Waiting On the Rain

by Caudia Connor

  “Not me, personally. Just an impression. I’m giving you my impressions. And maybe dangerous because blood is red.”

  “Okay. That makes sense. Pink.”

  “Okay. Pink…A little girl laughing? Twirling in a dress. Your lips after I kiss you.”

  “Green?”

  “Spring. Moss, grass, life. Leaves before they turn yellow and brown.”

  “I thought yellow was flowers.”

  “It can be. But this is a softer yellow. A gradual shift from green to yellow and orange, and sometimes red. Then brown and the leaves fall. Not all of them, but most of them.”

  “So brown would be leaves?”

  “Sometimes. And a horses muzzle. A leather jacket. A saddle.”

  “And your eyes?”

  “Yeah. How’d you—”

  “My sister in-law told me. What about blue?”

  “Your eyes,” he said without hesitation. He didn’t think he’d ever think of blue and not think of her eyes. “Like the sky. A clear blue sky on a summer day. Or any day really when it’s bright and clear. Makes me want to fall in, swim around.”

  “Why swim?”

  “Ahh… Maybe because water is blue? Not all water, but the most beautiful water, in my opinion. Water that’s cool but not cold. Warm but not hot. The kind of water you’d want to dive into, float around in. That’s your eyes. Makes me want to dive in, stay awhile.”

  She turned in his lap, caught his face in her palms. “I don’t know what to say to you sometimes.”

  He didn’t reply and she didn’t need him to. For a minute she just held him there, his face in her hands, her fingers spread over his cheeks. When she leaned in, put her forehead to his it was like seeing, or she imagined it was. Like having that moment she’d read about when two people looked across a room and their eyes met. It was that. Except it was their hearts.

  That’s how it felt. Like she was seeing him, like they were seeing each other.

  33

  A week later, Ava was in the barn. So was Luke. She couldn’t be sure, but he seemed to always be here when she was. Making sure she didn’t get hurt? Looking out for her? Instead of getting her hackles up about him being overbearing and overprotective, she smiled.

  Especially when he ran a hand down the silky tail of her hair as he had the habit of doing. She was still getting used to it. To him and whatever was happening between them. It seemed so easy, so natural. It frightened her and it made her want to sing. It was as if she’d crossed some boundary into the normal she’d always yearned for. She didn’t know how it could possibly last, how every moment was so easy and natural.

  Now that her dad was getting around a bit, she spent most every evening with Luke. Sometimes she cooked, sometimes he picked up food. They might sit outside or take a walk over to the pastures to visit with the horses. They talked about Hannah’s camp, going over what he’d done that day, tossing ideas back and forth. And he was always, always touching her. Letting her know he was there. Holding her hand, not for the purpose of leading, but just holding.

  He talked more about his childhood. Camping out in the backyard. A trip to Disney World. The night their parents had sat them down and dropped the bomb that they were having another baby and it was girl. Every time, she heard the love in his voice for his family, for the parents he missed. And sometimes she could feel the weight of his guilt and regret.

  One night he pulled out a deck of cards, nearly making her cry when he slid one into her hand and she felt the raised bumps on it.

  Special order from Amazon, he’d said. You can show your gratitude by not beating me too badly.

  They’d played Gin then Gin Rummy and she had beaten him more than he’d beaten her. He made her laugh, made her smile. And when they came together in the dark, all her worries, all her doubts, that had grown inside her for the past year just dropped away.

  Every time she woke with him beside her, she felt a jolt of happiness that stayed with her for hours. If he was trying to convince her she could trust her heart to him, he was doing a damn good job.

  He used the hand he had around her ponytail to pull her in. Then kissed her in that way that never failed to make her limbs weak. She gripped the front of his jacket, for balance, and because she didn’t want to let him go.

  “Once again, harassing my students,” Hannah said, passing them in the barn aisle.

  Luke broke the kiss but didn’t let go of the hold he had on her. “Just a little pep talk,” he told his sister.

  “Right. I didn’t hear a lot of talking.”

  Ava gave him a playful shove. “Go find something to do.”

  “I like doing this,” he said, sliding his hand down to give her bottom a light squeeze. She laughed and slapped at his hand.

  “I’ll see you later.”

  He pressed his lips to hers again, and then one last time. “Okay. Now I’ll see you later.”

  Smiling, she listened as his boots clumped down the aisle until she couldn’t hear him anymore.

  “Well,” Hannah said coming to stand beside her.

  “Yeah. Well. Um…” Ava dropped her hand where she’d been touching her still tingling lips. She didn’t know if Hannah was still looking at her and wondered if what she was feeling was written all over her face.

  She also wondered what Hannah had seen on her brother’s face, but shoved that small insecurity aside. “So, the lesson today,” Ava said. “We’re going to…um…”

  “Jeez,” Hannah said laughing. “Take a second to get your feet back under you. I don’t think you’d be safe on a horse just yet.”

  “That obvious? Well, no offense, but your brother knows how to kiss.”

  “I’ll take your word for it.”

  Ava listened as Hannah moved down the length of the horse, heard her patting him softly. Was she getting a vibe from Hannah? Was there something there? It hadn’t occurred to her that Hannah would mind her being involved with Luke. “Hannah, if this bothers you at all, Luke and I…”

  “Then what? You’ll kick him to the curb?” Hannah asked in a teasing tone. “Relax. I’m totally joking when I tell him to leave you alone.”

  “Okay. I guess I’m just realizing I haven’t thought about how you would feel about me sleeping with your brother.” She closed her eyes. “And if you didn’t know, I just told you.”

  “Oh, wow. Really? I never would have guessed it,” Hannah said, her tone light and fun.

  “Right.”

  “I just don’t want you to get hurt. Or Luke. Either of you.”

  “I care about him. I think, no, I know, he cares about me. I’m not sure either of us is looking to go beyond that.”

  “Hmm. Well.” Hannah patted Ava’s shoulder. “If you’re steady enough, let’s get going.”

  As Ava walked into the tack room, Hannah thought, if you could see my brother’s eyes when he looks at you, you’d know that whether he’s looking for it or not, he more than cares.

  34

  “Will you just tell me where we’re going?”

  “Nope.”

  She growled and he laughed. She huffed and he reached over and took her hand.

  “How’s your dad?”

  “Good. Itching to get up and around with Mom fighting him every step of the way. He took five steps this morning. I’d say if he doesn't start to move faster, my mom may kill him. They may kill each other.”

  “What about Maddie? Anything up with her lately?”

  She started to tell him that asking her questions wasn’t going to take her mind off where they were going, then remembered. “Oh! There is some gossip. My sister-in-law told me she was going to tell my brother she wanted to stop working and have a baby.”

  “Wow.”

  “Yeah. It’s weird. I mean I’d be excited for them to have a baby, but it’s weird. I never thought Connie would consider not working. Not being a lawyer.”

  “Does that bother you?”

  “No. It doesn’t bother me, it’s just… It’s surp
rising.”

  “Well, like you said, things change. Our paths change.”

  “I guess.” Thoughtful, she turned her face to the wind coming through the open window. Luke turned up the radio to a song she knew he liked.

  “Well, look at that.”

  “What?”

  “Someone knows the words to a country song.”

  “Do not.”

  “Do too. Unless you talk to yourself in the exact same words as Luke Bryan.”

  Ava put the window of Luke’s truck all the way down. Luke turned up the music. Still holding his hand, she smiled to herself, and listened to Luke sing the tune in his deep voice. On the next chorus, she gave up and sang along making Luke laugh.

  Several songs later, his truck stopped. Even with her window down, there wasn’t much she could tell about where they were from the sounds because there weren’t any. She opened her door and when Luke led her out of the truck a strong wind buffeted against her back. Wide open space? “Just tell me where we are.”

  “You’re about to find out.”

  With her cane in one hand and the other on Luke’s arm, they walked across cement. Maybe thirty steps then a short pause and they went through a door into a building. No more wind. More voices.

  “Hey, what’s up?” a male said in greeting.

  “Not much,” Luke replied and Ava heard hands slapping together.

  “Glad you called, man. And you must be the birthday girl.”

  “Yes.” She held out a hand that was sandwiched between two thick, hard palms for a quick shake.

  “You ready for this?”

  Luke’s hand at her back gave the smallest tap, telling her the man was speaking to her. He did things like that. She couldn’t really say when or how he’d started. How he even knew to do or how she knew how to read him. But he did. And she did.

  “I don’t know. Luke won’t tell me what it is.”

  “Ahh, you son of a gun.” The man chuckled. “You know she has to sign a waiver.”

  She swung her face to Luke’s. “A waiver for what?”

  Luke slid the hand on her back down to take her hand, reached around and took her other. “We’re going skydiving. Happy birthday.”

  “We’re going what?”

  “You’re not scared are you? You said you wanted to try it.”

  “Might,” she said but her stomach was all kinds of butterflies. “I said I might want to try it. I can’t believe you didn’t tell me.”

  The man still standing close cleared his throat. “Sometimes it’s best not to think too much about it beforehand, you know?”

  “See? And Harley here is an expert.”

  She huffed. “And maybe you told him to say that.” The truth was, she did want to go skydiving. No way was she going to tell him that now. Not yet. “Fine. Where do I sign?”

  An hour later they were in the air. The vibration of the plane was like nothing she’d ever felt and she’d flown plenty of times. It was enough to make her teeth rattle. And the way they were dipping and rising, this plane felt more like a toy than something that should actually be in the air. She figured it was good that she couldn’t see the ground beneath her.

  “You okay?” Luke yelled over the noise and adjusted the goggles on her face.

  “Yeah.”

  “You’re going to love it. Trust me.”

  Nerves mixed with excited anticipation as a line of sweat trickled down her back. Luke held her hand that she knew was sweaty. “I guess you’ve done this a few hundred times.”

  “A few thousand.” Luke grazed the back of his hand over her cheek. “Turn around.” Not waiting for her to move, he turned her the way he wanted. He tugged on the straps on her back and the ones around her thighs. He spoke calmly next to her ear, telling in precise language each and every step he was taking. What he was checking then going over the steps of the jump with her again. His care and patience loosened another something inside her.

  When he was satisfied, they sat again on the metal bench seat. “Talk to me. Tell me something.”

  “You look hot in goggles. And this jumpsuit…”

  She shook her head at him then was immediately distracted by the whine of the door as it lowered. She wanted to say, wait, time out, ask one more question but before she could make her mouth work, they were scooting on their bottoms toward open air. Another second and her legs were hanging over the plane edge into the unknown. The force of the wind ripping at the fabric covering her legs and her heart tripled.

  “Meet you at the bottom,” Luke said, giving her hand a squeeze and then his hand was gone. Was he gone? She no longer felt him beside her. The thought sent a jolt of fear through her. Luke gone, falling through the sky. But there was no time for worry. The instructor’s voice was in her ear.

  “Three, two, one. Bombs away.”

  And then she was falling. If she’d tried to scream, and she wasn’t sure if she did, nothing came out. That initial plunge shoved her breath right back down her throat. Then she was weightless. Arms and legs out like a starfish. The man strapped to her back was forgotten and all she felt was air.

  She’d heard of birds flying, always tried to imagine what it looked like. Was this how it felt? Was this what Luke felt every time he jumped? No wonder he missed it. But Luke would have been thinking about the danger below. Where was Luke?

  Too soon she was jerked up and back. That time she did manage a squeak. Then a long easy glide.

  “Three, two, one. Run,” her instructor said and she felt the earth beneath her feet then her butt did a gentle bump on the ground.

  Her landing was textbook, at least she thought so after hearing how it was supposed to be. She heard the clicks of latches being undone then Luke’s whoop as he came up.

  “Nice landing! You’re a pro! ”

  The second she was released from her tandem, he pulled her to her feet and into his body.

  “What did I tell you, man? Didn’t I tell you she would rock this?”

  Then he had her face in his hands and was kissing her. Her heart was already racing, her entire body tingling and trembling. When he finally lifted his head, she grinned up at him. “Can we do it again?”

  Luke’s laughter rumbled against her chest as he tightened his hold and lifted her off the ground.

  * * *

  Ava peppered him with questions all the way back to town.

  “Where have you jumped? How many times? What’s it like at night? What was your longest fall? Did your chute ever not open?”

  He answered all her excited questions, leaving out the less desirable details. Her cheeks were still pink from the wind, the excitement, and the sun. He’d have to take care when she was in the sun, her skin was so fair. Even with the band holding her hair at the base of her neck, plenty of pieces hung tangled around her face.

  Her eyes were with lit with excitement and happiness. He should take her skydiving every day. Seriously. He should buy a plane and take her. There was plenty of room on Hannah’s farm for a small runway and… he was crazy. But maybe not. Maybe he’d take some of Hannah’s campers. Would that be allowed? The ideas ran around in his head.

  They drove the rest of the way with the windows down. The sky above was cloudless and blue. The wind coming through the open windows blew the scent of spring and sun and Ava around the truck. He wondered if, like him, she’d begun to see this place as home and if she did, what that could mean for them. “Why don’t we stop for food?”

  “Sure. I’m starved. Does adrenaline make you hungry?”

  He laughed. “Burger place?”

  “Definitely.”

  He knew of a place they were coming up on and pulled into the lot. With Ava’s hand in his, they waited at the hostess stand, it was that kind of burger place.

  “The fries and onion rings are great.”

  “Mmm. Sounds good.”

  When they were seated, they ordered drinks and he ordered a mixed basket for them to share.

  Luke watched her dip
her battered and fried onions in the special sauce and take a bite. She smiled around the bite, moaned her enjoyment and it hit him. He wasn’t ready for her to go. He wasn’t ready for whatever they had to end.

  He’d pursued her, he could admit that. He’d seen her, gone after her, even if he hadn’t been entirely sure what he was doing in the beginning. But he’d figured it out. They spent nearly every free moment together, day and night. And all the while the clock was ticking toward the day she would move back to New York.

  This thing with Ava was well beyond anything he’d planned on and they’d shot into much deeper territory much faster than he would have thought possible. He thought about what she’d said about her dad and his steps. He wanted to take some steps of his own. Would Ava be like her mother? Would he have a fight on his hands? He wasn’t afraid of a fight. Had no reservations about fighting for her. But he was still watching his step, not wanting to scare her off.

  “I guess you’ll be going back to the city soon,” he said, trying for casual not to give away his feelings.

  “Yeah.” She spun the fry in her fingers but didn’t put it in her mouth. “Pretty soon.”

  She sighed and he kicked himself for throwing a shadow on their perfect day. “Hey, maybe you’ll stay for the burgers,” he said going for light. “No way do they have burgers like this in NYC. Well, tofu burgers maybe.”

  She gave small laugh but the mood had definitely changed. “People do eat meat in the city. But, no. I’ve never had a burger like this.” Her eyes were on his face.

  “Knew it.” A few minutes passed, both of them eating. Luke watched her every move intently.

  Ava hadn’t mentioned that Hannah had asked her to stay on and help with her students. Hannah had told him, thinking Ava would have already done so. Wondering why she hadn’t. Or maybe he knew why she hadn’t. Because she’d already decided that’s not what she wanted.

  She put her burger down, grabbed a napkin. She wiped her fingers. Then wiped them again. “I could visit,” she finally said. “You could visit.”

  “Yeah. That could work. Or you could stay.” Damn it. He wasn’t going to ask, had told himself he wasn’t then the words were out.