The Wonder Weeks

by D van de Rijt

  Babies who haven’t been doing much in the way of talking may now begin to name people, animals, and objects, or parts of these, for the first time. The very act of naming is a way of relating a spoken word or sound to a person, animal, or object. Pointing or looking followed by a word is a sequence as well. But some babies will still put off talking in favor of other skills, such as walking.

  Your Baby’s Choices: A Key to His Personality

  Babies can now perceive and play with sequences. This opens a new world of possibilities, and your baby will make his own choices according to his mental development, build, weight, and coordination. Some babies are very social and like to focus on skills that involve people; others prefer playthings. Some pick at every little detail and others are more interested in getting an overall impression of many different skills. You may find it irresistible to make comparisons with other babies, but remember that every baby is unique.

  Watch your baby closely to determine where his interests lie. Between 46 and 51 weeks, he will select the skills he likes best from this world. Respect his choices. You will find out what it is that makes him unique, and when you follow his interests, you will help him best in playing and learning. Babies love anything new and it is important that you respond when you notice any new skills or interests. He will enjoy it if you share these new discoveries, and his learning will progress more quickly.

  Every baby needs time and help to learn new skills. You can help your baby by giving her the opportunity and time to toy with sequences. You can encourage her when she succeeds and console her when she does not. You can try to facilitate her attempts and make her failures easier to bear.

  Your baby will find plenty of opportunities to come into contact with sequences herself. Allow her to see, hear, feel, smell, and taste them and indulge in whatever she likes best. The more she encounters and toys with sequences, the better she will learn to understand them. Pay attention, however. She might think she knows it all. It does not matter whether she prefers learning about sequences through observing, handling toys, speech, sounds, music, or locomotion. Soon she will be able to put the expertise she has gained in one area into practice in other areas with no trouble at all.

  Help Your Baby Explore the New World through Experimentation

  When your baby enters the world of sequences it dawns upon him that he has to do things in a certain order, if he wants to succeed. He has observed how adults perform a particular sequence, but he has to master it himself by trial and error. Often his “solutions” are peculiar. The sequence he performs may be correct (grabbing something and putting it into something else), but he may apply the wrong objects to the wrong targets. He knows that dirty cloths go into a container. So why only in the laundry basket and not in the dustbin or the toilet? The sequence is much the same, after all!

  “My son pulls plugs from their outlets and then tries putting them into the wall. He also tries sticking other objects with two protrusions in the outlets. I have to watch him even closer now and take safety precautions.”

  Bob’s mom, 48th week

  “When my daughter wants to climb onto our bed, she opens a drawer of our nightstand, stands on it, and then climbs onto the bed. If she opens the drawer too far, the whole nightstand starts swaying back and forth. She makes me very nervous.”

  Jenny’s mom, 49th week

  Or the sequence itself may be peculiar. For instance, your baby knows how his mother walks up the stairs. But the steps are too high for him, so he has to crawl. However, on every step he stands up.

  “My son desperately wants to climb the stairs on his own, but he behaves dangerously. He crawls on his knees to the next step, stands up, then continues upwards on his knees, stands up again, and so it goes. I don’t like it one bit. I have to keep a sharp eye on him.”

  Steven’s mom, 45th week

  Once he is of the opinion that he has mastered a particular sequence, it is “fixed.” He will not accept it to be done in any other way and he may be quite stubborn if you try to change his mind. So always pay close attention. Your young wiseacre does not yet know the meaning of danger.

  Help Your Baby Explore the New World through Independence

  Many babies refuse to be helped and resist any form of interference by others. These babies want to do everything they can, or think they can, by themselves. If yours is this type of baby, try to have as much consideration for his feelings as possible. This is just the age when many little ones like to start asserting their independence.

  “My son always liked practicing walking together. But if I hold his hands now, he’ll immediately sit down. Then when I leave he’ll give it another try. At every successful attempt, no matter how slight, he’ll look at me triumphantly.”

  Paul’s mom, 46th week

  “My son keeps trying to scribble something on paper with a pencil, just like his older brother does. But whenever his brother tries to guide his hand to show him how it’s supposed to work, he’ll pull his hand away.”

  Kevin’s mom, 48th week

  “When we push pegs through my son’s peg board together, he’ll start throwing them. But as soon as he’s on his own in the playpen, he will try to copy it. To tell the truth, it annoys me.”

  Paul’s mom, 53rd week

  “My daughter will eat only if she can put the food in her mouth herself. When I do it, she’ll take it out again.”

  Laura’s mom, 43rd week

  At this age, many mothers spend huge amounts of time taking things away from their children and disciplining them. It’s important to consider that your baby isn’t necessarily disobedient. She just wants to do things by herself.

  “My daughter is being troublesome and wants her own way with everything. She gets angry when I refuse her something. It’s really tiresome.”

  Jenny’s mom, 50th week

  “My son tries to get things done by screaming and throwing temper tantrums.”

  Matt’s mom, 46th week

  “When I complain, my daughter screams and lashes out at everything and everybody around her, or pulls a plant from its pot. This annoys me to no end. She behaves much better with her babysitter.”

  Laura’s mom, 49th week

  Show Some Understanding for Frustrations

  Many mothers see their babies’ striving for independence as rebellious. But if you stop to think, it is not. Your baby simply wants to do things by himself. After all, he is becoming aware of what belongs together and the order in which things need to be done. He is convinced that he knows it all and is capable of doing anything. He no longer wants you to interfere or to tell him how things should be done. He wants to make his own decisions. But, as his mother, you are not really used to this. You naturally help him as you always have, without giving it a second thought. You know perfectly well that your baby is still unable to carry out the things he wants to do properly. And you know that he will inevitably make a mess of things if he tries.

  Mother and baby often may have different views of things. This can lead to conflicts. Mother sees the baby as being difficult, and the baby feels his mother is causing all the trouble. Adolescents may go through the most difficult phases, but babies and toddlers run a close second

  “We’re stuck in one of those ’no, don’t touch that’ and ’no, don’t do that’ phases now. But my son knows exactly what he wants, and he can get very angry when he doesn’t agree with something. Recently, he got so upset that he didn’t even notice he was standing on his own.”

  Frankie’s mom, 49th week

  Help Your Baby Explore the New World through Feedback

  At this age, babies start testing the limits of how far they can go before someone stops them. If you let them know clearly when they are doing something wrong and just why it is bad or dangerous, they can learn a lot from it.

  Similarly, you should let your baby know what she is doing right by praising her. This will teach her what is good and what is bad behavior. Most babies ask for praise themselves, anywa
y. When they do something right, they ask to be rewarded all the time. They look at you and laugh, full of pride, or call for attention. They can keep repeating behaviors many times as well, asking for a reward after each time.

  “Every time my daughter puts a ring around the cone she’ll look at me, grinning like mad and clapping.”

  Eve’s mom, 49th week

  If your baby is frustrated by things he is not able or allowed to do, you can still quite easily distract him with a favorite toy or game. Naturally this is different for every baby.

  “This week, my son loved playing football. He’d kick really hard at the ball and then we’d run after it really quickly while I held his hands. It made him laugh so hard sometimes he had to lie down on the ground for a moment to stop laughing.”

  Paul’s mom, 48th week

  “My son keeps wanting to help out. He thinks that’s the best thing ever and starts beaming. I do have to take my time with him, though. It takes me 10 times longer to put a pile of diapers away in the cupboard with his help. He’ll hand me each diaper separately, but before he lets me have each one, he’ll put it on his shoulder and rub the side of his chin against it.”

  Matt’s mom, 48th week

  Help Your Baby Explore the New World through Language

  A baby who lives in the world of sequences may start pointing out and naming different people, animals, and objects. Pointing or looking, followed by a word, is a sequence. If you notice your baby doing this, listen to her and let her know that you understand her and that you think she is wonderful. Do not try to improve her pronunciation. This will spoil your baby’s fun and will make no difference to the way she speaks.

  Do make sure that you use the correct words all of the time. This way, your baby will automatically learn the right pronunciation in due time. For a while they will “translate” what you say into their own baby pronunciation.

  “My daughter is starting to use words and point at whatever she’s talking about. At the moment, she’s in love with horses. When she sees a horse, she points to it and says ‘hoss.’ Yesterday at the park, a large Afghan dog ran past her. She called that a ’hoss,’ as well.”

  Hannah’s mom, 48th week

  “My son suddenly said ‘nana’ to a toy cat. We have never used that word. He has a lot of toy animals. When I asked, ‘Where’s nana?’ he kept pointing to the cat.”

  Paul’s mom, 48th week

  Understand Your Baby’s Fears

  When your baby is learning new skills, she may also perceive things that she does not fully understand yet. In a way, she discovers new anxieties—dangers that up until now she didn’t realize existed. As soon as she recognizes these dangers and until she can be sure they are harmless, her fears will stay with her. So show her a little understanding.

  “My daughter keeps wanting to sit on her potty. Even if she hasn’t done anything, she’ll take the potty into the lavatory to empty it and flush the toilet. But while she seems fascinated by flushing, at the same time she’s also scared of it. She doesn’t get as frightened when she flushes the toilet herself, only when someone else does. Then she doesn’t like it at all.”

  Jenny’s mom, 50th week

  “My daughter is fascinated by airplanes. She recognizes them everywhere: in the air, in pictures, and in magazines. This week, she suddenly became frightened by the sound, even though she’s heard it before.”

  Laura’s mom, 46th week

  Some babies can tell you that they remember certain situations or that they have seen certain people before by using body language and sounds. If you notice your baby doing this, talk to him a lot, explain to him what you are seeing, and react to what he tells you about it later on.

  “We go swimming every week. Usually, we see the same people there. One day, we saw one of the mothers on the street. Immediately, my son called out ‘Oh oh’ and pointed to her as if he recognized her. Then, he saw a girl in the swimming pool who lives near us and whom he’s seen only a couple of times, and he reacted the same way.”

  Paul’s mom, 49th week

  Top Games for This Wonder Week

  Here are games and activities that most babies like best now. Remember, all babies are different. See what your baby responds to best

  HELPING OUT GAMES

  Your baby likes to feel needed. Let her know that you can certainly use some help from her. At this age, she will not be of any real help, but she will be able to understand the actions involved in many common activities. Plus, it is a good way of preparing her for the next leap.

  DOING HOUSEWORK

  Show your baby how you cook and clean. Involve him. Explain what you are doing. Give him one of your dusters. This will be much more interesting than using his own cloth. When you are baking a cake, give him his own plastic mixing bowl and spoon.

  DRESSING

  This is the most fun in front of a mirror. Try undressing your baby, toweling her down, and dressing her while she can watch herself sometime. Name the parts you are drying. When you notice her starting to cooperate, ask her to help out. Ask her to raise an arm or stretch her leg when you are about to put a jumper or sock on her. Praise her when she does it.

  GROOMING HIMSELF

  Allow your baby to groom himself. This is most fun in front of a mirror, too. This way, the baby can see for himself what he is doing, learn faster, and have more fun. Brush his hair in front of a mirror, then let him try it himself. You can do the same with brushing his teeth. You can also see if he will wash himself. Give him a washcloth when he is in the bath, and say something such as, “Go on, wash your face. “ Respond with enthusiasm at every attempt. You will see how proud this makes him.

  FEEDING HERSELF WITH A SPOON

  Allow your baby to eat by herself with a spoon. Or give her a baby fork to eat cubes of bread or pieces of fruit Lay a large sheet of plastic under her chair so that afterward you will easily be able to clean up the mess she makes.

  NAMING GAMES

  Your baby often understands a lot more than you think, and he loves being allowed to prove it.

  THIS IS YOUR NOSE

  Touching and naming parts of his anatomy will help your baby to discover his own body. You can play this game while dressing or undressing him or while you are sitting together. Also see if he knows where your nose is.

  POINTING OUT AND NAMING

  For many babies, pointing out and naming things, or making the appropriate sounds, is a fun game. You can play this anywhere: outside, in a store, or with a book. Enjoy your baby’s misnomers as well.

  SONG AND MOVEMENT GAMES

  Now your baby may want to participate actively in songs. She may start to make one or two movements that go with them by herself, as well.

  PAT A CAKE, PAT A CAKE, BAKER’S MAN

  Sit facing your baby and sing:

  Pat a cake, pat a cake, baker’s man

  (Clap your hands, and let your baby follow. )

  Bake me a cake as fast as you can

  Prick it and pat it, and mark it with “B”

  (Make pricking and patting movements,

  and let your baby follow. )

  And put it in the oven for baby and me.

  (At the word “baby,” point to her or poke her in the stomach. )

  ITSY BITSY SPIDER

  Sit facing your baby and sing:

  The itsy bitsy spider

  Climbed up the water spout

  (Walk your fingers up in the air or on the baby like a spider. )

  Down came the rain and washed the spider out.

  (Mimic raindrops coming down and make

  an action of washing water away. )

  Out came the sun and dried up all the rain.

  (Draw the sun in the air )

  And the itsy bitsy spider climbed up the spout again.

  (Walk your fingers up in the air or on the baby like the spider

  coming back again )

  ROW, ROW, ROW YOUR BOAT

  Sit on the floor opposite your child.
Place your baby in between your legs. Take his hands in yours and sing while gently rocking back and forth:

  Row, row, row your boat

  Gently down the stream

  Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily

  Life is but a dream.

  HIDE-AND-SEEK GAMES

  Many babies like uncovering playthings that you have made disappear completely.

  UNWRAPPING A PARCEL

  Wrap a plaything in a piece of paper or crackly crisp bag, while your baby watches. Then give her the parcel and let her retrieve the plaything, as if by magic. Encourage her with each attempt she makes

  UNDER THE CUP

  Put a plaything in front of your baby and place a cup over it Then put an identical cup next to the first one and ask your baby where the plaything is. Admire him every time he looks for the hidden plaything, even if he does not find it immediately. If this game is still a bit too complicated, try playing it with a cloth instead of a cup. He will be able to see the contour of the plaything through the cloth. Play this game the other way around, too—let your baby hide something that you have to find.

  “On our way to the store, we saw a large pile of stones. I said, ‘Look at all of those stones.’ My son gazed at them intently. The next day, he began pointing at the stones from a distance, looking at me and shouting ‘eh, eh.’”