Bound to You

by Vanessa Holland

  Sam spotted her and came to greet her, his movements boisterous and jovial, reminding her of the old days, and without a word, only a smile, he closed his arm around her shoulders and hauled her forward to join the audience.

  “At first he could only push himself around with his feet on the ground,” Sam told her, “but once I showed him how the pedals work, he was off and running. He’s one bright kid.”

  She tried not to react to the painful clench in her lower stomach and forced herself to pull away, burning beneath Brianna’s teasing grin - her shoulders still tingling from Sam’s touch. “He seems to be having fun.”

  “He loves it,” Sam said, beaming with pride. “He’s been all the way down to the elm and back. How ya doing, kiddo?”

  “’kay,” Ethan called back, riding in wide circles now. He looked up and his eyes brightened when he saw his mother standing among his adoring fans. “Mama!” he yelled.

  “I see you, sweetie,” she called back. “You’re doing so well. Be careful.”

  Ethan sat up straighter and began to pedal evenly, only swerving the handlebars a little. Pepper ran alongside him, barking excitedly.

  “Natural athlete,” Sam announced, stepping forward to kick a golf ball-sized rock off the drive, out of Ethan’s way. “He gets that from me.”

  “Don’t go too far!” Jenna called after her little athlete. She crossed her arms and tried to stay calm. “Don’t ride too fast,” she said more to herself since Ethan was out of earshot. “Shouldn’t he have a helmet and some padding?”

  “On a tricycle?” Sam scoffed, taking an extra moment to laugh at her before jogging after Ethan.

  “He’s only two,” she told Brianna. “If he fell off he could hit his head. He’s going too fast.”

  Brianna shrugged, knowing better than to become involved. “He hasn’t fallen yet and he was climbing all over it before.”

  “I think Sam wants him to grow up too fast,” Jenna continued. “He doesn’t understand Ethan’s still just a baby.”

  Again, Brianna shrugged. They watched Sam pick up Ethan, tricycle and all, and turn him back in the direction toward home, giving the seat a send-off with the toe of his boot. Then he walked alongside as Ethan peddled at a leisurely pace, periodically grinning up at Sam.

  The sight made Jenna’s insides melt and she had to cross her arms against the chill of the sun. As always with Sam, conflicting emotions and thoughts dazed her as she watched Sam entertaining her son. He was so natural with children. He was an optimist, always ready with a smile or pleasantry. She’d never seen him become unreasonably angry or impatient. Even the day she’d told him about Ethan he’d been more surprised than upset. He was still here, still trying, seeming ready to be Ethan’s father.

  And what if Sam stayed? Ethan would grow up loving a father like him.

  Her thinking hadn’t been careless, she decided. Sam was just plain confusing. He wouldn’t behave like the man who had used and abandoned her.

  Maybe he really had changed. She wanted to believe so.

  “He’s trying,” she said to her sister. “He’s still here. I can’t believe it. Look at them together. Why is he still here?”

  “I like him,” Brianna said. “He’s fun. And super hot.” But her gaze grew hard suddenly, her back straightened. “I talked to Chelsea and her brother has to pay over eight hundred a month and Sam’s way behind. He owes you like, nineteen thousand dollars.”

  “Those figures are based on income, I think,” Jenna answered, a little annoyed her sister was the one being practical. “I doubt Sam makes as much as Chelsea’s brother. And I can’t ask him to pay for the years before he even knew about Ethan. That was my fault. Stop talking to people about my business.”

  Bri only glanced at Jenna as she turned away. “Hot or not he has to pay up. Don’t wimp out, again.”

  Brianna jogged up to the house and Jenna watched Sam and her son wondering why she couldn’t bring herself to press the subject of child support with Sam. He should have to pay and she needed the help.

  She hated the notion of having to rely on him, or anyone. Her father had raised her to be tough, independent, and self-reliant. He’d told her again and again not to depend on anyone but herself if she wanted to succeed in life. She didn’t want to depend on Sam.

  Sam came to stand beside her as Ethan rode the tricycle on up to the circular drive. He’d never looked so handsome, eyes sparkling and hair shining in the bright sunshine. She’d never felt quite so close to him as she did sharing parental duties.

  Sam pointed at Ethan and grinned. “I knew he’d love it.”

  Her son did love having his own vehicle. So much, he screamed and kicked and threw a monster temper tantrum when it came time to get off so she could let him rest up before supper.

  Jenna left Sam downstairs to take Ethan upstairs for a quick bath and a change of clothes. He’d sweated through his clothes and was soaking wet.

  “Hey,” Sam called when she’d almost reached the top step. “Thank you.”

  “For what?”

  Suddenly his eyes had turned serious, he placed his hand on the newel post and one foot on the bottom step as if he wanted to follow her, but wouldn’t.

  He nodded toward Ethan. “For giving me the best gift anyone ever could have given me. He’s amazing.”

  His words startled her so much she was afraid she’d stumble on the stairs with Ethan in her arms. She gripped her son tightly with one arm and the handrail with a tight fist and finished the trip up to flat ground. As much as she wanted to, she couldn’t look back at Sam. She couldn’t find any thoughts to respond.

  So she left him at the bottom of the stairs, his words of gratitude hanging in the air.

  ***

  While Jenna dealt with Ethan upstairs, Sam loitered nervously downstairs, wondering if he could really go through with it. Wondering if this might be a huge mistake.

  Jenna was the mother of his child. He had no choice but to marry her.

  An argument had broken out before he’d left Jack’s place. Crystal and Becky claimed Sam needed to be a father to Ethan, a real father, not just a name on a check. He needed to buck up and be a man, they told him. Boone had gone on about Sam making sure he really was the boy’s father before he got too involved. And Frankie worried he’d do what he usually did. Lead people on with promises and big ideas, and then back out once he felt pressured.

  By the time Sam had left, he’d been ready to head straight to the airport. But something had held him back, kept him from driving toward Nashville. He kept imagining the look of disappointment on Jenna’s face when she discovered he’d abandoned her again. The look of hatred he could imagine on a teenaged Ethan’s face whenever anyone mentioned his absent father. And the idea he might end up like Jack, hiding out in his room, miserable because he hadn’t had the guts to fight for a better life.

  Instead of going to the airport, he’d found himself at the mall, wandering around a jewelry store, and then at a toy store, searching for just the right gift.

  He’d realized he actually wasn’t afraid of being a father. He liked kids and kids liked him. He’d always imagined having children of his own someday.

  It was the husband-thing that sent him into a panic.

  The fear in his gut burned but he’d determined himself to ignore it and bite the bullet. He was sick of giving in to fear. And Becky had assured him the fear would go away once the decision was made. Besides, hadn’t he known from the first moment he saw Jenna she was special? Hadn’t he spent the last three years dreaming about her? Didn’t he lose his breath every time he saw her? Yes, yes, and yes.

  She was the one. No doubt about it.

  Then why did he keep eyeing the bathroom door, worried he might upchuck?

  Was he afraid she would refuse, or afraid she would accept? Both. He was also eyeing the front door, worried he might do a runner.

  He ducked into the bathroom beneath the stairs and splashed water on his face, then took a good look a
t himself. He didn’t want to live an empty, lonely life. He didn’t want to spend his days watching his son from a distance as he grew into a man.

  “Just do it,” he told the worried eyes in the mirror.

  Now the biggest hurdle would be getting Jenna out of the house alone.

  He stopped at the bottom of the stairs and took a deep breath before climbing.

  He’d seen the bedrooms before during his first exploration, when he’d raced to find Jenna’s room and leave the owl clock on her bed. Her room had been neat and comfortable, personal items lined up on her dressers, photographs framed on the walls, and some of Ethan’s toys pilled on a chair.

  Taking the wide hallway, he knocked on the closed door, under the big sign announcing in colorful letters, Brianna’s Room. Private Property! He kept an eye on the room down the hall where he could hear his son still fussing.

  Brianna opened the door and gawked as her gaze traveled up his chest to his face, her big blue eyes so wide he thought she might strain herself. A lightning fast hand flew up to smooth her hair and she forced a smile. “Oh. Hi.”

  She looked a little like Jenna had three years ago. Not quite as tall as Jenna and her hair was a shade or two darker. Her eyes were larger, and far more innocent.

  “Can I talk to you for a minute?” he said. “It’s about Jenna.”

  She blinked at him then opened the door wide. “Sure. Come on in.”

  Brianna’s room was messy and colorful, covered in posters and knickknacks and dangly things.

  He took a conscious step backward, knowing that wasn’t a good idea. Any conversation he had with Jenna’s younger sister needed to take place in a communal area. Just so there couldn’t be any misunderstandings. “How about we go downstairs?”

  Brianna shrugged and blushed until her cheeks looked sunburned against her light, almost translucent skin. “Sure. Whatever.”

  Jenna had skin like that, so sheer he could almost see right through it. So sheer he could often see the blue veins along her jaw and temple. So smooth and soft he woke from dreams aching to touch that skin. If he pulled this off, he wouldn’t have to lie awake alone in bed dreaming of Jenna’s warmth and softness. He would only have to turn over and pull her into his arms.

  He took one last look down the hallway toward the room where his son had finally quieted, then gestured for Brianna to lead the way downstairs, since this was her house, and he didn’t like having her eyes on his back. He already felt watched in this house.

  At the bottom of the stairs, Brianna turned left and went into the room he supposed was a den, since this was the room with the comfortable furniture, the big TV, and the family photos hanging on the walls. Several large boxes occupied the open spaces. He wondered if they’d sold the house, but was too distracted to ask.

  “Listen,” he said as soon as she turned around and sat on the arm of the sofa, “I was wondering if you’d mind keeping Ethan tonight.” When she frowned, he hurried to explain himself. “I know it’s spur of the moment, but this is important. I think Jenna and I need to spend a little time alone.”

  Brianna crossed her arms, a thoughtful expression on her face. “Why? Do you have something planned?” She raised an eyebrow, shrewdly. “Do you have big plans?”

  Not big plans, huge plans. But he wasn’t going to discuss them with a teenager, Jenna’s sister, and someone he barely knew. “We just have a lot of things to talk about.”

  She continued to eye him, now squinting. “Are you gonna pay child support?”

  He jerked his head back in surprise, not expecting to be confronted about money by a teenager. “Yeah. Of course. That’s not a problem.”

  “Good.” The girl continued to squint at him. “If you hurt her, or Ethan, I’ll find you and gouge your eyes out and then set you on fire.”

  Fair enough. “But will you watch Ethan tonight?”

  She shrugged. “Sure. If you pay for pizza. I’m not gonna sit here all bored by myself. I’ve been at home for two whole days and I’m going crazy. I was supposed to meet some people, but I’ll see if they’ll come over here.”

  The sound of Jenna jogging down the stairs ended the conversation and he quickly dug a few twenties out of his wallet, glad he’d thought to stop by an ATM, and handed them to Brianna. She snatched the bills and stuffed them in her jeans pocket. He turned around, trying to appear casual.

  Jenna looked into the living room, then spotted bodies in the den and came to stand in the doorway. She kept that ever-so-cool façade on her beautiful face, but he could see in her eyes she was wondering….

  “Sam was just twisting my arm,” Brianna said brightly as she moved past him. “I said I’d keep Ethan so you two can go out alone. I was planning on staying in, anyway. So have fun.”

  Jenna caught her arm as Brianna attempted to slip past. But she spoke to Sam. “What’s going on?”

  “Nothing,” Brianna answered instead. “Just go out and have fun for a change. Your life is depressing.”

  “Let’s go out for a bit,” Sam said, trying to keep his tone light. “No big deal.”

  “Don’t worry, I’ll feed him and do everything right and put him to bed on time,” Brianna announced and made her escape.

  “Then I guess we’re off. We’ll take my truck,” Sam said, hurrying forward to usher Jenna toward the door before she could object. And before he could chicken out.

  But at the door, Jenna stepped away from him and glanced up the stairs, slowly turning her gaze back to him. “Where exactly are we going on a Sunday? And why are you both acting weird?”

  “Just out. Not weird. Dinner.” He raked his hair out of his face and tried to stay calm. He didn’t need any additional hassles on a night like this, he was nervous enough. “I just asked your sister if she’d keep Ethan so we could go out for a while.”

  She stared at him, and then looked down at herself as if worried about her outfit. She looked beautiful to him in the green gauzy shirt and jeans, green sandals with sparkles on them. “Go where?”

  “Nowhere fancy. You look great. We haven’t had any private time together. That’s all. Your sister’s here to watch him. When was the last time you got out on your own?”

  “About three years ago,” she said, and almost smiled. Not quite, but he’d caught sight of it, that hint of the young woman he used to know, the one who used to fill him with joy and made him want to howl when she’d give him her wicked little smile and lean against him.

  He took a chance and touched that skin and jaw with the back of his fingers, encouraged when she didn’t step away. “Then how about it? This is just what you need. Let me take you out tonight.”

  She hesitated, pretending to study her shoes. “I can’t stay out late. I have work tomorrow.”

  “No problem. It’s still early.”

  She hesitated another moment, then seemed to make up her mind. “I’ll just go tell him I’m leaving.”

  “I’ll come along,” Sam said, moving to catch up.

  She stopped on the bottom step and looked at him as if he were pushy enough, or dense enough, to intrude on a private moment between mother and child. Then he saw the realization, the change in her eyes when she remembered that her child was also, amazingly, his child.

  She lowered her gaze and started up the stairs at a brisk pace. “Okay. I guess.”

  He followed more slowly, all encouragement lost as a dark sense of foreboding settled over him.

  ***

  Jenna climbed into the passenger seat of Sam’s dusty truck, feeling as if she were in the cockpit of an airplane. The world looked different from this height, and so did Sam. He shut her door then walked around and settled in behind the wheel, chuckling to himself.

  “That kid is something else,” he said. “It doesn’t scare you when he screams like that? I’ve witnessed a few temper tantrums over the years, but always from someone else’s kid. Seeing Ethan like that….” He chuckled awkwardly. “I think I was actually paralyzed for a minute.”

&
nbsp; She’d felt that way in the beginning, in the early days. But now it didn’t even faze her. “He’s at that age.”

  “He took it well when we left, though.”

  “Because Bri’s here. You should have seen what used to happen sometimes when I left him at daycare.”

  Sam chuckled but didn’t ask for details.

  They rode in silence until Sam turned onto the highway, and the silence was so thick Jenna could barely breathe.

  “Did you drive here all the way from Texas?”

  “Yeah. I like seeing the scenery along the way and I was planning on being here for two or three weeks, so I’d rather have my truck.”

  “Where do you live there? Exactly.”

  “About a hundred miles from Lubbock. I’d tell you the name of the town but you’ve never heard of it.”

  She nodded, but had no idea where Lubbock was, either. She made a mental note to look it up on a map later.

  He swept dust off the seat, chucking by way of an apology. “This is west Texas dust. I should have thought to get the truck washed.”

  “It’s fine,” she said, even as her nose tickled. “It’s not that bad.”

  He stretched his arm along the back of her seat and began lazily stroking her hair, shocking her still.

  Her scalp tingled under his touch and she knew she should make him stop petting her. But his touch felt so good she couldn’t make herself.

  “Where are we going?” she asked. She could barely hear her own voice.

  He sent her a sly glance. “I’ve got somewhere special in mind. I think you’ll like it.”

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  This was not a good idea, Jenna thought as she stared up at the old farmhouse. She hadn’t thought much about the house over the past three years, but seeing it now, she realized it had never really left her. Nausea settled in her stomach and she wasn’t certain she could do this. Too many memories lived here.

  “What are we doing here?” she asked Sam, who was sitting in the driver’s seat like a parent who’d just surprised his child with a trip to Disneyland.