Never Far Away

by Anie Michaels

  “What did you guys talk about?”

  “I asked him to tell me about the robbery and I asked him what had happed between the two of us.”

  “What did he say about the two of you?”

  “Not really a whole lot, actually. Nothing too specific. He basically said that for the ten days leading up to the robbery, we had met and fell in love.” What she didn’t tell Kalli was that she got more information from the way he said the words than from the words themselves. The way his words made her feel was even more powerful than just the content.

  “He’s in love with you?”

  “Apparently,” Ella said as she shrugged her shoulders.

  “This all seems a little weird, Ella. Some guy shows up in your store and tells you that he loves you, but you don’t remember him at all? Isn’t that a little suspicious?”

  Ella couldn’t disagree with her. It was weird. But nothing about her life right now was normal. Ella rubbed her hand up and down Kalli’s arm.

  “Everything is going to be ok. I know he’s here for a reason and I intend find out what all of this means, if anything.”

  “You’re going to see him again?”

  “We’re going to The Saturday Market tomorrow.”

  “Well, at least it’s out in public. Do you want me to go with you?”

  “No. I want to spend some time with him alone and see what he has to say.” She also wanted to be alone with him to focus on the way her body seemed to be connected to his. She needed space away from everything to just let him be with her.

  Chapter Four

  Porter

  Last night was the first in weeks that didn’t haunt Porter. When he walked into his house, he was no longer accosted by images of Ella that made it difficult for him to breathe. She was still everywhere, but instead of gripping his heart and weighing him down, the memories made him smile as he remembered her in his kitchen wearing his clothes, or leaning up against his wall, dressed in lace, waiting to be ravaged. He went to sleep in his bed, wasn’t tortured by her scent, or the emptiness of the bed. He was comforted by the way he could still feel her hugging him from only hours earlier.

  His meeting with Ella couldn’t really have gone any better and he was sorry he hadn’t taken the initiative to do it sooner. He told her most of everything there was to tell and she hadn’t called him crazy or run away from him, but seemed to understand him. He felt like she was waiting for him to find her.

  His drive to Portland the next day to meet her was vastly different than the day before. He was no longer nervous for what the future held, but hopeful and excited. Something about the way Ella had embraced him yesterday made him feel like there was still something between them, even if she didn’t remember the all-consuming love they had experienced together.

  He parked his truck and walked along the waterfront when he saw her leaning against the railing looking out over the river. Her hair was down and every few seconds it fluttered in the breeze coming off the water. The June sun was illuminating her golden hair and radiating off the cream-colored skin of her shoulders. She wore a purple tank top with khaki shorts and he felt a tug in his stomach at all the bare skin she was showing. She hadn’t seen him yet and he enjoyed taking a few extra seconds to admire her.

  “Hello, Ella,” he greeted her once he’d felt like he’d gotten a good enough look at her.

  “Porter,” she said as she looked up at him, holding one hand up to shield her eyes from the mid-morning sun. “I’m so glad you could make it. I’ve wanted to peruse The Saturday Market for a few weeks now and it’s always more fun with someone else.”

  “I’ve never been.”

  “Really? Well, you’re in for a treat, so long as you aren’t put off by the acquired taste of the Portland Hipster. They seem to run rampant in these parts,” she said with a smile.

  “I think I can manage,” he smiled back.

  The Saturday Market was a permanent fixture on the waterfront of Portland and hundreds of people came out every weekend to spend an afternoon browsing. Vendors of every craft imaginable came every weekend to set up their booths and sell their goods. You could find street performers, food trucks, psychics, palm readers, and the ever-present hipster. Porter stuck close to Ella, stopping with her when she paused to admire handmade clothes and frilly things she would like to decorate her house. A few times she spoke to the vendor about their products and offered a card, telling them to come and see her. He was proud to see her networking confidently. In their ten days together, he never really got to see her in her element and it was very attractive. And he was pleased when she would stop with him to take a look at pieces of woodwork that caught his eye.

  “Oh, do you mind if we stop here?” Ella asked him, motioning towards a particular jewelry booth. He smiled at her and motioned with his hand that he would follow her. “I really am a sucker for jewelry, especially stuff that isn’t really typical or mainstream. All this handmade stuff is so fun to look at.” She fingered through trays and trays of rings, all laid out with no real order. “Oh wow,” she said with raspy voice, holding up a single ring.

  “Find one you like?” Porter asked.

  “This is perfect,” she said quietly with awe and she tried to put the ring on the middle finger of her right hand. “Damn, it’s too small.”

  Porter caught the eye of the vendor who ran the booth and waved his hand at him. The vendor approached with a smile.

  “Hi, can I help you with something?”

  “Yeah, do you happen to have this same ring, only a little bigger?” Porter asked, showing him the ring.

  “Let me check,” the vendor replied. Porter took a second to look at the ring. It was silver, and there was hardly anything to it. It was an arrow that wrapped around, but never met in the middle, and actually overlapped a little creating a sort of coil around the finger.

  “Isn’t it beautiful?” Ella asked him. He met her eyes and smiled, but didn’t answer because he didn’t really have any thoughts on it. It was a ring. “The arrow makes me think of going in one direction. Kind of like, forcing your way through everything that stands in your way, and heading in the direction you were meant to, regardless of anything that poses an obstacle. Most importantly, going in the direction you want to, and not letting anyone else shoot your arrow for you.”

  Watching her eyes light up, giving the ring more meaning then even the artist could have probably intended when he made it, made Porter’s heart swell for her even more.

  “It suits you,” he said softly.

  “Here we go,” the vendor said as he returned. “Try this one on.” Ella slipped it on her finger, gliding it all the way down.

  “Oh, it fits!” She smiled happily and she started reaching into her purse.

  “I’ve got it, Ella,” Porter said as he pulled his wallet out of his back pocket.

  “We’ve got a matching men’s ring,” the vendor said with a smirk, his eyes darting between the two of them. Ella laughed nervously and Porter shook his head.

  “We’ll just take hers today. Thanks for looking for this one for her.”

  “Porter, you don’t have to buy it for me,” she said placing her hand on his arm.

  “I know. I want to. You should have seen your face when you described it to me. That ring was made for you and I want to give it to you.”

  “Thank you,” she said, blushing slightly.

  “Are you ready for lunch? Dodging all these hipsters is making me hungry.” Ella laughed and he was immediately reminded of the gulf that was still between them. Her laugh, something that he had taken for granted, shot through him. He would do anything to hear her laugh every day for the rest of forever. He only hoped that being here with her was helping get closer to getting them back to the spot where her laugh was a constant in his life.

  They sat on a bench near the river, dining on food truck cuisine, which tasted way better than it sounded.

  “So, Porter, you know what I do for a living. Tell me, what is it tha
t you do?”

  “I’m a contractor. I mainly do residential work, building houses, remodeling jobs, stuff like that.”

  “Sounds tiring,” Ella said as she bit into her gyro.

  “Well, it’s more paperwork then you’d imagine. Plus, I own my company, so a lot of the time I’m in more of a supervisory role. But there are certainly days when I come home worn out and sore.”

  Ella looked at him with squinty eyes. “We’ve had this conversation before, haven’t we?”

  “What conversation?”

  “The ‘what do you do’ conversation.”

  “Yeah, I guess we have. Why?”

  “This must be really boring for you, hearing things about me you’ve already heard, and I am just pleasantly enjoying our conversation completely clueless.”

  “We spoke about a lot of things before your accident, but we by no means covered everything. I don’t mind repeating myself and I could never tire of hearing anything about you. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself and try not to think about stuff like that. I just want to get to know you again.”

  “Tell me something you never told me before,” she asked with a smile.

  “Ok, well, I don’t usually tell people this because it makes people angry. But, I don’t like dogs.”

  “You don’t like dogs?”

  “Nope, never have.”

  “That’s really weird. Who doesn’t like dogs?”

  “I don’t hate dogs, I just don’t want one as a pet.”

  Ella starting laughing. “Why not?”

  “They are really high maintenance. I feel like a pet should blend into the background. I shouldn’t have to rearrange my day to take care of a pet. Dogs take a lot of work and I just wouldn’t ever commit to one.”

  “Interesting,” Ella said once she finished laughing.

  “Tell me something about yourself you wouldn’t want to tell anyone,” Porter said, liking the way their conversation was going. Ella brought a finger to her chin in contemplation.

  “Ok, but this is going to make me sound really bitchy.”

  “Well, I definitely didn’t sound like a prince with my dog-hate speech,” he replied with a smile.

  “True,” she said. “But promise you won’t hold it against me.”

  “Promise.”

  “Ok, well, I sometimes lack the ability or even the inclination to sympathize with people.” She scrunched up her brow, looking nervous to be revealing this unattractive trait.

  “What exactly does that mean?”

  “Basically, when people are complaining, mostly people I don’t know, I have a tendency to think they are just whiney and I get irritated by them easily. Like, I feel people should just shut up and move on.” She dropped her face into her hands. “I’m the worst person on the planet.”

  “It’s ok. That’s how I feel when people talk about their dogs,” Porter said, hoping to get a smile. She did smile, but she also smacked him on his arm.

  “That’s not funny.”

  “So you don’t tolerate whiners. There are worse things you could have said.”

  “I guess that’s true.” They were quiet for a few minutes while they finished their meals.

  “Can I ask you something? You might not like the question,” Porter asked.

  “Sure.”

  “What do you know about your break-up with Kyle?”

  “Ah, Kyle,” Ella tucked her hair behind her ear and took in a deep breath. “I’ve been told that on my birthday I came home from work and found him with someone else.” She started fidgeting with the hem of her shirt and was looking down at her hands as they worried the fabric. “My mom said that we broke up on the spot, that he packed a bag and left that evening. She also told me that he came and went picking up his stuff. By the time the store was robbed he was completely moved out, but that we had a fight that night.”

  Porter watched her as she said the words, wondering what, if anything, he should tell her about the situation.

  “I guess he wasn’t too happy that I wouldn’t give him another chance and he came over to try and convince me that we should be together,” she took a breath in and let it back out. “Kyle was never a violent guy, so I don’t understand why he would put his hands on me. I almost don’t believe it happened. It’s all third-hand information. I don’t remember it and no one has seen Kyle since I was in the hospital.” Ella looked back up at Porter, and he saw that her eyes were thoughtful and a little confused.

  “It happened. I heard your voice when you called me. You were terrified.”

  Ella stood up and took a few steps away from the bench.

  “I don’t understand why my parents and Megan would go to such lengths to tell me a story that is so completely different than the truth. It just confuses me even more.”

  “I’m sorry,” he said as he went to stand in front of her, wanting to look her in the eyes. “I don’t want to undermine your parents; it seems to me they were just trying to do what was best for you.”

  “I know,” she whispered. “I just wish I could remember.” Porter took a step closer to her and placed his hand on her cheek, urging her to look up at him.

  “Your confusion might go away if your memory comes back, but a lot of other stuff comes with it. Do you want to remember the robbery? Do you want to remember walking in on Kyle? Maybe there’s a reason your mind is choosing to block all of that out.”

  Ella’s hand came up to rest on top of Porter’s.

  “What about my memory of you? This isn’t fair to you.” Porter’s other hand came up to frame Ella’s face and he pulled her closer, their faces only inches apart.

  “Don’t worry about me, Ella. I can make you love me again; I’m not worried about that. Do I wish that I could hold you right now? Do I wish I could kiss you? Yes, damn it, I do. But there’s time for that. Right now I just want you to get to know me and trust that no matter what, I will always be here for you.” He looked into her eyes, hoping that she was not only hearing what he was saying, but feeling it as well. Her hands came up to rest on his chest, pulling gently on his shirt.

  “You can kiss me if you want to,” she breathed. Porter’s heart raced in his chest and he dreaded the words he knew he had to say to her.

  “I’m not sure that’s a good idea, Ella. As wonderful as it would feel to put your lips on mine, taking them away might kill me. The next time I kiss you, I want to be able to do it for hours. To make up for the weeks of kisses I’ve missed. I just don’t think we’re there yet.”

  Ella dropped her forehead to lean against his chest, rested on him for a few seconds, and then stepped away from him, and turned back towards the market.

  “Please don’t be angry with me,” he said to her back.

  “I’m not angry, Porter. I’m disappointed and irritated. I’m tired of everyone making decisions for me. I’m tired of being treated like I’m sick and need protecting. Tell me, how long did you wait to kiss me the first time we met? Were you playing the chivalrous gentleman then, Porter? Because the last time I checked, you said we fell in love in a week. Was there no kissing? Did we sit on opposite sides of the couch? I’m not a baby and I don’t appreciate being treated like one.” She finished and he couldn’t help but smile at her, reminded of her firecracker tendencies. “What the hell is so funny, Porter?”

  “Nothing. I was just remembering that you, actually, kissed me first.”

  She tried to hide the shock on her face, but recovered quickly.

  “Well, don’t hold your breath for that to happen again.”

  Porter took a few pointed steps towards her, never removing his eyes from hers.

  “Don’t worry, you’ll get your kiss,” he said playfully. “In all honesty Ella, I just don’t want to mess this up. I’ve already lost you once. I really couldn’t live through losing you again.” He watched a smile try to play on her lips, but she fought it.

  “I’m not broken, Porter. Please don’t treat me any differently than you would any other w
oman you’d take on a date.”

  “You think this is a date?” He asked with a smile and he was thankful when she smiled back.

  “Well, we had a meal, and you bought me a gift. That’s pretty datey.” He reached down and linked his hand with hers. They started walking back the way they had come from.

  “Ok then. It’s a date. And for the record, we have had this conversation before.”

  “When?”

  “The second day we knew each other. We went out for a drink and you told me that you wanted to go on a real date with me.”

  “It sounds like I was pretty aggressive. I don’t usually kiss the guy first or ask them out. You must have really intrigued me,” she shot him her brilliant smile.

  “I think we were both drawn to each other equally,” he said carefully, trying really hard not to allude to the fact that he remembered them being irrevocably tied to each other, both emotionally and physically.

  “That’s probably the most unflattering thing I’ve ever heard someone say about me,” she laughed. “Really? ‘Equally drawn to each other’? Let’s hear it, Porter. Tell me the dark and dirty details about our weeklong tryst.” He stopped walking and pulled on her hand so that she fell into his body. He leaned down and placed his mouth on the shell of her ear.

  “First of all, it wasn’t a tryst. Every moment we spent together was us building something we wanted to last a lifetime. Secondly, there was plenty of mutual gratification. We couldn’t get enough of each other and when our week together was over, it killed us both to let each other go. For the record, I know your body better than I’ve ever known anyone’s and you were pretty fucking familiar with mine. So, don’t think for a minute that I don’t want you because every moment that I’m not touching you is torture.” He pulled away from her and saw a shocked look on her face. She cleared her throat and he saw the blush creep over her face.