The Wonder Weeks

by D van de Rijt

  "My daughter is definitely going to be a dentist. I almost choke every time she inspects my mouth. She probes around and practically shoves her whole fist inside my mouth. She makes it very clear she doesn't appreciate being interrupted while she's working when I try to close my mouth to give her a kiss on the hand."

  Emily's mom, 21st week

  Does your baby want to grab everything you are eating or drinking? Most babies do. So, take care not to drink hot tea or coffee with a wriggly baby on your lap. In an unguarded moment, she may suddenly decide to grab your cup and tip the hot contents all over her hands and face.

  "My son will try to grab my sandwich with his mouth already open in anticipation. Whatever he manages to grab, he swallows immediately. The funny thing is, he seems to enjoy everything."

  Kevin's mom, 19th week

  Help Your Baby Explore the New World through Sight

  Is your baby a real observer? The daily routine in every household is full of events that your baby may enjoy watching. Many babies love to watch their mothers preparing food, setting the table, getting dressed, or working in the garden. They are now capable of understanding the different actions or events involved in various activities, such as putting plates on the table, slicing bread, making sandwiches, brushing hair, filing nails, and mowing the lawn. If your baby enjoys observing things, let her watch your daily activities. All you have to do is to make sure she is in a perfect position to observe them. It really is no extra trouble for you, but it will be an enjoyable learning experience for her.

  "My little one smacks her lips, kicks her legs, and reaches out with her hands as soon as she sees me making sandwiches. She's obviously aware of what I'm doing, and she's asking to be fed."

  Hannah's mom, 20th week

  Some babies at this age already enjoy looking at picture books in which events are shown. If your baby enjoys this, she may want to hold the book herself, using both hands, and gaze at the illustration in wonder. She may make a real effort to hold the book and concentrate on the pictures, but after a while the book will usually end up in her mouth.

  You can start to play the first peek-a-boo and hide-and-seek games at this age. As soon as your baby becomes familiar with the world of events, she may recognize a plaything, even when she can see only part of it. If you see her looking quizzically at a partially hidden toy, or if you want to turn her attempts to retrieve a toy into a game of hide-and-seek, move the object about a little to make it easier for her to recognize. At this age, she is still quick to give up. The idea that an object continues to exist all the time, wherever it is, is not yet within her mental grasp.

  Top Games for This Wonder Week

  Here are games and activities that most babies like best now. Remember, all babies are different. See what your baby responds to best.

  HAPPY TALK

  Talk as often as possible to your baby about the things he sees, hears, tastes, and feels. Talk about the things he does. Keep your sentences short and simple. Emphasize the important words. For instance: "feel this—grass," "daddy's coming," "listen—the doorbell," or "open your mouth."

  WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?

  First you say, "I'm going to (dramatic pause) pinch your nose. " Then grab his nose and gently wiggle it about. You can do the same with his ears, hands, and feet. Find out what he enjoys most. If you play this game regularly, he will know exactly what you are going to do next. Then he will watch your hands with increasing excitement and shriek with laughter when you grab his nose. This game will familiarize him with both his body and the words for its parts as you play together.

  LOOKING AT PICTURES

  Show your baby a brightly colored picture in a book. He may even want to look at several pictures. Make sure the pictures are bright, clear, and include things he recognizes. Talk about the pictures together, and point out the real object if it's in the room.

  SING SONGS

  Many babies really love songs, particularly when they are accompanied by movements, such as "Pat a cake, pat a cake, baker's man. " But they also enjoy being rocked to the rhythm of a song or nursery rhyme. Babies recognize songs by their melody, rhythm, and intonation.

  TICKLING GAME

  This familiar song encourages tickling, which your baby may love.

  This little piggy went to market.. .

  And this little piggy stayed at home. . .

  This little piggy ate roast beef.. .

  And this little piggy had none. . .

  This little piggy went. . .

  Weeweeweewee all the way home.

  While saying this, wiggle each of your baby's toes in turn, before finally running your fingers up his body and tickling him in the neck

  PEEK-A-BOO

  Cover your baby's face with a blanket, and ask: "Where's. . . . ?" Watch him to see if he can remove the blanket from his face on his own. If he can't do this yet, help him by holding his hand and slowly pulling the flannel away with him. When he can see you again each time, say "boo"—this helps to mark the event for him. Keep the game simple at this age; otherwise, it will be too difficult for him

  MIRROR GAME

  Look in a mirror together. Usually a baby will prefer looking and smiling at his own reflection first. But then, he will look at your reflection, and then back to the real you. This normally bewilders him, and he will usually look back and forth at you and your reflection, as if he can't make up his mind which one is his real mother. If you start talking to him, he will be even more amazed, because no one but his real mother talks like that. This may reassure him that he's with the right person, so he may start laughing before he snuggles up to you.

  Help Your Baby Explore the New World through Language and Music

  Does your baby make "babbling sentences"? Sometimes it may sound as if your little one is really telling you a story. This is because in the world of events your baby becomes just as flexible with her voice as with the rest of her body. She starts to repeat whatever syllables she already knows and string them together to form a "sentence," such as dadadada and bababababa. She may also experiment with intonation and volume. When she hears herself making a new sound, she may stop for a while and laugh before resuming the conversation.

  It's still important to talk to your baby as often as possible. Try to respond to what she says, imitate her new sounds, and reply when she "asks" or "tells" you something. Your reactions encourage her to practice using her voice.

  You may notice that your baby understands a word or short sentence, although she cannot say the word or words herself. Try asking in familiar surroundings "Where's your teddy?" and you may see her actually look at her teddy bear.

  In the world of events, babies are able to understand a short, familiar series of sounds such as "Want to go for a ride?" This doesn't mean that they understand a sentence in the same way that an older child or an adult does. Your baby is hearing a familiar pattern of syllables along with the intonation of your voice as a single sound event. This is just the kind of simple string of patterns and changes that makes up an event for her in this world.

  Being able to recognize the teddy-bear-sentence event doesn't mean that your baby can recognize sound events under all circumstances. If you were looking in a toy store window with your baby and saw a teddy identical to her own, for example, you might try "Where's your teddy?" with absolutely no success, since she really won't be able to understand meaning in a context so far removed from her own familiar surroundings.

  Top Toys for This Wonder Week

  Here are toys and other objects that most babies like best as they explore the world of events. Nearly all everyday household items will appeal to your baby. Try to find out what your baby likes best. Be careful, though, to screen out any that may be harmful to him

  Bath toys. Your baby will enjoy playing with a variety of household items in the bath, such as a measuring cup, plastic colander, plant spray bottle, watering can, soap dish, and plastic shampoo bottles.

  Activity center

&nbs
p; Ball with gripping notches, preferably with a bell inside

  Plastic or inflatable rattle

  A screw-top container with some rice in it

  Crackly paper

  Mirror

  Photographs or pictures of other babies

  Photographs or pictures of objects or animals he recognizes by name

  CD with children's songs

  Wheels that really turn, such as those on a toy car

  Because mothers naturally repeat the same or similar sentences over and over again as they go through their daily routines, babies gradually come to recognize them. This is the only way they can begin to learn about speech, and all babies understand words and phrases long before they can say them.

  "In our living room, there's a painting of flowers on one wall and a photo of my son on another. When I ask him 'Where are the flowers?' or "Where's Paul?' he always looks at the correct picture. I'm not imagining it, because the pictures are on opposite sides of the room."

  Paul's mom, 23rd week

  You will be really enthusiastic and proud when you discover that your baby understands her first short sentence. Initially, you may not believe what happened. You may keep repeating the sentence until you are convinced it wasn't just a coincidence. Next, you may create a new situation to practice the little sentence your baby already recognizes. For instance, you may put the teddy bear in every conceivable spot in a room to test if your baby knows where it is. You may even show her photographs of her teddy bear to see if she recognizes it. Many mothers change the way they talk to their babies at this age. They will say sentences more slowly to their babies, and often they will use just single words instead of whole sentences.

  Is your baby a budding music lover? In the world of events she may be fascinated by a series of notes running smoothly up and down the musical scale, and she is able to recognize a short, familiar sequence such as the opening tune of a commercial on TV. Help her with her musical talents. Let her hear the music she likes best. Your music lover may also appreciate all kinds of sounds. If so, it is worth stimulating and encouraging this interest. Some babies grab toys and objects primarily to find out if they will make a noise of any kind. They turn around sound-producing objects, not for inspection, but to see if the sound changes when the object is turned quickly or slowly. These babies will squeeze a toy in a variety of ways to see if it produces different sounds. Give her sound-producing objects to play with and help her to use them properly.

  The Virtue of Patience

  When your baby is learning new skills, she may sometimes try your patience. Both you and your baby have to adjust to her progress and renegotiate the rules to restore peace and harmony. Remember, from now on your baby will no longer be completely dependent on you for her enjoyment, since she is now in touch with the world around her. She can do and understand a lot more than she did in the past, and, of course, she thinks she knows it all. You may think she is a handful. She thinks you are! If you recognize this behavior, you could say you are having the first independence struggle with your infant.

  "Every time my daughter sits with me on my favorite chair, she tries to grab the tassels on the lamp shade. I don't like her doing that, so I pull her away and say 'no.'"

  Jenny's mom, 20th week

  What irritates many mothers more than anything else is a baby's obsession for grabbing everything within reach or anything she sees in passing—especially when she seems to prefer doing this over playing with her mother. Some see it as antisocial—sometimes even slightly selfish—on the part of their little ones. Others feel that the baby is still too young to be touching everything in sight—plants, coffee cups, books, stereo equipment, eyeglasses—nothing is safe from her exploring hands. Most mothers try to curb this urge for independence by stopping their babies in every way possible when they again push away from them and toward the things that take their fancy now. A mother may often try to distract her infant with cuddling games or a tight embrace as she wriggles and squirms in her arms to get at something. But both methods will nearly always have the opposite effect. The baby will squirm and wriggle with even more determination as she struggles to free herself from her longsuffering mother. Other mothers try to discourage this grabbing mania by firmly saying "no." Sometimes this works.

  Impatience can be a nuisance. Most mothers think their babies should learn a little patience at this age. They don't always respond to their babies as quickly as they used to. When the baby wants something, or wants to do something, a mother may now make her wait for a few brief moments. She may insist on sitting up straight, on being where the action is, and staying somewhere as long as she likes. The same goes for eating and sleeping. Grabbing food impatiently is particularly irritating to most mothers. Some put an immediate stop to it.

  Baby Care

  Don't Lose Control

  Now and again, a mother may feel a surge of aggression toward her little troublemaker. Remember that having these feelings is not abnormal or dangerous, but acting on them is. Try to calm yourself, and if you can't, be sure to get help long before you lose control.

  "My daughter went berserk as soon as she saw her bowl of food. She couldn't seem to gobble it up fast enough. I found it terribly annoying, so I taught her to wait until we all sat down at the table. Now she's no longer impatient. She really waits and watches us serve dinner."

  Nina's mom, 22nd week

  Hurting someone is not funny. Now that the baby is stronger and understands the world of events, she is also capable of causing physical pain. She may bite, chew, and pull at your face, arms, ears, and hair. She may pinch and twist your skin. Sometimes she will do this hard enough that it really hurts. Most mothers feel that their babies could easily show a little more consideration and respect for others. They are no longer amused by biting, pulling, and pinching.

  Some mothers rebuke their babies if they get too excited. They do this by letting them know immediately that they have gone too far. Usually they do this verbally by saying "ouch," loudly and sternly. If they notice that a baby is preparing to launch a new attack, they warn her with "careful." At this age, babies are perfectly capable of understanding a cautioning voice. Occasionally, a mother will really lose her temper.

  "When my baby bites my nipple really hard, I really have to work to keep my cool. My immediate reaction is a furious desire to slap him. Before I had a baby, I couldn't understand how people could hit their children. Now I can."

  Matt's mom, 20th week

  Matt's mom is very honest about her feelings. Fortunately, she does not act on them. Although your baby may inflict physical pain on you during this difficult period, he is not doing this "on purpose." Giving your baby "an eye for an eye" is not acceptable and it certainly does not teach him not to hurt his mother.

  Between 20 and 22 weeks, another period of comparative calm begins. Many mothers praise their babies' initiative and love of enterprise. Babies seem to have boundless energy now.

  You are no longer your baby's only toy. He explores his surroundings with great determination and enjoyment. He grows increasingly impatient with only mother to play with. He wants action. He may try to wriggle off of your lap at the least opportunity if he spots anything of interest. He is obviously a lot more independent now.

  "I put away my son's first baby clothes today and felt a pang of regret. Doesn't time fly? Letting go isn't easy. It's a very painful experience. He suddenly seems so grown up. I have a different kind of relationship with him now. He has become more of his own little person."

  Bob's mom, 23rd week

  "My baby drinks her bottle with her back toward me now, sitting up straight, not wanting to miss any of the world around her. She even wants to hold the bottle herself."

  Laura's mom, 22nd week

  "When my son is on my lap, he tries to lie almost flat so he doesn't miss anything going on behind him."

  Frankie's mom, 23rd week

  "I hardly ever put my baby in the playpen now. I think that he's too restrict
ed in such a small space."

  Bob's mom, 22nd week

  "My son is starting to resent being carried around in the sling. At first, I thought he wanted more room because he's so active. But then I put him facing forward, and he's happy now that he's able to see everything."

  Steven's mom, 21st week

  Babies who like to be physically active no longer need to be handed the objects they want, because they will twist and turn in every direction to get them themselves.

  "My daughter rolls from her tummy onto her back and wriggles and squirms all over the place to get to a plaything, or she'll crawl over to it. She's as busy as a bee all day long. She doesn't even have time to cry. I must say she seems happier than ever, and so are we."

  Jenny's mom, 21st week

  "My baby crawls and rolls in every direction. I can't stop her. She tries getting out of her bouncing chair, and she wants to crawl up onto the sofa. The other day we found her halfway into the dog basket. She's also very busy in the bath. There's hardly any water left in it once she's practically kicked it all out."

  Emily's mom, 22nd week

  During this time, the calm before the next storm, most babies are more cheerful. Even demanding, trying babies are happier at this stage. Perhaps this is because they are able to do more now and are less bored. Parents delight in this less-troubled, well-deserved time.