Mirage

by Alice Tribue

  “At least they loved you enough to care. My life would have been a lot different without my dad.”

  “I’m glad you had him.”

  “Me, too.”

  No other words are spoken; they’re not needed. We lay there together until we both drift off to sleep, his exhaustion from having worked all night getting the best of him and my relaxed state getting the best of me. It’s a perfect moment, perfect for so many reasons, perfect because right now, all we need is this. The fear is still there, pushed to the back and hidden underneath the crevices of my heart, which beats a little stronger now that Nathan’s come into my life.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  “Hi, Victoria,” I hear the girls at the front desk greet me as I enter Mirage. When I opened this spa, it was just a front for the escort service. It was how I made my business seem legitimate. Over time, I started to enjoy it and put a lot of effort into making it the best it could be. Now, I’m looking forward to spending more time here when the other side of my business is gone. That’s why I’m here today; I’ve decided that I need to make my presence here more prominent. They need to see me here on a more frequent basis and understand that this is a permanent change.

  I have a full day ahead of me here—a morning meeting with all of the employees, individual meetings with management, as well as a catered lunch for everyone. I’ve been at a crossroads for some time now, and I’ve finally decided on which course to take. Now, I just have to execute the transition.

  I’d forgotten how small my office at the spa is. I rarely ever used it before, but after sitting here for hours in meetings with the management, I’m beginning to feel claustrophobic. A bigger office space will have to be on my list of immediate things to do here.

  I’m waiting to have my last meeting of the day with the salon manager when my cell phone rings. I smile when Nathan’s name comes up on the caller ID, especially since I haven’t talked to him all day.

  “Hello?”

  “Hey, baby.” The way he says baby sends the butterflies in my stomach aflutter every single time.

  “Hey, how’s your day going?”

  “Busy, yours?”

  “Same. I was actually calling you about this weekend.”

  “What about it?” I question hoping that I did not forget something.

  “My buddy owns a house on the beach down on the Jersey Shore. It’s empty right now, and I was hoping you’d want to spend the weekend with me there.”

  “That sounds great. I’d love that.”

  “You think you could be ready to leave tonight?”

  “I’ve got about another thirty minutes at the spa, and then I’m headed home. I’ll pack a bag.”

  “I’ll pick you up at six thirty, babe. I’ve got to go.”

  He hangs up before I can say anything more, but I’m excited for a weekend away with him. I blow through my last meeting as quickly as possible and rush home to get ready for the weekend.

  The doorbell rings just as I’m zipping my overnight bag. I drop it in the living room on my way to the front door. The moment I open it, I’m in Nathan’s arms, pulled into an embrace with his lips on mine. I let myself go, the way I’ve only ever done with him and in doing that, I go against my own boundaries. It’s like watching walls crumbling all around me, but I’m still here, I’m still standing, still in one piece. Fear be damned that Nathan’s in my life and I can’t let him go now. If this ends, it will be because he’s ended it.

  “Hi, baby.” He greets me when we finally break the kiss.

  I reply with a breathy, “Hi,” and a timid smile. Smart, confident woman melts into a puddle of mush on her living room floor… Nice, Victoria!

  “You ready to go?” He walks in past me and picks up my bag.

  “I’m ready,” I confirm, grabbing my purse and house keys off the table. He follows me out the front door, waiting for me to lock up my apartment, and then we head down the elevator together.

  “I’m really excited for this weekend,” I tell him on our ride down the elevator.

  He walks over to me, his body pressing against mine, pressing me against the wall. “Me, too,” he says, placing a kiss on my neck. His hands land on my hips and his fingers tug at the waist of my jeans. “I especially can’t wait to get you out of these.” I can’t speak, I have no words… literally, no words, and when the elevator finally reaches the lobby, I’m pretty sure I need to change my underwear.

  I stop on the sidewalk when we exit my building and look around.

  “How are we getting down to the shore? I don’t think our bags are going to fit on your bike.”

  “We’re taking my car.” He smiles, grabbing my hand and leading me down the street.

  “You have an actual vehicle with doors and windows?”

  “Yeah.”

  “So, why do you always cart me around the city on your bike?”

  He chuckles, looking down at me with humor, and shrugs. “I like you on my bike.”

  I roll my eyes but say nothing, liking the fact that he likes me on his bike. We stop as we reach a shiny black Mustang convertible. Typical, I think to myself with a smile as he opens the trunk and drops my bag in. Moments later, he has the passenger side open for me. He waits for me to put my seatbelt on before closing the door and rounding the front of the car, sliding into the driver’s side. I watch how he maneuvers the car with ease, pulling out into the street and heading toward the Holland Tunnel.

  “So, whose house are we staying in?” I probe as we jump on the New Jersey Turnpike.

  “A buddy of mine from the Marines. He never uses it; his parents left it to him when they passed and it’s just one of those things. It’s too sentimental to let go of but reminds him too much of them for him to spend any real time there. He rents it out to tourists in the summer.”

  “I could imagine how it would be hard for him; it was still really nice of him to let us use it.”

  “He’s a decent guy. Maybe you can meet him one day.”

  “I’d like that,” I say, relaxing in my seat. I turn my head toward the window, watching the world go by in a blur, and I wonder what my life is going to look like in the next few months. A handful of girls are resisting the change and not accepting my help in finding them work. I have clients pushing back, clients who really don’t want their contracts terminated. But it’s a done deal, and there is no turning back now. There is a sense of relief that comes over me when I think about how this will all be over soon, and I’ll be able to live a normal life for once.

  I drift off to sleep after a while to the sound of the soft music playing on the radio. The stress of the last few weeks has likely finally caught up to me. I wake to Nathan’s familiar voice in my ear and his hand brushing strands of hair off my face.

  “Wake up, baby. We’re here.”

  I turn my head, pressing my cheek into his hand as my eyes flutter open.

  “I fell asleep,” I mutter groggily.

  “You did. You think you can wake up long enough to go inside?”

  “I think I can manage,” I say, tipping up my chin. I get out of the car and look at the house before me; I fall in love with it immediately. It’s beach house perfection with a wrap-around porch, rocking chairs, and beautiful picture windows and shutters. We walk up to the front door together, Nathan carrying both of our bags, and I can hear the waves from the ocean just across the street crash in the distance. He unlocks the door and lets us in. I move to give myself the tour of the house, but before I can do that, Nathan drops our bags on the floor, bends down, and picks me up.

  “What are you doing?” I screech, as he carries me up a flight of stairs.

  “If I have to answer that for you, I’m doing something wrong.”

  He pushes a door open, taking us into what appears to be the master bedroom. Again, I have no time to look around because I’m thrown down on the bed. I giggle as he slips my shoes off and tosses them across the room. This is clearly a man on a mission.

  “I’ve been
hard since the minute I saw you in these fucking jeans.”

  I crinkle my nose at the humor of his words but my body… my body is simmering with a heat that only he can put out. He pulls off the jeans along with my panties in one motion, and I decide to help him out by pulling off my shirt and bra. I lay back down on the pillows, and I wait; I wait for Nathan to make a move, to take what I want to give only to him.

  I involuntarily lick my lips when his shirt hits the floor. Oh Jesus, I’ll never get enough of him. When he’s completely naked, all bets are off. I sit up slightly, resting my upper body on my elbows so that I can take him all in.

  Nathan watches me with unconcealed mirth, his head cocked to the side, and then he’s on me, the humor gone and replaced with something softer, something more. He touches his temple to mine, in one motion sliding it back and forth. I suck in a breath when his hand travels down my side and let it out when his arm wraps around my back and pulls me even closer to him, impossibly closer.

  I feel his lips at my ear, and a low growl escapes his lips. “You’re mine.”

  My body has a visceral reaction to his words; I cling to him for dear life, as if at any moment he can just vanish and leave me with absolutely nothing.

  “Nathan…”

  “I love you, Tori.”

  My breath catches again at the words other men have spoken but I’ve never once believed. Not until now.

  “I love you, too.” The words leave my mouth without any second thoughts; I don’t doubt them or try to take them back. There would be no point anyway because they’re true.

  “You’re scary beautiful,” he tells me, his eyes intense. I open my mouth to speak, but before I can, his mouth is on mine. Everything about this kiss is reckless, unguarded, and demanding. It feels amazing. I close my eyes, allowing myself to let go and enjoy what’s happening between us. His hands are everywhere, controlling, and dominating. They circle my sensitive breasts, trail down my stomach, and then finally… finally, he dips his fingers between my legs.

  A whimper gets lost in the kiss as he begins to explore me with his hand. A gasp suspends in the air as he slips a finger inside of me and tickles me from within, right where I need it. My body convulses as the pressure increases and as the sensations grow stronger. The orgasm hits me fast and hard. I hold onto Nathan, crying out for him as it surges through me.

  “I’m right here,” he whispers, his words bringing me back down. My eyes flutter open when he curls his fingers around the side of my neck, his thumb rubbing along my cheek. All I can do is stare into his eyes until I can’t take it anymore, until I’m afraid I might burst from all of this emotion that I’m feeling. I bury my face in the crook of his neck and he in turn slowly, almost painfully, slides into me. My legs wrap around him, acting on their own accord, and I hold onto him as closely as I can, crying out in pleasure when he finally begins to move. I’m getting off on all of it. His movements, his murmured words in my ear, the connection between us—it’s as close to perfect as I’ve ever been. His familiar scent drives me wild, making me want more of him, making me need more.

  “Oh, God,” I whimper as his hips move faster. He groans his response, increasing the pace even more. There’s a little piece of me that doesn’t want this to end, but I can feel it, start to reach for it, circle my hips in order to meet his movements. It doesn’t take long for the familiar feeling to grow, starting in the depths of my stomach and traveling outwards, setting my nerve endings on fire and causing my body to lose control.

  Another thrust from Nathan and I’m done, consumed with my climax, his lips on mine drowning out my cries. Somewhere in the distance, I swear I can hear a wave crashing onto the shore as Nathan collapses on top of me.

  “Holy shit,” I say, the words carried on a breath as I come down from the high. He lifts his torso and angles off me, pushes the hair out of my face, and finishes with a soft kiss.

  “Best I ever had,” he says with a jerk of the chin and a grin. I giggle at his declaration.

  “Ditto.” I roll onto my side and study the green in his eyes, not dark like an emerald, light, much lighter, like… like sea glass. I’m completely lost in him, in everything that he is.

  “I am so in love with you, and I don’t know what to do about it because I’ve never loved anybody before. I don’t know what happens next. What do we do now?”

  “Baby.”

  “I know, I know, we just had amazing sex, and I’m ruining it by acting all crazy. I have no fucking idea why I’m telling you this.”

  “You’re supposed to tell me this. I want you to tell me how you feel. What you’re feeling is normal, and I feel it, too.”

  “Oh God, really? I just, I’m not used to feeling…”

  “Out of control.”

  “Yes. Completely out of control.”

  He reaches for me. His hand wraps around the side of my neck, and his thumb brushes my cheek again.

  “This is real. You can believe in that.”

  “I do,” I tell him, and it’s the truth. I believe his love is real, I believe that it’s mine for the taking, that he wants this just as badly as I do, and I’ll be damned if I don’t take hold of it and hang on with everything I have.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  God, the guilt is killing me. Ever since Nathan told me that he loved me, and ever since I told him the same, I’ve been riddled with guilt. How can I build this relationship on a lie? How can I possibly plan a future with him when he doesn’t know my entire story? He sees only what I want him to see, and even though the feelings and emotions are true, it still feels wrong. Would he still love me if he knew what I did, what I’ve done? For the most part, my intentions were good. I wanted to help these girls do this job safely, and most of these girls would have fallen into the lifestyle anyway. I carry no guilt there. To me, this isn’t a black and white issue. There are a lot of gray areas, and that’s how I’ve always operated, but Nathan? Would he see the gray, would he understand my reasoning, my need to make sure none of these girls ended up drugged up or dead? My girls don’t live in trailer parks; most of them have doormen and stunning views of the Hudson. Some of them are paying their own way through school; one of my girls is doing her postgraduate work at Columbia University. There’s something to be said for that… Right?

  I can’t do it; I can’t keep doing this, living this way, living a lie when all I really want to do is be free. When all I really want to do is love Nathan and not feel like there are skeletons in the closet waiting to be discovered at any time. I need to tell him. I have to tell him the truth. I turn from my current position stretched out on a beach chair basking in the late morning rays of the sun and glance at Nathan in the chair next to me. He’s everything I always wanted, everything I never thought would be possible, what I didn’t know existed for me, and I’m terrified of losing him. The dull ache in my chest throbs at that thought of not having him around, but if I don’t tell him the truth, my love will be tainted with lies. He deserves better than that.

  I make a decision here and now to come clean, to tell him everything that there is to know about me, and let him decide for himself if he still wants me. I’ll give myself this weekend, these few last moments of marred perfection before I tell him the truth. Why ruin what’s left of the weekend? The truth will still be there when we get back.

  “Baby,” I call to him and he turns his head to me. He responds to me, and he’s mine for now. “Will you go in the water with me?”

  “Yeah, it’s getting too hot out here anyway.” He grins. He slides off his chair with ease and reaches his hand down to me. He pulls me up and greets me with a brief kiss before we walk down to the beach. The sand is warm between my manicured toes, and it feels good, relaxing even. The ocean air draws me in, it always has. Living down by the shore with my dad was a far cry from my mom's trailer park existence. The water brought me a sense of peace that nothing else ever could. I bend down when we reach the shoreline, picking up a rare black seashell, and hold it out for
Nathan.

  “Isn’t it pretty? It’s rare to find one of these in perfect condition.”

  “It is. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a black one before. Keep it.”

  “A memento?”

  He picks me up and effortlessly carries me a few feet into the water, laughing as I smack him on the back.

  “Nathan, please, please don’t drop me in the water.”

  “No? Are you sure?”

  “Yes,” I squeal in response. He grabs my hips and pushes as if he’s about to throw me in but pulls me back at the last minute, my torso against his. I circle my arms around his neck as he wraps his arms around my waist and holds me impossibly close. His mouth descends to mine and he kisses me, gently setting me down in the water. The heat from his kiss and the cold water makes me grab onto him tighter. I wrap my legs around his waist when we break the kiss. He chuckles and begins to walk, carrying us further out into the ocean. We stay out here for a while, him holding me as we jump over the waves that come crashing in. It’s not a romantic dinner over candlelight, a Broadway show, or a visit to a fancy art gallery, but the simplicity of this moment is something that I’ll never forget. I’d trade everything that I have, all the material things that I own, to live in this moment forever. To hold onto it, to guard it, so that I’ll always feel this kind of happiness.

  ***

  “I just kicked your ass.”

  “What? I let you win. I wasn’t going to say anything, but now that I see what a poor winner you are, I’m telling you that I. Let. You. Win.

  “Did not. You’re just mad because I beat you in laser tag and now I beat you in mini golf. Maybe you’re not as coordinated as you thought you were,” I chastise, turning around to face him and walking backward on the boardwalk.

  He reaches out to grab my hand and pulls me into his chest hard. “Wait till you see what I do to you tonight and then you can tell me if you still think I’m uncoordinated.”