Never Far Away

by Anie Michaels

  “Well, maybe we’ll go sometime,” he said as he flashed her a bright smile. “I remember being on the boat for a while before they stopped and let us throw out our lines.” Porter took a few moments to bring the memory to the front of his mind. Sometimes he had a hard time visualizing his father’s face; it had been so long since he’d seen him. But this memory was so vivid, he closed his eyes for a moment to try and burn it into his mind forever.

  “My dad was an avid fisherman, but deep sea was new even to him. I swear he was almost as excited as I was. I remember just sitting on the boat, in our cool anchored chairs, built to keep you onboard as you reeled in a fighting fish, and we talked about everything. He gave me advice about girls. He told me about his dad, whom I was never able to meet. We talked about sports, I mean, everything. He wasn’t lecturing me and he wasn’t trying to tell me what to do. We were simply talking.

  “All of a sudden there was a pull on his pole and his line started zooming out of his reel. The men who owned the boat started shouting instructions at my dad to pull up hard and crank the turn. Pull and crank. Pull and crank. My dad went at it for about ten minutes and I was on the edge of my seat. The excitement was overwhelming. My dad looked over at me and said, ‘Porter, get over here and reel this fish in’. I couldn’t believe it, but he handed me the pole and I must have worked on that fish for twenty minutes. Pulling and cranking. The whole time my dad was behind me, pulling me back by my shoulders, giving me more strength to reel it in.

  “When that fish finally got close enough to the boat for us to see it, my dad started hollering and clapping his hands. The owners handed him a giant net and eventually the fish was close enough for my dad to swoop down with the net and get it on board.”

  Porter looked over at Ella and realized he had been talking for a very long time, and she hadn’t said a word.

  “That is an amazing memory, Porter,” she said softly.

  “The fish ended up being a thirty-four inch tuna and it was a beast. My dad was so excited, and I remember him hugging me and telling me how proud he was of me – for a stupid fish. But looking back, I think he was talking about more than just the fish. I think he was proud of the man I was becoming and I hope he still is.”

  Porter felt Ella’s hand slip into his and he laced their fingers together as he looked over at her.

  “I’m sure your dad is very proud of the man you’ve become.”

  They continued up the winding path that zigzagged up the side of the mountain, passing people who were walking at a more leisurely pace, and also politely smiling at the hikers coming down from the top of the trail. All kinds of people were drawn to the beauty of the falls, teenagers out enjoying the sunny weather, older couples staying active, and even young families were hiking the trail. Porter watched as a few dads passed him carrying small children on their backs. He noticed how proud and doting some of the fathers seemed to be, making sure the babies still had sunhats on, or if they had fallen asleep on their father’s backs, making sure they weren’t in a position that would cause them pain when they woke up. He also noticed the way the mothers of these children looked at the fathers.

  Obvious love. Not lust, not even infatuated love, but love simple and overt. The love he saw directed at those men who coveted their children was astounding, and for the first time he felt a little hollowness deep within him which he knew was the longing for a family.

  He knew it wasn’t an accident or coincidence that these feeling would transpire as he was holding Ella’s hand. It was only a matter of time before he started thinking about their future, hoping she was onboard for everything he hoped they would experience together.

  The image of Ella’s belly round and full with his child suddenly grasped his heart and he knew that someday he wanted exactly that.

  About thirty minutes later, they made their way close to the top. Of course, on such a beautiful Oregon day, there were a lot of people who had come to hike the falls and it had become a bit crowded near the viewpoint that looked out over the edge of the falls.

  “Let’s take our picnic and follow the water back a bit. We can find a spot not so crowded and wait until everyone leaves for lunch.”

  “Sounds great. Lead the way,” Ella said.

  Making sure not to let go of her hand, he led her off the trail and back along one of the smaller creeks that bled into the massive waterfall. There was a thick canopy of trees, which Oregon was notoriously not short on, and the sunlight was being cast through the spaces between branches and leaves. Small rays of golden sun were illuminating their path and the sound of the trickling water was ethereal. They were probably about a quarter mile off the main trail when he found a small area on the edge of the water with two big and flat rocks that would be perfect to sit on.

  “This looks good here,” he said looking towards her.

  “Perfect.”

  Porter took his backpack off and started unloading. He handed Ella the blanket which she spread out over the rocks and they took a seat. As he unloaded their lunch he saw her looking around, taking in their surroundings.

  “It’s so beautiful here. You know, I’ve always heard you’re not supposed to go off the trails. Every year lots of hikers get lost around here and all you hear from rescuers is to stay on the trails.” She gave him a look that said ‘this is dangerous, but I kind of like it’.

  “Don’t worry, Ella. All we did was follow this creek. We just follow it right back to the trail. I wouldn’t let anything happen to you. Although, I can think of worse things than being lost out here with you.” She turned her head slightly and looked at him from the corner of her eye.

  “Me too.”

  As they ate, they talked about their week. Ella told him about the actress from a Hollywood movie coming into her store with Kalli for a fitting, which she described as ‘the most exciting moment of her life, ever.’ He told her about his work on his latest project of a house rebuild on the beach and about the progress he’d made on his boat over the course of the week. He did not mention that he used working on his boat to keep himself from going insane with thoughts of her, and to keep him from driving to Portland every night to see her and finally make her his again. She didn’t need to hear that.

  “So,” Ella began when they’d finished their meal. “Tell me about us, Porter.” Taken a little off guard, Porter cleared his throat and took a drink from his water bottle.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, you’ve alluded to the fact that we were, um, well, intimate, with each other,” she said and even though he wasn’t looking at her, he knew she was blushing.

  “That’s correct.”

  “Well, I mean, I guess I’m just wondering, what it was like.”

  “Can you be more specific?” He became uncomfortable, not really sure what kind of information she was looking for.

  “Ok, well, the first time was, obviously, really soon after we met, right? Was it like, a one night stand?”

  “No.” He responded immediately and unequivocally.

  “Were we a couple by then? Already?”

  “No,” he said less surely.

  “Throw me something here, Porter. You are very handsome and terribly charming, but I am still trying to wrap my mind around how I came to sleep with you thirty-six hours after I met you.” Porter took a pause to formulate the best response he could come up with.

  “I’m not going to downplay the highly unusual circumstances that brought you and me together. You were a broken-hearted beauty who needed someone to help you that night. And I might have stepped into some sort of hero role, unintentionally. I can’t miscount the beach and the effect being somewhere as romantic as the ocean can have on two people. So, yes, we were both acting, perhaps, a little out of character, being influenced by the situation we found ourselves in. But the fire with which we consumed each other was neither pretend, nor was it the product of our surrounding circumstances. We wanted each other. No, we needed each other that night.”

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nbsp; Porter was looking at the water, so he couldn’t see the look on her face as he said those words, but he heard her sharp and ragged intake of breath.

  “Porter,” she whispered. He looked over at her. “How can you say those words to me? How can you think those thoughts, and tell me these words, and be so far away.”

  “I’m right here, Ella. I’m never far away.” What happened next should have been in slow motion and nearly felt like it was. Ella leaned towards him, turning slightly so that she was facing him, and with her hand wrapped around the back of his neck she pulled his face towards hers until their lips met. Porter’s face contorted, almost as if he were in pain, and in some ways, he was. Kissing Ella would undoubtedly cause him immense pleasure, but bring him more pain as well. For now, unless she remembered him and how much they loved each other, he was kissing someone else. All these thoughts were infiltrating his head: doubt, worry, fear, apprehension. He felt her lips on his, but couldn’t give in to her. It wasn’t fair to either one of them. She felt his reluctance and pulled away, but only far enough to breathe words into his mouth.

  “How was my need for you then different from now, Porter? What is the difference? Do I need to be more broken than I am right now? I feel pretty damned broken right now, Porter. You are supposed to love me, but so far, I only feel slightly rejected and majorly pissed off.”

  “You think that when I kissed you before it was because you were broken? I’m not looking to clean up after anyone, Babe,” he said with harshness. “When I kiss you, I want to know it’s because you feel something for me. Not because you THINK you’re supposed to be kissing me.”

  “What the hell do you think I’m trying to do here?! You think I don’t want you? You think this isn’t confusing as hell for me, either? I’ve been trying to tell myself all along not to get involved with you just because I supposedly had before. Well, fuck that, Porter. What if every time I see you my heart beats faster? What if every time you’re close to me I want you to be closer? What if every time you hold my hand I imagine your hand on my body in a million different places?”

  Porter’s breath quickly rushed in and out, their eyes still trained right on one another’s.

  “If this happens, Ella, it happens one hundred percent. I will not settle for anything less than every single part of you. No more hiding from anyone and no more going entire weeks without being together. I want you and I will have you. That’s what kissing me means right now.” His words floated through the air and landed right on Ella’s lips. He waited an eternity for her to respond. When she finally moved, it was to pull him back in. She paused right before their lips met again, and with closed eyes whispered, “I’m yours if you’re mine.”

  “You’re mine,” he growled and crashed his mouth into hers.

  The electricity and thunderous exchange between Porter and Ella was in complete contrast to the serene and peaceful surrounding they were currently in. The fire raging between them threatened to burn the forest down.

  His hands found the familiar groove that fits his hands perfectly, behind her ears, as he framed her face, pulling her in closer. He brought her over to him, and she climbed atop him, straddling his legs, her own hands finding his face as well.

  Their kiss was frantic at first, almost angry. Both of their need and desire coming through and burning on their mouths. He tugged on her bottom lip, and she dug her nails into his shoulders. Tongues stabbing, drilling into each other. Each of them fought the other, trying to prove with their mouth that they, in fact, had the most feeling invested in this kiss.

  Porter pulled away first, not wanting to kiss her in anger anymore. This wasn’t the first kiss he had wanted with her, but he was thankful for the contact regardless.

  “Why are you so mad?” He asked, trying to catch his breath.

  “I’m angry that I missed out on what we were. I can feel how much you loved me and I am mad that I can’t remember the most epic love of my life.”

  “Now who’s far away?” A slight smile played across his lips.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well,” he said as he tucked a stray hair behind her ear and flicked his nose against hers. “Here we are again. What we had before, although it was, up until now, the best ten days of my life, was exactly that. Ten days. I can give you ten more days. I can give you ten years. I want to give you a lifetime, Ella. Don’t let something we can’t control affect what’s between us.”

  “Why are you mad?” She asked after a long pause.

  “I’m mad because you won’t let me kiss you the way I want to.”

  “How do you want to kiss me, Porter?”

  “Like this.” He quickly maneuvered her so that she was laying on the blanket covered rock. He laid her down softly, covered her body with his, and wrapped his hands around her wrists, pinning them above her head. He ran his nose from the crook of her neck, all the way up to her earlobe, breathing her in.

  “Vanilla,” he whispered. She quietly moaned at the vibration his voice made on her neck. He took her earlobe in his mouth, tugging and pulling on it with his teeth. When he finally made his way to her lips, his kiss was feather soft and left love dusted all over her mouth. He started the kiss simply and slowly, lightly rubbing his mouth over hers, not a kiss really, but a marking. This was his mouth now. It became an actual kiss when he used his tongue to tease the seam of her lips and when she opened for him it was with complete surrender. He felt her giving in to him, letting him take her wherever he was going, trusting him to tell her the story of their love with his lips.

  Suddenly his tongue filled her mouth, and the urgency with which her tongue slid against his made him move his hands from her wrists and slide down her arms and come to her face again. They breathed rapidly, their heartbeats thundering through their veins, keeping rhythm to their lips dancing.

  Porter waited weeks to feel Ella’s skin beneath his hands, to be able to put his lips to hers, and in this moment, he couldn’t be happier. As her legs fell open, it allowed his body to get even closer to hers and he fit snuggly in between her knees, just like he remembered.

  His hands came down from her face and while one hand twined its fingers with hers, the other was trailing down her shirt, between her breasts.

  She arched her back and pressed herself into his hands, asking to be touched. He moved his lips from hers down to her neck.

  “Ella, I’ve waited so long to hold you like this,” he mumbled into her neck. His hand played with the hem of her shirt and as his fingers slid just under the fabric, teasing the part of her stomach above her shorts; he heard her whimper. “You sound just as eager as me.” He moved his lips along her neck, trying to taste every part of her exposed skin.

  “I haven’t been touched like this in so long, Porter. Please don’t stop.”

  For just an instant Porter halted, knowing that Ella was talking about Kyle. Of course she didn’t remember when they’d had their hands all over each other eight weeks ago. It only took a moment for the thought to pass, as he resumed trailing his tongue along her collarbone.

  “Tell me what you want me to do,” he growled. “Tell me how you want me to touch you.”

  Ella

  Ella pulled back to look at Porter. She had never had someone be so bold and upfront with her while kissing. He wanted her to tell him where to touch her? What in the world for? Every other time she’d been with a man, especially Kyle, they pretty much already had a road map that had very few pit stops before they reached their final destination. But, here Porter was, turning her on in such a way that she had never imagined, and he was asking her what she wanted? She thought she might as well give it a try.

  “I want you to touch my breasts, Porter.”

  He grinned at her and slid his hand slowly up her stomach, watching her as he did. She knew he was waiting for a reaction, and because she was stubborn, she held out as long as she could. She didn’t flinch when his fingers grazed the edge of her bra and she tried not to make a noise as his rou
gh hand slid over the cotton of her sports bra. When he pulled the cup down exposing her breast she tried to stifle the gasp that left her, but she lost the battle when his thumb gently rubbed over her nipple. A long and loud moan escaped from her mouth. Then her eyes betrayed her by rolling into the back of her head and closing, trying to absorb all the sensations this one hand was giving her.

  “Is this what you wanted?” He asked her with a smug smirk.

  “Yes,” was her immediate and involuntary answer.

  “I’ve been waiting to see you beneath me like this, to feel you in my hands. You feel damn good, Ella.”

  “Now, I want you to kiss me again.” He smiled at her.

  “Anytime, Baby.” His lips came down on hers gently, and the combination of his swirling tongue and his fingers rubbing and pulling on her breast was explosive. She wrapped a leg around his waist, pulling him in closer, feeling him between her legs and wanting as much friction as she could manage.

  As if he could read her mind he thrust gently against her, the fabric of his shorts doing nothing to hide his arousal, which had her moaning again at the pressure.

  Ella took her hands out of Porter’s hair and ran them up along his forearms and biceps. As her hands ran along the muscles that wrapped around his shoulders and bulged in the sexiest way, she whimpered again. Porter pulled away and laughed.

  “What’s so funny?” She asked, out of breath.

  “You and your fascination with my arms.” She looked at him with a puzzled expression.

  “We’ve talked about your arms?”

  “Yes. Extensively.”

  She smiled, mainly because this might have been the first thing he revealed about their time together that she could completely understand him knowing. Obviously if they were intimate, there was no way she could be with him and not comment on his arms. They were her weakness. She still blushed a little.

  “I like arms,” she said shyly.

  “Yes, and I like that you like my arms.” He bent down and placed a chaste, swift kiss on her lips, quickly righted her sports bra, and lifted off her.