“At first, my son used to cling to my leg like a monkey and ride on my shoe when I walked. I had to drag this ‘ball and chain’ around everywhere. After a few days, he started keeping a slight distance. I could take a few steps to the side before he’d crawl up to me. Now, I can go into the kitchen while he’s crawling around. He won’t actually come looking for me unless I stay there for a while.”
Bob’s mom, 31st week
Often, the desire to be near you is so strong that even the inexperienced crawler is willing to put in some extra effort and ends up improving her crawling. The desire to keep up with mommy, along with the coordination she’s able to utilize at this point, might provide just the extra incentive she needs.
If your baby was already a little mobile after the last leap, you will see a big difference now. Her effortful journeys used to take her farther away from you, and she would stay away longer than she does now. Suddenly, she’s circling you and making short dashes backward and forward, making contact with you each time.
“My baby keeps crawling back and forth. Then he’ll sit under my chair for a while. He also stays nearer to me than he used to.”
John’s mom, 31st week
Offer your baby the chance to experiment with coming and going, with you as the center point. If you sit on the floor, you’ll notice she will interrupt her excursions to crawl over you.
Over the weeks, parents grow more and more irritated if they don’t get the opportunity to continue their everyday activities. Once their baby has reached 29 weeks, most mothers call it a day. They start to gradually break the old habit (“I am always here for you to cling to”) and lay down a new rule (“I need some time and space to move as well”). They do so most times by distracting the babies, sometimes by ignoring their whines for a while, or by putting the babies to bed if they are really fed up with their behavior.
The Gender Gap
Are boys different from girls after all?
Mothers of boys sometimes seem to have a harder time with their babies than mothers of girls. They often don’t understand their sons. Does he or doesn’t he want to play with his mom?
“My son often whines for contact and attention. I always respond. But when I pick him up to play a game, it’s obviously not what he had in mind. Then he’ll spot something, and all of a sudden that’s what he wants, and he reaches and whines to get at it. He seems to want two things—me and exploring. But he always makes a mess of these ad ventures. He’ll grab something pretty roughly and hurl it aside. He likes to go through the entire house this way. I would have liked him to be a bit more cuddly. We could talk, play games—just do nice things together and have some fun. Whereas now, I’m constantly trying to prevent accidents from happening. Sometimes I feel dissatisfied myself.”
Matt’s mom, 32nd week
Mothers with both boys and girls usually find that they can do more with their girls. They feel they can better sense what a girl wants. They share more of the same interests, which they call sociable and fun.
“I’m able to play mother with my daughter more. We do all kinds of things together. When I talk, she really listens. She enjoys my games and asks for more. Her brother was much more his own man.”
Eve’s mom, 33rd week
Whatever you decide to do, take into consideration how much your baby can handle before she gets really afraid. Knowing that you can leave her whenever you choose can be very frightening for her and very difficult to deal with.
“It’s so annoying the way he keeps clinging to my legs when I’m trying to do the cooking. It’s almost as if he chooses to be extra difficult because I am busy. So I put him to bed.”
Kevin’s mom, 30th week
Help Your Baby Explore the New World through Roaming His Surroundings
If your baby loves to crawl, allow him to roam around freely in a room where he can do no harm. Watch him to see just what he does. When he enters the world of relationships, an early crawler begins to understand that he can crawl into, out of, under, over, in between, on top of, and through something. He will love to toy with these various relationships between himself and the objects in his surroundings.
“I like to watch my son play in the living room. He crawls up to the couch, looks under it, sits down, quickly crawls over to the closet, crawls into it, rushes off again, crawls to the rug, lifts it up, looks under it, heads toward a chair that he crawls under, whoosh, he’s off to another cupboard, crawls into that one, gets stuck, cries a little, figures out how to get out and closes the door.”
Steven’s mom, 30th week
If your baby takes pleasure in doing these things, leave some objects around that will encourage him to continue his explorations. For instance, you can make hills for him to crawl over out of blankets, quilts, or pillows. Of course, you should adjust this soft play circuit to suit what your baby can do.
You can also build a tunnel from boxes or chairs that he can crawl through. You can make a tent out of a sheet, which he can crawl into, out of, and under. Many babies enjoy opening and closing doors. If your baby likes this, too, you can include a door or two. Just watch out for his fingers. If you crawl along with him, it will double the fun. Try adding some variety with peek-a-boo and hide-and-seek games, too.
If your baby enjoys moving his toys around, make this into a game. Give him the opportunity to put playthings inside, on top of, next to, or under objects. Allow him to throw his toys—it’s important in getting to understand how the world works. Let him pull toys through something, such as the legs of a chair or a box made into a tunnel. To the outsider, it may seem as if he is flying like a whirlwind from one object to the next, but this frenzied activity is providing exactly the input his brain needs to understand this new world of relationships.
“My baby will lay her blocks, her pacifier, and her bear in a basket. When she’s standing, she’ll pick up toys from the floor and toss them on the chair. She also pushes things into her playpen through the bars. If she’s actually in the playpen, she’ll throw everything out over the top. She likes to watch what she’s done. She’s a real little rascal.”
Jenny’s mom, 30th week
Give your baby a shelf or cupboard of his own, which he can empty out and you can easily tidy up again. Give him a box he can put his things in. Turn a box upside down, so he can put things on top of it. Allow him to push things out of the playpen through the bars, or throw them out over the top. This is an ideal way for babies who aren’t yet interested in crawling to explore relationships like inside, outside, underneath, and on top of.
Another way your baby can toy with relationships is by throwing, dropping and overturning objects. He may do so to see and hear what happens. Maybe he wants to find out just how a particular object breaks into several pieces. You can watch him enjoy knocking over towers of blocks, which you have to keep building up again. But he will gain just as much pleasure from tipping over the wastepaper basket, overturning the cat’s water bowl, dropping a glass of milk or a bowl of cereal from his high chair, or any other activity that is bound to make a mess.
“My daughter loves experimenting with the way things fall. She’s been trying it with all kinds of things—her pacifier, her blocks, and her cup. Then, I gave her a feather from Big Bird, the parakeet. This took her by surprise. She prefers things that make a lot of noise!”
Nina’s mom, 28th week
“Boy, did my son laugh when I dropped a plate, and it shattered into a million pieces. I’ve never seen him laugh so hard.
John’s mom, 30th week
In the world of relationships your baby may discover that things can be taken apart. Give him some things that are designed for exactly that purpose—nesting cups and bright laces tied into bows. He will tug and pull at things that are attached to objects or toys, such as labels, stickers, eyes and noses of cuddly toys, and wheels, latches, and doors of toy cars.
Baby Care
Make Your Home Baby-Proof
Remember that your baby can be f
ascinated by things that are harmful to him. He can stick a finger or tongue into anything with holes or slots, including things such as electrical outlets, electronic equipment, drains, and the dog’s mouth. Or he can pick up and eat little things he finds on the floor. Always stay near your baby whenever you let him explore the house freely.
But take care: Buttons on clothing, switches and wires trailing from electrical equipment, and bottle caps are equally attractive and just as liable to be taken apart whenever possible. To your baby, there is no such thing as off limits in this new and exciting world.
“My son keeps pulling his socks off.”
Frankie’s mom, 31st week
If your baby dearly loves watching things disappear into something else, invite him to watch your activities. You may think cooking is ordinary, but to him it is magic to watch all the ingredients disappear into the same pot. But keep an eye on him, too, because he may look for disappearing acts of his own.
“My daughter likes to watch the dog emptying his bowl. The closer she can get, the better. It seems pretty dangerous to me, because with all that attention, the dog gulps it down faster and faster. On the other hand, the dog suddenly seems to be paying more attention to my daughter as well when she’s eating. She’ll be sitting at the table in her high chair, with the dog right next to her. So what do you know? It turned out she was dropping little pieces of bread and watching him wolf them down.”
Laura’s mom, 31st week
Sometimes babies like putting one thing inside another. But this happens only by coincidence. He can’t yet distinguish between different shapes and sizes.
“My girl tries fitting all kinds of things together. A lot of the time, the size is right, but the shape never is. Also, she isn’t accurate enough. But if it doesn’t work, she gets mad.”
Jenny’s mom, 29th week
“My son discovered his nostrils. He stuck an inquisitive finger in one. I hope he doesn’t try the same with a bead!”
John’s mom, 32nd week
Is your baby intrigued by a toy with a squeak in it when he pushes, or a toy piano that produces a musical tone when he hits a key? Let him explore these things. They concern relationships between an action and an effect. But beware, he can also turn over a bottle filled with nail polish or perfume or some other dangerous substance.
“I held a toy bear upside down so that it growled. Then I put the bear on the floor, and my son crawled right over and rolled it around, until it made that sound. He was so fascinated that he kept turning the bear over and over, faster and faster.”
Paul’s mom, 33rd week
Help Your Baby Explore the New World through Using His Body
In your baby’s body, relationships abound between the various body parts. Without the efforts of all the muscles the relationships between the various parts of the skeleton would be lost and we would collapse like a sack with bones. About this time, your baby may start to try to sit up by himself, depending on his balance skills.
“My son’s learned to sit up now. He started out by balancing on one buttock with both hands flat on the floor in front of him. Then he lifted one hand. Now he can sit without using his hands at all.”
Matt’s mom, 25th week
“Now my baby sits alone without any fear of losing her balance. She couldn’t do that last week. She sometimes takes things, holds them over her head with both hands, and then throws them away.”
Jenny’s mom, 28th week
“When my little one sits up, he often rolls over. He also topples forward or backward. Whenever that happens, I’m quick to laugh. Then he’ll often start laughing, too.”
Bob’s mom, 26th week
If your baby is not sitting steadily enough to feel confident on his own, help him. Try to find out if you can make him more confident by playing balancing games in which he has to regain his balance every time the wobble sets in. Look for favorite balancing games under “Top Games for This Wonder Week” on page 187.
Some babies try to stand up. If your baby does, how is his balance? Help your baby when he’s not standing firmly, or if he’s afraid of tumbling down. Play balancing games with him—these will make him familiar with his vertical position. But never try to hurry your baby toward sitting or standing. If you try too early for his liking, he may get afraid and you may even slow his development.
“We tried to put my son on his feet by the table. He stood there, very unstable, swaying like a puppet on a string, looking as if he was about to topple over. It’s too soon for him.”
Steven’s mom, 31st week
“My daughter is beginning to stand up, but she doesn’t know how to sit back down. It’s tiring. Today, I found her standing in her crib for the first time, wailing. That irritates me. She’s supposed to go to sleep when she’s in bed. I just hope it doesn’t take too long and that she works out how to sit back down sometime soon.”
Juliette’s mom, 31st week
“My baby insists on me sitting her back down after she’s stood up. Her sister isn’t allowed to help her, even though there are many things she will let her do. She’s obviously scared that she won’t be able to do it well enough.”
Ashley’s mom, 32nd week
“My baby kept trying to pull herself up this week, and at a certain point she succeeded. She had pulled herself up in bed, stood up right away, and stayed standing up, too. Now she can really do it. She pulls herself up using the bed, playpen, table, chair, or someone’s legs. She also stands by the playpen and takes toys from it with one hand.”
Jenny’s mom, 28th week
If and only if you notice that your baby has great fun walking, give him a hand. Hold on to him tightly, because his balance is usually unstable. Play games with him that will familiarize him with keeping his balance, especially when he shifts his weight from one leg to the other. Never go on hour-long walks with him. He really won’t learn any faster that way. Your baby won’t start walking until he is ready to.
“When I hold both of my baby’s hands, she walks in perfect balance. She crosses the small gap between the chair and the television when she’s standing. She walks alongside the table, around the bends. She’ll walk through the room pushing a Pampers box. Yesterday, the box slid away, and she took three steps by herself.”
Jenny’s mom, 34th week
“I’m irritated by my son’s slow coordination. He doesn’t crawl, he won’t pull himself up. He just sits there and fiddles with his playthings.”
Frankie’s mom, 29th week
Remember that your baby has no motive for learning to walk or crawl just yet. Plenty of other activities will teach him things worth knowing. For him, these things are more important right now.
Babies who have entered the world of relationships can also begin to understand the connection between what their two hands are doing, and they can get better control over them. This way, they can cope with two things at once. If you see your baby trying to use both hands at the same time, encourage him to go on. Let him hold a toy in either hand and clash them together. Or let him make this clashing movement without toys, so that he claps his hands. Let him knock toys against the floor or the wall. Encourage him to pass toys from one hand to the other. And let him put two toys down at the same time, and pick them up again.
“My daughter has the hitting syndrome. She beats anything she can lay her hands on.”
Jenny’s mom, 29th week
First Steps
Once your baby has acquired the knack of perceiving and experimenting with relationships, she can understand what walking is, but understanding doesn’t mean she will actually do it. To really start walking, she must choose to. And even if she does, she might not succeed because her body is not ready. Your baby won’t learn how to walk at this age unless the proportions between the weight of her bones, her muscles, and the length of her limbs compared to her torso meet certain specifications. If your baby is occupied with something else—for instance, speech, sounds, and music—there may simply be no
time left to spend on walking. She can’t do everything at once.
If your baby tries to master the concerted action between two fingers —for instance his thumb and forefinger—again he is toying with relationships between the two. In the process he is also busy inventing a new tool, the pincer grip, that he can put to use immediately. He can learn how to pluck extremely small objects, such as threads, from the carpet. He can learn to pick blades of grass, or he may take pleasure in touching and stroking all kinds of surfaces with his finger. And he may have great fun examining every detail of very small objects.
“My baby goes through the entire room and spots the smallest irregularities or crumbs on the floor, picks them up between her thumb and her index finger, and sticks them in her mouth. I really have to pay attention so she doesn’t eat anything peculiar. I let her eat small pieces of bread by herself now. At first, she kept sticking her thumb in her mouth instead of the bread she was holding between her fingers. But she’s starting to improve now.”
Hannah’s mom, 32nd week
Help Your Baby Explore the New World through Language and Music
Babies who were extra sensitive to sounds and gestures in the past may start to grasp the connection between short sentences and their meaning or particular gestures and their meaning as soon as they have entered the world of relationships. In fact, they may even make the connection between words and gestures that go with them. But you will still find that these babies can understand these things only in their own surroundings and as a part of a familiar routine. If you were to play the same sentences from a tape recorder in a strange place, they wouldn’t have a clue. That skill doesn’t develop until much later.
The Wonder Weeks Page 16
