You're the Password to My Life

by Sudeep Nagarkar

  ‘I know, Adi. I agree with you. But sometimes it feels like I don’t deserve true love in my life. I don’t deserve happiness like the rest. Why do bad things have to happen to me every time? Why?’

  ‘Love is never wrong. But your choice can be. Rohan, you have to just open your heart to someone who deserves it.’

  Saying so, I hung up the phone. I knew that the hardest thing ever is to accept that the one you chose to love couldn’t love you back enough. It gets all the more difficult when you have to move on in life without the person you always thought would walk beside you. Rohan re-read all the messages that Zoya had sent him. He had saved some special ones in a folder and tried to delete them in a fit of anger.

  He sent her a message again:

  I miss you terribly. Why did you choose to walk away from me? Every bit of you is ingrained in me. The sound of your voice awakens my soul. I could sit here and write about what I love about you all day and I still wouldn’t cover it all. I still feel that we are together. You haven’t left my thoughts. Never. Not even once. To put it quite simply, I miss you. I miss the way you would confide in me. I miss the stories you would tell me. I miss your smile. I miss every moment spent with you. I despise every moment without you. I could spend hours trying to explain why it still hurts, but all I wanna tell you is that I miss you. However, I have no clue whether you do or you don’t. I would have fought for you but you never acted like it would be worth the fight.

  As always, Zoya didn’t reply. When you spend so much time with another person, you get so used to their presence around you that their absence hurts you. Even your likes and dislikes change accordingly. It’s completely normal to miss those moments once that person chooses to walk away from you. Your heart will be broken, stomped on, crushed and shattered, until you find that one person who can put it all back together again.

  We never really get over the person we once loved; we just learn to keep going on with our lives, resigned to our fate. As time passed, Rohan too learned to deal with his past, but sometimes the memories of Zoya still haunted him. With time, he understood his priorities and decided to concentrate on what lied ahead of him rather than what he had left behind. He wanted to build his life all over again. He tried to keep himself busy as much as possible, not because he wanted to achieve something big, but because he wanted a reason to forget his past memories. Riddhima acted as a solvent to it and her presence in his life comforted him. With her silly jokes and comforting nature, she was able to make him smile.

  ‘Rohan, why are you crying? I told you that I can’t see tears in your eyes,’ Riddhima said as Rohan came out of the kitchen.

  Since Rohan had an off on weekends, he would visit Riddhima’s house to help her with the daily chores.

  ‘I am not crying, this onion…’ Rohan said wiped his tears away.

  ‘What are you doing with that onion? Just leave it and come here,’ Riddhima said while cleaning the showcase.

  ‘This onion is after my life; it’s making me cry.’

  ‘By the way, in this get-up, you look like the ideal maid,’ Riddhima teased pointing at the kitchen apron he had donned over his outfit with a glint of mischief in her eyes.

  ‘You jerk, I will kill you. Do I look like a maid to you? Please, maids are not as sexy as me.’

  ‘They are. I can show you a few of them if you want me to.’

  Riddhima pinched him on his arm and ran away. Rohan ran after her, throwing cushions at her to obstruct her path. He grabbed her just in time and pinned her down on the sofa. They both looked at each other and started giggling.

  ‘I am so happy to see you smiling again. I thought that I’d lose you and that smile of yours, considering the way you have been acting since your breakup,’ Riddhima uttered.

  ‘Rohan’s smile disappeared as he heard the word ‘breakup’.

  After a few seconds of silence, Riddhima went into the kitchen in order to make coffee for him to better his mood. Rohan sat thinking about how his life had changed in the last couple of months. Sometimes, a cup of coffee and a good friend make life much better. It’s never easy to act as a friend around the person who you love and wish to spend the rest of your life with. Riddhima loved him, yet she acted like a friend and did whatever it took to make him happy.

  Dreaming of You

  22nd December, 2009

  It’s a myth that people and relationships don’t change. In fact, both keep evolving with the passage of time. As time passes us by, we go through so much that we grow into a different person altogether and thus the nature of our relationship changes. In the past few months, Rohan had witnessed things that he had never experienced before in his life. Some people told him not to let go of what he couldn’t live without, but actually it was holding on to that thing that was tearing him apart. He had understood and accepted that Zoya couldn’t be part of his life anymore. He deleted all her messages and didn’t keep any contact with her. Neither did she. Time and again, her words would reverberate in his ears: Someone, somewhere is happy knowing that you are happy. He didn’t hate her, but he had lost all the reasons to love her. Sometimes you love, learn, and then move on, which is perfectly fine as not everything is meant to last forever.

  Post their break-up, he had begun to spend more and more time with Riddhima. She was his pillar of strength who helped him move on and he loved being with her. However, she was still just a friend and his French teacher, nothing more. Every minute you spend with someone you aren’t meant to be with, takes away the time you could have instead spent with the right person you should have been with in the first place. For her, Rohan was that right person. He too had slowly developed feelings for her but was afraid of taking things to the next level.

  Virat supported Rohan post his break-up, explaining to him why it was important to move on in life and not pay heed to what had happened. His funda in life was ‘let bygones be bygones’. He tried to make Rohan see what a wonderful girl Riddhima was. He firmly believed that Rohan won’t ever find another girl like her, someone who stood by him, selflessly, during his ups and downs even when he was in a relationship with Zoya. He told him to take a chance with Riddhima and figure out if she was really the one for him. He didn’t want Rohan to regret not having tried his luck with her.

  ‘Where are you? I’m waiting near the canteen,’ Kavya told Virat over the phone.

  ‘I am at the gate. See you in 5 minutes.’

  Even though Virat was now dating Mahek, nothing changed between Kavya and him. They still were the best of friends who would do stupid things together, be it teasing, irritating, or insulting each other. The fact is you’re not really best friends until you start insulting each other on a daily basis. Virat was someone who would do anything for a good friend and Kavya was on top of that friend list. Whenever she was in a fix, Virat would come to her rescue, leaving everything behind.

  After he parked his car, Virat sent a text message to Mehak as he walked towards the canteen.

  Waiting for you in the canteen. Come soon. I want to feel you touch. Love you. Muaah.

  Mehak’s reply soon followed:

  I want to feel not only your touch but much more. Waiting to see you. Love you more.

  A girl can be your best friend, your lover, your worst enemy, or your worst nightmare. It all depends on how you treat her. Virat pampered both the girls who were special to him in their own, unique way. Mahek never tried to keep Virat away from Kavya; she never felt insecure. She had full faith in Virat and their love which grew stronger with each passing day. She had kept her relationship a secret from her family because she didn’t want any unnecessary complications. Involving the family would mean having restrictions on going out late with her friends and she didn’t want to lose that freedom. Moreover, her family was the conservative kind and wouldn’t have accepted Virat so easily knowing that he had lost his parents early on in life and didn’t have a career yet.

  ‘Where is Mahek?’ Kavya asked as soon as Virat reached the canteen.
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  ‘She must be reaching anytime now. I have informed her that we are here.’

  ‘Let’s order something while we wait for her. I’m famished.’

  As Virat was ordering something at the counter, Mehak surprised him from behind by hugging him. For a few seconds they forgot that they were in canteen and not in their bedroom, but it hardly bothered them. Virat turned and pecked her on the cheek. He ordered Misal-Pav for her as it was her favourite dish. Back at the table, all three of them gossiped about how bad their college was and how their professors acted like psychos. No matter how reputed our colleges are, we love to curse it and even if it has the best teaching staff, we love to abuse our professors.

  ‘You should see our Organizational Behaviour professor peep into the classroom when he notices a female professor teaching. His speed slows down automatically, and he scans them from top to bottom,’ Kavya said.

  ‘We should make his MMS too. What say?’ Mehak added.

  ‘Oh please, I don’t want to get thrown out of college,’ Virat said sarcastically.

  ‘Anyway, we never actually attend classes, do we? We just eat at here at the canteen or roam about in the campus,’ Kavya laughed and everyone joined in.

  While they were talking, Virat felt a hand lingering on his inner thighs, under the table. He froze for a moment and looked around to scan the room and see if anyone was noticing them.

  ‘Ouch!’ Virat screamed.

  ‘What happened to you? Why did you scream?’ Kavya asked, unaware of what was happening.

  ‘Nothing. I am absolutely fine.’

  Mehak laughed and continued to pinch his thighs. Virat reciprocated by grazing the sole of his feet against her thigh.

  They continued teasing each other like this for some time until Mahek sent him a message.

  I want to be alone with you. Let’s go to some classroom.

  Virat replied saying,

  ‘What if someone enters the classroom? We will be fucked.’

  Mehak gave him an irritated look and replied:

  You always act dumb. We will ask Kavya to stand outside the classroom and keep a watch.

  Virat looked at her in a state of shock. But the more he thought about it, the more exciting the idea seemed. After all, Kavya was their friend who knew everything about them. And they didn’t have to disclose everything to her. They could simply say they needed the privacy of the classroom to discuss something important. Looking at her seductive eyes, he felt a sudden urge to devour her against the hard, cold wall of the classroom. He asked both girls to follow him.

  ‘Where to?’ Kavya questioned.

  ‘I’ll tell you. Let’s leave from here first.’

  Kavya and Mehak followed Virat as he left the canteen. Virat turned and looked at Mahek who was still smiling. Kavya again asked where they were going in curiosity.

  ‘Kavya, there’s something important we wanna discuss and we need your help in that,’ Virat hushed.

  Mahek was walking behind them and couldn’t stop her laughter, but whenever Kavya turned, she changed her expression to one of seriousness.

  ‘Actually, Mehak and I had a big fight yesterday and want to sort things out. So we want to be left alone in some classroom for some time to talk things out…’

  Before he could continue, Kavya interrupted him,

  ‘Why alone in the classroom?’

  ‘Where else should we go? Should we create a scene in front of everyone? You know very well that a girl in a bad mood is the most dangerous creature on this planet. So I need some protection,’ Virat added.

  When he further told her that she had to wait outside and keep a check, Kavya almost killed Virat.

  ‘Now, you want me to be your security guard? So mean. Mehak, look, your boyfriend is really mean. Let’s look for someone better for you. Someone really hot and not mean like him.’

  ‘What the fuck, you…’ he shouted but paused realizing that an argument with Kavya would prolong the act.

  Eventually, Kavya agreed and they entered an empty first-floor classroom. Virat promised Kavya that he would buy her a drink or two for helping them out. Kavya hit him hard on his back and gave him an angry look. Virat gave her a flying kiss and told her to lock the door from outside so no passersby could suspect anything. Kavya stood outside the door in the passage pretending that she was waiting for someone.

  ‘More than anything else, I am afraid of Kavya opening the door,’ Virat said as he pulled Mahek closer.

  Mahek smiled and pulled his cheeks lovingly. Virat pushed her against the wall and leaned in to give her a kiss She shyly turned her face away. Virat proceeded to kiss her neck, then her ears, then eyes. She felt a wild sensation running through her body. Getting intimate in a public place further added to the pleasure. They were nervous but equally thrilled, afraid that they’d hear a knock. Virat rolled his fingers inside her t-shirt and kissed her passionately. She returned his kisses with equal fervor.

  Once done cuddling, they sat on the bench and Mahek opened her lunch box. She had cooked green pea rice along with some yoghurt especially for Virat. In fact, one of the reasons why she wanted to be alone with him was to make him eat with her own hands. When your heart starts to function, your brain begins to malfunction.

  ‘Why do you love me so much?’ Virat asked.

  ‘I don’t know, but I can’t live without you. I feel safe with you,’ Mehak replied, feeding him the rice.

  ‘I am so lucky to have you. You’re not my life, you’re the one I want to spend it with. You’re not my world, you’re the best thing in it,’ Virat added.

  Once done eating the lunch, he gave her a peck on the cheek as a ‘thank you’ gesture.

  ‘That’s it? That’s all I get for cooking you such yummy food?’ The spark in Mahek’s eyes and her seductive looks made him horny. He grabbed her by the waist and made her lie down on the bench. He saw the nervousness in her eyes and kissed her forehead.

  ‘I just want to look at every inch of your body,’ Virat said as he stood up.

  He couldn’t control himself anymore and pounced on her like a wild beast. He started kissing her wildly, like there was no tomorrow. Lost in the ecstasy of passionate love, he bit her slightly hard on the neck and she screamed loudly in response. Virat looked at her for a second and gave her a small peck where he bit her. Mahek wrapped her hands around him and kissed his neck. As Virat’s hands tried to explore her body, pulling her top up, they heard their door being opened. They immediately got up and tried to pretend like nothing had happened, but to their dismay, Kavya had seen more than she had bargained for. She broke into laughter looking at them.

  Virat looked at her, embarrassed, while Mahek was still pulling down her t-shirt.

  ‘Fuck, this is hilarious. I should have hung the “Do not disturb” sign outside,’ she laughed till the point her stomach pained.

  ‘Kavya, you should have knocked first. Shit man, you made my heart jump,’ said Virat almost getting a heart attack.

  ‘You think I didn’t know what you guys were doing inside? You both are dumb. The moment you started texting each other in the canteen, I knew that you wanted to board a railgaadi.’

  ‘What railgaadi?’ Mahek asked with a puzzled look.

  ‘Sex, foreplay…whatever you’d like to call it,’ she winked.

  Mahek turned red in embarrassment. Kavya screamed when Virat pulled her ears as if he was punishing a kid. Virat felt like a batsman who is run out, and right when he thinks his time is up, the umpire declares it a ‘no ball’, much to the relief of the batsman. Kavya told them that she didn’t open the door for fun but because she saw the head of their department on his daily rounds. All of them immediately left the classroom. As they walked out, they glanced at each other and burst into laughter at what had just happened. There is no feeling more comforting and consoling than knowing that you are in the company of the one you love. Rare are such relationships where you hold no grudges, no complaints, and no insecurities.

 
‘How about going to your place for some fun rather than going for a movie?’ Mahek asked.

  Virat had dropped Kavya home and was heading for a movie with Mehak. While on their way to the movie hall, Mehak suggested they go his place instead. As soon as Mehak mentioned going to his home for fun, a picture of a chemist shop flashed in his mind. He immediately turned his car around and gave a wicked smile to Mahek. He stopped the car near a chemist shop he had never been to before. He did this deliberately so he won’t feel awkward while asking for a condom. Another reason why he preferred going to an unknown chemist was that he had never purchased a condom before in his life. It was his first time and he felt uneasy asking for it at the counter. He couldn’t express his uneasiness to Mahek because she would’ve made fun of him, hurting his male ego. Though he was aware of the brands and the flavours because of the advertisements, when his time came, he didn’t know which one to order. Maybe I should have asked Mahek, he thought. After all, she is the one who will have to…Brushing aside his thoughts, he mustered courage and walked towards the counter. There were a couple of customers at the counter and he waited till the salesperson cleared their bills.

  ‘Yes, what do you want?’ one of the guys at the counter asked Virat.

  ‘You can clear their bills first. I’m in no hurry. I’ll just speak with my friend till then,’ he said pretending to call someone.

  He looked out the glass door and saw Mahek looking back at him in anticipation. He signalled saying he’d be back in 2 minutes, pretending to be on a call with someone. The truth was, he had called customer care instead, as he was fucking nervous to take a step forward. He had never felt such tension before, not even during his exams. Now he understood why people called ‘love-making’ an art.

  ‘Son, what do you need?’ the counter guy asked Virat once again.

  ‘I need…give me one…Crocin and D-cold,’ Virat said feeling the tension build up in his body. Shit, man. Come on Virat, you can do it. You have to do it. You are a man, he told himself.