The Wonder Weeks
Page 27
Emily’s mom, 60th week
“My son is perfectly happy in the playpen again. Sometimes he doesn’t want to be taken out. I don’t have to play along with him anymore, either. He keeps himself occupied, especially with his toy cars and puzzles. He’s much more cheerful.”
Paul’s mom, 60th week
“My daughter doesn’t play with toys anymore; she won’t even look at them. Watching, imitating, and joining in with us is much more fascinating to her now. She’s enterprising as well. She gets her coat and her bag when she wants to go out and the broom when something needs cleaning. She’s very mature.”
Nina’s mom, 58th week
“Now that my son runs like the wind and wanders through the entire apartment, he also does a lot of things he shouldn’t. He keeps putting away cups, beer bottles, and shoes, and he can be extremely imaginative. If I take my eye off him for a moment, those things end up in the trash can or the toilet. Then when I scold him, he gets very sad.”
Frankie’s mom, 59th week
“My daughter is such a lovely little girl, the way she plays, chit-chatting away. She’s often so full of joy. Those temper tantrums seem like a thing of the past. But perhaps I’d better knock wood.”
Ashley’s mom, 59th week
Chapter 11
Wonder Week 64:
The World of Principles
Note: The first phase (fussy period) of this leap into the perceptual world of "principles" is age-linked and predictable, and starts between 59 and 63 weeks. Most babies start the second phase (see box "Quality Time: An Unnatural Whim" on page 17) of this leap 64 weeks after full-term birth. The first perception of the world of principles sets in motion the development of a whole range of skills and activities. However, the age at which these skills and activities appear for the first time varies greatly and depends on your baby's preferences, experimentation and physical development. For example, the ability to perceive principles is a necessary precondition for "pretending to cook for her dolls," but this activity normally appears at anywhere from 64 weeks to many months later. Skills and activities are mentioned in this chapter at the earliest possible age they might appear so you can watch for and recognize them. (They may be rudimentary at first.) This way you can respond to and facilitate your baby's development.
After the previous leap, your little fellow began to understand what a “program” is. Your daily programs of eating, shopping, taking a stroll, playing, and washing the dishes seem normal to him at this stage. Sometimes he appears to be following your lead and other times he grabs the opportunity to show you what he can do. You also might have noticed that your little helper has a slightly different approach to household chores than that you have. He uses some string to vacuum. To mop, he uses a rag, wetting it in his mouth. And, he straightens up by using his magical powers to banish anything and everything in his way to that one special out-of-the-way spot: the bathroom, the trash or over the balcony. No more mess. Your little helper is still bound by certain strict routines, which tend to be a tad mechanical in nature. He is therefore, just a beginner in the complex world of programs. He is not yet able to adapt the program he is carrying out to different circumstances. It will require several years of experience before he becomes proficient in such matters.
We parents have the benefit of experience.You are able to adapt to change. You vary the order in which you do things. While grocery shopping, you opt for the short line at the butcher instead of joining a long line at the deli counter. Whether you are in a hurry or you want special ingredients for a recipe, you adapt. We also adapt our programs to those around us. If anyone asks your opinion, you measure your response in kind, given his or her status and age. You also adapt your mood or the direction you want your moods to go. You prepare a meal in different ways depending on whether you have time to relax and enjoy it or if you have to rush off to an important meeting. You anticipate everything happening that concerns you. You know what you want and how best to get it. You make sure that you achieve your goals. It is because of this that your programs appear to be so flexible and natural.
Your little angel is beginning to pick up on how he can better deal with certain situations as soon as he takes his next leap. He will land in the world of “principles.” Around 64 weeks – approaching 15 months – you will notice him step up to try new things. It is a leap that has previously revealed itself to the little fellow.
Around 61 weeks – 14 months – our little tyke begins to notice that “things are a changin.” A maze of new impressions is turning his reality on its head. Initially, it is quite a task for him to deal with the changes. First he will have to create some order in this new-found chaos. He turns back to familiar surroundings. He becomes clingy. He needs a “mommy refill.”
Is your baby quick to cry? Many mothers complain that they rarely hear their baby laugh any more. They label their toddler “more often earnest” or “more often sad.” The moments of sadness are unexpected, are usually short lived with no clear cause.
Do Remember
If your little one becomes clingy, watch for new skills or him attempting new things.
“This week he cried a lot. Why? I don’t know. All of a sudden he burst out in tears.”
Gregory’s mom, 64th week, or 14½ months
Your little one could also be more irritable, impatient, frustrated or angry; for instance if he even thinks that mommy is not standing by at his beck and call, or if mommy does not understand what he wants or says, or if mommy corrects him or tells him “NO!” This could even happen if his latest building project was to topple or if a chair refuses to move or if he runs into a table.
“If she does not receive my direct attention, she sprawls out on the ground bawling.”
Josie’s mom, 62nd week, or 14 months
“She is more quickly irritated, angry and impatient than she was. If she wants to tell me something and I don’t fully understand what she wants, she starts to scream and fuss even louder.”
Eve’s mom, 64th week, or 14½ months
“He was very whiny this week. His crying became louder and more insistent if he didn’t get his way or if he was made to wait. The same was the case if my hands were full and I was unable to pick him up.”
Kevin’s mom, 65th week, or approaching 15 months
“He is really struggling. If he is unable to do something right the first time, he throws a tantrum.”
Gregory’s mom, 66th week, or 15 months
How You Know It’s Time to Grow
She May Cling to Your Clothes
Most toddlers do whatever is necessary to be around mommy. But little kids become bigger. Occasionally, some toddlers are content if they can tempt mommy into a game of just briefly making eye contact and looking away. This is a considerable step towards independence. However, more often than not, the toddler is more like a small baby. She is only happy if sitting on a lap or being carried around. Sometimes when she is especially clingy, mother decides that transport by baby carrier is best – and the little clinger happily submits.
“He followed me constantly, dragging his toy. If I stood still or sat down, he would play at my feet or even under them. It began to wear on me.”
Kevin’s mom, 62nd week, or 14 months
“She constantly wanted to climb on my lap, but that was inconvenient because I was ironing. I put her in the center of the room a few times with her toys, but no, she only had eyes for my lap. The next time she went for my lap, she caught the cord of the iron bringing it down on my foot. Because she was tangled in the cord, I was unable to get the iron off my foot right away, which made me shout in pain. She then clamped on to my leg and let out a cry. By the time I had finally freed myself, she was so upset that I had to carry her with me to the bathroom so that I could put my foot under some cold running water. Lesson one: no ironing with her around!”
Julia’s mom, 63rd week, or 14 months and a week
“He loves to get my attention from a short distance, just g
lancing at each other. He glows from our mutual relation.”
Luke’s mom 63rd week, or 14 months and a week
“This week he clung to me, literally. He climbed up my back. Hung in my hair. Crawled up against me. He sat between my legs and clamped on so that I was unable to take a step. All the while, making a game of it, and making it difficult to become impatient. And, in the meantime, he had it his way.”
Matt’s mom, 65th week, or approaching 15 months
“He crawls onto my lap more often, but doesn’t stay there. Even if he is walking around he likes to be picked up for a bit.”
Frankie’s mom, 66th week, or 15 months
She May be Shyer with Strangers
Most children don’t stray from mother’s side when in the company of strangers. Some seem to try to climb back into mommy. They absolutely do not want to be picked up by another person. Their mother is the only one who may touch them, sometimes the only one who can talk to them. Even father may be too much. Mostly, they seem frightened. You think sometimes that they are getting shy.
“When we are visiting or we have guests, he stays right around me for a while before slowly venturing further. But as soon as it even looks like someone else wants to pick him up, he hurries to me to cling for a while.
Gregory’s mom, 64th week, or 14½ months
“He is shy with strangers. If there is a group, he crawls and puts his head between my legs and stays there for a bit.”
Kevin’s mom, 63rd week, or 14 months and a week
“He cries if I leave him in a room with other people. If I go to the kitchen, so does he. Especially today, he never left my side, and this while his grandmother was in the room. He knows his grandmother well and sees her every day.”
Frankie’s mom, 63rd week, or 14 months and a week
“Even if her father wants her attention, she turns her head away. And when he puts her in her bath, she starts to scream. She only wants to be with me.”
Josie’s mom, 64th week, or 14½ months
She May Want Physical Contact to Be as Close as Possible
Often a small child does not want the distance between him and his mother to increase. If someone is going to go anywhere, then the toddler wants to be that one. Mommy must remain at the spot where she is and not move one bit.
“She hates when I leave. She doesn’t even want me getting up for a shower. If I get out of bed in the morning and she is left with her father, then she starts shrieking. I have to take her if I want to get out of bed. She never did that before.”
Laura’s mom, 62nd week, or 14 months
“When I leave her at daycare and try to leave, she cries her eyes out. She only did that in the beginning though.”
Ashley’s mom, 65th week, or approaching 15 months
“He gets angry when I drop him at daycare and he lets me know when I pick him up. He ignores me for a while. As if I don’t exist. However when he is done with ignoring me, he is really sweet and snuggles up by putting his head on my shoulder!”
Mark’s mom, 66th week, or 15 months
She May Want to Be Entertained
Most toddlers don’t like to play alone. They want mommy to play along. They don’t want to feel alone and will follow mommy if she walks away. She is really saying: “If you don’t feel like playing with me, then I’ll just tag along with you.” And because mommy’s tasks are usually domestic, household tasks are very popular, although not for every child. Now and then some clever little one thinks up a new strategy with a playful dodge or antic to lure mother to play. Such an enterprise is difficult to resist. Even though mother may be held up with her work, she is willing to overlook it. Her toddler is already getting big.
“When it is least convenient, he wants us to listen to a child’s CD. I have to snuggle up to him, grin and bear it. Even peeking in a magazine is out of the question.”
Robin’s mom, 63rd week, or 14 months and a week
“She hardly plays anymore, she follows me around constantly. Just wants to see what I’m doing around the house and put her nose in the middle of it.”
Jenny’s mom, 64th week, or 14½ months
“He almost never wanted to play by himself. The whole day long it was horse riding and mommy was the horse. With cute little ploys he kept me occupied, all the while thinking that I wasn’t on to his little game.”
Matt’s mom, 65th week, or approaching 15 months
She May Be Jealous
Sometimes toddlers want extra attention from mother when she is in the company of others – especially if the others are children. It makes them insecure. They want mommy for themselves, they must be the center of mother’s attention.
“He particularly wants my attention when I’m around others. Especially if the others are children. Then he gets jealous. He does listen though if I tell him that it is time to go and play by himself, but he stays around me.”
Thomas’ mom, 61st week, or 14 months
“Sometimes he gets jealous if another child is on my lap. I never saw him do this before.”
Taylor’s mom, 62nd week, or 14 months
She May Be Moody
Some mothers notice that their little one’s mood can change completely very quickly. One moment the little chameleon is grumpy, the next she is all smiles. One minute she is very cuddly, the next so angry that she sweeps her cup clean off the table, then she can become sad with gushing tears, and so on. You could say that your toddler is practicing for puberty. Little ones at this age are capable of many forms of behavior to express their feelings. And a child that is at odds with himself tries them all.
“She went back and forth from sulky to cheerful, clingy to independent, earnest to silly, unruly to compliant. And all these different moods took turns as if everything was completely normal. It was quite a chore.”
Juliette’s mom, 62nd week, or 14 months
“One moment he is into mischief, the next he’s an example of obedience. One moment he is hitting me, the next he is kissing me. One moment he insists on doing everything himself and the next he’s pitiful and needs my help.”
Mark’s mom, 65th week, or approaching 15 months
She May Sleep Poorly
Many little ones sleep less well. They don’t want to go to bed and cry when it’s time, even during the day. Sometimes mothers say their child’s entire sleeping pattern seems to change. They suspect that their child is on the verge of moving from two naps a day to one. Although the children do fall asleep, many mothers are not at peace. The poor sleepers cry in their sleep, or they regularly awaken into helplessness. They are clearly afraid of something. Sometimes they fall back asleep if comforted. But some little ones only want to continue sleeping if mom stays with them or if they can occupy the precious spot between mom and dad in the big bed.
“Because she doesn’t want to take daytime naps anymore, I put her with me during the day in my bed, thinking perhaps that would help. Nope. We ended up getting out of bed again. Result: She and I were dead tired! I think she is bordering on moving from 2 naps to one.”
Josie’s mom, 62nd week, or 14 months
“If she wakes up during the night, she clamps herself onto me. As if she were afraid.”
Jenny’s mom, 62nd week, or 14 months
“Sleeping was hopeless. He slept a lot, but he was tossing and turning. I kept hearing his cries. It didn’t seem like he was getting his rest.”
Mark’s mom, 63rd week, or 14 months and a week
“She gets very busy, bothersome and tries to bite when bedtime comes. It seems like she doesn’t want to sleep by herself. It takes some doing. After crying awhile, she does finally fall asleep, but after that I’m mentally drained. Last night, she slept in between us. She spreads out with an arm and a leg on papa and an arm and a leg on mommy.”
Emily’s mom, 64th week, or 14½ months
“It seems like he requires less sleep. He goes to bed later. He’s also awake for half an hour every night. Then he wants to play.”
She May Have “Nightmares”
Many toddlers have nightmares more often. Sometimes they wake up looking helpless, sometimes afraid or in a panic. And other times very frustrated, angry or hot-tempered.
“Twice this week he woke up, screeching, covered in sweat and completely in a panic. It took him half an hour to stop crying. He was practically inconsolable. This has never happened before. I also noticed that it took him a while before being at ease again.”
Gregory’s mom, 62nd week, or 14 months
“At night he was often awake. He seemed helpless or really in a panic. One night he slept with me because he couldn’t shake his anxiety. Lying next to me relaxes him.”
Thomas’ mom, 62nd week, or 14 months
“I saw that she was sound asleep, went downstairs and all of a sudden I hear a thump and loud screaming. I ran back upstairs and when I picked her up to console her, she was in the middle of a fit. She rolled on the ground, kicking and screaming. I tried to hold her close to me, but she resisted with everything she had. She simply had to get rid of her rage, which took a very long time.”
Julia’s mom, 64th week, or 14½ months
She May “Daydream”
Sometimes little ones sit staring off in the distance. It’s a time of self-reflection.
“I noticed that he was rather quiet. He sat there staring. He’d never done that before.”
Thomas’s mom, 63rd week, or 14 months and a week
“This week he was often noticeably in dreamland. He went and laid out on the floor and was just staring.”