Broken Fairytale

by Nikola Jensen

  “What happened to your face Izzy?” He’s looking at me with both concern and anger all rolled into one expression as he places his hand on my knee in comfort.

  “Nothing really, I got hit by a door…you know how clumsy I am right? Do you not remember how we met?” I nervously reply trying to sweep some of my hair across so that it covers the evidence.

  “Izzy, that’s bullshit and you know it.” He clenches his fist at his side and looks away from me as if counting to ten in his head before he says something he might regret.

  Looking back at me he opens and closes his mouth a few times. I know I am betraying how I’m feeling because I feel the heat in my face.

  “I’ll let it go for now Izzy,” he finally says. “But don’t think that’s the end of it.” He looks pissed off as he eyes my suitcases, then looks back at me before taking my hand and pulling me up off the bench.

  “Right, you’re coming with me, no arguments I told you us lads were in dire need of something pretty and sweet in our house.” His tone is almost jovial but he can’t hide the intense anger his eyes are so clearly showing.

  Looking frustrated, he picks up my suitcase and as my left hand is still firmly gripped in his, I pick up the other smaller one. We walk to the other side of the park in silence, cross the street and stand in front of a red bricked townhouse. I stand there looking up at the house feeling like an abandoned stray who’s been picked up through sheer pity and compassion. Yeah, I feel every bit as little as my height symbolises, standing here with my small hand engulfed in Aiden’s.

  “No one’s in Izzy so don’t worry, they’re all down the pub already, so we can get you settled in then we’ll talk.”

  When he says that, he looks at me with so much emotion I almost burst out crying, but I don’t, I refuse to give in. Instead I just nod and smile. I think he knows because he hurries me into the house and up the stairs.

  “Right, so this’ll be your room, it’s not much, but do what you like with it and feel free to do the same to the rest of the house.” He winks at me.

  “Yeah alright….I got it Aiden, ‘a Iive in housekeeper’ at your service,” I sarcastically respond laughing at him. The room isn’t overly big but it has a bed, a desk, a small table and an armchair by a huge bay window with views of the park. The room’s painted a fresh subtle green with a darker accented wall where the bay window is. It’s perfect and I can’t help smiling as a warm feeling rushes through me. I put my suitcases in my new room and Aiden shows me the rest of the house. There are three bedrooms and one bathroom on this floor…yikes only one bathroom…and there’s a bedroom in the attic. He shows me his room, it’s next to mine and it’s immaculate, just like Aiden himself.

  “The room next to mine belongs to Max, who’s our drummer and the manager of the City Vintage Record shop.”

  Max’s room is something else; if it has a floor I can’t see it.

  “The fourth bedroom is in the attic and belongs to our esteemed lead singer and guitarist Declan, who I’ve known forever. We let Declan have the attic seeing as he’s a bit of a male slut and we got tired of having to listen to the girls giggling and fawning all over him.”

  I can’t breathe and must look like a rabbit stuck in a pair of headlights. Declan…..my Declan Iives here. How small is this world? That’s if it’s the same Declan, there must be loads of Declan’s out there right? And apparently he brings a lot of girls home. Can I deal? I can’t help but wonder about what happened at the coffee shop less than two days ago.

  Aiden’s looking at me quizzically. “Izzy girl, breathe…come back to me.”

  “Sorry…I umm…so show me the downstairs?” I manage to calm myself down. I’m not sure I should be here, what if this is the same Declan and he doesn’t want me to live here, how awkward is this going to be. I shake my head to as Aiden and I walk downstairs. The kitchen’s in a right state. You can definitely tell that only blokes Iive here. The Iounge isn’t much better. Aiden’s actually got the decency to look quite embarrassed. Running his hand through his hair he mumbles “Yeah so…uh this is it, and believe me I do try to keep it tidy but the other two are slobs and one man cannot be expected to do this alone.”

  With a smile on my face I look around the parts of the house I can see from this room, but even though I can’t see beyond the mess and the walls, I can see my separation from my past; I see my escape and I bloody love it. Aiden looks searchingly at my face as if waiting for me to either break down or completely flip out so I put my arms around his middle and squeeze him in relief. “It’s perfect Aiden, thank you.”

  I both hear and feel Aiden clear his throat “So umm anyway…do you feel like going to the pub or shall we have that talk now?” He pulls away, looking down at me with a frown replacing his smile.

  Thinking about it I have a feeling that tonight’s not the best night to go to the pub and try to be social. In reality I can’t think of anywhere I’d rather be than there…but no. The less people who see my face the better, I haven’t got the energy for lies upon lies tonight. I shake by head at Aiden and he looks at me with a reluctant acceptance. I feel his hand on my face, it still stings...I can’t help but flinch and he wraps me tighter in a warm and gentle embrace. I’m not sure how long we stand here for, but I know I haven’t felt as safe as I do right now, in a very long time, probably since before my brother left us.

  “So...” Aiden breaks the silence pulling away from me.

  “I think I’d like to go to bed, it’s been a long day and I’m knackered. But about the rent, I can start paying as soon as I’ve been to the bank on Monday…”

  I don’t get to finish what I want to say because Aiden’s already dragging me upstairs, silencing me with his actions. He leaves me in my room and makes me promise to get him if I need anything; apparently he’s staying home too, which makes me feel guilty. I know I’m the reason he’s staying in and yes despite feeling guilty, it does make me feel less alone on my first night here. I go through my night time routine and climb into bed but even though I’m shattered I can’t fall asleep. All I can think about is what happened at home and the fact that I’m now under the same roof as Declan. Possibly….

  Just as I’m about to fall asleep I hear laughter…yeah definitely his, followed by giggling…nope definitely not his. I quietly creep to the door and open it slightly without drawing attention to myself. I can just about see Declan, he’s swerving with one hand wrapped in long dark hair and his mouth attached to some lucky girls neck. Both of her hands are down the back of his jeans. I’m pretty sure it’s the same girl who I saw at the bus stop with him.

  I can’t watch this, I go back to bed, but no matter how hard I try to block it out, all I hear is Declan and the girl and the subsequent moaning and giggling. It suddenly all goes quiet and not long after, I feel myself drifting off.

  Chapter Four

  I wake up Sunday morning still tired after a shitty night’s sleep where I once again, had the most unpleasant and recurring dream of Zack. The house is quiet so I put on my ratty old Pearl Jam t-shirt that Sofia bought me when we went to see them at Wembley Arena. It’s shrunk quite a bit, but it’s a favourite, I team it with my black joggers that have also seen better days. There’s no point in wearing anything more appealing or feminine, I’m not really trying to impress anyone. I’ve never met Max; Aiden I’m pretty sure bats for the other team and Declan…..well Declan I’m sure made some kind of mistake with me on Friday afternoon, so there’s no need to try and impress him. I wash my face and brush my teeth wondering whether or not I should try and cover up the small purple bruise and cut before I go downstairs. I decide to leave it to heal without covering it in gunk. Tying my hair up in a messy knot I walk downstairs to the kitchen, I’m in desperate need of coffee before I start transforming this house into a semblance of cleanliness. It’s the least I can do for Aiden after coming to my rescue. As I wait for the kettle to boil, I jump up and sit on the kitchen counter closing my eyes as I lean back up against the kitche
n cabinet.

  “Izzy...what are you doing here?”

  I freeze and my eyes snap open in shock. It’s Declan in all his morning glory, well almost. He’s wearing a pair of loose black running shorts, but that’s it. He’s got total bed hair that makes me want to run my fingers through it and his body…well I can’t look away no matter how hard I try. He’s got one of those bodies you only see in magazines or when you google hot guys, which yes I admit I do sometimes, who doesn’t? He’s lean but nicely muscled where it counts. Stop staring I chant in my head, but I can’t. I want to run my fingers over his defined abs, grab his broad shoulders and amazingly defined and powerful looking arms. I actually have to restrain myself from touching him right now. His right shoulder is covered in an intricate tribal tattoo, which spans across the right hand side of his chest. He’s got another one, a line of italic writing down the inside of his left arm. I quickly look down at the floor because I know I’ve been caught, but I can’t stop the smile; he’s gorgeous.

  “Izzy sweetheart stop staring. Now, answer my question, why are you here and what the hell happened to your face?” He comes closer lifting my face up gently with his hand.

  Oh yeah, he asked me a question, oh and he called me sweetheart. I think I just melted. I catch his guarded look so I jump off the counter and quickly turn away to continue making coffee seeing as the kettle boiled a few minutes ago.

  “So yeah, Aiden helped me move in last night, I…umm needed to leave home…hope that’s okay with you and Max? Oh and my face it’s nothing, just me being clumsy again.” I close my eyes hoping he buys it.

  “Were you here last night?” he asks me, jumping up and sitting on the kitchen counter next to where I’m standing.

  I know immediately that he’s wondering if I heard or saw him coming back with that girl. I really don’t want to admit to that so I just shrug, “Yeah,” as I continue with my coffee. I refuse to look at him, actually I suddenly can’t see straight, he kisses me on Friday, then Saturday he’s all over someone else. I should be pissed off right? I have to bite my tongue before I lash out at him. Had this been a few years ago I would’ve given him shit and what for. But now…well it just takes too much effort, though I have to admit to being all kinds of angry.

  As I stir copious amounts of sugar into my coffee I can’t help thinking that I’m nothing like the girl he brought home last night. I can’t possibly compete so why should I even bother trying? I turn back to face him gripping my cup tight to the point of burning my fingers.

  “Look Declan, whatever happened well, it was nothing and I really need a place to stay so how about you just do what you do and I’ll try and stay out of your way yeah?”

  Shit, where did that come from? I mentally give myself a high five for sounding so cool and calm about the whole thing when I feel anything but. Actually do people still high five or did the cool factor just get null and void? I have to stop myself from laughing manically because this situation’s so bizarre. This calm and collected me is a façade that completely belies the fissured storm inside.

  Declan looks at me with a frustrated look on his face. “You ran off on Friday…I wasn’t sure if you regretted what had happened Izzy. I don’t know what it is but there’s something about you, you’re different…..I…..it wasn’t nothing…not to me. Shit I don’t know. Now tell me the truth, what the fuck happened to your face?” He rakes a hand through his hair and looks down at his feet, probably counting as he looks on the verge of exploding, the anger clearly rolling off him in waves.

  I just look at him conflicted but there’s no way I’m giving him any idea of how I feel, I don’t need that rejection and I definitely don’t need to tell him about anything. I feel like I’ve been put on the spot so I try to run off into the other room. He watches me stumble like an idiot trying to come across unaffected and reaches his hand out but I manage to dodge him. With a sigh he holds his hands up giving me a smile that looks both troubled and sad as he walks out of the kitchen. Me staying here is going to be so awkward. My shoulders slump in defeat as I hear him pounding up the stairs. All I really want to do is run up after him. But I don’t. I look around the kitchen and know I need to do something to keep me busy. So I decide to get the cleaning stuff from out under the sink and make an attempt at cracking the grime and forget all about the guy upstairs who’s quickly taking hold of my heart. But before this I need music. I find a radio and turn it on. Its classic eighty’s hour which makes me smile. Ultimately, I’m an eighty’s rock chick at heart, which will never change. I start on the washing up and fly through the kitchen until I’ve got to say it’s pretty bloody sparkling. All the while I’m singing along to the radio, which has now moved on to Whitesnake’s ‘Here I go Again’; another classic.

  I look round to see if I’ve missed anything when I notice I have an audience. Declan and Aiden are standing in the doorway grinning and begin to applaud. I can feel the heat in my cheeks and I can’t look them in the eyes.

  “Yeah so kitchen’s done guys…so umm I’ll be moving on to the lounge next, but if you think I’m touching your rooms, you’re very much mistaken.”

  I tuck a stray lock of hair behind my ear still refusing to look at them. Instead I take the radio with me ignoring their laughter from the kitchen and get on with tackling the job of finding the furniture under goodness knows what. Once I’m done in there I finish with the bathroom and realize most of the day has gone as the evening autumn sky’s here. I decide that it’s now safe and hygienic enough to have a shower and stand under the warm jets of water and think up a plan of action for dealing with Declan, I can’t ignore him. I know I’m probably using all the hot water, I’ve been in here way too long, but I don’t care. I think I’ve earned it and as I’m rinsing the shampoo out of my hair I hear Aiden shouting through the door.

  “We’re off to the Dew Drop Inn round the corner for a few pints Izzy…you fancy joining us girl?”

  “Go ahead without me and I’ll join you in a bit,” I shout back, as I finish off with my shower. I think I need to get out and get some normal back into my life but not only that, I need to get normal back with Declan if we’re going to live in the same house. This means I’ll also get to meet Max.

  I walk to my room in just a small towel as I’m sure everyone’s gone by now. As I get to my door I hear pounding feet coming up the stairs. I freeze on the spot when I see its Declan. He stops in his tracks and I feel his eyes travel from my face down to my feet. It’s as if his eyes are burning a trail down my body bringing on shivers. Walking over he trails his finger along my jaw as his thumb frees my bottom lip, I must’ve been chewing on it again.

  “I’ll see you down the pub Izzy?” he winks at me with a knowing smile.

  Speechless, all I manage to do is nod lost in that look in his eyes. He walks upstairs but I can’t move, so like an idiot I’m still standing here as he comes back down again, wallet in his hand. He shakes his head at me, smiling as he leaves. Walking back into my room, I collapse on my bed. What the hell just happened? He’s the most confusing guy I’ve ever come across. I know that he’s a bad idea and the last thing I should be doing is acting on how I feel about him. Actually I’m not even sure what it is I feel, except total lust right now.

  In the first year after my brother left us…when I’ve felt like this, I’d just get drunk, find a good looking bloke and just go for it, I’d get it out my system and move on. No problem; no broken hearts. No overlapping between needs and the truth. Alcohol and guys became an escape, but I knew if I didn’t stop my destructive pattern of behaviour, it’d become an addiction, a way of forgetting, too easy a path of self-destruction that could lead to yet another early grave. So I stopped and it’s now been six months since I’ve been with anyone like that. I quickly start to get ready as I try and pull myself together and forget. It’s still quite warm outside so I put on my short denim skirt, a fitted tank top, a fitted black cardie and shuffle on my ballet pumps. I decide to leave my hair loose to dry naturally.
Unfortunately, I’m one of those girls who’s got no kink whatsoever in my hair. It’s straight as it can be; it starts off straight when wet and it dries straight too. So I can leave it to dry without having to worry about waves or curls. If I had the choice though, I’d love to have this worry. I’ve always wanted curly hair. But then we all want what we don’t have, never satisfied. I put a bit of make-up and concealer on, trying to cover up my injury. It doesn’t look too bad really. I pick up my messenger bag; put my iPod on and leave for the pub. As I walk up I can see them sitting outside at a table laughing. They look so happy and care-free. I used to be like that and want to be again. I wonder if I join them, can I pull it off without having to fake it? Aiden must have seen me coming because he whistles suggestively…

  “Hey gorgeous get your arse over here, I’ve got a pint for you,” he says, smiling encouragingly at me.

  Ah no excuses not to drink now. I sit down in the empty seat, which just happens to be between Aiden and Declan. Aiden immediately introduces me to Max.

  “So Izzy meet Max…Max meet Izzy.”

  I look at Max and I’m floored, he’s huge, in the tall and muscled sense. Short cropped black hair, and the biggest chocolate brown eyes. He has a pierced eyebrow and a pierced nose with a tattoo running up his neck. He’s scary looking but stunning too. Can you call a man stunning? Well he is, and he’s making me blush, not sure why…but wow. Shit, I have to compose myself before I make a complete fool out of myself, so I take a huge gulp of beer and try to deflect from my obvious embarrassment.

  “So how did you all get together then, I mean end up in the same house really?” I know Aiden already told me bits of this story but right now my mind is blank and I don’t want to sit here gawking like an idiot. Instead I’m trying to prevent an awkward silence. Max is staring at me with a wild look on his face. His eyes are working overtime taking in my bruised face and sizing me up. I get it. He’s under no illusions on how I got this. I end up having to look away over at Declan instead as I can feel his eyes on me. Uh hold up there buddy, I think to myself, when I see his eyes are on my legs not my face. I give him a stern look but get a smile in return when he realises. Aiden answers my question with a sigh and a faint shake of the head, I think he noticed too.