Never Far Away

by Anie Michaels

  “Where are you going?” She demanded.

  “Well, I’m going to take you to see the falls? Why?”

  “What if I wasn’t done here?”

  He smirked again and she could tell she was feeding his ego.

  “Babe, there is nothing I would like more than to continue this…exploration…but I will not have our second first time be on a big rock by a creek.” Ella looked around and the expanse of trees and shrubbery.

  “Are you afraid the birds will watch?”

  “No,” he said as he grasped her hands and hauled her up so she was pulled against his body. “I’m simply biding my time. When we are finally together again, it’s going to be an all-night affair. Not a quickie in the forest,” he said, flicking his nose against her again. She couldn’t find reason to argue with his logic, so she just grabbed his hair and pulled him in for another simmering kiss, if only to make him regret ending their tryst in the forest too soon. She pulled away right when she felt him lose his control a little. Smiling, she said, “Let’s go check out those falls!” She heard him groan and then yelped when he smacked her ass.

  They picked up the remains of their picnic and started back towards the falls. Porter held her hand again, which only made her smile widely as they carefully stepped over rocks and fallen tree branches.

  Suddenly her vision blurred slightly and she stumbled, luckily falling right into Porter, who caught her.

  “Whoa, you ok?” He brought her face up to his and looked her in the eye.

  “Yes, I think so,” she said as she blinked a few times to try and clear the cobwebs that seemed to be in her vision. “I just need a minute.”

  “Ok, here, sit on this log,” he moved her slowly so she was positioned above the log. “Sit,” he ordered. She obeyed. She closed her eyes and dropped her chin down to her chest, breathing steadily as she tried to relax. When she opened her eyes, everything was clear again.

  “That’s better. That was really weird,” she said looking up at Porter who had concern etched across his face with worry lines creasing his forehead.

  “Are you sure you’re ok?”

  “I feel fine; my vision was just blurry for a moment. I’m ok now.” She stood up and took his hand again. “Come on, let’s go look out from the view point.” She tugged on his hand and he reluctantly followed her.

  “Ok, but if you start to feel badly, we’re leaving.”

  “Ok, deal.”

  His plan had worked and by the time they made it to the lookout the crowd had thinned to just a few tourists, making the viewpoint much more enjoyable. Ella stepped up to the railing and gasped at the view.

  They were hundreds of feet up the bluff and the viewpoint was, quite literally, hanging off the edge of a cliff, giving Ella the illusion of being dangled over the edge. Looking out farther, she could see from both sides of her trees lining her vision until they gapped and then opened up into the gorge of the Columbia River.

  Ella has always known she lived in a beautiful place, but views like this cemented in her mind that Oregon rivaled other famous cities for its gorgeous landscapes. She felt lucky that she could drive for thirty minutes and see this breathtaking view anytime she wanted. The view was only enhanced when she felt strong and warm arms cage her in as Porter came from behind and placed his hands on the railing next to hers.

  “Thanks for bringing me here, Porter. This is beautiful.”

  “Mmmmm,” was all he said as he nuzzled his nose into her neck, sending shivers all over her body. She leaned back into him, letting him take her weight, enjoying the feeling of being so close to him.

  “How many women have you taken up here?” She smiled as she asked, not really expecting a serious answer. He lived more than two hours from here and she knew it wouldn’t be a popular date destination for him.

  “I’ve only ever been here by myself, and only a few times. Before you came along I never really dated anyone. Not more than one or two dates anyway.” She turned her head to look at him.

  “Why not? You seem like a hot commodity.” She smiled at him, but he didn’t seem entertained. He shrugged his shoulders.

  “I don’t know,” he said, finally meeting her eyes. “I guess I was waiting for you.” She swallowed the lump in her throat and tried to maintain a regular breathing pattern, even though her heart was racing and electricity was coursing through her.

  “So, then, the wait is over?” She asked shyly. He reached a hand up and ran the back of his fingers over her cheek.

  “Babe, it was over for me the day you walked into my life. There will never be anyone but you.” She turned in his arms and her hands found their way to the back of his neck as she pulled herself up to kiss him. She loved how his silky brown hair slid between her fingers as she ran her hands through the strands at the nape of his neck. His hands gripped her hips and dug into her skin and she was a little surprised that his roughness only heightened her need for him.

  Suddenly, like lightening had cracked in her skull, blinding pain shot through her head right behind her eyes. She pulled away from Porter, covering her eyes with her hands, drawing in deep breaths through her teeth.

  “What is going on, Ella?” He asked, gripping her by her shoulders. The pain in her head eased a bit to a throbbing ache.

  “I don’t know. I just got a terrible headache. Like, there’s a rock concert going on inside my brain headache.”

  “Ok, well first your eyesight’s blurry, now you’re getting headaches; I think it’s time to go.”

  “I’m sorry, Porter. I don’t want to ruin the afternoon.” She really didn’t; she loved spending time with him, and she didn’t want to scare him, but her head was killing her. Even the sunlight was causing her pain.

  “Don’t worry about me, Ella. Let’s get you back to my truck.”

  “Ok.” They walked slowly down the trail. So slowly, in fact, it took about three times longer to get down than it had going up. He kept asking her if she was ok or if she wanted to rest. She put on a brave face and soldiered on, but in reality she felt like she was living through someone drilling into her head with power equipment. It was unbearable.

  The pounding in her head was getting worse. Two or three times as they were walking, she became dizzy and the blurred vision came back. She didn’t want to let on to Porter how freaked out she was by the whole thing, so she continued down the path trying to seem like nothing was wrong and they eventually made it to his truck.

  On the drive back to her apartment, Ella kept her eyes closed and her head against the passenger window. It might have looked like she was sleeping, but she was actually using every part of her body to keep herself from crying, or being sick, or both.

  Porter kept his hand on her thigh, every few minutes asking her if she was sure she didn’t want to go to the hospital.

  “No, Porter, please just take me home.” That’s all she could get out of her mouth before the nausea took over and she clamped it closed again.

  She vaguely registered when they pulled up to her apartment, and he helped her in, using her keys to unlock the door. She went straight for her bedroom and slowly crawled into her bed.

  “What can I do for you?” He asked, sounding worried and helpless.

  “Excedrin, in the bathroom. Water,” was all she could manage. He brought her what she asked for and after she swallowed the pills, he set her glass down on her bedside table.

  “I’m going to be in the living room, Ella. Let me know if you need anything.”

  “No,” Ella groaned. “Please, lay with me.” She felt the mattress dip, and his warm body came up behind hers, spooning her, covering her from head to toe with his body. She couldn’t form full and complete sentences, but she could feel a tiny bit of relief as she relaxed into him. She let his warmth carry her off to sleep.

  “Ella, Baby, can you wake up for me?”

  “Mmmmm,” Ella moaned, still feeling sharp pains radiating through her brain.

  “Baby, I am sorry, I have to go.
My mom is having a problem at her restaurant. Megan is here. I called her to come take care of you. I will call you tomorrow ok?”

  “Mmmmm,” was all she could manage. She heard Porter head towards the door where Megan was standing.

  “Just keep an eye on her. It came out of nowhere and she could hardly even talk. She took some Excedrin a couple hours ago. I’m hoping she just sleeps it off. Please call me if she gets worse.”

  “Porter, she’ll be fine. She’s not the first person to have a headache.”

  “Well, you didn’t see her. I’m just worried about her.”

  “I know and I love you for it. But honestly, I’ve got it. Go rescue your mom. Meet your hero quota for the day.”

  Ella felt Porter’s lips on her temple.

  “I love you,” he said to her in the quietest of whispers, almost as if he didn’t want her to hear it, but she definitely had. And if her brain hadn’t been trying to escape out of her tear ducts she might have had something to say about it, but she just let the words wash over her and fell back asleep.

  Chapter Six

  Ella

  Ella’s brain was still foggy throughout the night. The pain seemed to be ebbing away with the help of the medicine. When she woke up and was finally able to speak to Megan it was past eleven at night and she told Megan she could go home. Megan put up a little bit of a fight, but eventually agreed to leave as long as she promised to call her back over if she started feeling poorly again. Ella drank a glass of water and headed back to bed.

  This time though, when she fell asleep, it wasn’t as restful. Her mind was full of images, all of them hazy. Even in her sleep she could feel herself trying to make it through the fog and capture whatever was weighing down her mind. Slowly, images became clearer, and the first thing she could see was Porter. In her dream she opened up a door and Porter was on the other side. He smiled at her and she felt the floor drop out from under her. She wanted to run to him, bring his body in to hers, and use her hands to feel every contour of his body. Finally, she noticed his white shirt with blue sleeves. A baseball shirt. God All Mighty.

  Everything went swirling again and then she was in a new room, still with Porter, but this room had a fantastic view of the ocean and a magnificently gorgeous king-sized sleigh bed. She admired the beautiful bed and Porter was behind her, kissing her neck. She wanted him on that bed and she felt like she was going to get what she wanted when he pulled the zipper to her dress down her back. She looked down at the dress as it pooled at her feet. Was she really going to have a sex dream about Porter?

  Before she could even get onboard with that idea the fog was back, but this time when it cleared she sat in front of a fire on the beach making smores with Porter. His arms wrapped around her from behind helping her hold up a stick with a marshmallow on the end, both of them laughing when the white fluff turned into black char, melted off the stick entirely, and fell into the red hot flames.

  In the next instant she was lying on a four-poster bed, white chiffon curtains surrounded her. When she looked up, all she could see was Porter and his gloriously naked chest holding himself over her. She immediately realized that the rest of him was naked, and furthermore, so was she. She glanced up at him, wondering how they got into this room and this ridiculously romantic bed when he gently flicked her nose with his, continued to trail his nose down her neck, and stopped to breathe shivers into her ear.

  “I love you, Baby,” he said as she felt him slowly push into her, filling her completely. She no longer had time to question what was happening between them because she was quite literally in the middle of it and it was fantastic. As he slowly and deliciously pumped into her she found herself using her hands to pull him even closer, trying to get as much of him into her as possible. She breathed him in, licking his neck to get his taste in her mouth. She heard him groan as her fingernails bit into his skin. She drowned in him and as he filled her lungs, she could think of no better way to go.

  He reached between them, to the spot where they were connected, and slowly started circling her clit. “I’ve been waiting for you, Baby,” he said as she arched her back, recklessly plummeting into a pool of pleasure so deep she would never be able to climb back out. “I need you with me, Ella. Come back to me.” At his words, she experienced the most consuming and violent orgasm she’d ever had. She came so hard she was pulled from sleep and slammed back into the reality of her own bed where she was very aware of the fact that she was all alone.

  The fogginess had followed her out of the dream and confusion had come along with it. She breathed heavily, still trying to recover from the phantom orgasm, and her brain was working overtime. She felt like all the pieces of her brain were mixed up in her head; she wanted to shake it to make the wayward pieces fall back together again. It was that ultimately annoying moment in life when something is so very frustratingly on the tip of your tongue and you just can’t get your brain cells to connect with each other.

  She breathed faster and now panic was beginning to take over as well. She felt as though something was coming and she had no idea what she should be preparing for. Images and colors flashed through her mind. She heard Porter’s voice and waves violently crashing onto the shore. She reached a pinnacle of panic, holding her head between her hands, rocking back and forth on her bed, crying, when suddenly – peace washed over her. All the pieces fell back into place. A clarity she’d been lacking for eight long weeks finally settled in her mind, and she found herself gasping for air while smiling and laughing. She had one thing on her mind: Porter.

  Ella had never been so happy to experience déjà vu in her life. The last time she had been racing to the beach sobbing, they had been devastating tears. This time, the tears she cried were happy tears mixed with excitement and nervousness. Two hours felt like twenty minutes and she found herself at Porter’s house ringing his doorbell at four in the morning. He wasn’t coming down fast enough so she started banging on the door with her open palm, laughing and crying at the same time.

  Finally she heard thumps coming from inside and she knew he was coming to the door. When the door swung open, Porter first looked totally confused. Then he switched gears and looked worried and panicked.

  “Ella? What are you doing here? Are you ok?” His hands came to her shoulders and were running down her arms like he was looking for injuries.

  “I’m fine, Porter. I’m fine,” she managed between laughing sobs.

  “Why are you crying?” He asked, pulling her into his living room and closing the door behind them.

  “Porter,” she started and had to stop to cover her mouth when more tears and sobs came out.

  “Ella, please, tell me what’s going on,” he pleaded as he pulled her into his arms. She let him hold her and buried her face in his chest, relishing in the familiarity. She took in a few deeps breaths to calm herself.

  “Porter,” she started again. “How do you think I made it to your house?” She shook from the adrenaline pumping through her system.

  “You drove your car?” He answered like a question because he didn’t understand what she was getting at. She took in one last big breath.

  “How did I know where you live?” She pulled back to look him in the eyes. When he grasped exactly what she was telling him, she saw his realization come across his face.

  “You remember?” he whispered, as he placed his hands on either side of her face. As she nodded her head, with rivers of tears streaming down her face, he began to frantically grasp at her. First her face, then her neck and her shoulders, trying to just feel her to make sure she was really there and really telling him what he was hearing. “You remember me? You remember us?” His voice was high pitched and just as frantic as his hands.

  “Yes, Babe, I remember everything,” she said as she let him feel as much of her as he needed. He crushed her to him using his hands to guide her legs around his waist so that he was carrying her. He walked up the stairs and into his room. They approached his bed and he sat on th
e floor with his back leaning up against it, her legs still wrapped around his waist. He still breathed rapidly and she quietly let him come to terms with what she had revealed to him. He finally pulled back from their hold and again gripped her face in his hands.

  “Ella, I need you to promise me that you are going to be completely honest with me for the next five minutes. No matter how you think I will feel about what you say, I just need to know that you will be one hundred percent honest.” She nodded at him.

  “Of course,” she said and saw a little bit of relief come over him, but not enough to ease his nerves.

  “You’ve been through a lot over the last few months, and I cannot even begin to imagine what you’re feeling or even thinking at this moment. The last thing I want to do is put added pressure on you, or pile expectations on top of what you’ve remembered. I will probably go to hell for asking you this now, when you’ve just remembered everything and haven’t had any time to process what’s happened to you. But I can’t wake up another day and live in this state of flux anymore. And whatever you decide is fine, I’ll accept anything you have to say. I just can’t go on like this. Please, Ella, I need to know how you feel about us. I need to know what you see happening between us. I need to know if I should finally move on and let you go.”

  He looked at her and his eyes pleaded with her. Not asking her for any answer in particular, but the desperation in his voice made it clear to her that the last eight weeks had done the most damage to him, not her. She now could see the dark circles under his eyes that weren’t there eight weeks ago. She noticed the lines around his eyes she didn’t remember from before. She put her hands over his that seemed to be holding on to her for dear life.

  “I love you, Porter. I finally found my way back to you and I’m never going to let you go.” As her words sunk into him, she watched recognition came over his face of what she had said. And then he broke her heart into fragments as he began to cry.