Daddy By Default

by Nikki Benjamin

  Just being able to stay home and nurse herself back to health would have been a blessing. But having Millie, then Gabriel and Brian looking after her had been truly wonderful. She hadn’t even had to remember when to take her medication. All she’d had to do was rest, and apparently that was just what she had needed most.

  Rolling onto her back again, Madelyn stared at the shadowy ceiling. Her throat was no longer raw, her head no longer ached and the thought of putting something in her stomach besides the orange juice Gabriel had insisted she try to drink was downright appealing. But first she wanted to shower, wash her hair and change into fresh clothes.

  Pushing herself up on her elbows, she noticed a pair of her flannel pajamas and her flannel robe laid out on the chair near the bathroom doorway, and realized all three were possible.

  Bless Gabriel. He really had thought of everything. He must be as anxious to get her back to work as he’d said he was. Yet she couldn’t believe that was the only reason he had been so concerned about her.

  Or maybe she just didn’t want to.

  Imagining herself as someone he thought of in any special way was just plain silly. Aside from taking Gloria Munoz’s job at the junior high school, she had caused him more problems than anything else since she’d shown up on his doorstep in Cullen Birney’s company, claiming to own half of his home.

  But Gabriel had proven to be a responsible man with a streak of kindness that he probably couldn’t help but extend toward anyone who seemed in need of help. Considering the way she had looked when she answered the door yesterday, he would have had to be much more hard-hearted than he was to abandon her.

  Talk about seeing her at her very worst. It was a miracle he hadn’t turned tail and run.

  Grinning at the thought, Madelyn finally crawled out of bed, and after a moment’s dizziness, scooped up the clothes on the chair and walked into the bathroom.

  Thirty minutes later, she felt almost herself again. With her robe belted tightly at her waist, a pair of thick, wool socks on her feet in lieu of slippers and her hair pulled back with a clip she’d found in her purse, she ventured down the hallway toward the sounds and luscious scents emanating from the kitchen.

  Pausing in the doorway, Madelyn caught sight of Gabriel standing by the stove, his back to her, stirring a steaming pot. Through the French doors she also saw Brian and Buddy frolicking on the wide patch of grass just beyond the patio in the sunny courtyard.

  There was such a warm, homey feel to the scene that for just an instant, she felt tears prickle at the back of her eyes. How she would love to be a permanent part of their lives instead of a barely welcome visitor being shown a little charity.

  To live here with a good man like Gabriel and bright young boy like Brian would be her own very personal dream come true. She’d had all the adventure she ever wanted working with Ethan. She had come to Santa Fe to make a home for herself and hopefully to have a family, never suspecting she would find exactly what she wanted—needed—so close, yet so very, very far away.

  “You’re looking a lot better,” Gabriel said, drawing her attention back to him.

  Madelyn wondered how long he had been watching her watch his son and the dog, then realized it didn’t really matter. Blinking the moisture from her eyes, she pasted a smile on her face as she sat in one of the chairs by the table.

  “I’m feeling a lot better, too,” she replied. “Thanks to you.”

  “I didn’t do all that much.”

  “You took me to the doctor and gave me a place to rest without interruption. You also made sure I took my pills and drank lots of juice. Lots and lots of juice. And I appreciate it.”

  He nodded, acknowledging her thanks with a smile of his own, then said, “I bet you’re hungry.”

  “Very hungry,” she admitted with a grin.

  “How does homemade chicken-noodle soup and hot biscuits sound?”

  “Wonderful.” She gestured toward the cabinets. “Tell me where you keep the dishes and I’ll set the table.”

  “Stay put. I’ll have Brian do it when he comes in.”

  As if on cue, the door opened and both boy and dog scampered inside on a gust of frosty air. Seeing her, Buddy made a beeline across the tile floor, his nails clicking, then bounded into her lap and licked her chin excitedly.

  “Are you feeling better now?” Brian asked as he shrugged out of his denim jacket and hung it over a chair.

  “Lots,” she assured him as she laughingly held the dog away from her.

  “Good.” He grinned at her, then went to the sink to wash his hands. “We can play Scrabble after lunch, then watch the movies my dad rented. We saved them so you could see them, too.”

  Madelyn glanced hesitantly at Gabriel. Having lunch with them was obviously expected of her. Beyond that, she didn’t want to wear out her welcome. Especially now that she wouldn’t have any trouble managing on her own back at the cottage.

  “Don’t forget—you promised us a rematch,” Gabriel reminded her. “And I lucked out at the video store. They had two new releases I think we’ll all enjoy.”

  “Sounds good to me,” she agreed at last, glad that he had made it all but impossible for her to cut and run when she really did want to stay.

  What difference did it make if she left after lunch or before dinner as long as they were happy to have her around?

  By the time they had finished their game and watched one of the movies, it was almost dinnertime. Gabriel ordered pizza and they settled in to watch the second movie. When it ended, Gabriel hustled Brian off to put on his pajamas while Madelyn gathered up their plates and cups, loaded the dishwasher and wrapped the leftover pizza in foil.

  As Gabriel joined her in the kitchen again, she took a last swipe at the counters with the dishcloth, then folded it neatly over the faucet.

  “You didn’t have to do that,” he said, filling the coffeemaker with water.

  “After all you’ve done, it was my pleasure,” she assured him.

  “Want some coffee? I’m making decaf.”

  “I really should be going,” she demurred. “It’s getting late—”

  “And risk catching a chill? No way,” Gabriel stated in a manner that left little room for argument. “You’re staying the night.”

  Madelyn knew he meant as a guest sleeping in the extra bedroom. But for the space of a heartbeat, she found herself imagining what the night might have held for her if he had actually intended her to share his bed.

  Would he have been tender with her?

  Oh, yes, she believed he would—

  “Now that’s settled, do you want coffee or not?” he prodded.

  “Yes, I’ll have some,” she hastened to reply.

  Embarrassed by her lascivious thoughts, she fiddled with the belt on her robe as Gabriel scooped coffee into the filter basket. For her emotional well-being, she knew she shouldn’t stay. But he was right. Going out into the cold night air wouldn’t do her any good. And she certainly wasn’t as ready to leave the warmth and coziness of the house or to give up Gabriel’s company as she knew she ought to be.

  “Why don’t you go on back to the living room? I’ll have the coffee ready in a few minutes.”

  Madelyn tuned in the local news on the television, then settled into one of the overstuffed chairs, drawing her legs up under her. Buddy, snoozing by the fire, opened one eye to check on her, but didn’t budge otherwise.

  He didn’t seem to have any problem with staying another night in Gabriel’s house, either. Maybe the two of them were finally becoming friends. Although she couldn’t say she had seen any real signs of it yet.

  If Madelyn hadn’t known better, she would say they were vying for her affection. With Buddy, that was quite possible. He had obviously been abandoned at least once already. As a result, he would need her constant reassurance that it wouldn’t happen again. But Gabriel was another story altogether. While his animosity toward her had faded, he’d given no indication at all that he wanted anything more from
her than cordiality.

  Gabriel followed almost immediately, the glass carafe full of steaming coffee in one hand, two white china mugs in the other. Brian, dressed in red pajamas covered with blue and green spaceships, was right behind him, lobbying to stay up a little longer.

  When his father refused to be swayed, the boy yawned, smiled sleepily and wished her good-night. Then he and Gabriel headed back to his bedroom.

  Madelyn poured the coffee and watched the news until Gabriel returned. He sprawled in the chair across from her, took the mug she offered him and sat back with a sigh of obvious contentment.

  “He was asleep before I left the room,” he said.

  “He looked tired.”

  “Sometimes he goes until he can’t anymore. I wish I had that kind of energy.”

  “He’s a good kid,” Madelyn said, taking a sip of her coffee. “Really well adjusted.”

  “Considering his real father never acknowledged him, his mother abandoned him when he was only a year old and I’ve been raising him alone ever since?” Gabriel asked.

  Though there wasn’t any hint of sarcasm in his voice, Madelyn stared into her mug, her cheeks burning with embarrassment.

  “That’s not what I meant,” she murmured.

  She had made the comment innocently enough, and wished Gabriel had taken it that way. Instead, he had brought up the one subject she would have never mentioned herself—Brian’s parentage.

  “I know you didn’t, but it’s still true,” Gabriel stated as he picked up the remote and switched off the television.

  Madelyn wasn’t sure what to do—plead weariness and escape to the guest room, sit quietly and hope he would choose something else to talk about or use the opening he had given her and satisfy her curiosity. Excusing herself would be the wisest thing to do, but then, she would probably never have another chance to find out how Gabriel had ended up raising his half brother’s son.

  “He thinks of Ethan as his uncle, and for the time being, there’s nothing wrong with that. As for his mother, he’s never mentioned her to me,” she ventured at last, her tone tentative.

  “He’s seen pictures of her, but he was just a baby when she left me, so he doesn’t have any real memory of her. I’m not sure whether he misses her or not. He hasn’t talked about her much since he started preschool. That’s when he first realized most children had mothers living at home.

  “He asked what happened to her then, and I tried to explain as best I could that her leaving had nothing to do with him. She just needed something more than I could give her.”

  “What about Ethan?” Madelyn demanded, the anger she felt on Gabriel’s behalf getting the better of her. “Something tells me he was more to blame for her unhappiness than you.”

  “That’s quite possible, but I couldn’t very well tell a four-year-old boy that the man I’d always referred to as his uncle was really his father,” he retorted.

  “But you’ll have to one day.”

  “Yes, I know.”

  “Are you going to paint yourself as the bad guy then, too?” she goaded.

  “How do you know I wasn’t?”

  He shot her a challenging look that she met with surprising steadiness.

  “I don’t. At least not for sure. And I won’t... unless you tell me what happened,” she added.

  She never would have thought she’d have the nerve to confront him in such a brash manner. But he had been the one to set the course of their conversation, and now she wanted to hear what he had to say.

  “It’s not a very pretty story.”

  “No, I don’t imagine it is.”

  He looked away from her, staring into the distance.

  “Ten years ago, my mother and father, Ethan’s stepfather, were killed in an automobile accident,” he began. “Ethan came home for the funeral. He seemed as devastated as I was, at least about our mother, and since he was between assignments, he decided to move into the cottage and stay awhile.

  “I was living in an apartment, teaching and going to graduate school at the time. I was also engaged to a girl I’d met in Albuquerque. Lily and I were planning to marry that summer after she graduated from college.

  “To make a long story short, Ethan and Lily really hit it off. At first, I was glad. Then, gradually I began to wonder if they were more than just friends. Ethan was always around, and all of a sudden, Lily had one excuse or another why we couldn’t make love. I kept telling myself they wouldn’t do that to me. Until I found them in bed together in the cottage.”

  “Oh, Gabriel—”

  “I was furious,” he cut in. Blatantly ignoring her sympathetic murmuring, he finally met her gaze. “I told Lily the engagement was off. I also made it clear I never wanted to see her again. I knew Ethan was leaving in a few days, and I figured he would take her with him.”

  “Only, he didn’t,” Madelyn said.

  “No. That hadn’t been part of his plan. But I didn’t find out until two months later. Lily showed up at my apartment. She wanted me to help her track down Ethan. She was carrying his child and she was sure he would come back for her once he knew. Ethan, however, couldn’t have cared less about her problem, and didn’t hesitate to let both of us know it.

  “So I offered to marry her. I still cared for her, and fool that I was, I thought she’d eventually get over him. I couldn’t have been more wrong. She waited for him to come back, and when he didn’t, she stuck around until she found someone equally exciting—her words, not mine. Said she wasn’t cut out to be a wife and mother, after all.

  “She moved back to Albuquerque with her new boyfriend, and I filed for divorce. I also sought sole custody of Brian. She signed the papers without a murmur of protest, and I haven’t seen or heard from her since.”

  “I always wondered why Ethan never mentioned anything at all about his family,” she said. “Now I know. To seduce his brother’s fiancée, then abandon his own child—”

  Madelyn now understood why Ethan hadn’t considered returning to Santa Fe when he realized he was dying. After the havoc he had wreaked, coming face-to-face with Gabriel again would have taken more nerve than even he’d had.

  “Obviously, I didn’t know either one of them as well as I thought I did,” Gabriel admitted.

  He stood, paced across the room and paused by one of the windows. Opening the blinds, he stared into the darkness.

  “Lily was young and impressionable, and Ethan was not only older, but more worldly-wise than I could have ever hoped to be. I was trying to work and go to school and deal with my parents’ deaths. I didn’t have much time for either of them. I imagine they were bored, and unfortunately, one thing obviously led to another.”

  “But that doesn’t excuse what either of them did to you. They were the ones at fault, not you,” Madelyn protested.

  “In the end, they were also the ones who lost out,” Gabriel replied quietly as he returned to his chair. “I have a wonderful son who means more than anything to me. Because of him and the happiness he’s brought me, I’ve been able to set aside most of my anger.”

  Most, but not all, Madelyn thought. Ethan had betrayed Gabriel in the one way most men found unforgivable. And then, he had betrayed his brother again from the grave by leaving his half of the house to her.

  She still couldn’t quite grasp why he had done it. The Ethan she had known had been no choirboy. But he hadn’t been unconscionably cruel, either. Surely he had realized how her arrival in Santa Fe would affect Gabriel.

  Though she had considered Gabriel’s behavior boorish when they first met, knowing what she did now, Madelyn marveled at the control he had managed to display. In fact, she found it nothing short of a miracle that he had been able to be as kind to her as he’d been since then.

  Turning away, she stared at the embers glowing faintly in the fireplace.

  “I’m not sure I could be that generous,” she murmured as much to herself as to him.

  “I have to admit I wasn’t, either. Until recently,” h
e replied. “But knowing how he died...I wouldn’t have wished that on anyone.”

  “No, you wouldn’t have, would you?”

  “I’m glad you were with him at the end. I owe you for that, Madelyn.”

  Not really, she thought. Not when there was a good chance Ethan had taken his own life because she had failed to read the signals he’d been giving off, and thus hadn’t gotten him the help he needed.

  For that, she deserved nothing but Gabriel’s disdain. Not the quarter of a million dollars Ethan’s half of the house was worth.

  As Madelyn had known almost from the moment she’d first seen Brian, she was going to have to tell Gabriel she didn’t want the money, after all. What he had told her about Ethan and Lily only made it that much more imperative.

  And she would, she vowed. But not just yet. She wanted a little more time in the cottage, a little more time with Gabriel and Brian, before she finally forged ahead on her own.

  “I didn’t do anything more for him than anyone else would have done in the same situation,” she said.

  “I’m not so sure of that. Ethan could be a demanding, self-centered bastard,” Gabriel stated bluntly. “And I have a feeling you’re often much too nice for your own good. I doubt he found it all that hard to take advantage of you.”

  “He wasn’t all bad,” Madelyn protested.

  “I never meant to imply that he was. For you to have cared for him as much as you did, he must have developed some redeeming qualities.”

  Again, Gabriel seemed to be assuming that she and Ethan had been lovers.

  Madelyn wanted to set him straight, but it was late and suddenly she was very tired. What good would it do anyway? She could deny it all she wanted, but there was only one way she could prove it to him—by making love with him and letting him find out for himself that she was still a virgin. But she couldn’t do that without his cooperation. And after all he’d told her, she doubted that would be forthcoming.