An Act of Redemption: Order & Chaos Book 3

by Wolfe, Samantha

  I whirled to face him. "Where were you when I opened my shop?" I snarled at him. "Where were you when it started to take off? Where was the father who should have been there then? Who should have been proud of me then? Who should have told me that then?" Hot angry tears cascaded down my face. "Where was the father who should have built me up and supported me? I needed you all this time, but all you did was tear me down and hurt me.

  "I told you three years ago that what I was doing with that woman was consensual, but you wouldn't listen. You decided for yourself that I was some sick fucked-up freak, your own fucking son. You knew me better than that, you knew the kind of man I was, but in that instant, everything changed between us, and you stopped being my father. You stopped believing in me." My voice turned into a harsh whisper as I finally spoke aloud what hurt the most. "You stopped loving me."

  His face paled at my words, and he stared at me in horror. For the first time since he arrived, I took a good look at him. His suit was rumpled, his hair unkempt as if he'd been running his hands through it repeatedly. I'd never seen him like this, never seen him not perfectly poised and put together. He looked distraught and haggard. Nothing like the emotionally unavailable stranger he'd been to me for the last three years.

  "Is...is that what you think?" he asked in a soft incredulous voice laced with guilt.

  "What else was I supposed to think?" I asked bitterly as I fought down a sob.

  I watched him shuffle over to the couch and slowly sink down onto it with a shell-shocked expression. "This is so much worse than I thought," he whispered to himself. "Natie tried to tell me, but I didn't realize..." he trailed off. "I thought-"

  "You thought what?" I asked sharply. "That you could say you're sorry and make it all go away?" I glared at him. "That you could fix it with a few words?"

  "No," he answered. "I thought there was still a chance for you to forgive me." A tear rolled down his face. "But I waited too long to pull my head out of my ass." He hung his head in defeat and shame. It got to me, even though I didn't want it to.

  "What did...what did Natie tell you?" I asked, throwing him as much of an olive branch as I was able. It was still too soon to know if we could work this out, but I felt I needed to try. I owed that to Natie for risking her own relationship with our father for me.

  He snorted out a bitter laugh. "She told me what I needed to hear, and then some things I didn't ever want to know." He shook his head. "Between your sister, David, and what I found on the Internet, consider my mind blown." He smirked. "Apparently, I'm a clueless prude when it comes to people's sex lives nowadays."

  "You talked to David too?" I asked in surprise as I stepped closer.

  "I think it was more of an intervention," he said wryly. "They showed up at my house and ambushed me with the truth Sunday night, and it was a bitter pill to swallow." He sighed. "It's not easy to admit your wrong when you're a stubborn old asshole like me." He looked up at me with a deep frown. "And I was wrong, Ford, so wrong about everything. I'm sorry it took someone else shoving it in my face for me to see it. I'm sorry I didn't listen to you, and for how I've been treating you all this time. And most of all, I'm sorry that I made you think that I stopped loving you, because it's not true. You're my son. I could never stop loving you."

  Tears were in his eyes again as he looked at me with so much pain and remorse that it couldn't be anything but authentic. His eyes were pleading for forgiveness, and now the ball was in my court. Did I have it in me to believe him and give him another chance? Would he only hurt me again if I did? I didn't know what to do. Long moments passed as I stared at him with fear and indecision clouding my head.

  He finally stood, and gave me a sad and understanding smile. "It's okay if you're not ready, Ford. I know I hurt you badly, and I can't expect you to get over this right away. Take all the time you need, son. I'll be here when you're ready." He turned to leave. I watched him walking away and was seized by a sudden revelation. I didn't want time. I didn't want him to go. I wanted my father back.

  "Dad, wait," I called out as I took a step toward him.

  He turned back with an inkling of hope in his questioning gaze.

  "Do...do you want to have a beer with me?" I asked, meaning so much more than the mere words that I spoke.

  He smiled softly in understanding. "I'd love to, son."

  **********

  Jen stormed into the living room like a gladiator just seconds after I heard the front door open then slam shut. She'd obviously seen my father's Mercedes out front. Her eyes burned with blue fire, and her body was tense for a fight. I stood and rushed over to her before she could go off on my father. I grabbed her shoulders and stopped her.

  "What is he doing here?" she hissed out angrily as she glared over at Dad. God love her for wanting to defend me. I know I did.

  "Jen," I said placatingly as I lowered my head and forced her to look at me. "It's okay. He came to apologize and to talk to me."

  "He what?" she asked incredulously with a confused yet still angry expression. I couldn't blame her. I'd been just as shocked myself that he showed up here to apologize.

  I was still incredulous over this situation myself, even after Dad and I spent the last few hours together talking. I told him about the case against me, and how I'd had to close my shop. I put myself out there and told him how hopeless I was feeling, how terrified I was of losing everything and ending up in prison. I told him about Jen, and about how much she meant to me, and how much I loved her. I told him I wanted to marry her and have babies with her, but was terrified that none of that would happen if I was found guilty. And he listened, really and truly listened to me for the first time in three long years. He comforted me as much as he could, given the uncertainty of my situation. He told me about his fiancée, Carolyn Reed, and how they met. He glowed when he talked about her, and it was obvious that he adored her, and she made him happy. Holy hell, I thought that we would never really be able to talk to each other again. It was surreal.

  "Jenny?" my dad called out behind me. He approached us with a wary expression. Jen turned her fierce gaze on him. I'm sure he got similar treatment from his daughter on Sunday when she confronted him. Jenny was on a whole other level of scary from my sister, and I pitied him.

  "I owe you an apology too," he said in a sincere tone. "I'm so sorry for how I treated you and the things I said to you. I have no excuse for it or for how much I've hurt Ford, but I want to try to make up for it in the future."

  "I...I...uh..." Jen trailed off as she blinked rapidly in speechless surprise.

  "I can tell how much you love my son. You defended him against an ignorant asshole who didn't know shit." He looked chagrined. "Ford's very lucky to have you."

  Jen's face softened. "He's not the only lucky one." She grabbed my hand and squeezed it firmly, her eyes warm and adoring as she looked up at me.

  My heart squeezed in my chest in the best way. I loved her more than anything. Yeah, I wanted to make her my wife. I ignored the hopeless voice inside me that questioned whether I had a future where that was even possible anymore.

  "I'm going to go, son," Dad announced as he looked at his watch. "Carolyn is expecting me home soon."

  "Okay, Dad," I said, feeling a little disappointed that he was leaving, but needing some space for perspective. I was still afraid to trust that this newfound peace between us would last. Part of me kept waiting for him to go back to the way things were. Our relationship was going to take a while to heal completely. I gave Jen's hand a squeeze, then followed him to the door. It was awkward for a moment as we stood there for an uncomfortable moment, neither of us knowing whether we should hug or not.

  Finally, Dad put a hand on my shoulder and smiled at me warmly. "I love you, Ford," he said softly. "Call me if anything changes with your case, or if you need me."

  "I will, Dad," I said with a nod. "I...I love you too." I pushed out the words that seemed so alien now, since I hadn't used them in so long, but it was true nonetheless. We sti
ll a lot to work through, but I never stopped loving him. That's why it had hurt so badly all this time that we were estranged.

  "See you later, son."

  "Bye, Dad." I watched him turn and walk out to his black Mercedes. He opened the car door and threw a quick smile my way before getting into his car. I stood in the doorway and watched him back out and drive off down the narrow road. I couldn't believe it. I had my dad back, and I was happy for the first time in days. I hope it lasted, because I needed a mental break from all the horrible shit in my life right now.

  I was just about to close the door and go back inside when movement caught my eyes. A dark-gray Ford Taurus appeared from the direction Dad had gone and drove slowly past the house. It's windows were darkly tinted, and I couldn't make out anyone inside it, but I had the distinct impression that I was being stared at. I shook my head in annoyance. It was probably some gawker looking at the lake house to see if it was for sale. It wasn't like anyone but a few people knew I was here. It certainly wasn't the press, or they'd be swarming all over the place with cameras. I shrugged when the car finally disappeared and went back into the house.

  When I went back into the living room, Jen was sitting on the couch with a pensive worried expression. She smiled when she noticed me and hurried over to me. I pulled her into my arms and lifted her off her feet. She latched her arms around my neck, and I buried my face in her neck. She smelled like vanilla musk and home. I hummed happily against her skin.

  "Are you okay?" she asked softly.

  "Yeah," I replied. "I got my dad back."

  "I'm so happy for you, baby." She hugged me tighter for a moment before I set her back on her feet. She smiled up at me adoringly with her hands on my chest. I grabbed her hips and held her against me. "We should celebrate." She glanced toward the kitchen. "Do you think there's any champagne here?"

  "I have a better idea." I grinned down at her. "Let's go out and celebrate."

  She frowned, and concern filled her eyes. "Is that a good idea?"

  "We won't go far," I reassured her. "There's a little bistro on the lake a few miles from here. The food is good and no one here knows us. We'll be fine, and I really need to get out of here for a while, honey."

  She made a pained face.

  I gave her a pleading look. "Please. I'm going a little stir crazy." I ran my knuckles down her soft cheek. "We'll be fine."

  "Okay." Her smile returned, and a wave of relief hit me. I wanted to take her out and just have a little piece of normalcy if I could.

  "I'll go change." I gave her a quick kiss then smacked her ass as I walked away. I certainly wasn't going in the tank and athletic shorts I was wearing. I hurried upstairs and put on a black button-down shirt and dark jeans, before pulling on my black boots. I pulled my hair into a ponytail and rolled my sleeves up over my forearms as I headed back downstairs.

  I found Jenny smoothing her silky dark hair down and checking her makeup in the large oval mirror hung on a wall of the living room. She looked gorgeous as usual in a black pencil skirt and simple white blouse. Her gray snake skin stilettos were as hot as fuck.

  "You look gorgeous, honey," I told her as I stopped behind her and wrapped my arms around her waist. I met her eyes through the mirror. She smiled radiantly at me. "Are you ready?"

  "Let's go," she said with a nod. I took her hand and led her out to my truck.

  A short time later, we were at the waterfront restaurant being seated outside at a table next to a railing that overlooked the lake. The view was gorgeous, both the lake and the one across the table from me. The place had a casual romantic feel to it with its linen table clothes and wicker chairs. A green umbrella over the table kept the sun out of our eyes. A cool breeze came in off the lake carrying the scent of water as it swept through Jen's beautiful hair. She looked like an angel and a sexy temptress all wrapped into one. She was the woman of my dreams.

  She ordered champagne when the waiter came for our drink order. I preferred a beer, but I could humor her if it made her happy. We ordered shortly after that, a black and blue salad for her and a T-bone for me. I told her all about my dad's visit today and the things we talked about. I told her how unsure I still felt about our reconciliation, and my hope that it would work out. Finally, I realized I was monopolizing the conversation.

  "How was your day, honey?" I asked warmly. "Was work okay?"

  She averted her eyes at my question, a look of guilt flashing across her face before she looked at me. "I need to tell you something."

  "What?" I asked worriedly.

  "I did something stupid, and I don't want you to be mad."

  I raised my brows. That sounded ominous. I suddenly had the feeling that I wouldn't be able to not be angry.

  "What did you do?" I asked sternly as I set my knife and fork down next to my plate.

  "Um...uh..." she looked at me and sighed deeply. "Andy and I went to see Tara and Sarina today," she blurted out in a rush.

  "You what?" I asked incredulously as I narrowed my eyes at her.

  "I know it was stupid," she said waveringly, "but I just couldn't take watching you suffer anymore without doing something." Her face was pleading and apologetic. "We learned some important things that Gareth can use though. Tara's home might be being used as leverage against her, and we saw Detective Warren talking to Sarina. He must be the one threatening her, so Gareth-"

  "Stop," I barked out firmly, my fear for her safety and my anger at her actions colliding and exploding out of me.

  Her mouth snapped shut at my harsh tone, her eyes wide and unsure under my glare.

  "What the fuck were you thinking?" I asked irately. "Did he see you? What if he comes after you? " I clenched my hands into fists on the table.

  "He didn't see us," she said sheepishly.

  "But he could have." I shook my head in disbelief. "What if he had hurt you? I can't believe you were so reckless with your own safety."

  "Andy was with me," she explained. "I was fine."

  I slammed my fist on the table, rattling the dishes. "Warren has a gun. Does Andy?" I snarled out, ignoring the sudden glances from the nearby tables that my outburst garnered. "If you got hurt or I lost you, it would kill me."

  Her eyes widened in horrified realization, followed closely by guilt and remorse. "I...I'm sorry," she whispered.

  I closed my eyes as rage boiled inside me. My God, just the thought of that Warren bastard laying one fucking finger on her perfect head made me want to beat the shit out of him. The possessive boyfriend in me wanted to grab Jen and hold her tight to me, and never let her go. The Dom in me wanted to bind her in my ropes and punish her for scaring the shit out of me, so she never did it again.

  "I'm sorry," she whispered again pleadingly.

  I opened my eyes as the waiter walked up to ask if we needed anything else. "Bring the check," I growled out through clenched teeth. His eyes widened as he saw the stark anger in my eyes. He nodded before scurrying away to do as he was told.

  Jen opened her mouth to speak.

  "No talking," I bit out sharply. Her mouth snapped shut instantly. "When we get home you will strip and kneel on the floor in our room. You will wait in silence until I decide your punishment and come to you." I eyed her pointedly. I didn't want to scare her, but I needed this. I'd only shown her this side of my dominance in bits and pieces. I'd rarely felt the need, until now, but she'd never done anything to scare me like this before. I couldn't let it stand. "You're mine, and you will never do anything like that again. Understood?"

  A silent communication passed between us. This wasn't about actual punishment or me hurting her. I'd never do that. It was about my fear for her safety and the feelings of being out of control it caused me. I needed that control back. I needed to hold her close and keep her safe, and to claim what was mine the only way I knew how.

  "Y...yes, sir," she said in an understanding and apologetic tone as she bowed her head. Her body relaxed into submission. It gave me a measure of peace to tide me over unt
il we got home. Then I would give us both what we needed.

  **********

  As soon as we walked through the front door of the lake house, Jen hurried away from me. I watched her disappear up the stairs to the bedroom. My heart clenched again at the thought that she could have been hurt today. It was bad enough that she'd gone to confront Bennett himself. At least that had been in a public building where he wouldn't have dared to hurt her, but going to see those women and then almost being spotted by a suspected dirty cop was too much. The fear turned into more anger. I decided that I'd be having a long discussion with Jen's brother about her safety the next time I saw him.

  Neither of us said a word since leaving the restaurant. Hell, I was so angry and upset that I barely remembered the drive back here. Jen was slumped in the passenger seat all the way home while periodically glancing up from her lap to give me an apologetic expression. She'd never really been the cause of my anger like this before, so I had to tread carefully. I didn't want to scare her or hurt her, but I needed to assert my dominance and let her know what she'd done was foolish and reckless. I never wanted her to do anything like it again. If I lost her, I'd be broken and nothing would fix it. Ever.

  I stalked across the house to the massive windows and stared out at the lake as I struggled to calm my emotions. I'd never loved anyone like I loved Jenny. I'd never loved another woman until her. My reaction to this situation was extreme and something I'd never dealt with before. The maelstrom of fear, irrational possessiveness, and anger roiling around in my head was unsettling. I was having a hard time controlling it. It needed an outlet and it needed mastered, and dominating Jen would give me both.

  I breathed in deeply and let it out slowly, pushing the insanity down and embracing the calm that came over me as the Dom in me took over. Several deeper breaths followed until I felt in control of myself enough to go to Jen. I nodded to myself and turned to go upstairs.