The door opened and Justin walked in with an espresso for Shayna.
“S-sorry for taking so long. I had trouble with the m-m-machine.”
“No stress, babe.” Sarah gave him a kind smile.
He relaxed beneath her gaze, and for a second I wondered what that felt like. To be with a girl who put you at ease. Shayna made me tense with her silent demands and expectations. Charlie made me nervous because I never knew what she was going to do next.
Rubbing my forehead, I leaned back in my chair and tried to figure out how I was going to survive the rest of the meeting.
Swallowing the boulder in my throat, I tuned in to Shayna and Sarah’s conversation. They were both talking brightly, getting more and more excited as ideas bubbled between them.
My mind quickly wandered though, my eyes tracking to Charlie. She was listening with this bland look on her face. Her lips were turned down at the corners and she was blinking more than usual.
Averting my gaze, I focused on the shiny white table and caught wisps of the music playing softly through the speakers.
“Let Me Down Easy” by Sheppard had started up again for some weird reason.
But then maybe it wasn’t weird, because music seemed to be playing some kind of role in my tortured life. As if proving my point, Charlie’s eyes flicked to mine and I knew she was listening to the song as well.
The people around us turned to fuzzy blurs in my peripherals and all I could see was Charlie, the way her eyes glassed with emotion. The tendon in her neck strained tight and her nostrils flared as she desperately tried to hold it all in.
I wanted to reach across the table and grab her hand, rub my thumb across her knuckles and comfort her. But how could I when my current girlfriend was sitting next to me gushing wedding plans?
I’d made Charlie believe that I was in no more than an uncertain relationship.
She had no idea Shayna and I lived together.
She didn’t know what she was asking me to walk away from…and how much that would hurt people. I should have told her.
Would it have made a difference?
Would she still have wanted me if she knew just how committed I was?
Someone cleared her throat, snapping everything back into focus.
I shuffled in my seat and glanced at Shayna, who was looking at me expectantly.
“Those were the dates we were thinking, right?”
“Uh-huh.” I nodded, not even sure what dates we were talking about.
“Can you book those in, Charlie?” Justin shot her a glance, then had to tap her arm before she’d look at him. “The last Saturday in June.”
“Uh…yeah, um… Let me…” She pulled out her phone and tapped her thumb over the screen. Her eyes darted to me, then across to Shayna, then back to me.
“O-h, let me down easy.” The singers’ voices rang in harmony, the background music making my skin prickle.
Glancing down at her phone, Charlie bit her lips together and shook her head. “I’m so sorry. I can’t do those dates.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
Charlie
Why wasn’t Nixon standing up and dumping office girl on the spot?
Why wasn’t he shouting out that this wasn’t what he wanted?
He was just sitting there, planning his fucking wedding.
I couldn’t do it.
I couldn’t watch him marry someone else.
When “Let Me Down Easy” started randomly playing again, I took it as a sign.
It was time to go. To walk away yet again so my best friend could find the happiness he so obviously wanted.
“You can’t make those dates?” Sarah looked a mixture of surprised and disappointed.
“I’m really sorry.” I cleared my throat and rechecked my phone to really sell whatever lie I was trying to come up with. “When Justin asked me before, he didn’t have a set date, and these guys arrived before I could tell you.”
“Tell us what?” Sarah forced a smile at her clients before staring back at me.
“That I’m actually not going to be here at the end of June.”
Justin’s dark eyebrows dipped together. “Wh-where are you going to be?”
My jaw worked to the side, trembling just a little as I spat out the first lie that came to me. “I haven’t had a chance to discuss it with you guys yet, but I’m making plans to leave LA, so I’m not going to be here for this wedding.”
Sarah closed her eyes and I knew she was thinking, “Not again!”
I turned to the future bride and groom, focusing solely on the bride because if I thought of Nixon as a groom, I was going to throw up my heart. “I’m so sorry. But I’ll hook you up with Kaine. He’s an amazing photographer. I promise, you’ll love his work. He does some fashion photography, and he’ll totally be able to set you guys up with exactly what you want.”
Sarah caught my eye and gave me an irritated frown before pasting on a confident smile for her clients. “I know you fell in love with Charlie’s stuff on our website, but let me grab the laptop and I’ll go through some of Kaine’s shots. Charlie’s right, he really is fantastic.”
Jerking out of my chair, I rushed to the door and opened it for Sarah. “I’ll call him right now.”
“Okay.” She gave me a tight smile.
Clenching my jaw, I turned to look at both Nixon and Shayna. It took every ounce of maturity I possessed, but I forced a smile and said, “Good luck with your wedding.”
I have no idea what Nixon’s face did; I turned before I could take in his expression.
Justin’s gaze followed me out the door, I could feel it. He knew as well as Nixon that my pants were on fire, but he was nice enough not to say anything.
Ducking around the corner, I sent a quick text to Kaine, not trusting my voice to talk to anyone in more than short sentences.
Sarah brushed past me with the computer in her hands. “You have some explaining to do after this,” she whispered.
“I’m sorry,” I mumbled. “It’s kind of last minute.”
“As in literally the last minute.” Sarah stopped and gave me a confused frown. “I know you like to take off at the drop of a hat, but when you got back in touch last year, you gave me the impression that you’d be around for a long time. You said you were committed. You said I could book you in months ahead because you were sticking around this time.”
My gaze darted to the floor.
“Come on, Charlie. What’s going on?”
“I’m sorry I’m letting you down.” I swallowed, then was saved by my beeping phone. I read the screen and sagged with relief. “Kaine can do it.”
“It won’t be the same as you,” Sarah grumbled. Hugging the laptop against her chest, she gave me a sad smile. “Are you seriously leaving again?”
My throat swelled as I gazed into her sweet blue eyes.
I couldn’t nod or shake. I didn’t know.
I’d never felt so lost and uncertain, even when Nixon’s father had ordered me out of his son’s life.
Giving my arm a quick squeeze, Sarah kissed my cheek. “I’ve got to get back in there, the meeting’s finishing soon. But I need the whole story before I’m willing to say goodbye to my best photographer. You got it?”
Her firm, mother-like expression made me nod.
“I’m gonna go.”
“You don’t want to say goodbye first?” She pointed toward the meeting room.
“I can’t.” The words came out in a choking whisper. Before she could question me any more, I grabbed my bag and turned for the door.
The second I burst into the sunlight it hit me full force.
“He’s getting married.” The words popped out of my mouth, bringing with them an ugly realization that made my knees buckle. I stumbled forward and caught myself before landing on the concrete, trying to turn my gawky trip into a smooth walk. It didn’t work. I looked like an idiot but was too dazed to even care.
“He’s getting married.” The words wobbled out of
me, wispy and pathetic.
My insides crawled with panic, breaths punching out of me. I suddenly felt completely lost. It was the weirdest feeling, like my world was tipping on its axis as I was faced with the one scenario I’d never even thought to consider.
“He’s getting married!” I yelled, scaring the lady who just happened to be bustling past me.
She yelped and gave me a sharp frown before marching away.
Clutching my stomach, I spun and ran down the street, careening around the corner in this blind haze. I didn’t know what to do or where to run.
All I could see was Nixon waiting at the end of the aisle for some bride.
But not me!
Some girl I didn’t even know was going to slip a ring on his finger and claim him for life! And there was me foolishly thinking that she was just a girlfriend. You know, nothing too serious. They’d break up and he’d show up on my doorstep.
But how could I expect him to break up with his fiancée?
“His fiancée,” I whimpered, pressing the back of my hand against my lips.
Scrambling for my phone, I quickly unlocked the screen and tried to call Fliss. I needed to speak to someone before I fell apart on a public street. I was acting like a freaking crazy person, fighting tears and hyperventilating. I’d even frickin’ run the opposite direction of my car. But I couldn’t go back and get it because I might bump into Nixon and his future wife!
This couldn’t be happening.
Was life seriously bitch-slapping me for what I did four years ago?
I thought I was getting my second chance!
Instead I was being mocked. Fooled into believing that everything I wanted was coming back, only to have it completely ripped out of my hands one day later.
“Shit,” I muttered as Fliss’s voice mail message kicked in. Pulling up my contacts, I scrolled through until I spotted Kelly’s name and pressed it.
“Hey,” she answered with a smile in her voice. “How’s it going?”
“Where are you?” I clipped.
“Uh…out to lunch. Are you okay?”
“I need to talk to someone, stat.”
Her voice dropped with concern. “What’s up?”
“He’s getting married!” I screeched. “And I’m shouting into my phone in the middle of a public street! Help me!”
“Whoa, okay. I’m with Marcus and some friends at La Saveur. I can—”
“I know that place!” I yelled. “See you in a minute.”
“No, wait—”
I hung up before she could tell me not to come. Crazy lady had fully taken over as I ran down the street, jumping around people and not stopping until I reached the restaurant, a puffing, panting mess.
Kelly and Marcus were at an outside table with a couple I vaguely recognized.
They were all leaning in, chatting together and looking kind of worried when I approached the table and announced, “He’s getting married.”
“Okay.” Kelly grabbed my arm and pulled me down to squat beside her. “Just breathe for a second.”
“Here, take this chair.” The guy with an English accent offered me a friendly smile before pulling out the chair adjacent to him.
He was so familiar. I’d totally met him before but couldn’t remember where.
I slid onto the seat and clutched the edges while he shared a quick look with the redhead beside him. She was familiar too.
They both had rings on their fingers.
Had I taken photos at their wedding?
Shit, I was disturbing a couple’s lunch.
The thought hit me like a bazooka to the chest.
It seemed that everyone around me was married or getting married, and me, Miss Free Spirit, was stuck all alone pining for someone who’d just been snatched out of my grasp.
Marcus caught my eye and gave me a gentle smile. “I take it you’re having a bad day.”
“Pretty much.” My head bobbed erratically.
Kelly’s eyes darted to the couple. She gave them an awkward smile before looking back at me. “Do you want to talk about it? We can go for a walk or something.”
“No, it’s okay. I shouldn’t disturb your lunch, I just…”
“It’s alright.” The redhead smiled at me. “We’re waiting for our friends anyway, so you’re really not disturbing anyone.”
“I’m Harry, by the way.” The man beside me stuck out his hand, then pointed over his shoulder. “And this is my lovely Jane.”
She grinned and shook my hand once I’d let his go.
“Nice to meet you,” I whispered.
“We have actually met before.” Jane poured me a glass of water and set it down in front of me. “You work with my best friend, Sarah.”
“Oh.” My hands trembled as I reached for the glass, suddenly picturing Harry and Jane’s faces at All About the Bride and Groom. “Nice to see you again.”
My words were feeble and drowned out by the glass of water. I gulped it back, then wiped a drip of water off my chin. I nearly dropped the glass as I put it back on the table.
Harry steadied it for me, his kind expression sweet enough to make me cry.
My eyes began to burn and my nose tingled with the onset of tears.
“So…who’s getting married?” Marcus’s eyebrows rose while my shoulders deflated.
“Nixon. He was…” I sighed.
“Your best friend from high school.” Kelly’s smile was soft and sweet, her blue gaze lighting with a realization she’d probably known ever since I introduced them.
“I’m supposed to be taking the photos for his wedding,” I blubbered. “They’re meeting with Justin and Sarah right now.”
Jane’s smile was soft and sympathetic. “So that’s why they’re late. We’re waiting for Justin and Sarah to join us for lunch.”
“Of course you are.” My voice trailed off as I gazed around the four of them sitting there with their lunch wine and looking so incredibly grown up and normal.
I would never be that.
Which was probably why Nixon was getting married to someone else. He didn’t want to hurt my feelings so he just quietly left me on the sidewalk, with no intention of ever showing up on my doorstep.
He’d moved on.
And sure, we may have gotten hot and heavy there for a second, but that was just the heat of the moment. I wasn’t enough to make him want to change his life.
“Sweetie.” Kelly rubbed my arm. “I thought you lost contact with him years ago. I know you always liked him, but…was he more than just a friend?”
My jaw trembled as I opened my mouth to speak but found nothing to say.
“You kept that pretty quiet,” Kelly murmured.
“I couldn’t tell anyone.” I dipped my head. “We hooked up the summer after graduation.”
“No, you went to Montana.”
“Before I left.” I swallowed. “It was perfect and then…I realized it couldn’t stay that way. The consequences of us being together were too big, so I kind of freaked out and left.”
Harry and Jane shared this sad smile, like they understood something I didn’t.
“At the time, I was so justified and it made sense. I thought I was doing him this big favor, but deep down I always hoped that when the timing was right, life would somehow bring us back together. And it did!” I sucked in a breath. “We met up in New York last week, during a freaking spring snowstorm! A totally random bumping into each other thing and I thought…I thought…maybe. You know?”
“But he’s getting married,” Kelly whispered.
My face crumpled with despair and I covered my eyes to try to ward off the tears. I didn’t want to cry again.
“I’m so sorry, Chuck.” Marcus sounded like he really was. Fliss would say exactly the same thing when I saw her. She’d be sympathetic and sweet, just like her brother.
And the words would sting just as bad when she said them, because it wouldn’t fix my problem.
Slapping the back of my hand onto my
thigh, I looked at them and in a desperate whine asked, “Is it seriously so farfetched to think that you can meet your true love in high school? Am I that naive?”
“Justin and Sarah met in their first year of college.” Jane’s smile was etched with sadness. “They hit a few bumps along the way and broke up for a while, but you don’t give up on your soul mate.”
“Soul mates. Yes!” I snapped my fingers and pointed at her. “That’s what I’m talking about. You believe in them, then? That’s good! And you guys…” I turned to Kelly and pointed between her and Marcus. “Yeah, of course you do. It’s Marcus! He’s totally your soul mate. So what do you do if your soul mate thinks he should be with this other girl?”
Harry’s face was etched with empathy. “You know, it’s possible to love more than once. I do believe in soul mates, but life doesn’t always work out the way you want it to. And so it gifts you something else.” He turned to Jane and smiled at her. “Something that’s exactly what you need.”
Jane’s expression melted with affection and she leaned her cheek on his shoulder. He kissed her forehead and I turned away because I couldn’t stomach that answer. I didn’t want life to give me anything else! I wanted Nixon!
And I couldn’t have him!
The thought was a brutal punch that hurt my already wounded soul. Jerking out of my seat, I hitched my bag onto my shoulder. “I’m sorry for disturbing your lunch. Thanks for hearing me out.”
“Hey, I can take you home.” Kelly went to rise from her chair, but I gently pushed her back down.
“It’s okay. You enjoy your lunch. I need to go get my car, and…” I sighed, shaking my head at the lack of answers I was finding.
And what?
I didn’t know.
My entire day was now a blank nothingness. I couldn’t think past my shock or hollow despair.
“See you later.” I gave Harry and Jane a glum smile before easing away from the table.
“Bye, Charlie.” Jane tinkled her fingers with a sad smile.
“Can you not…” I shook my head. “Can you not say anything to Sarah and Justin? It’s bad enough that I just spewed all this to you guys.”
Rather Be (A Songbird Novel) Page 12
