An Act of Redemption: Order & Chaos Book 3

by Wolfe, Samantha

  "Well, he threatened to ruin my family's business and Ford," Jen said with a pained and chagrined expression. "I was so desperate that I almost broke up with him and gave myself to that monster."

  I couldn't help the harsh growl that bubbled up out of me at her words. What he'd attempted to do to her was despicable. It angered me far more than anything he was doing to me. I reached across the table and took Jen's hand and squeezed it. She gave me a small grateful smile.

  "It seems to be his M.O.," Gareth said with an angry growl. "It sounds like he's gotten cocky and thinks he's untouchable, and that often leads to sloppiness. He had to leave a trail somewhere, and I'm going to find it. They say pride comes before a fall, and I want to push that fucker right off the goddamn cliff."

  I sighed in relief. It was good to hear Gareth sound like he had a plan. I was desperate to feel some hope, no matter how small. However, it didn't make it okay to accuse Gareth of doing nothing, when I knew he was doing everything he could to help me.

  "I'm sorry if I seem ungrateful, Gareth," I said sincerely. "I really do appreciate everything you're doing for me. It's just...just that I'm..." An urge to cry hit me when I tried to tell him how I was feeling, and I couldn't say anything else as I fought it down. What the fuck was happening to me? I'd never been this emotional in my life, and it was humiliating. I was glad Gareth wasn't here to see me struggling like this. Jen tightened her hand around mine. Her firm grip was comforting and much needed.

  "Ford," Gareth said in a quiet understanding voice that he rarely used. "You're not my first client to be wrongfully accused of something. I know it's an emotional train wreck, and I'd be worried about you if you weren't a mess right now. No matter how helpless or hopeless you feel, remember that I've got your back. You're not alone."

  No, I wasn't, and in more ways than one. I looked at Jen and smiled tenderly at her. She smiled back in kind, and it helped me get a hold of myself, so I could speak. "I know," I said softly as I caressed my thumb across the back of her hand.

  "There's something else, Ford," he said hesitantly. "I was going to call you after court later today to tell you. I've avoided another interview with the detectives for as long as I could, so I could gather information, but they're insistent now. I can't keep pushing them off anymore. I'm afraid we'll need to go to the police station tomorrow. There's no way around it. I'm sorry."

  Panic rushed up, taking my breath away. An insane part of me imagined them not letting me leave after the interview and putting me in that cell again. I watched Jen's brows furrow in concern as she squeezed my hand tighter, and it helped ground me. I covered my face with my free hand as I fought the panic down with a few deep breaths.

  "Ford?" Gareth spoke after I didn't respond.

  "Th...that's fine," I said in a voice that completely belied my statement.

  "I'm heading into court right now," Gareth continued, gratefully ignoring my moment of weakness. "I'll check my schedule afterwords, and let you know when I'm going to pick you up." Then Gareth ended the call abruptly like usual.

  I felt Jen lay her other hand over our clasped ones. I looked up to see her eyes threatening tears. "They can't hurt you, baby," she said firmly. "They have nothing to use against you because you're innocent." I think she was trying to convince herself as much as me. If Carter had managed to blackmail a cop who knew what else might happen. Hopelessness started to fall over me again, but I pushed it away. I couldn't go there again. I didn't want to let Jen down.

  We sat like that in silence for a few moments, just holding each other together, until the doorbell startled both of us. Jen immediately looked scared, and a surge of terror jolted up my spine, and it pissed me off. I latched onto the anger and used it to push the fear away.

  "Fuck," I growled out under my breath. "Now what?" I just wanted to be left alone with Jen for a while, not deal with anymore shit. I stood and stalked out of my kitchen with Jen following behind with a worried frown.

  At the bottom of the steps, I peered through the peep hole to find my mother standing there, looking distraught. I groaned as I took a step back then rubbed at my face with my hands. I felt Jen come up beside me. She pushed past me to look through the peephole herself then let out a deep heavy sigh.

  "I don't think I can deal with this right now," I mumbled out pathetically as I ran a hand through my hair.

  "Ford," Jen said scoldingly. "She's your mother, and she's worried about you."

  Guilt stabbed at my heart. "I know," I replied softly.

  She touched my arm gently. "It'll be okay." Without waiting for my reply, she unlocked and opened the door.

  "Ford!" Mom blurted out as she surged forward, her eyes were wild and welling with tears. Jen stepped out of her way, and Mom grabbed me and pulled me down to latch her arms around my neck. She was almost sobbing already. "I saw that horrid woman's article and rushed over here." A different kind of guilt hit me. Her name was mentioned in it, and it pained me that this was hurting her too.

  "I'm sorry, Mom," I breathed out apologetically.

  "You're sorry?" She leaned away looking confused.

  "Your name has been dragged into this," I explained. "I didn't want this to hurt you too." My voice was thick with emotion now. My God, I was turning into my mother.

  Mom reached up to cup my face in her palms. "That doesn't matter. It wasn't your fault, honey." She wiped the lone tear that had fallen down my cheek with her thumb. "All I care about is you," she said, her bottom lip quivering. "Are you alright, Ford?"

  I wanted to lie again, deny the wreck I was right now, but in the face of her worry and concern, I just couldn't do it. "No, Mom." My voice shook. "I'm not.

  "My poor baby boy," she sobbed out as she pulled me down into another fierce hug. I sighed into her embrace, and held her tight, taking in the comfort she was giving me. I didn't realize just how much I needed it right now. Her faintly floral scent was so familiar and comforting. It soothed me.

  Mom loosened her grip a little and turned to look at Jenny. Jen was watching us with tears welling in her eyes. "Jenny," Mom said as she reached a hand out to her. "You must be so scared too. Come here, honey."

  Jen stepped forward, and Mom pulled her into our hug. "My poor babies," Mom murmured out as she clutched both of us tightly and kissed our cheeks.

  Suddenly, I realized that I was standing here crying with my front door wide open where someone could see me. I didn't like it. Discomfort started to creep up on me. "We...we should go upstairs, Mom." I pulled out of her arms and wiped at my eyes in embarrassment.

  "Okay, honey," she said softly as she watched me worriedly. I turned my back on them, so I could pull myself back together as I went upstairs. I heard the door close behind me, and then Mom and Jen following me up the stairs.

  I went to my couch and sank into the middle of it, feeling exhausted down to my bones. I felt wrung out and empty inside. It was happening a lot lately since I wasn't sleeping well. I kept waking up in a panic over and over again every night, covered in a cold sweat with lingering feelings of being trapped and helpless. I suppose it all stemmed from being in that jail cell last week, and the ever-present fear that I'd end up in one permanently when this was over. I hadn't told anyone about it, and I was grateful that Jen was sound asleep every time I jerked awake. She was already worried enough about me.

  Mom and Jen sat on each side of me wordlessly. I could feel them both watching me closely. "I'm scared, Mom," I blurted out a in thick voice. The tears started up again. I tried to ignore the feel of them sliding down through my beard. I wished that I was a little boy again, and this was just an imaginary monster in my closet that Mom could reassure me wasn't real.

  "Of course, you're scared, honey," Mom said softly as she placed her hand on my knee. "We all are."

  Jen leaned against my other side and twined her fingers with mine. I felt a deep melancholy start to fall over me, and it was sapping what little fight Jen stirred up in me earlier. Fuck me, I couldn't let that happen again.
I promised Jen that I wouldn't give up. I couldn't let the despair win. I couldn't let Carter win. The thought of that arrogant bastard's name was enough to jolt me out of it. I pursed my lips and let my determination push aside my sorrow.

  "Do you want some coffee, Mom?" I asked. "Nick brought me some donuts this morning too, if you're desperate enough to eat them. It's not exactly the gourmet food you're used to," I added with a smile, trying to suffuse some humor into my voice.

  "I'd love to eat donuts with you, honey," Mom said with a warm smile. "Just because I prefer gourmet food, doesn't mean I can't enjoy a greasy donut with my son once in a while."

  We all got up and went into the kitchen. Jen grabbed the coffee and another mug and plate. I grabbed the box of donuts. We all sat around the table and served ourselves. I hadn't eaten anything yet today, but I was actually hungry now.

  "Tom loves donuts," Mom announced as she dunked her donut into her coffee. "He says they're the perfect food. I told him, he was crazy. Everyone knows pizza is the perfect food."

  Jen and I glanced at her in surprise. "Is Tom your boyfriend now, Mom?" I asked knowingly, grateful for the subject change. Mom blushed a deep crimson as she stared down at the table and fidgeted with the handle of her mug. She reminded me of a flustered teenage girl. I couldn't help grinning. "I'm going to take that as a yes," I said with evident humor.

  Mom looked up at me in surprise. "Y...you're okay with that?"

  "Why wouldn't I be?" I asked in honest confusion.

  "Well," she looked flustered again, "this is all so new for me. I...I don't want to make you uncomfortable or upset you." She pressed her lips together.

  "Mom, I just want you to be happy." I reached out to take her hand. "If Tom does that, then you have my approval." I leaned forward and gave her a hard look as I spoke in a deep threatening rumble. "But if he hurts you, I don't care how old he is, I'll kick his sorry old ass." She looked at me with a startled expression, but it instantly disappeared when I smirked at her.

  "I'll let him know, but you'll have to wait in line behind me if that happens," Mom replied with an evil grin. I could totally see where my sister got her violent streak. "And I can't guarantee they'll be anything left for you when I'm done."

  We all laughed, and then Mom began talking about Tom, and how good he was to her. She smiled broadly the entire time she talked about him. It was good to see Mom happy, after being alone for so long. The stress-free conversation was a relief, and I could relax and just be for a while. I might still be scared, but at least I knew that I wasn't alone. I was going to latch onto that, and hope it was enough to get me through the hell I still had to endure.

  **********

  We were hugging my mother good-bye when there was a sudden loud pounding on the door at the top of the steps.

  "Ford!" I heard Angel shout on the other side. She sounded frantic. I rushed across the few feet between me and the door, and flung it open.

  "Angel, what's wrong?"

  "Oh my God, Ford." She rushed past me into my living room. She was too distraught even to notice Jen or Mom yet. "I...I was just about to unlock the front door and open the shop, but...but..." She made a pained face as she looked up at me.

  "But, what?" I barked out.

  "There's...there's some news vans and reporters outside," she blurted out in a panicked voice. Her eyes were wild.

  "What?!" I jerked back from her in shock, then strode across my apartment to the kitchen. I went to the window and peered through the blinds down onto the street outside. Sure enough, there were two news vans parked along the street in front of Apex Ink, their station logos large and obnoxious on the sides of the vehicles. I could see a couple of news crews next to each van with cameras watching the entrance to my shop.

  A dark pit opened up in my gut, and threatened to suck me down into it. Who would ever come into my tattoo shop again after this? I was fodder for some sordid five o'clock news story, and my business and my own home were now under siege. These people didn't care how their actions effected me. They didn't care that I was innocent. They didn't care if they ruined my life. A panicked trapped feeling fell down on me in a crushing wave. "Fuck me," I murmured in a defeated voice that sounded small and pathetic. "Fuck me." My voice got louder as the panic intensified. "Fuck, fuck, fuck."

  I turned away as Jen, Angel, and Mom came up to the window to look outside for themselves. I heard them gasp in unison as I paced across the kitchen with my hands clasped in my hair. Wave after wave of panic and helpless despair coursed through me. My body trembled as I fought to hold myself together.

  "Ford?" Jen asked as she looked back at me with panicked eyes. "What do we do?"

  "I don't fucking know!" I hollered at her as a sudden wave of anger engulfed me, my fear and panic pissing me off. I grabbed one of the coffee mugs off my table and flung it at the nearest wall as hard as I could. It shattered apart in a satisfying crash that sent ceramic shards raining down onto the floor, and left a deep dent in the drywall. I heard the three women gasp in shock. I didn't fucking care. Nothing here mattered anymore. I was losing everything anyway. Why not hasten the inevitable? I snatched up another mug to destroy, but Jen grabbed my arm and stopped me.

  "Ford, stop," she said forcefully, her grip tightening on my forearm. I wanted to jerk away from her, and start railing at her, but the fierceness in her sapphire eyes stopped me. "This isn't helping." Her tone was firm and authoritative. "We need to think, not lose it completely."

  I stared her down, the anger still searing through my body. It was all I could do not to start screaming at her. She held my baleful stare fearlessly. "You know I'm right."

  The anger suddenly just bled out of me, reopening the deep pit of despair. It sucked me down. My body felt like it deflated, all my energy sapped out of me. "Jenny," I whispered out harshly. I clenched my teeth together as I fought a sob. I didn't want to lose it again. Her eyes softened as did her hand on my arm. I started sucking in panicked breaths, one after the other, as tears burned my eyes. The hopelessness was winning again, and I felt powerless and afraid.

  She immediately pulled me along with her to the table and pushed me down onto a chair. She grabbed my face in her hands and held my gaze firmly. "Breathe, Ford. Breathe." Her voice was a beacon of soothing calmness that started pulling me back to myself. "You promised you wouldn't give up. Remember?" she whispered so only I could hear.

  I nodded as I tried to control my breathing by slowly inhaling through my nose and exhaling out of my mouth. I laid my hands on top of Jen's as she continued holding my face in a firm grip. "I'm okay." I took another heavy breath. "I'm okay." My mind finally started to function again. "I'll...I'll call Gareth." I nodded to myself. "He'll know what to do." I started looking around for my phone as I dropped my hands into my lap.

  Mom and Angel stood on the other side of the kitchen with broken ceramic littering the floor between us. They each wore a wide-eyed startled face. They were just as shocked by my breakdown as I was. This wasn't like me, and it scared the shit out of me, and apparently it frightened them too. I was a strong man. I'd always been steady and in control since I battled down my demons. I don't know what was worse, the angry asshole I used to be ten years ago, or this fragile shell of a man I was right now. I pressed my lips together as I tried to ignore the shame that fell heavily over me.

  Jen reached over and grabbed my phone off the kitchen table. She pressed it into my slack hands. "Here, baby."

  I found Gareth's number and pressed the call button with a shaking hand.

  "What do you need, Ford?" he answered in a concerned voice.

  "Gareth," I said in a pathetic tone. "They're a bunch of reporters outside my building. I don't know what to do."

  "Are you fucking kidding me?" he snapped out angrily. "Those fucking vultures." He growled out a long string of obscenities, and then was silent for a moment. "Okay." His voice was clipped and controlled now. "Are they just out front, or are they in the back alley too?"

  "I
...I don't know," I answered, grateful that he was giving me some sort of direction. "Let me check." I looked at Mom, who was in my direct line of sight. "Mom? Can you look out the living room window and see if any reporters are in the alley?"

  She nodded jerkily then hurried out of the kitchen. Angel wordlessly went to my nearby closet to grab a broom and dust pan. Mom came back in a second later. "The alley is empty."

  "Good," Gareth said after I relayed that to him. "I want you and Jenny to pack some things and get out of there right now, before they realize that your apartment is above the shop."

  "We can go stay at Jen's apartment," I told him as I watched Angel start sweeping up the pieces of broken mug, and Mom began clearing the dirty dishes off the table.

  "No," he immediately replied. "I imagine they know where she lives. We can't take the chance of them coming after you there too. I need you guys someplace safe where they can't find you."

  "A hotel?" I suggested.

  "No, that's too public."

  "Then where the hell should we fucking go?" I asked him angrily as I started to lose my temper again.

  "Calm down, Ford," Gareth said irritably. "I'm trying to help you."

  "Then fucking help me, goddamn it," I snarled out. "I don't know what to do." My voice broke, and I clamped my mouth shut as I fought for control.

  "Ford, honey?" Mom cut in hesitantly as she stepped closer and touched my shoulder gently. I turned to look at her. "You could go to my lake house. They won't find you there. It's under the company's name so no one can trace it directly to me or you. You should be safe there."

  "Is that your mother?" Gareth asked.

  "Yeah." I put my hand over Mom's gratefully.

  "That sounds perfect," he answered in a relieved tone. "Go there."

  "What about the shop?" I asked.

  "Well, obviously it's staying closed today," Gareth gave me the answer I expected, but didn't want. "Are any of your employees down there now?"