Never Far Away
Page 3
“Wait,” she said, placing her hand over his. “Please. Don’t leave.”
Chapter Three
Ella
The last thing Ella wanted was for him to leave her again. She heard his voice in Poppy and immediately her blood ran heated through her veins. She was sure she would have to search for him, but then he just appeared in her shop. She would have known his voice anywhere. At that moment all she wanted to do was listen to his voice forever. That was until she turned around and saw him, and then she realized she wanted to spend forever looking into his chocolate eyes. He was the kind of handsome that made women weak-kneed and swoon. His dark brown hair matched his eyes and his strong jaw made his face look all kinds of manly. Somewhere, deep inside of her soul, she knew exactly why she felt like he loved her at the hospital: because she knew she would have fallen in love with him in an instant. Something pulled her towards him and if she didn’t stay grounded, they would collide.
“I asked my mom and Megan many times who you were. I knew someone was there with me, I felt it. But no matter how many times I pleaded with them, they would never give me any information. Eventually I gave up on asking.”
“I never left your side at the hospital. I was there every day,” he paused, realizing that all of this information might be overwhelming for her. “I am sorry if this is confusing for you.”
“You have no idea how confusing this is. I don’t think ‘confusing’ as a word really encompasses how bizarre it is to deal with amnesia. I woke up to a strange man kissing me, who wasn’t my boyfriend, but was kissing me regardless. And everyone just tells me that I was imagining things, that it must have been the medication,” she laughed a little as she looked out the window. “I might have been drugged but that kiss, small as it was, felt more real to me than anything since.” She shook her head and raised her eyes up to meet his again. “Every day something pops up, something that is tied back to those six weeks of memory I lost. It is a struggle every day to try and figure out what’s real, what’s probably not true, and then there’s what my gut tells me about you.” Ella saw him swallow hard and then he spoke softly with a tentative voice.
“What does your gut say about me?”
“It says to trust you.” A small smile crept across her face and his relief was evident to her as he let a sigh past his lips. “I know this sounds crazy, but I’ve been looking for your voice in every man for eight weeks now. When I heard your voice in the store, I knew it was you. I knew you had come to find me and that you would have all the answers I was looking for.”
“I’ll tell you anything you want to know. I’m tired of hiding things.” Ella cocked her head at him and thought hard about her next question.
“Will you tell me what happened to me the night of the robbery?” She was looking him directly in the eye and she saw his eyes flash anger. Once they softened slightly he ran his fingers through his hair and she liked the way it looked after he’d rumpled it.
“It was Sunday afternoon and you had left my house about two hours earlier. I was in my shop working on my boat and you texted me that you had made it home safely. We joked around a little, and then you said you would call me when you were going to bed.” She watched him take in a shaky breath as he seemed to be gathering strength to continue on. “About a half hour later, maybe forty-five minutes, you called me. You were crying and upset. You told me that Kyle had been at your apartment and that he had hurt you. You never told me the whole story. You were upset and I just wanted to get to you. I never got all the facts.” His head fell into his hands and he was breathing in ragged breaths. “I was so upset with myself for letting you go back home alone. I’m still upset about it. None of this would have happened if I had just stayed with you. I never wanted to let you go.”
Ella drew in a ragged breath. She wasn’t expecting him to be so emotional about her accident. Everyone in her life had been putting on a brave face, but no one had let her see how upset they had been about the accident. Sometimes she felt guilty for feeling depressed or angry about her injuries since no one else was. Everyone was so focused on her moving forward, no one wanted to help her deal with the fact that she had been shot and lost her memory. So hearing Porter and all his frustration and hurt made her feel close to him. She reached across the table and placed her hand over his again, this time holding on and gently rubbing her thumb across the back of his knuckles.
“I’m ok, Porter. You aren’t responsible for what happened to me.”
“I know you don’t remember us, but I will always be responsible for you,” he whispered. He took his hand from her and rubbed both his hands over his face. “I’m sorry. I didn’t come here to make you uncomfortable. I know this must be awkward for you.”
“It’s ok.” She didn’t want to tell him that his words touched her. She wasn’t supposed to feel so connected to someone she technically didn’t know. “Can you tell me what happened next?”
“I drove to Poppy and the cops were already there. They told me you were taken to the hospital and when I got there I learned about your injuries. I also ran into Kyle. I beat the shit out of him,” Porter let out a little laugh and it made her smile. “He left the hospital and never made another appearance, which was probably best for his safety.” He paused again, and his next words were heavier and full of reflection. “I stayed by your side, every day, until you woke up. When you started opening your eyes I called the nurses and they made me leave the room. When I finally was told what had happened, that you had lost your memory, the decision had already been made that I wouldn’t get to see you. Even the doctor agreed. Ever since then, I’ve been living off the minimal updates your mom and sister have been sending me.”
“It sounds like you’ve been really upset by all of this.”
“Can I be honest with you? “
“Please.”
“This is wrecking me. It’s an odd situation to be in and I have no idea how to navigate these waters. But to have someone you love so much ripped away from you, and to know that they are still out there living their life but you can’t be a part of it,” he took in a deep breath and then continued, “it’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to me.” His words cut at her and she believed that he was hurting. She could see the pain painted across his face and she could feel the sadness radiating from him in waves. She was compelled to reach out to him, but felt that he would just pull away again. She wasn’t sure how to navigate the waters either; she didn’t even remember how to swim.
“Where are we supposed to go from here? I mean, what is supposed to happen next?” She asked him hesitantly.
“I have absolutely no idea. I have been so focused on just getting to speak to you. I hadn’t thought about what we were going to do once I’d gotten to talk to you. But whatever happens from this point on, it’s up to you. I don’t want to put any pressure on you whatsoever. I just wanted to see you again and make sure you were doing all right.”
The pressure his words were putting on her made her feel heavy like stone. She was never good at taking the lead and didn’t feel comfortable saying to him everything that was running through her mind. How do you tell someone you don’t really know that you want them to want you? That you want to spend time with them, lots of time? She could only rely on her gut and her gut was telling her there was a reason she felt inexplicably tied to him.
“Can I ask you a question that might make us both uncomfortable?”
“Of course,” he said immediately.
“Do you still love me?” She watched her question sink into him and could almost see her words land on his shoulders, weighing them down.
“Ella,” he said softly. “When we met, we spent one week together in some sort of bubble. Real life wasn’t affecting us. We were determined and convinced that we could surmount any obstacle that was thrown our way. We were reckless and excited by each other.”
Ella could feel the brush off coming; he was explaining their feelings away, like they were a fluke.
“I understand,” she whispered, wanting to stop his explanation before he got to the point where it would hurt her.
“But I love you more today than I ever have, Ella. Every day. Every. Single. Day. My love for you expands. I’m not ever going to be complete unless you are with me.”
As her eyes swept up to his face, she could see the hope still shimmering in his eyes. He still wanted her. When everything in her life was up in the air and she was unsure of anything, this little sliver of hope made her feel confident that Porter was something she could be sure of. She took in a deep breath and it was the first time in weeks that she felt relief.
“If you’re not opposed to it, I’d like to spend some time with you,” she said, trying not to sound needy. How do you tell your boyfriend you don’t remember that you want to date him without sounding needy? She was needy. She needed him to help her feel normal again.
“I am definitely not opposed to that,” he said as released a breath, smiling.
Ella’s phone buzzed in her purse and she read a text message from Kalli, reminding her that they were supposed to meet to go over some clothing options.
“Are you free tomorrow? The Saturday Market is open and I haven’t been yet this season. We could walk around and eat at the food trucks for lunch,” she said hopefully.
“That sounds great. Want to meet around eleven?”
“Sure. I will meet you at the waterfront at eleven, then.”
They both stood up and headed to the exit. Once they were both outside, Ella gently grabbed Porter’s arm and looked him in the eyes.
“Thank you for coming and finding me. I can’t imagine that the last eight weeks have been easy for you, but in some ways I am glad that I wasn’t the only one affected. It’s nice not to feel completely alone, even if only for a moment.” She slowly and tentatively moved towards him and pulled him into a hug. She wrapped her arms around his waist, hands clenched, not wanting to feel too much too soon by allowing her finger tips to run along his back. Her cheek came to a rest on his chest and she felt his body tense at her touch. For a few agonizing moments she stood there alone in a hug, wondering if she had overstepped some invisible border. Then she felt him relax and his arms wrapped around her shoulders. Shivers were sent down her spine when his nose found her hair and she heard him inhale.
“You still smell the same,” he whispered.
“I wish I could say the same,” she mumbled into his shirt. He did smell good, though, of wood and soap. “I guess I will see you tomorrow, then,” she said as she pulled away from him.
“Do you need a ride home?” He asked.
“No, thank you, I am headed back to the store.”
“Isn’t it closed?”
“Yes, but I have some things I need to take care of.” She saw in his face he was instantly concerned, and his brow was scrunching and coming to a point between his eyes. “What’s the matter?”
“It bothers me to think of you there after hours and at night.” Ella cocked her head to side and studied him. Her entire family had been completely and ridiculously over protective of her for the last two months, and it had become overbearingly irritating. But for some reason, when Porter put on a protective front it made her feel cherished.
“I will be ok. I’m actually meeting a friend there. I won’t be alone and I won’t be there for long, either.” Porter drew in a deep breath and stuck his hands in his pockets.
“Ok then, I will see you tomorrow.” She watched his eyes until he had turned around heading in the opposite direction of her store.
Ella made it to Poppy and as she was unlocking the door, she saw Kalli come around the corner. Kalli’s face lit up with a genuine smile that Ella had no choice but to return; Kalli’s friendly and sweet nature was contagious.
“Hey, Lady,” Kalli said in greeting. She nearly always called every woman she spoke to “lady”. It was a quirk that Ella found endearing.
“Hey yourself. Ready to check out that dress I was telling you about?”
“Always.”
The two of them went into the store and Ella punched in the code for the alarm system, making sure she armed it for safety while they were still in the store. Kalli told Ella about some snafu that had occurred on the set of the film she was working on as Ella was walking through the store, taking off her sweater and setting her purse on the counter.
Kalli was one of the new developments in Ella’s life for which she was grateful. Kalli had a way of making Ella completely forget that she was living with a void in her mind. It was refreshing to be around her because Ella never had to wonder if Kalli knew more than she was letting on, or if she was keeping something from her. Kalli was simply real, friendly, and good. They had quickly formed a strong and powerful friendship. As she spoke she brushed her auburn hair over her shoulder, and then mindlessly twirled the small and delicate diamond stud that adorned her ear. Her hands were constantly moving, whether she was talking with her hands, gesticulating wildly, or simply fingering the hem of her shirt. If she stayed still for a whole five minutes she might have turned to stone, or so it seemed.
“I mean, I can’t help it if one of the extras stupidly spilled coffee on the lead’s shirt. I can replace it, but I can’t turn back time and take it back, ya know?” Ella was forced back into the conversation by her question.
“Definitely.” Ella smiled because she knew Kalli could find a way to complain about almost anything, and nearly did. But generally her frustration had a short lifespan, and once she got the words out of her mouth you could almost see the tension melt away from her. Ella didn’t mind being a sounding board for her, because the comfort she got from their friendship outweighed this slight character flaw by no comparison. “Ok, so I received this dress in a shipment and I think it would be perfect for the movie.” Ella grabbed the dress off of a rack behind her and held it up for Kalli to see.
The dress came to just above the knee, was gathered at one shoulder with a shimmery applique. It started as a light blue at the gather and gradually moved into a midnight blue towards the bottom.
“Oh, Ella, I love this,” Kalli said as she tucked her hair behind her ear. “Ombre is totally hot right now and the one shoulder look is really sexy. This would be perfect for the gala scene. We shoot that in two weeks.”
“That’s exactly the scene I thought of when this dress came in.”
“Can I take it to the set for approval? I really think they’ll like it.”
“Of course. Not a problem,” Ella said with a smile. She grabbed a garment bag from under the counter and began to put the dress in.
“So where were you coming from when I saw you unlocking the door?”
“Oh, um, I had just met a friend at the coffee shop up the street.”
“A friend?”
Ella knew she was digging around and contemplated not telling Kalli about Porter. But then she realized she couldn’t really tell her sister about their meeting, so by default Kalli was the only other person she could talk to about what was happening.
“Listen, I really need to talk to someone about this, but I don’t want to put you in a bad position with Megan. I need this to be kept between us, so if that’s something you feel comfortable with, I would really love to tell you about it.” Concern instantly came across Kalli’s face and she took a few steps towards Ella until she was close enough to put a hand on her shoulder.
“Ella, of course you can tell me anything. I promise I won’t tell Megan unless you give me the ok.”
Ella looked down at her hands which were wringing together in a nervous manner. She let out a loud breath and decided she needed to talk to someone about Porter.
“Do you remember me telling you about the man I heard when I was waking up in the hospital?”
“You mean ‘The Voice’?”
Ella tilted her head a
nd narrowed her eyes at her reference, not sure if she liked the way it sounded coming from Kalli’s mouth. To Ella, the voice she had heard in the hospital had been sacred. And even though she was being completely sincere, hearing her refer to it as if it were part of some urban legend sort of irritated her.
“Don’t say it like that, Kal. It happened. I heard it and now I have proof.”
“What are you talking about?”
“The man whose voice I heard in the hospital came into Poppy today.” Ella got a little satisfaction when Kalli’s eyebrows shot towards the roof and her eyes became as wide as the “o” her mouth was making.
“You’re joking.”
“Never would I joke about this.”
“That is a good point. Are you sure it was really him?”
“Well, for one, I would have recognized his voice in an instant. I heard him speak and my whole body responded to his voice. My stomach dropped, my breathing went all crazy, and I had to focus just to turn around without falling on my ass,” Ella said, remembering the way her body had been so quick to let her know of his presence. “And two, he told me who he was.”
“Oh my gosh, Ella. This is huge. What did he want?”
“He wanted to see me. He said that he’s been trying to convince my mother and sister to let him see me since I woke up, and it seems as though he just got tired of waiting for their permission.”
“And Megan never told you he was trying to see you?”
“No, but that isn’t her fault. Megan is very much in the middle here. My mom is worried about me. I can see why she wasn’t sure if it would be good for me to see him, but I can tell that him being in my life is going to be good.” Ella couldn’t help the smile that was finding its way onto her face and she could feel the blush tagging along with it.