The Wonder Weeks

by D van de Rijt

  Josie’s mom, 62nd week, or 14 months

  “She gladly helps making drinks. Sometimes, I let her make her own drink. She uses all kinds of ingredients. When she drinks it, she goes around murmuring, ‘yum, yum, yum.’”

  Juliette’s mom, 68th week, or 15½ months

  “As soon as I grab the vacuum cleaner, she grabs her battery-powered one. She wants to help oh so badly. So what happens is that my vacuum is the one she wants to use because it’s better. Therefore, I begin with hers and when she takes it back, I can peacefully go on with the real one.”

  Victoria’s mom, 61st week, or 14 months

  “She used to like to watch me doing my thing. Now she wants to help. When she sees me slice a lemon, she runs to the counter to be picked up so that she can put the lemon in the citrus press. If she sees dirty dishes, she hurries over to the counter to do the washing up.”

  Nina’s mom, 64th week, or 14½ months

  Being careful

  Does your toddler experiment with being “rash” or “careful?” “Should I fling my cup on the ground or should I carefully place it on the table?” Reckless behavior seems to be very popular. Running, climbing, wild horseplay and reckless treatment of objects seem to be the favorite pastime. But realize that by experimenting and getting your reaction to such behavior, your little one learns what it means to be reckless or to be careful.

  “He practices his balance. Outside, he reaches for the sky, inside he reaches for the ceiling. He climbs onto chairs and tables so that he can reach higher and does seem to understand that space is out of reach. While reaching he all of a sudden lets himself fall down.”

  Luke’s mom, 64th week, or 14½ months

  “When you’re least expecting it, she throws her bottle away, for instance when we are cycling, and then she studies our reaction to her behavior out of the corner of her eye.”

  Hannah’s mom, 64th week, or 14½ months

  “He climbs like a monkey. He climbs on everything. He climbs on chairs a lot. I also constantly find him on the dining room table, claiming that he can’t get down! He is careful. He is aware of the danger, but sometimes he falls pretty hard.”

  Frankie’s mom, 66th week, or 15 months

  “Wrestling with his brother is now the top draw. Sometimes they get really rough.”

  Kevin’s mom, 69th week, or approaching 16 months

  “She spilled a few drops of her drink on the floor. I grabbed an old sock that was lying around and mopped up. She looked at me shocked and amazed, went purposefully to the baby wipes, took one out of the box and mopped all over again. When she had finished, she looked at me as if she wanted to say, ‘That’s how it should be done.’ I was taken aback at the level of cleanliness, and I praised her for it.”

  Victoria’s mom, 61st week, or 14 months

  “She is very capable in expressing that something is dirty. She repeatedly says ‘poo’ to the slightest smudge in bed. I hope that this is temporary and she doesn’t stay such a ‘neat freak.’”

  Josie’s mom, 64th week, or 14½ months

  “When her brother was looking through her dolls in search of a special robot, he swept all her dolls onto the floor. Even Elisabeth’s baby doll. She immediately ran to her fallen child and picked her up, hurried to me and thrust the doll to my breast. She then gave her brother a dirty look.”

  Elisabeth’s mom, 63rd week, or 14 months and a week

  Show Understanding for Irrational Fears

  When your toddler is busy exploring her new world and working through her newfound ability, she will encounter things and situations that are new and foreign to her. She is actually discovering new dangers, dangers that until now did not exist for her. She isn’t able to talk about it yet. Only after she comes to understand things more fully will her fears disappear. Show sympathy.

  “He was mad for batteries. All batteries had to come out and be put back in, out, in, out, in; it was endless.”

  Steven’s mom, 61st week, or 14 months

  “He is scared of his sister’s ducky. He walks way around it if it’s in the way. When he grabs it, he drops it immediately.”

  James’ mom, 66th week, or 15 months

  “It looks as if she is afraid to sit in the bathtub by herself. Yelling and screeching. We don’t know the reason. She wants to get in provided one of us joins her. She’s not afraid of the swimming pool. She likes getting in there.”

  Josie’s mom, 67th week, or 15 months and a week

  “She is not afraid of new things, but you do notice that she is not completely convinced.”

  Josie’s mom, 68th week, or 15½ months

  Learning the rules

  Whining and whimpering to get one’s way, childish behavior like constantly needing to be entertained and always wanting a pacifier, being messy without any cause, not being careful and expressly hurting others, going out of the way to be bad – you probably wonder if you’re the only one that is having such trouble with your little one’s behavior. No, certainly not. Your toddler is no longer a baby. Time has come to lay down some ground rules. Your toddler is ready for you to start asking and expecting more from her. What’s more: she is searching for these boundaries. Now that she has entered the world of principles, she yearns for rules. She is looking for chances to familiarize herself with them. Just as she must satisfy her appetite by eating, so too she must satisfy this yearning for rules. Most rules she will only discover if they are presented to her by you. Social rules in particular are important. You must show her what is acceptable and what is not acceptable socially. There is no harm in laying down the law. On the contrary, you owe it to her, and who better to do so than someone who loves her?

  “I think that he should be able to put things on the table neatly. It really annoys me if he throws his sandwich and bottle when he’s finished with them. He has to stop that. He’s capable of putting things down properly.”

  Thomas’ mom, 67th week, or 15 months and a week

  “She still whines and whimpers to get her way, making it difficult to be consistent. It seems that this is the point where she needs guidance. It’s much easier to give her what she wants, because she stops whining then. If I don’t give her what she wants, then all hell breaks loose. Then there’s a power struggle, which she easily wins. I’ve never been quite so aware of power as I am now.”

  Josie’s mom, 68th week, or 15½ months

  “Sometimes he does something he’s not supposed to on purpose. He throws rocks, puts batteries in his mouth or smears his food on the floor. I scold him, while taking everything he has in his hands and putting it out of reach. This sometimes ends in an argument.”

  Paul’s mom, 69thweek, or approaching 16 months

  “Is my child the only one that rolls around on the ground kicking and screaming when she doesn’t get her way? I don’t hear the other parents complaining much. Do I let her get away with too much? Do I cater too much to her needs? Is it because she goes to daycare more often? What am I to do? Right, lay down clear ground rules, that’s what I will do.”

  Vera’s mom, 70th week, or 16 months

  “I teach him that he is not allowed to just take things away from other children.”

  Thomas’ mom, 70th week, or 16 months

  Top Games for This Wonder Week

  Here are games and activities that most 15-16 month old toddlers like best now and that help develop their new abilities. Remember, all children are different. See what your little one responds to best

  Skillfulness

  In the world of principles toddlers have surpassed programs and thoroughly enjoy endlessly practicing variations and experimenting with these programs. By doing so, they become skillful and discover how and when they can best get things done. They are also keen observers.

  PHYSICAL ANTICS

  Your toddler will like running, climbing, chasing other kids, jumping on the bed, doing somersaults, rolling on the ground, wrestling with other kids, playing “I’ll get you,” walking sta
irs without holding on, walking on walls, jumping from walls, the list is endless. Take the time to give her the opportunity to do it.

  EXPLORING THE GREAT OUTDOORS

  Roaming around outside, doing nothing in particular while scouting about is often the favorite pastime: at the petting zoo, on the playground, or in the zoo. Even just being carried on mom or dad’s back at a festival, is doable for several hours.

  POINTING GAMES

  Challenge your little one to play a pointing game. You say a word and have your child point to where the object, toy, or body part is.

  GAMES USING HANDS AND FEET WITH SINGING AND RHYMING

  Use rhymes or songs which involve using hands and feet. For instance, they love: “The Wheels on the Bus Go ‘Round and ’Round” or “If You’re Happy and You Know It, Clap Your Hands” or “Itsy Bitsy Spider” or “Head, Shoulder, Knees and Toes. ”

  CALLING GAMES

  See how your child likes playing a “calling game.” It’s best to start with your child calling you. Then call her name out and get her to call back at you. Call her name out again. Most children feel proud upon hearing their own name called out. It makes them feel like they belong.

  Kidding around

  In the world of principles, kidding and joking will start to play a more important role. By now, your toddler has figured out a bit how things work. So when things get out of whack, she really gets a kick out of it, whether it’s someone acting funny or bending the rules.

  JUST BEING SILLY

  Your toddler loves acting silly: funny faces, funny walks or odd sounds. Especially if she is not expecting it. It’s a real mess when the little ones get together. It cracks her up when her brother and sister join the antics. She and her little friends also have the greatest time acting silly.

  THE JOKE AS STRATEGY

  Your toddler uses silliness to get something or get something done by someone. Pleasant surprises are far more effective in getting something out of mom than temper tantrums. Some tykes employ various antics in order to bend or get around the rules. Not listening, being unruly or teasing mom are all cause for laughter. Give your kid the opportunity to play the clown. But be clear and correct her if and when she oversteps the bounds. She won’t yet always know if she has gone too far.

  CARTOONS, MONSTERS AND ANIMALS

  Animals that do something silly or unexpectedly are favorites with toddlers. For instance, the monsters in “Sesame Street” are really funny. Cartoons really make her laugh, especially if something happens that catches her by surprise.

  Household games

  In the world of principles, your child re-enacts the daily business in and around the house. Give her the opportunity and play with her sometimes. It makes your toddler feel she is part of the club. It’s great if she can actually help out. Here below are a few examples, but you are bound to come up with more.

  COOKING PRACTICE

  Give her some small bowls, some real food and a bowl of water, so she can cook to can feed her doll

  VACUUMING

  There are toy vacuum cleaners that are exact replicas of the real thing. Vacuuming together can be fun!

  DOING THE DISHES

  The water goes everywhere, but that’s what mops are for.

  DOING EXACTLY AS MOM DOES

  Leave your shoes lying around, so that she can put them on.

  Games with emotions

  Your toddler will be experimenting with emotions, such as varying her expressions when she greets people or when she wants something. Pay special attention and play along with the drama. For instance, you can imitate her and play pitiful. It will probably make her laugh.

  Hide and seek

  PEEK-A-BOO

  Peek-a-Boo is a classic that always works.

  HIDE AND SEEK

  With each leap playing “hide and seek” becomes slightly more advanced. By this age, your toddler is already good at staying hidden in one place.

  Top Toys for This Wonder Week

  Here are toys and things that most 15-16 month old toddlers like best now and that help develop the new ability:

  Jungle gym, slide

  Balls

  Books

  Sandbox

  Tea set with water or cold juice in cups or mugs

  Puzzles

  Plastic bottles

  Cleaning utensils

  Toy vacuums

  Toys on a string

  Sesame Street

  Cartoons

  Be careful with the following:

  Garbage cans

  Toilets

  Baseball bats, hockey sticks in the hallway

  Around 68 weeks, or approaching 16 months, most toddlers become a little less troublesome than they were. They are bigger and have grown wiser and are living right along with the rest of us. You sometimes forget that they are still very little.

  “He looks slimmer, less stocky, his face thinner, he is growing up. I sometimes see him sitting calmly, focused on his food. He seems rather mature then.”

  Luke’s mom, 66th week, or 15 months

  “Everything comes easier to her now, from feeding herself to cleaning up. She is really just like the rest of us. I keep forgetting that she is still a very small child.”

  Eve’s mom, 67th week, or 15 months and a week

  “All of a sudden, she seems wiser and more mature. It seems that she has taken a giant leap forward. She has entered the wide world, full of confidence and fearing nothing and nobody. She is doing extremely well, is easy-going and sweet, and at night she falls asleep much easier.”

  Josie’s mom, 70th week, or 16 months

  Chapter 12

  Wonder Week 75:

  The World of Systems

  Note: The first phase (fussy period) of this leap into the perceptual world of "systems" is age-linked and predictable, and starts from 71 weeks onwards. Most babies start the second phase (see box "Quality Time: An Unnatural Whim" on page 17) of this leap 75 weeks after full-term birth. The first perception of the world of systems sets in motion the development of a whole range of skills and activities. However, the age at which these skills and activities appear for the first time varies greatly and depends on your baby's preferences, experimentation and physical development. For example, the ability to perceive systems is a necessary precondition for "being able to point the way to the supermarket or park," but this skill normally appears at anywhere from 75 weeks to many months later. Skills and activities are mentioned in this chapter at the earliest possible age they might appear so you can watch for and recognize them. (They may be rudimentary at first.) This way you can respond to and facilitate your baby's development.

  Since the previous leap, your toddler has started to understand what “principles” are. Because she has risen above the previous confines of “programs,” she has shed their mechanical character. For the first time she was able to evaluate existing programs and even to change them. You could see her constantly changing a program, then studying the effects. You could also see her performing physical antics, exploring the great outdoors, getting skillful with objects and language, imitating others, replaying the day-to-day, trying out emotions, beginning to plan, staging her own drama class, insisting on taking part, using aggression, learning what’s hers and what’s not, using gags as a strategy to an end, experimenting with “yes” and “no,” being resourceful in putting people on the spot, learning to cooperate, wanting to help out around the house and experimenting with being reckless and being careful.

  Just as her programs were mechanical before she had risen to new heights, so too were her principles lacking a certain flexibility. She was only able to apply them in a set way, always the same, regardless of the situation.

  We adults are capable of adjusting our principles to fit different circumstances. We are able to see a bigger picture. We see how certain principles are linked and form a whole system. The concept “system” encompasses our idea of an organized unit. We use the term “system” if the parts it
consists of are interdependent and function as a whole. There are tangible examples, like a grandfather clock that needs winding, an electrical network or the human muscle system. These systems form a coherent set of principles on, respectively, gear ratios, electric amps and volts, and balanced muscle tensions.

  There are also less tangible examples. Take human organizations: They are arranged on the basis of principles that you cannot always put your finger on. There are rules (or agreements) for duties assigned to certain positions, rules for social behavior like being on time, and rules for learning the goals that your boss imposes. To name just a few examples of human organizations, take the scouts, the family, the drama club, the police station, the church, our society, our culture, and the law.

  When your toddler makes her next leap, she will land in the world of systems. For the first time in her life she will perceive “systems.” Of course, it’s all new to her. She will need a number of years before she understands what our society, our culture or the law really entail. She starts with the basics and stays close to home. She develops the idea of herself as a system, and together with mom and dad she forms a family. And her family is not the same as that of her little friend, nor is her house the same as that of the neighbors.

  Do Remember

  If your toddler is clingy, watch her closely. There’s a good chance that she’s attempting to master new skills.

  Just as your tyke learned to be more flexible with programs after she made the leap into the world of principles, your toddler begins to be more flexible in applying principles after leaping into the world of systems. Now she begins to understand that she can choose what she wants to be: honest, helpful, careful, patient, and so forth. To be or not to be, that’s the question. She applies principles less rigidly and starts to learn how she can refine her approach to all sorts of different circumstances.