Road To Whatever (Perfect For Me Book 1)

by Blue Saffire

  That night, she said there was something else she needed to talk to me about. We never got around to it. I need to know what else was wrong. It has to have something to do with that.

  “Dude, I’ll talk to her,” Linc offers and starts past me.

  “No go,” Sleep shakes his head. “She’ll only talk to Mandy. She said to tell you not to push, she’s not ready.”

  Linc curses and pulls out his phone, calling Kitty anyway no doubt. After a few moments with the phone to his ear he curses again and storms off the bus. I don’t know how long I sat there lost.

  CHAPTER Nineteen

  On the plane ride here I made a few decisions. One, I would listen to whatever Mandy and Chris had to say and then decide if I am staying for the rest of the tour. Two, I love Nolan but I want someone that loves me and puts me first. So I’m not okay with him sleeping with Jess no matter what. So hearing him admit that he did will definitely kill me. So that conversation will not be had until it is time to go home, if I choose to stay after talking to Mandy and Chris.

  Three, True Life is a great band and I want to help the guys out even if I feel betrayed so I plan to make some calls on their behalf and see if I can help them get their deal. Mitch and Sleep should not have to suffer for the others’ mistakes. I’m sure I’ll find them a deal once everything calms down. I’m owed a favor or two and I’m sure I can call in some owed to my dad. Mr. Chaney even promised to help me in any way he could.

  I wish I could trust his word about Rage the way I do with Mandy and Chris but my heart can’t take it if he is wrong. I spent last night curled in a ball crying my eyes out. Mandy stopped asking what was wrong after about two hours of none stop crying and she just held me until we both passed out. This morning I heard when Nolan knocked to get some of his things but I pretended to be asleep while he spoke to Mandy.

  “Is she okay,” he whispered in that deep voice I love so much.

  “I don’t know. I’ve never seen her like this and she won’t talk,” Mandy sighed.

  I heard him sigh heavily as his feet shuffled. “I need to talk to her Mandy. Just get her to talk to me, okay,” his voice cracks with emotion and I squeezed my eyes shut.

  “Okay, I’ll try. You guys have a show tonight so maybe she’ll talk to you then,” Mandy said hopefully.

  I have been avoiding him all day. I had breakfast on the bus while everyone else went to a diner. Mandy knows the way to my heart and found a spa where we disappeared to and spent the whole afternoon shopping and being pampered.

  It was great to have girl time and for me to get a few things off my chest. I told her about what happened with Jess. Let’s just say Mandy is not on Rage’s side for breaking my heart. I played some of the songs I did back home for her in the car and she loved one in particular and thought it would be great if we added it tonight as a little surprise.

  Mandy thinks I should confront Rage about everything but she is in my corner with whatever I decide. She is pissed that he would cheat on me, but she admitted that a part of her thinks there is more to it. I still don’t have the courage to find out so for now I am avoiding all things Rage.

  There are just a few hours left to get ready before the show so unfortunately I have to return to the bus now, especially now that Mandy has hatched a plan. I wasn’t surprised to step onto the bus to find all the guys sitting around ready to go. Nor was I surprised to feel my world flip upside down when my eyes met with Rage’s hot gaze.

  Warmth filled my belly and I felt my breath hitch when he gave me a look that could have melted my clothes off. His eyes drank me in from head to toe and for a moment I thought he was going to launch himself at me. I pulled my eyes away from him and looked down at the floor.

  “Um…I’m glad you guys are all here,” I say nervously. “I decided that even if I can’t do as my uncle is requesting I think you guys deserve a chance to get a record deal. I plan to try calling in some favors and I know anyone of them will be interested in you guys.”

  “Are you serious,” Mandy squeals. “You didn’t tell me that.”

  “I wanted to tell you guys as a group,” I say softly.

  “Why does it sound like you are helping the band but somehow that is not including you,” Mitch says with assessing eyes.

  I give a shrug. “Because I don’t think it will include me,” I say and start to gnaw on my lip. All the guys start to protest but Rage is the loudest.

  “No,” he says firmly, “no you, then there is no band, so no point for a deal.”

  “But I think you guys were amazing without me,” I reassure them.

  “I agree with Rage. I’ve wanted this for a long time but it’s not right without you Kitty,” Mitch says.

  “You’re making a mistake,” Sleep says shaking his head sadly.

  “You guys would really turn this down without me,” I ask in confusion.

  “Yes,” they all say at the same time with conviction.

  “Oh,” I say and peek through my lashes at Rage. His ears are bright red and his jaw is clenched. “I’ll have to think about this then. There…there are still some things I need to clear up. I wish you guys would change your mind and the offer still stands if you do. I better get ready.”

  I start for the room and I feel when Rage stands to follow me. “Baby,” he starts.

  “Don’t,” I say without turning. “I’m not ready. Please don’t.”

  I jump as he punches the wall then I hear his heavy foot falls as he storms off the bus. A hand lands on my shoulder and I look up to find Linc. I shake my head at him as the tears stream down my face. I can’t do this now. We have a show to do.

  ~B~

  I usually don’t hit the hard stuff before a show but tonight while I feel like my heart has been ripped out. I need to do something to numb this pain. I guess on the bright side she didn’t run to Linc so I should be happy, right? No, because the kid has been stuck to me like glue since Kitty left to go home.

  Okay so he is not such a bad guy but right now I just want to drink my sorrows away alone. It doesn’t help that girls are drawn to the two of us like magnets. I of course am ignoring them all but I can’t for the life of me figure out why this guy is turning down so much tail. Some of the girls are actually kind of hot. Not like my baby but they’re not bad.

  I chuckle and nudge him with my shoulder as he sends a gorgeous red head away. “Did Kitty break your heart so bad you started batting for the other team,” I tease.

  Linc laughs and looks up from his glass to respond but I watch his words get caught in his throat and his Adam’s apple bob as he swallows. I follow his gaze to see Kitty and Mandy making their way through the crowd.

  Kitty is wearing a black halter dress that flows over her curves and floats down around her to the floor. Sparkly black shoes are peeking out from under her dress as she walks forward. What really gets my attention is from the neck up. Kitty’s lips are painted a glossy black and her eyes are heavily lined with black. Her hair is pushed to one side with a black net covering her face like she is going to a funeral.

  I have this sinking feeling in my gut. I look at Linc and he looks lost and confused. He mutters a curse under his breath than looks me square in the eyes. “When those two are done with us we will wish we were batting for any team but theirs,” Linc groans.

  I study his words letting them sink in then turned back to Mandy and Kitty. This time I take my sister in and she is dressed similar to Kitty but her dress is a deep ruby and so are her lips. She is wearing the same netting across the side of her face.

  Suddenly the last few days start to play in my mind like a movie. When Linc wasn’t with me he was with Mandy. The two kept disappearing and they’re forever arguing. My head snaps back to look at Linc.

  “My sister,” I bark.

  He just grimaces and shrugs his shoulders before throwing back the remainder of his drink. Just when I thought this dude was okay he gives me one more reason to want to kick his ass. As if I don’t have enough to worry
about.

  Of course, my girl decides to avoid me like the plague. When she turns her back to me I can only see red. Her entire back is bare to just above the crack of her ass. Linc groans beside me and my eyes flicker to Mandy. Sure enough her dress is identical. I’ll kill them both I swear.

  ~B~

  Why on earth do I listen to Mandy? This dress is nothing but trouble. Sure, like Mandy said it would give an edgy look when on stage. However, my plans are to stay away from Rage until the tour is over and this dress is not helping at all.

  I can feel his eyes on me burning holes in my back. I don’t blame Mitch, Sleep or Crush for coming to stand guard around us. From my stolen glance at Rage’s face he looks like he will murder any guy foolish enough to get too close and we don’t need that tonight.

  “Remind me never to piss you off,” Sleep chuckles eyeing me from head to toe.

  “You did eat the last of my Milky Ways last week,” I tease.

  “I will be replacing those the next chance I get,” Sleep says with a laugh.

  “We’re up guys,” Mitch says holding out his hand to help me down from my stool.

  You’d have thought the guys were my own personal security. Crush and Mitch flanked my sides and Sleep brings up the rear. I am sure Rage is not far behind. I open with my solo drum performance before the guys come up on stage. When I get to the mic I feel strong arms wrap around my waist. I close my eyes trying to breathe. Just his touch sets me on fire and I want to give in.

  “Are you dressed for my funeral baby, because you’re killing me,” Rage groans against my ear as he presses his arousal into my behind.

  I crane my neck to look up at him and smile sweetly. Before I can stop him he captures my lips with his and groans into my mouth. I am putty in his arms. I hear the crowd going crazy but I am lost. When he pulls away I look up at him with tears in my eyes.

  “I love you,” he whispers in my ear. That is so unfair. He knows I won’t fight him on stage and that I will put on an act. I am furious with him and heartbroken at the same time.

  I shake my head at him and look away trying to fight the tears. I have no clue how I’m going to make it through this. I have to let him go. I can’t do this to myself.

  CHAPTER Twenty

  Linc

  “She’s going to kill him tonight isn’t she,” I mumble to Mandy.

  Mandy shrugs her shoulders at me and keeps her eyes on the stage as Kitty starts to sing the first song. Kitty’s voice is husky with tears but Kitty being Kitty she makes it work with the song. I feel bad for the poor guy. Kitty is going to sing him into a painful death. I can feel it coming just like the night she sung to me.

  “I wish this on no one,” I mumble.

  “He deserves it and he’s not the only one that should be listening tonight,” Mandy says smugly.

  “Is there something you want to tell me, sweetheart,” I say against her ear.

  I feel the shiver that runs through her. Yeah, we may fight ninety nine percent of the time but Mandy is not immune to me or to us. I’m not going to fight her any longer. She’ll come to me when she is ready to stop being a brat. Sure, I understand she thinks I am still hung up on Kitty. But you would think she would have gotten over that after the way I’ve been pounding her into a hotel mattress whenever we sneak away.

  “Listen and learn,” Mandy purrs.

  “What did he do to deserve this,” I mused out loud.

  “Ask that skank,” Mandy hisses as her eyes lock on someone in the crowd by the stage.

  I follow her glare and groan. “Mandy, babe, start talking now!”

  Something tells me this is going to be a long night.

  CHAPTER Twenty One

  “Thank you so much everyone,” Kitty says into the mic. She is so beautiful when we are up here. “I recently had my heartbroken and I wrote some new songs while I had some down time. The band’s manager thought it would be cool if I shared one with you guys tonight.”

  I feel all the blood drain from my face as I look at the rest of the guys. They all shrug at me and start to move off the stage. I stand glued to the spot willing my girl not to rip my heart out on this stage.

  My thoughts are racing as I try to figure out when and how I broke her heart. Am I being paranoid? She could be talking metaphorically. This could so be about her music, or the label, or her mom and dad, shit I’d take another song about Linc right now. Only I know it is me. The tears in her eyes after I kissed her told me it’s me. The first chord she plays is like the first nail in my coffin.

  What we had was so amazing that I lost track of time and life

  Daydreaming about your kiss and even thought maybe someday I could be your wife.

  Didn’t know that I had walked into the blackest of the blackest nights to get to you

  Didn’t know I walked off the deepest of deepest cliffs to be with you

  You sucked me in, with your grin and now my heart is broken

  You pulled me under, with your wonder and now I’m barely floating

  Was she worth it

  Tell me honey was she worth it to you –

  It was a shock to my heart

  It tore me apart

  So was she worth it

  Tell me baby was she worth it to you –

  Each lyric cuts into me even though I have no idea who she is talking about. Kitty sings with such passion and venom in her voice I would have believed that I cheated if I didn’t know better. When she cuts her eyes to me during the chorus I see the tears there and it hurts so bad my knees almost give out.

  The song has a Bon Jovi Wanted Dead or Alive, eighties rock type of feel. I would have thought the song was awesome if it wasn’t directed at me. But if I thought I was falling apart already she had just begun.

  I could never want you again that would be like taking poison

  Not even poison hurts the way her words did when she confessed to having you

  You burned away my heart by being selfish

  Did you think I’d just take it and let you make me helpless

  Next time make sure your past is your past don’t let it see your future

  So next time you ask me what’s wrong what have you done I’ll ask you...

  Was she worth it

  Tell me honey was she worth it to you…

  It was a shock to my heart

  It tore me apart

  So was she worth it

  Tell me baby was she worth it to you…

  With those words Kitty jumps up gives hasty thanks and shoots off the stage. I stand there paralyzed, stuck to the spot searching her words in my head. I lift my gaze to the roaring crowd and my eyes lock with my answer. Jess is down front with a cat that ate the canary look on her face.

  ~B~

  I have to get out of here and I have to do it now. I watched that bitch smile up at me through the entire show. Mandy is giving me a huge smile and waving me over to the table as I come off stage. Linc has a serious look on his face like he is just barely containing himself from murdering someone. I turn for the door instead of heading for them grabbing the hem of my dress and running as fast as I can in my six inch heels.

  When I get outside I start straight for the bus. I can hear them behind me calling my name as I make it into the lot across from the bar. I can’t stop I need to go home. I can’t look at him again.

  “Damn it Kit,” Linc bellows as he catches up to me and lifts me in his arms.

  “Let me go,” I yell as I try to wiggle free.

  “Listen to me first,” Linc yells.

  “Put me down,” I grate out pounding on his chest.

  “Fine, but you are going to listen.” Linc places me on my feet a few feet from the bus and I think about making a run for it. I look up at Linc and press my lips folding my arms across my chest. “He didn’t sleep with her. Mandy told me what Jess did. What she said to you but it’s a lie.

  “You know the stories I told you about when your dad took us on the road. How the younger guys st
ayed outside the club to make sure women weren’t sneaking on the buses of the married guys that weren’t into that. I had this feeling, I was watching her that night because I saw that girl is trouble. I was with Rage the whole time.”

  “Well then where were you when he was in the shower with her? How did she know he was in the shower if she wasn’t there? I got on that bus and he was in a towel dripping wet and guess what you weren’t there, so save it,” I yell.

  “Kit, I swear, me and Rage were together that whole night. She must of heard him tell me he was going to hit the shower. And yeah babe, I was there when you got on the bus. I was in the bathroom. I came out after you ran off,” Linc says softly.

  I shake my head at him as the tears fall. He has to be lying. I know what I saw. I couldn’t have just hurt Nolan again over nothing. I didn’t mean to the first time but tonight I knew what I was doing with that song.

  “Tell her damn it, tell her the truth,” Rage bellows as he storms up to us dragging Jess behind him.

  “That song was awesome,” Jess giggles.

  “So help me, if you don’t tell her I never touched you,” Rage roars.

  “I can’t say never,” Jess purrs. “You’re always welcome to again.”

  “You bitch,” Mandy shrieks as she flies at Jess. Linc catches her just before she gets her hands on Jess. “Let me go. I’m going to kick her skank ass.”

  “She’s not worth it baby,” Linc says against Mandy’s neck as he drops kisses on it. I blink in shock and my mouth falls open.

  “Dude, still getting used to the idea,” Rage nods towards Linc and Mandy. “Do you mind?”

  “Sorry,” Linc and Mandy chuckle.

  “Start talking, Jess. Now!” Rage rumbles out.

  The skank sighs and yanks her arm away from Rage. She places one hand on her hip and feigns examining the nails on the other hand. “To answer your question, yes, I would have been worth it. But no he didn’t sleep with me. I saw you coming so I wet my hair with a bottle of water I had and cut you off before you got to the bus,” she sneers and rolls her eyes.