I lifted my bag and shuffled out of the room, my insides a churning wreck.
Mom’s face when I said Chuck. Shit, I thought she was going to pass out.
And Shayna…wanting to surprise me with something I’d love.
Whatever she had planned for tomorrow had her pumped, and I couldn’t just break up with her on the cusp of that. I’d have to get through the day and then find the right moment to gently ease out of the relationship.
It felt weird.
We’d planned to go to New York together. I was her ticket there. She’d be gutted. And I hated the idea of causing her pain.
Plus, the ramifications of dumping her would have a flow-on effect that would last a lot longer than a short, painful breakup speech.
Maybe I shouldn’t do it.
Maybe this whole road trip with Charlie had just been a surreal dream and I had to snap the hell out of it.
But…
“Chix,” I whispered, flopping onto my bed and picturing blue hair dancing on the breeze.
Chapter Twenty
Charlie
I pushed open the frosted glass door of All About the Bride and Groom and smiled when I spotted Sarah working over a massive table at the back. She had a pencil in her hand and was studying some sketches while her hips wiggled in time with “We Belong” by Sheppard.
I grinned. The song made me think of Nix.
Hell, everything was making me think of Nix, which was why I’d jumped when Sarah called me asking if I could come in for a chat. She and Justin had some more work lined up for me and I was happy to take it. I needed the distraction.
I glanced at the wall and smiled at one of the framed wedding photos I’d taken last spring. It was a favorite of mine—windswept veil, the groom brushing a lock of hair off the bride’s face, dusky blue sky backdrop. The light had been frickin’ amazing that day. The setting sun turned everything to golden magic, creating a spotlight on the couple.
It was an honor to have so much of my work featured in the front reception area. Man, Justin and Sarah had done well. It had taken them a few years, but they finally saved up enough to lease a bigger place so they didn’t have to run their business from home anymore. The two of them worked like dogs, but they both loved what they did and were so happy hanging out together that they didn’t seem to mind.
It reminded me of my relationship with Nixon, and I was yet again struck by how right we were for each other. Sheppard backed me up by singing, “We belong together…”
I hummed along as I made my way into the back of the store.
I wasn’t sure how long Nixon would take to break up with his girlfriend, but I wasn’t above admitting that I’d be waiting by the phone for him.
Shit. I jerked to a stop.
I hadn’t given him my number.
I grimaced until I realized that he knew where I lived and if he felt the same way I did, he’d be careening around to my door the second he broke up with Shayna.
It felt kind of weird thinking that. Like poor Shayna was being hurt so we could find our happiness.
But we’d been living without for years. It was our turn.
Right?
I pressed my hands to my stomach, trying to squash my doubts. The idea that he still might not go through with it wouldn’t leave me alone.
My biggest hope was that she was just a casual girlfriend. He had said that it could get serious, not that it actually was.
I was so relieved I didn’t have anyone to end things with. I’d been a free spirit…for a very good reason. My spirit—my heart—belonged to Nixon, and I couldn’t imagine anyone else ever claiming it. And no one else would because soon enough, Nixon would be mine again.
Dumping my bag on a free chair, I turned to find Justin making coffees.
“Hey, Charlie. How are ya?” Not even a stutter; the guy was obviously relaxed today.
“Great.” I smiled and realized that I actually was great. For the first time in a long time, I was excited about the future again. Plans buzzed inside of me. Dreams unfurled again as I imagined what I’d say to Nixon when he came knocking on my door.
“So how was your trip back?” Sarah grinned at me and then kissed Justin’s cheek when he passed her a coffee.
He pointed at me. “D-do you want one?”
“No, I’m good.” I brushed a hand through the air and slid my hands into my pockets. “Trip was good. I love traveling across this country. We had a blast. Better than waiting in a snowy airport anyway.”
“Absolutely!” Sarah’s bright eyes danced. “I love how spontaneous you are.” Her new cut bangs rustled as she shook her head, then sipped her coffee.
“So, did you guys like the pictures I sent?”
“Love them.” Sarah beckoned me toward her work space. “Justin’s already played around on Photoshop. Check these out.”
I stood next to her and leaned in to peruse Justin’s handiwork. He’d superimposed the couple into my settings to help inspire Sarah’s dress designs.
“Wow,” I laughed. “That looks cool.” I slid some pages around and unearthed a few of Sarah’s sketches. “Has the future bride seen these yet?”
“No, she’s coming in tomorrow. But I’m hoping she’ll go for this sleek one.”
“I love that.” Man, she was good. Not only did the couple plan weddings, but Sarah designed and made the dresses too. She was a freaking genius. “That dress will look so amazing in photos. And that setting. With that light.” My voice rose with enthusiasm the more I soaked in the concept. “We could put a cross processing filter on some of these too. Check it.” I slid the pictures around and pointed out the colors that would come to life with a little manipulation. It’d give the couple a series of edgy shots that would look like they came straight out of a fashion magazine.
“They’re going to go crazy over these. I can’t wait to show them.” Sarah did her happy dance, making Justin chuckle and gaze at her with an adoration that only he could.
He was such a romantic sap.
I laughed at him and shook my head.
He grinned. “We’ve convinced them to go for that Italian place you checked out for us. It’ll be perfect for what they want.”
“Will the ceremony be there too?”
“No, they want Central Park, so we’re w-working out logistics to make that happen.”
“Thankfully it’s a really small, intimate wedding, so at least we’re not dealing with huge numbers.” Sarah blew out a breath, making her bangs dance up.
“They must love you guys. Turning their crazy dreams into reality.”
“Yeah, well we love doing it, so…” Sarah shrugged.
“I’ve already booked you in for those dates, right?” Justin caught my attention and I headed over to his work space. He was pulling up Calendar on his computer.
I grabbed my phone and checked it. “Yup, I’ve got that locked in for late May already.”
“Great. And we have a new job that just came in. It’ll be for June, although we need to confirm exact dates.”
“Okay.” I tapped my phone screen, making a note to be available in June.
The door opened at the front of the store and I stepped aside so Sarah could brush past me and greet her clients.
“Hello.” Her voice was so bright and cute when she was trying to impress.
“Hi. It’s nice to finally meet you.” The bride had a strong, confident voice.
“I know.” Sarah laughed. “We’ve spoken so much on the phone this week. It’s nice to put a face to your lovely voice.”
“Aw, thank you. We’re so excited to be here.”
I peered around the corner to get a glimpse of the couple.
And the ground beneath my feet suddenly turned into a gaping chasm that wanted to swallow me whole.
The woman with the strong, confident voice was standing next to Nixon.
My Nixon.
Holding his hand, squeezing his arm and staring lovingly into his eyes.
H
e grinned down at her and she leaned up to kiss him.
He didn’t pull away or do that awkward laugh of his—the one where you couldn’t figure out if he was clearing his throat or snickering.
No, he just stood there and let her lips press against his.
Sarah made an “aww” sound that made bile surge up my throat.
I swallowed the burning sensation, willing my riotous stomach to calm the hell down.
“Well, why don’t you two come through and we can get to work on planning your wedding. Your timing’s perfect actually, because the photographer I want for you has just popped in.” Sarah glanced over her shoulder, searching for me. I quickly stepped out of sight, nearly knocking Justin off his feet.
“Whoa, are you okay?” He steadied us both against the counter, gently rubbing my lower back.
“Yeah.” I nodded, stepping out of his reach.
It was a total lie.
I wasn’t anything near okay.
My heart was in pieces on the floor, and there’d be no king’s horses or men to come and put the pieces back together.
Because Nixon, my Nixon, didn’t just have a casual girlfriend…
He had a fiancée.
One he obviously had no intention of dumping because he was standing in a frickin’ wedding planner’s store ready to get to work!
Chapter Twenty-One
Nixon
I felt bad smiling at Shayna…for going along with this crazy plan.
Shit. I shouldn’t have even let her walk us into the store. Of all the surprises she could’ve dumped on me.
All About the Bride and Groom.
We weren’t even officially engaged.
We’d talked about getting married in LA before moving to New York. Starting the next chapter as a married couple seemed to please everybody, so I’d just kind of let it ride. I’d even nodded when Dad had suggested he look for a ring on his trip to Europe. He’d said it so casually that I hadn’t really let it sink in.
I hadn’t kicked up a fuss because I’d had no reason to.
It was before the snowstorm.
Before Charlie.
I didn’t know what to do.
Shayna was so excited. How did I break her heart?
How did I stop this freight train?
How did I get what I wanted without hurting everybody in the process?
I’d worked my butt off trying to be the perfect son and boyfriend to avoid any more unhappiness.
Did I seriously have a right to just selfishly push all that aside?
The war within me raged, silent and undetected by those around me.
I couldn’t give away my aching uncertainty. Not in the middle of the bridal store, with the pretty blonde lady smiling at me.
I shook her hand when Sarah introduced herself, then swallowed when she ushered us through to the offices. It was a nice place, white framed pictures on the walls, white furniture with a golden inlay. Very wedding-like.
If Shayna had her way, we’d be in one of those pictures. Me in a penguin suit, her looking gorgeous in a designer gown. She’d make a stunning bride. Diamonds in her hair, and heels. That’s what she’d go for. High, sparkly heels—ankle breakers—but her ankles never turned. I didn’t know how she did it, but her hips would sway and somehow keep her balanced. It was the first thing I noticed about her when we met, her high heels. My eyes had tracked up her body and it was the first time I’d felt something since losing Charlie.
Maybe that was why I’d let my parents push me into a relationship with her. It was something to take the dull edge off my miserable existence.
Shayna wasn’t what I thought I wanted—blonde, sleek, classy in every sense of the word. But she’d grown on me, and I’d learned to love the little things that made her who she was. Like the fact that she was loyal and dependable, and quite happy to organize my life for me.
Our fathers worked together, and when they spotted the tiniest spark between Shayna and me, they put a master plan in place. Both high-flying lawyers who wanted the best for their kids, they worked behind the scenes to make sure Shayna and I kept meeting up and falling into opportunities to get to know each other. Then Mom got to work, encouraging me to ask Shayna out. Together our parents were a force to be reckoned with, but they were all good friends and they loved that their precious children had fallen for each other.
Being with Shayna made a lot of people happy.
Breaking up with Shayna would make a lot of people heartbroken.
The hairs on the back of my neck prickled as I was pulled further into the wedding maze. “Let Me Down Easy” by Sheppard was playing in the background, but it wasn’t until I rounded the corner that I truly understood why.
Music had been cursing me ever since New York, and it wasn’t going to stop just because I was back in LA.
“So, I’d like you to meet Justin.” Sarah pointed to her partner. He stepped forward and shook Shayna’s hand. He reached for mine, but I was struggling to move.
Because all I could see was blue-tipped hair, trembling lips and these sad hazel eyes.
“And this is one of our photographers, Charlie.”
“Hi.” Shayna’s enthusiasm made me wince. Stepping forward, she took Charlie’s hand and shook it, gushing about how important photos were for capturing the day and making it last forever.
Charlie nodded like a robot, her hand still locked within Shayna’s.
They were touching. My past and my present were meeting face-to -face, and I felt like my life was about to end.
“Nice to meet you.” Charlie’s voice sounded dead and mechanical, so unlike her.
Justin gave her an odd look before smiling at me and shaking my hand. “We’re really excited for this w-wedding.”
“Thank you,” I somehow managed.
“I’ve already had so many ideas.” Sarah beamed. “Based on our conversations this week, I’ve come up with a concept I think you’re going to love. I can’t wait to show you guys.”
Sarah led us back to a meeting room while Justin offered us a drink. I declined and Shayna asked for an espresso.
“Charlie, can you join us for this meeting?” Sarah asked, then winked at me and Shayna. “She’s got a great eye and so many artistic ideas. You’re going to love her.”
Shayna shone me an ecstatic smile and I wanted to throw up. Pulling out a chair for Shayna, I caught Charlie’s eye across the table. She just stared at me, her jaw clenched tight.
We hadn’t shaken hands yet. We’d settled for a polite nod across the room, pretending like we were meeting for the first time.
It was weird and majorly awkward.
I gave her an agonized frown, desperate to somehow explain, but I couldn’t do that in front of Shayna and two people we’d only just met. I wasn’t a complete asshole—I was a confused one.
The table was covered in rough sketches and a big sheet of paper that had obviously been used for brainstorming. The words ‘lavish’ and ‘elegant’ struck me first and I swallowed, my throat swelling thicker by the second.
I took a seat beside Shayna, who immediately grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze.
“We’re so super excited for this.”
Sarah grinned. “I bet you’ve been dreaming about this day since you were a little girl.”
“How’d you know?” She giggled. “Every bride-to-be probably says that to you.”
“I notice you don’t have a ring.” Charlie took a seat beside Sarah.
Shayna laughed, then leaned against me. “It’s coming. Nixon’s father is bringing it back from Europe. I found the most stunning ring, and it’s got this amazing story behind it.”
I glanced at Shayna, giving her a tight smile. Shit, I didn’t even know that.
She was oblivious to my confusion as she told Sarah all about the history behind the precious ring and how it used to belong to some gentry from her distant past.
“The ring is being redesigned, of course, but the original diamond will be the mai
n feature.”
“Wow, that’s so amazing.” Sarah’s eyes sparkled with enthusiasm. “And it will fit perfectly with the themes we’ve discussed.”
“I know.” Shayna’s voice pitched high. Her smile had never been brighter.
“You know, most brides have pretty clear ideas of what they want, but yours are crystal. I think we’re going to work really well together.” Sarah tapped her iPad, then turned to me. “So, Nixon. I know what Shayna wants out of this wedding, but what do you want? It’s your day too, and I think it’s really important that the groom has some say.”
“Oh, I…”
Shayna gave me an expectant eyebrow raise when I glanced at her.
My eyes shot back to Charlie, but her glowering look made them shoot straight back to Sarah. She seemed the safest bet.
I opened my mouth to speak but couldn’t come up with anything intelligent.
I didn’t know. I didn’t…care.
Which made me feel really bad. I should have cared. It was my wedding. It was a huge deal.
But…
We weren’t even engaged!
And if Charlie had her way, I’d be breaking up with Shayna any day now.
Which was what I wanted too, right?
Not right that second, but…
I mean…
I opened my mouth to formulate the kind of response I knew Shayna would want to hear, then finally blurted a lame, “Oh, you know. Happy wife, happy life. I want whatever Shayna does.”
Charlie rolled her eyes, looking ready to melt something with her laser glare.
Shayna gave me a sweet smile and squeezed my hand again.
Sarah hesitated, her blue eyes stripping me bare with the briefest look. “Most grooms want a little something of themselves represented on the day. Why don’t you have a think about it and let us know when you come up with something that epitomizes Nixon.”
I let out a breathy laugh, about to agree with her because that’s what she wanted to hear, but the words evaporated in my mouth when I caught Charlie’s pained expression. Shit, it was way worse than her glare. Anger somehow seemed easier to deal with than heartbreak.
Looking down at the table, I focused on the one square of glossy white I could see beneath all the paperwork.
Rather Be (A Songbird Novel) Page 11
