First Comes Love: A Chronicles of Moxie Novel

by Z. B Heller

  Before I could string together a long sentence of swear words, I ended the call. I walked toward the bed and sat, putting my hands on my belly.

  “Kids, Mommy might be in jail for murder in the first degree when you are born. Don’t worry. I’ll have Daddy bring you to visit.”

  Renee sat on the bed beside me. “Look at it his way, when Miles says he wants to eat you, he’ll be talking about the dress instead of your cooch because you’ll look like whipped cream.”

  “I will never eat whipped cream again,” I said, shaking my head. “Okay, I won’t eat whipped cream for several months. Forever seems a bit overzealous.”

  About two hours later, my makeup was caked on. I say caked on because it was done so thick you could cut it with a knife. The hairstylist took my hair and turned it into someone from Toddlers and Tiaras would appreciate. I had to sit still while she made tight ringlets with a curling iron. When I told her I had to get up and pee, she said I would interrupt her creative space if I moved. I said her creative space was going to drown in urine if I didn’t hit the bathroom immediately. Finally, she piled the curls on top of my head and incased them into the crown Martha had picked out.

  The whole time I kept thinking of my dad and how proud and amazed he would be when he saw me. I was doing this ridiculousness for him. Even though my relationship was halfhearted or if there was a heart at all with Martha, I still loved my dad.

  “Ready to put on the Cool Whip dress?” Renee pressed her lips together to repress her laughter.

  I sneered at her like she just took my favorite dessert away. “I’ll remember this one day when you get married and someone accidentally pisses all over your dress. I’m having children, remember? They will be my spawns and do what their master tells them. If I say whip it out and tinkle on Aunt Renee’s dress, they will obey.”

  Renee bit her lip, trying to contain her laughter. Gathering the material, Renee slipped the dress over my head, allowing the tulle to fall to the floor. I put my arms through the sleeves, which were bedazzled with rhinestones and beads. Finally, Renee pulled the shoes out of their box and started laughing.

  “Now what?” I sighed.

  She turned to show me the shoes—white, five-inch stilettos.

  “She got me fuck me heels?”

  “Maybe she thought you could go stripping after the wedding?”

  I grabbed the shoes from Renee, sat on the bed, and tried them on.”

  “There’s no way I’m getting them on. I can’t see what the hell I’m doing between my stomach and the pool of white.”

  Renee moved to the bed and took the shoe from my hand. “Let me help my preggo petunia.”

  I took the other shoe and swatted her arm. Renee bent in front of me and tried putting the shoe on my foot.

  “Umm, Moxie? The shoe won’t fit. Your feet are too swollen.”

  “What? Great, now I’ll have to go barefoot. I get to be the hippy pregnant bride who isn’t even getting married on the beach.”

  “Yes, but you’re the most beautiful hippy pregnant bride I know, and I’m so proud of you.” Renee bent down and gave me a kiss on my forehead.

  With Renee’s help I launched myself from the bed to stand up. “Are you ready to go and become Mrs. Miles Dane?”

  “Oh, didn’t I tell you? Miles is taking my last name.”

  “Really?” Her eyes widened and eyebrows lifted.

  “No, you dumb ass. I’m ready to ditch this name.” I winked at her and linked my arm into hers.

  We took the elevator down and walked toward the ballroom. Julie, the crazy coordinator, was there waiting for us.

  “Moxie, you look like a snow princess!” she bellowed

  “More like a snow yeti,” I said under my breath.

  “Everything is almost set and all of the guests have arrived. I think you will be simply overwhelmed with how stunning it all is.” Julie clapped her hands together.

  “Is Miles and Dillion down yet?” I asked.

  “Yes and they are anxiously waiting your arrival. I will escort you two to the ballroom. Your dad is waiting to walk his beautiful bride down the aisle.”

  Renee gave me a sad smile. Dad was waiting to walk me down the aisle. A dream that he had been holding on for so long. And now, when he’s gone, I will have that memory to keep with me. Julie walked us the rest of the way to my dad who was pacing. He tugged his collar, looking very uncomfortable in his tux. Then he saw me and smiled. I strode up to him, trying to burn this memory into my brain.

  “Hi, Dad,” I said, choking up.

  “Moxie, there are no words,” he said, engulfing me into his arms.

  I wondered if he was left speechless because this is how he imagined me. A giant, barefoot, pregnant cream puff.

  Julie handed Renee and I our bouquets and I looked at her in confusion. “Julie, these aren’t roses. They’re lilies. I hate lilies.”

  She seemed to be surprised by this statement. “Your mother said that these lilies fitted the theme more than the roses.

  “She’s not my mother,” I said, quickly remembering Dad was there. My own words of stop being selfish rang in my ears. “They’re fine.” I faked a smile to make my dad happy.

  “Okay then, places!” Julie howled.

  Renee stood in front of me and Dad, leading the procession. Julie mumbled something into her earpiece and I suddenly heard the music start to play.

  “Is that an organ playing?”

  Julie ran up to me and quietly whispered, “Your mom thought it sounded more regal.”

  Turning my head so Dad wouldn’t see my clenched my teeth, I whispered back to Julie. “She’s not my fucking mother.” But before she got the chance to respond the doors flew open.

  I heard Renee’s sharp intake of breath and moved around her to see what was going on. I stood there, frozen at the display in front of me. Lilies covered the entire aisle. The smell was so pungent it reminded me of a funeral parlor trying to cover up the smell of the dead. There was a hot pink runner going down the aisle that said Moxie and Miles. There must of been three hundred people in the room sitting on chairs that had matching hot pink bows on the backs. To my right in the distance, the wedding cake stood on a table. It had multiple tiers held together by columns and what looked like a water fountain springing from the top.

  In the chaos I looked for Miles. He stood at the end of the aisle. As always he was breathtakingly beautiful, but I couldn’t focus on him because of the canopy of lilies above him.

  “Julie. Where is the chuppah made from my mom’s old wedding dress? You know, the canopy we Jewish people get married under?”

  “Umm, your mom said that the lilies would be a better option. That you wouldn’t want a rag above you when you got married.”

  Suddenly the colors in the room changed and all I saw was red. The last straw holding me together snapped and that’s when all hell broke loose.

  “She’s not my fucking mother!” I screamed. Three hundred heads turned toward me screaming at the wedding coordinator in the doorway of the ballroom.

  “Houston, we have a problem,” Julie said into her wireless headset.

  People murmured as the organ music stopped. Thank God for small favors. The smell of the lilies made my stomach turn.

  Martha, who was dressed in white, stood from her chair and raised her hands in the air and addressed the guests. “I’m so sorry, everyone. I’ll see what is going on. You know, hormonal bride and everything.”

  She walked up the aisle with Miles and Ryan following quickly behind her.

  “What’s wrong?” Miles grabbed me by the arms to make sure I was okay.

  “What’s wrong? What’s wrong? This is wrong!” I waved around the room.

  “Moxie Summers, calm down. Everyone is looking,” Martha hissed.

  “Of course, they’re looking. They want to see the giant yeti coming down the aisle to swallow them whole.”

  “Moxie, honey, take it easy.” Renee placed her hand on my shoulder, tryi
ng to calm me.

  “No, I won’t fucking take it easy.” I shrugged Renee off.

  “Moxie, why are you acting like a child?” Martha said in a low tone so the wedding guests wouldn’t overhear.

  Oh God, this woman didn’t have a clue. Didn’t she understand not to put her hand in the cage of an angry animal? On second thought, I hoped she stuck her hand in so it would get ripped off.

  “Sweetness, what is it?” Miles said.

  “This wedding… it’s absurd. Have you seen me? I look like I was just squeezed out of the middle of an éclair!”

  I waved toward the aisle. “It’s hot pink. Hot fucking pink. I swear that color should have stayed in the eighties where it belongs. And an organ? This isn’t a goddamned church.”

  I froze mid-tantrum, remembering my dad was standing next to me. Tears fell down my cheeks, and I grabbed Miles’s hand trying to gain his strength.

  “I’m sorry, Dad. I know this is what you dreamed for me, but I can’t let this happen. Nothing in this reflects the love that Miles and I share, in the family we have created. Yes, I understand it’s just a certificate saying that we’re married, but it should be a day about us and not what others wanted for us.”

  Miles pulled me in and kissed my forehead. I knew he was beaming with pride that I’d finally spoken up even though there was a possibly of crushing Dad’s dream.

  “Moxie,” Dad said, holding my arm, “What are you talking about?”

  I looked up at him through tears. “I know, Dad,” I said while I took the handkerchief out of the bouquet to wipe my makeup-stained cheeks.

  “Moxie…” Martha hissed in warning.

  Dad ignored his wife and continued. “Moxie, what do you know?”

  “I know about the cancer, Dad. That this is what you wanted for a dying wish, to have a big wedding for me.”

  Uncomfortable silence swarmed in the air.

  “I have cancer?” Dad asked in surprise.

  Miles, Renee, Ryan, and I all looked at my dad like he lost his mind. This wasn’t good if he was struggling with denial.

  “Dad, you don’t have to act like we’re not supposed to know. Martha told us a while ago. She said that one of your dying wishes was to have this extravagant wedding for me.”

  All eyes turned to Martha, who was fiddling with a tissue in her hand. Sweat formed on her brow and she shifted nervously. I looked back to my dad.

  “Sooo, you don’t have cancer and you’re not dying?

  “Last time I went to the doctor he said my cholesterol was a little elevated and gave me some pills for my ulcer, but other than that I got a clean bill of health.”

  “But, what about this extravagant wedding that you wanted me to have?” My pulse picked up as everything clicked in my head.

  “I didn’t want a crazy wedding, Martha said this was your dream and being my only child, I wanted to make it special for you. If it were up to me, I would’ve given you cash and said go to Vegas.”

  My blood boiled. I was like a raging bull that had been stuck to many times in a bull fight. Martha had lied this entire time.

  “It. Was. You.” I put emphases on every word. I stalked slowly toward Martha.

  “Things are about to get very, very ugly,” I heard Ryan say to Miles.

  “You fucking, sick, deranged woman. You set this whole thing up so it would go the way you wanted.”

  “Moxie, you are my only daughter and I wanted what was best for you. This is a dream wedding, and I am shocked that you are acting so damned selfishly.”

  “You said my dad was dying!” My nose was flaring and my skin was flushed. I balled my hand into a fist and it took everything in me to not cock it back and punch her. Martha’s lips were pursed together and her whole body stiffened.

  “You wouldn’t have listened otherwise. If it were up to you and this Gentile, you would have had a backyard picnic complete with a stuffed pig.”

  “How dare you think that’s what we wanted. Or were you too busy planning all the ways you could make my life a living hell?”

  I walked toward Martha as she backed into the ballroom. Heads were turning left and right, watching the battle.

  “What insane asylum did they release you from before you met my father? Maybe we should have checked America’s Most Wanted to see if you were on their list. Or better yet, check the zoo to see if one of their bitches escaped.”

  “Moxie, I will not let you speak to me like that. I have raised you as my own and demand respect.”

  This woman had lost her marbles, if she had any to begin with. Even though I still had a lot of pent up frustrations toward Martha I was willing to work on them for the sake of Dad. But I should have known and listened to my gut about her. I was beyond furious, but at the same time I was upset with myself for letting my guard down for even one second.

  “Oh, you demand? Well, let me tell you what I demand. I want back all those fucking years you treated me like I was worthless because of my weight and that no one would love me because I was fat. I demand to get back all the opportunities to go to school dances because I was too self-conscious about going, afraid that no one would dance with the fat girl.

  “Moxie, if you just eat this instead of that. Moxie, if you just wore your hair like this. Moxie, it would just put on a little makeup boys would notice you,” I said, imitating Martha’s nasally voice

  Years of hateful words bubbled to the surface. The issue was plain and simple. I was never good enough. I was never the perfect daughter who would obey Martha’s commands. I saw the people in the audience over Martha’s shoulder. Most of them were standing and watching us like a movie, except we weren’t actors. This was real life—my life.

  “Moxie.” I faintly heard Miles say my name. It was too late, I was mentally too far gone with too much pent up anger after so many years.

  “Then you had the actual balls to disgrace my mother by saying her wedding dress was a rag? You’re the fucking rag, Martha. You came in all those years ago and preyed on a grieving widower still mourning his dead wife. I didn’t question it when I was younger, thinking that my dad was just lonely. But I never understood why he would be with such a lying, manipulative cunt like you.”

  After busting out the C word, a unified gasp came from the crowd. There weren’t enough words to throw at this woman I loathed so much. It was at that moment I made the conscious decision that Martha would no longer be part of my life. I couldn’t control what choices my father made, but there was no way this poisonous woman would be any part of my children’s lives.

  All of those scared feelings I had about becoming a mother centered around this woman. I was scared I would become her and treat my children as poorly as she did me. And now, when I felt my children move inside of me, I knew that there was no way I would let the poison from this woman reach any part of them.

  “Moxie, since the day I met you, you have always been a rude, snotty, little brat who was ungrateful for everything anyone did for her. God would not bless me with my own children, so I did the best I could with what I had. I tried my best to push you in the right direction, but you’ve always been too stubborn to do anything except go your own way. I just hope that your children will be able to forgive you when they realize how selfish you are.”

  You know in the movies when everything around the lead character froze except them? Like in The Matrix when Keanu Reeves jumped up in the air about to bring the shit down on Agent Smith? What happened next went a little something like that.

  I pushed Martha with everything I had, and she fell back on the cake table. The cake came crashing down on her, making a mess all over the place. The cake had split into pieces all over the floor. The crowd erupted into gasps and cries. I tried bending down, but my swollen belly wouldn’t let me, so I squatted and let one of my arms catch me as my ass made a loud thud onto the mess. I somehow spun around on my ass, using the frosting on the floor to my advantage and got onto my hands and knees like they showed Miles and I in our birthin
g class. I crawled over to Martha on the floor. I took pieces of crumbled cake and smashed it into Martha’s face.

  “Eat it!” I yelled. “Taste the fat!”

  I took a big hunk of whipped icing and stuffed it into my mouth. With a full mouth, I screamed. A battle cry signaling my army to come join my cause. Arms surrounded me and pulled me to a standing position.

  “Sweetness, calm down. It’s okay.” Miles rubbed my back in small circular motions.

  “She didn’t eat enough cake. She’s still a skinny ass whore,” I yelled, struggling to get out of Miles’s embrace.

  I suddenly stopped moving.

  “Moxie, what’s wrong?” he said as his eyebrows knitted together.

  I slowing turned to face him. “Miles, either I just pissed all over myself or my water just broke.”

  I stood next to Moxie and looked at her dress, or what was supposed to be a dress; she was covered in cake. She stood in puddle of water, which I knew had nothing to do with the champagne on the cake table. Her water had broken during the argument. Apparently, my son and daughter wanted in on the fight with Martha.

  “Are you okay?” I moved her out of the slippery icing on the floor.

  “My water broke, but it’s too early for them to come. Hurry, mop it off the floor and stick the water back inside me!”

  “Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way. We need to get over to the hospital. We can call Dr. Ford on the way,” I said as I moved us through the throng wedding guests.

  “Do you think preschool let out already? I mean, they shouldn’t have had snack time. I don’t want the doctor’s blood sugar to drop when he’s supposed to be watching my delivery hole.” Dr. Ford wasn’t as young looking as Moxie thought. At least, I didn’t think so.

  “I don’t think anyone will miss your delivery hole.”

  “Are you saying I’m fat? You don’t call a pregnant women fat! I’m in a marshmallow dress and you’re calling me fat!” she yelled and flayed her hands around.

  “That’s not what I meant,” I said as I took her in my arms and kissed her forehead.

  Renee and Ryan ran up to get a better look at what was going on. A few people had gathered around Martha to help her up, but Moxie’s dad was not one of them. In fact, Steven was nowhere to be seen.