but her bottom lip stuck out.

  “Look around here, all these people will always be here for you, right? We’ll get each other through any shit we get thrown at us.”

  Bella smiled and looked down at Bekah.

  “Is your mommy dead?”

  Bekah looked shocked. “No Bella, she’s not.”

  “Mine is, and Tara’s and Carly’s I just thought maybe.” She shrugged her little shoulders.

  “I’m very sorry,” Bekah said in the sweetest voice.

  “It’s okay, I don’t remember her. I heard she was real nice.”

  Tara looked over at her. “We got it all under control though, right, Bella?”

  Bella smiled at her and nodded.

  “Tara and Bella have a very special connection,” I said as I looked down at Bekah.

  “We sure do. Bella helped me deal with all sorts of past issues. She’s a very brave girl.”

  “God you’re fucking beautiful,” Cyrus whispered a bit too loud, and Tara blushed.

  “Uncle Cyrus,” Bella roared with laughter and everyone at the table laughed, too.

  Momma filled her glass up and sat back rubbing her temple. She was stressing.

  “Momma Joe, I’m thankful for you.” Bella smiled at her.

  “That’s very sweet Bella, I’m thankful for you too.” Momma smiled at her.

  “I’m thankful for all my uncles and aunts too.” Bella smiled proudly. “Even though I didn’t know my mother, and Momma Charlotte died a few months ago, I have you guys and you’re a LOT of fun.”

  Jase and Carly walked out holding hands, her face was red and his was pale as a ghost.

  When they had sat down, Momma stood. “I am thankful for everyone in this room. Each of you holds a special place in my
heart. No matter how long I’ve known you.” She looked down at Bekah and back to Tara and Carly. “I am grateful that you’ve not run for the hills.”

  Professor Thomas laughed and she giggled. Momma fucking giggled.

  “I am especially thankful that we have Bella now and forever.” She raised her glass.

  We all followed suit, “Forever Steel.”

  Bekah bit her lip and smirked at the table. When she looked up at me I winked and she blushed.

  “Zandor, are you up for this?”

  “Yes Momma, of course.” I stood. “I’m thankful to have such a strong family. One who has taught me that regardless of what steps we take in our past, our future is ours to do with as we please.”

  I looked at Momma and she smiled proudly at me, “I’m also thankful for the turkey that is set before us. Although when I look at the leg I can’t help but think it’s very small in comparison to.” I looked at Momma who was now scowling and then at Bekah who quickly looked away. “Well maybe not small, but definitely not unusually large. So raise your glass and toast to the cock…a doodle do, that will feed us all tonight and fill our bellies for days to…come.”

  Xavier laughed and stood. “I’m thankful for freedom from chains that bind, and a harvest of the bountiful beauty that awaits. I’m thankful for the fallen comrades who have ensured I no longer have to worry about which tree they have picked before me. Oh, and for family of course.”

  Momma looked around the table and took another drink. “Anyone else?”

  “Carly, go ahead.” Jase looked at her sadly.

  “Well, I know you’re all aware that Jase and I have been having issues. When I started pushing to give Bella a sibling I was kind of sure that she would already be having one.” Carly started crying. “And I’m sorry if that makes any of you upset. I want to be happy and celebrate this. I’m due on…”

  “WAIT! Are you saying you’re pregnant?” Bella nearly jumped across the table at her.

  Carly nodded, and I set Bella on her feet. She ran around the table and was about to dive on her when Jase caught her.

  “Easy Bella, okay? She’s in a fragile state right now.” Jase set her down, “Okay, you understand right?”

  “Yeah, I’m gonna be a big sister.”