New Jersey Yankee In King Arthur's Court

by P McAuley, Robert

  After morning-meal the next day, Arthur and Guinevere were meeting with the mayor of a village from the other side of London and Merlin was in the basement’s bottom floor watching as two strong boys pried open a door to a room. The wooden door was one of the better-preserved ones and it took some muscle to get it open. Finally, with a squeak, it reluctantly swung open. The boys were panting as Merlin told them, “Thank yee, lads. Go an’ have some cider ta cool thineselves.” As they ran off he lit a candle and he and James entered a small, musty room.

  It was dusty and cobwebs hung everywhere as Merlin slowly moved the candle around to illuminate every corner. There were shelves holding glass vials and pots made of clay with large corks in them. Spotting two more candles he lit them and saw by their light that it must have been used by a chemist of sorts. He fingered a few of the vials and turned to leave when James called out: “Wizard Merlin! Come yee here, Sire, methinks me found a passage.” A squeak followed his call.

  Merlin turned to see James under one of the wooden tables against the far wall. The boy held a candle close to the wall as he scratched at it with his fingers.

  “What see yee, James?”

  “Methinks it be another door, Wizard.”

  “Wait, James.” He turned and closed the door to the room behind them and said, “Let me get next ta thee, lad.” He wiggled under the table and saw what James was scratching at. There was a definite crease in the wood panel behind the table and Merlin took a long, iron nail from his purse and scratched at it. When it widened enough they both got a grip on it and pulled the wood panel. A small door opening on hinges rewarded them. Merlin put the lit candle in first and then poked his head in.

  The room was twice as large as the one they were in originally and both crawled in and stood up. Once again there were row after row of shelves with corked jars and tubes. There was a six-foot long, wooden table with three chairs tucked under it and many stacks of parchment all covered with cobwebs and thick dust.

  “Great Wizard Merlin,” asked the boy, “what be this place?”

  “This, my young James, is a hidden room and,” he said as he turned and looked down at him, “it shall be our secret room.”

  “A secret fer us to know of alone, Wizard Merlin?” the boy said with gleaming eyes.

  “Yes! Our secret alone, James,” he opened his arms and said, “this be the room fer wizards an’ young wizards alone.”

  The boy was ecstatic . . . as was Merlin.”

  James pointed to a group of candles lining a shelf. “Might we light yon candles, Wizard, so’s I might clean our secret wizard’s room fer us?”

  “Surely.” Merlin sneezed as he passed him his lit candle and the boy lit the long dormant candles. The magician bent down and exited the room as he said; “I’ll be right back after I remove the dust from meself.”

  Once back in the first room, the magician wiped his nose and started going over the many flasks and corked tubes. He opened a few and gave the bottles the old sniff test, and more than once was rewarded by a terrible odor. He had just put the cork back in a jar when James called out to him.

  “Wizard! Wizard, I pray thee enter this room.”

  Merlin moved fast and bumped his head as he went under the counter and through the opening in the wall. “Pray tell, James. What be it?”

  Merlin was still on his knees as the boy’s face appeared right in front of him as he crawled to him. “Great Wizard! How doth thou do magic an’ seal it in this hidden room?”

  A puzzled Merlin cocked his head in question as he asked, “What be thy meaning, young James? For this day I hath done no magic at all.”

  The boy pulled on his long sleeve as he led the magician away from the opening and over to a large, open trunk. He pointed and said, “In yon trunk, great Wizard. While cleaning, I see it, an’ opened it ta see what it might hold.”

  “And, what does it hold?”

  The boy shook his head and asked, “Sire! How dost thou do it?”

  “Do what young James?”

  “How dost thou write in a book an’ place it in this hidden room?”

  Merlin took a candle and held it over the trunk to see inside. There were more flasks and corked jars along with a cloak, hat and long gloves. But all of these items were surrounding a large, black leather book. And the thing that shocked Merlin and the reason that James was puzzled was the gold, block lettering on the book’s cover. It read: MERLIN.

  He tenderly removed the heavy book and placed it on the wooden table. He then took a rag from James and wiped any remaining dust away while the boy stood there looking wide-eyed at his teacher. Merlin tenderly opened the book, as, for the first time since they had arrived in this time period, there was the rumble of thunder in the sky.

  Merlin sat and James, anticipating his teacher, placed a lit candle on both sides of the book. He went back to his cleaning and every so often looked at Merlin as he sat trailing his long fingernails down the parchment pages as he read.

  Three hours later James broke the silence. “Great Wizard. Think yee that we shall dine?”

  Merlin looked at the boy and shook his head as though he had just woke up from a deep sleep. “Dine?” He sat back from the hunched position he was in for the last few hours and said, “Oh yes, dine! Yes, young James for I be famished, as should thou be.”

  The boy nodded and patted his stomach. “I be, Wizard. I be famished.”

  They got up to leave and Merlin said, “James, this room be our secret.”

  “Aye, Wizard. It be our secret.” Both crawled out and pulled the door closed behind them before leaving the first room and closing that door too.

  As usual, all were eating and frolicking in the sun-drenched courtyard as Merlin and James left the castle’s main tower and entered the courtyard. James trotted off to eat with his friends and Merlin sat alone beneath a large oak tree.

  Sitting with crossed legs and eating picnic style on a large cloth, Guinevere said to Arthur, “Arthur, why not invite Merlin over to join us? He looks kind of lost.”

  Seeing the magician sitting alone and talking to himself, Arthur called out, ”Merlin, you’re welcome to join us.”

  His reaction was puzzling as he just looked at them and resumed talking to himself. A girl carried fresh bread and a bowl of soup to him but once again the magician didn’t seem to notice her but automatically dipped his bread into the soup and continued talking to nobody.

  Arthur shrugged his shoulders. “Aw, you know Merlin. He must be solving a problem we don’t even know about.”

  “That we don’t even know about, yet!” said Guinevere.

  “Well,” said Arthur changing the subject, “I say that after we eat we take a ride over to Moonlight Hill and check out our tree.” He looked at her, “What do ya think? And maybe a quick dip?”

  Her smile was the answer he was looking for.

  One hour later, against the wishes of Sir Boche, they were alone on the hill they had claimed as their own. Guinevere filled up the pitcher she had hidden in the bough of the tree and poured the fresh water over it’s roots as Arthur climbed up and removed the last of it’s dead limbs.

  “Next time,” said Arthur as he pulled dead weeds out at the base of the tree, “I’m bringing a rake.”

  “Do they have rakes in this time period?”

  He shrugged. “Hey, that’s the beauty of us knowing what we know. We can just, kind of, invent what we need. Who’s to say?”

  Guinevere looked at the dirt on her hands. “I’m all about taking a dip.”

  “Me too.”

  Within a few minutes they were playing in the cool, clear pond.

  Guinevere looked up at the dark clouds gathering and said, “Of course it’s going to rain, I just watered our tree.”

  “Well, it’ll help the grass.” He splashed her and she retaliated and soon they were ducking each other between laughs.

  Sir Boche faced the other way as they left the pond and wrapped large towels around themselves. He
shook his head. Pray that no person shouldst stumble upon my King and Queen as they frolic in yon pond for I would be hard pressed ta reach them as I be so far away.

  Guinevere was combing out her hair as Arthur said, “Don’t look now, but Sir Boche trailed us and is standing guard just one hill away.”

  She pulled the towel tight as she looked around. “Did he see us?”

  Arthur laughed. “Hey hon, ya better get used to it because our knights take their oath of allegiance pretty seriously.” He picked some grass from his towel. “What do you want to bet that he has two or three other knights surrounding our hill right now?”

  “I thought we were alone.”

  “Hey! Let me tell you something, Guinevere. It makes me feel real good that these guys are watching over us.” He tossed a pebble at the pond. “Back at the orphanage we had to watch out for ourselves.”

  She hugged him. “You’re right. And I’m glad too.”

  Later, as they rode back to Camelot, Arthur spotted the other two knights as they brought up the rear. He felt good about it. They trotted over the open drawbridge just as large raindrops splattered the dry earth.

  That afternoon it poured. The dark clouds covered the sun as all ate either in their rooms or took turns in the dining areas.

  Guinevere watched as a page tossed a few large cuts of wood on the fire. “I think we keep the windows closed tonight.”

  “Yep!” said Arthur as he sipped some warm milk. “It’s the first time it rained since we were on the baseball field.”

  She looked into his eyes and said in a low voice, “That seems so long ago, Arthur.”

  “Yeah! Wonder what the town is thinking about us disappearing like that?”

  “Probably happy to get rid of the town’s blemish.”

  “Aww, screw them. I’m happier than I’ve ever been.” He looked at his wife and went on. “Are you?”

  “Mmmm. Let’s see. I left a place that made me feel like it was my fault that I was an orphan. I left a place that wouldn’t let me listen to my kind of music; wouldn’t let me have seconds even when I was starving; wouldn’t let me dress like a girl.” She looked at him and continued. “Am I happy that I’m here and married to the handsomest man in England . . . and who just happens to be King? Oh, and I almost forgot . . . I’m a queen who lives in a castle!” She looked at him and asked, “So, what do you think: I’m happy or not?”

  “I think we’re both happy, and,” he said looking around at the gang, “I think all the guys are happy too.”

  “Well,” added Guinevere, “I just hope Merlin is happy too.”

  They both looked over at the place he usually sat at.

  “Boy!” said Arthur, “When he disappears, he really disappears.”

  The rain continued all night giving new life to the vines, trees and shrubs of Castle Camelot.

  The next day, just before mid-day meal, Arthur and Guinevere inspected the Round Table. It’s dark wood had a high, oil-based polish on it and the bolts glowed a blue-black by the light of the fireplace and overhead chandelier. There were twelve flags hanging around the circular room, each representing a section of England that the various groups were from, and there was plenty of room for more that Arthur and Guinevere were sure to come. In front of each place setting was a brass plate with a name engraved on it. A large window with stained glass-squares inset in it was situated behind two very ornate, high-backed wooden chairs and the nameplate stated that it was Arthur and Guinevere who sat there. Going around the table from Arthur’s right was: Merlin, Gerry Haad, or, as it was written on the plate, Sir Galahad; Lance, or Sir Lancelot; Garret or Sir Gwain; Percy or Sir Percivale; Lionell or Sir Lionell; Delvlin or Sir Delvlin; Garth or Sir Gareth; Lucas or Sir Lucan; Bruno or Sir Brunor and finally, Triston or Sir Tristram.

  “It looks like a fairytale picture,” said Guinevere as they walked around the table.

  Arthur nodded in agreement. “Ready?

  She mimicked him with a nod of her own and he waved to a young pageboy waiting by the stairway. The boy’s head did a slight bow and he scampered away as Arthur escorted his queen to her seat and both stood behind their chairs. The midday sun poured in through the stained glass window and bathed the table with a colorful, warm light. A trumpet sounded and the sound of leather boots were heard from the open door followed by the original Keansburg Gang as they entered the great-room and stood behind their chairs for the first time. The young men all wore the best clothes their girlfriends could make for them and each wore a leather belt from which dangled a dagger in a leather sheath. All wore a long, light green cape with the darker green image of New Jersey stitched on it with a small star denoting where the city of Keansburg was located. As they stood in silence, Ron walked in carrying a large flag that was a duplicate of the capes the guys wore and placed it in a flag holder directly behind the seats of Arthur and Guinevere. He did a small bow and left the room.

  Touched, Guinevere said, “The first meeting of the Knight’s of the Round Table. Arthur this truly is a fairytale story.”

  “Yes, but,” said Arthur as he started to point to Merlin’s empty seat, “where is . . . “

  A larger than normal puff of smoke came from behind Merlin’s seat and suddenly the magician stood there as the smoke cleared. His long hair and beard seemed to be almost pure white and gleam in the light.

  Arthur nodded and he and Guinevere sat. There was a scrapping of chairs as the Keansburg Gang followed their lead and sat. A line of pages carrying their mid-day meals entered and quickly got the young boys attention.

  Arthur looked at Merlin and said over the chatting, “Merlin, your appearance this afternoon was the best! I mean how did you do it? There’s no door or place you can pop out of behind your chair?”

  “And,” added a smiling Guinevere; “You must have used a goose-egg to create a flour puff that big.”

  Before he could answer a page placed a large plate of chicken in front of Arthur and Guinevere. She picked a small leg as Arthur took a leg and wing before they passed it on. A platter of pork, then potatoes, beets, carrots and turnips quickly filled the empty place. A huge gravy bowl was passed around and they had the option of washing it down with wine, beer, cider or milk. They all used a two-pronged fork to hold their food in place and cut it with their daggers. Half way into their meal a group of troubadours entered and, accompanied by stringed instruments, sang the standards of the day mingled with the Rap they learned from the Gang from Keansburg.

  It was after a desert of peaches and cream set on top of a plain cake that Guinevere sat back and said as she rubbed her stomach; “They gang in the kitchen really outdid themselves for this meal. I’m going to make sure they get lots of downtime as a reward.”

  Arthur laughed. “Guinevere, don’t you get it? If you give them downtime, that’s like giving them a punishment. They love doing their thing. Let’s just give them a special thanks from us for creating such an outstanding meal for this special event.”

  She nodded in agreement and turned to Merlin; “So, Merlin. What have you and James been up to?”

  Arthur cut in and said to Guinevere, “Notice how quiet our wizard has been during the meal?”

  Guinevere’s answer was right to the point. “You mean during the last few day, don’t you?”

  Merlin looked at them and said in a serious voice as he shook his head, “My friends, I apologize. You are right. I have been quiet, but it’s not you guys, it’s because of what’s happened to me.”

  “What happened?” asked Arthur.

  The wizard shook his head again and said, “After morning-meal tomorrow I’ll give you a tour of my room and tell you.”

  “But, we’ve been to your room.”

  “No, not my room, I meant to say ‘my laboratory’.”

  “Your lab?” asked Arthur. “Where is it?”

  “Where it is, is part of what’s happened to me. And tomorrow I’ll show and explain it to you and Guinevere.”

  Arthur shrugged
, “Okay, see you after morning-meal.” He turned to Guinevere and said, “I’m so full that I think I’m going to skip evening-meal.” Guinevere just looked past him without answering, her mouth was hanging open. “Hey,” Arthur continued, “you all right?”

  “He-he’s gone!” she said pointing to Merlin’s seat. Arthur turned back to face the wizard and saw what she meant: Merlin’s seat was empty.

  “Where did he go?” asked Arthur, “I was just talking to him. He couldn’t have disappeared so fast without me seeing him go.”

  “That’s just it . . . I saw him disappear into thin air. No puff of smoke or anything. Just gone.”

  “Well, like I said before, he got pretty good at that trick. Tomorrow I’ll ask him to do it nice and slow, just for us. Now, want to do a stroll down to the kitchen?”

  “Lead the way. I know that you know the way by heart because I keep finding cookie crumbs all over our room.”

  The next morning Arthur and Guinevere ate in the quarters of Sir Boche. He had two other knights with him: Sir Kevin and Sir Nathan.

  After two young girls brought in a huge platter of eggs and bacon, Arthur said to the knights, “Friends, thy queen and meself been meaning ta meet with ya and thank yee for thy watchfulness.”

  “Sires, it be our duty ta watch o’er ya.”

  “No matter, we are thankful for you all,” said Guinevere as she dipped a roll into the yolk of an egg. She grinned as she noticed that, even though they were not dressed in their armor, the knights sat up straight and seemed to just poke at their food. She sat forward and said, “Listen, guys. We need you to be strong, so eat up and relax. We’re just normal folks.”

  The three men tried to act normal in the presence of their King and Queen but failed.

  “Another reason we wanted to meet with thee,” added Arthur “is to make a plan in case Sir Albert should attack us.”

  Sir Boche nodded, and finding himself in a conversation about something he knew well, seemed to relax some more. He even dipped his roll in his egg yolk following his Queen’s style of eating.