Daddy By Default

by Nikki Benjamin

  “Yes, he did,” she agreed simply, then stood, coffee mug in hand. “And, on that note, I think I’d better call it a night.”

  By the fireplace, Buddy scrambled to his feet and trotted over to her. Gabriel, on the other hand, stayed in his chair, looking up at her, his expression unreadable.

  “Sleep as late as you want in the morning,” he said.

  “I probably will.”

  With the little dog trailing after her, Madelyn headed for the kitchen. Although she sensed Gabriel watching her, she didn’t glance back.

  She couldn’t risk staying in the same room with him a moment longer. The temptation to bare her soul to him had grown too strong, and doing so would only signal the beginning of the end of her right, however small, to a place in his life.

  And that she wasn’t about to give up. Not until she had no other choice.

  Chapter 7

  For a long time after Madelyn went to bed, Gabriel sat in the living room, thinking about the conversation they’d had. All day, he had been waiting, subconsciously, for an opportunity to tell her about Ethan and Lily. He’d had no idea how she would respond, but he had wanted her to know about that part of his past.

  Considering the kind of relationship he assumed she’d had with Ethan, her anger at the injustice she seemed to feel he had been done had been quite a surprise. Gabriel had expected her to come to Ethan’s defense. He had never imagined she would take his part instead.

  Gabriel had also thought that talking about Ethan and Lily would be much more painful, but it seemed his wounds really had begun to heal. He had even been able to acknowledge—for the first time—that he hadn’t been completely blameless himself.

  Lily had been a self-absorbed, frivolous young girl. But that hadn’t mattered to him. He had been attracted to her giddy, fun-loving ways. She had seemed ideally suited to counterbalance his own more serious nature. Foolishly, he had never suspected that when the going got rough for him, she would seek out a good time somewhere else rather than stand by him.

  A good time that Ethan, for whatever reason, had been more than willing to provide.

  His brother had obviously recognized Lily for what she was, and had set about making sure Gabriel did, too—proving himself the smarter man, and thus, the better man, yet again.

  Finding them together had been no accident, but rather a setup of Ethan’s engineering. He had insisted Gabriel meet him at the cottage, and he’d been specific about the time. Finding Ethan and Lily in bed together had shocked and sickened him, but Gabriel couldn’t say he had been taken by surprise. As he had told Madelyn, he’d had his suspicions. Especially when Lily had lost interest in sleeping with him. Yet he had chosen to avoid a confrontation until Ethan finally forced his hand.

  But that was all in the distant past. And he had come out ahead in the end. He had gotten over Lily once and for all, he had a wonderful son whom he loved deeply and now he also had...Madelyn. In a way.

  She was a strong, sensible woman, good and decent and kind, and lovely, quite lovely in more ways than one. A woman who had believed in him fiercely despite the fact that by all accounts her first loyalty should have been to Ethan.

  As he had caught himself doing more and more lately, Gabriel wished he’d met Madelyn St. James under other circumstances—circumstances that precluded her ever having known Ethan Merritt.

  Of course, her prior relationship with Ethan hadn’t caused her to look upon him unfavorably yet. And she’d given no indication it ever would. So maybe, just maybe, she might not be all that averse to the possibility of their going beyond friendship. Quite a ways beyond...

  After Lily, Gabriel had been certain he would never marry again. Now, however, he found the idea of taking Madelyn St. James as his lawfully wedded wife very appealing. In fact, he couldn’t believe he was just now thinking of it.

  If he married Madelyn, he would be able to keep the house without going deeply into debt. In addition, he would finally be able to give Brian the kind of mother he deserved. She obviously cared for the boy, and she knew the truth about his paternity. Knew and understood, as well as accepted that one day he would have to be told everything.

  Instinctively, Gabriel knew that Madelyn would be more than capable of easing whatever anguish the boy might experience when that time came.

  And being married to Madelyn St. James would be no great sacrifice on his part, Gabriel mused with a slight smile. Just the thought of bedding her aroused him in such a profound way that denying how much he desired her physically would have been laughable.

  He would have to court her, of course. Slowly, yet inexorably, until she found marriage to him an appealing alternative to the single life-style she seemed intent on leading. She deserved that much from him. And the thought of wooing her filled him with a sense of anticipation, not to mention excitement, the likes of which he hadn’t experienced in years.

  Of course, the attraction would have to be mutual. Otherwise, they would never survive together over the long haul.

  Gabriel wanted that stability. He also needed it— not only for himself, but for Brian, as well. He had tried to be the best possible father he could, but he knew the boy had missed having a mother. A mother he could count on to be there for him through good times and bad. A mother who would provide a kinder, gentler, more sensitive role model for him as he grew into manhood.

  Granted, Madelyn might find the idea of acquiring a ready-made family totally repugnant. But what could it hurt to explore certain possibilities? If she wasn’t receptive, then so be it.

  Though it was probably no more than wishful thinking on his part, Gabriel had a feeling she wouldn’t reject him out of hand. She had made no effort to hide the fact that she enjoyed their company. Nor had she made a secret of her fondness for Brian. As far as he knew, there wasn’t anyone else in her life, either. And he wasn’t exactly pond scum.

  He would be good to her. Good and faithful and true. And he would do his best to see that she had everything she wanted.

  Unfortunately, what he couldn’t do was fall head over heels in love with her. He’d gone down that road before, and it wasn’t for him.

  Gabriel doubted that would be a problem. Because Madelyn probably wouldn’t be inclined to fall head over heels in love with him, either. After Ethan, he imagined she was just as gun-shy as he about that kind of emotional involvement.

  However, that didn’t mean they couldn’t still find some measure of happiness together. As much happiness as two people could share after all that Ethan had put them through....

  Inordinately pleased that he had come up with such a mature and thoughtful analysis of the situation, Gabriel stood and switched off the lamp. From long practice, he easily made his way across the darkened living room toward the hallway leading into the kitchen. Guided by the night-light above the stove, he crossed to the French doors and checked the lock, then headed for his bedroom.

  As he did every night, he stopped first in Brian’s room. Standing over his soundly sleeping young son for several moments, he marveled yet again at how lucky he had been. Without Brian to love and care for, he might very well have turned into a truly bitter, angry man. But the boy’s innocent joy in all life had to offer had been irresistible, and for that, Gabriel would be forever thankful.

  Gently he ruffled Brian’s hair, tugged the comforter around his shoulders, then moved back into the hallway. He did no more than glance into his office. He had stacks of paperwork waiting to be done, but he wasn’t about to tackle that tonight. He’d only end up aggravated, and the day had been too nice to spoil in such an unavailing way.

  However, at the partially closed door to the guest room, Gabriel paused again. Intending to close the door completely so he and Brian wouldn’t disturb Madelyn in the morning, he reached for the knob. Then, against all rules of propriety, he eased the door open and silently stepped across the threshold.

  In the darkness, he could just barely see her, curled on her side beneath the bedcovers, facing t
oward him. She appeared to be deeply asleep, so deeply asleep, he didn’t think he would disturb her by moving a little closer to the bed, then a little closer still.

  After the trail his thoughts had taken earlier, he had to admit it was only natural he’d be drawn to her. But at the same time, he was honest enough to acknowledge that he had no right to be there. She was a guest in his home, and for all intents and purposes, he was invading the very privacy he had promised she would have there.

  Apparently, Buddy was in total agreement. Immediately alert to Gabriel’s presence, the little. dog sat up where he’d been sleeping at the foot of the bed—beady eyes glaring, wiry hair bristling—and emitted a low, throaty growl.

  “Don’t worry, mutt,” Gabriel growled back, his voice equally low and throaty. “I’m keeping my distance.”

  “Gabriel?”

  With a quiet sigh, Madelyn shifted onto her back and blinked up at him sleepily.

  “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you,” he murmured.

  “Is something wrong?”

  She pushed up on her elbows, eyeing him with such concern that he wanted to stretch out beside her, gather her into his arms and assure her everything was actually quite all right. But he couldn’t. Not without scaring her half to death.

  Until she understood that his intentions were honorable, he intended to mind his manners. He was a patient man. He could wait to satisfy the longing that suddenly burned deep inside him until she willingly invited him into her bed.

  “No, not at all,” he said, then added hastily when her expression grew wary, “I was just checking to make sure you were resting comfortably.”

  “Oh.”

  Still meeting his gaze uncertainly, she sank back on her pillow.

  “Need anything?”

  “Not that I can think of.” A soft smile played at the corners of her mouth.

  He knew he should get out of there fast, but he couldn’t keep from lingering a few moments longer. She looked so appealing snuggled into the bed, her hair tousled, her eyes drowsy, her luscious lips slightly parted.

  “Did you remember to take your pills?”

  “Yes.”

  “Well, then, I’d better let you get some rest.”

  “Yes,” she repeated, her smile widening ruefully.

  Gabriel wondered if she had any idea what torture it was for him to act like a gentleman rather than give in to the base instincts she stirred in him. Probably not. She wasn’t coming on to him. She was just being her own sweet and, more than likely, unknowingly sexy self.

  Which made it even more imperative that he maintain some semblance of self-control. The last thing he wanted to do was upset her.

  “As I said earlier, sleep as late as you want.”

  “I will.”

  With a nod of acknowledgment, Gabriel strode out of the room, pulling the door shut after him, then headed straight to his bedroom without the slightest hesitation. After a quick, cold shower that did little to ease his aching need, he crawled into bed, futilely hoping he’d be able to get some sleep.

  Much to his dismay, none of the relaxation techniques he normally employed seemed to work. Giving up, he allowed his mind to wander back to Madelyn and the decisions he’d made concerning their relationship. Since he couldn’t sleep anyway, he figured he might as well start working on a plan of action.

  He would have to begin his campaign as soon as possible. But he would have to go slowly, and the less obvious he was about it, the better. Asking her out all of a sudden—without including Brian—would more than likely arouse her suspicions. Yet he couldn’t initiate a courtship if they were constantly part of a threesome.

  What he needed was an innocent as well as acceptable reason to spend a little time alone with her—

  With a slow smile, Gabriel thought of the Valentine’s dance at the school the following Friday night. Talk about the perfect opportunity.

  The entire faculty was expected to chaperon, so both he and Madelyn would have to be there. Brian, on the other hand, wouldn’t. In fact, arrangements had already been made for him to stay the night with his best friend, Donny.

  . Gabriel could casually suggest that she hitch a ride to the school with him, and take it from there. The dance was scheduled from seven until ten. They’d be anything but alone then. Afterward, however... Even stopping somewhere for coffee and dessert would be a start.

  After that, casually inviting her out to dinner would follow quite naturally, as would other excursions, occasionally sans Brian. With luck, they would be as compatible as he hoped, and eventually, he would be able to convince her to be his wife.

  He couldn’t promise they would live happily ever after, but he would vow to give it his best shot. Once he’d determined she was willing to do likewise.

  With a good deal more reluctance than the situation warranted, Madelyn gathered her things together to finally return to the cottage late Sunday afternoon. She had known all along her stay in Gabriel’s house was only temporary, but she had enjoyed being there with him and his son more than she liked to admit.

  Glad that they had seemed in no hurry to see her go, she had lingered over a late breakfast and the Sunday papers. Then, at Brian’s eager invitation, she had joined in yet another game of Scrabble.

  When the game ended, she had insisted it was time for her to go. Gabriel had urged her to wait until after dinner, but she had remained firm in her decision, pleading work to be done in preparation for her return to school the next day.

  After eliciting her agreement to leave all tidying up of the guest room to Millie, who would be at the house the following day, he had acquiesced to her wishes. Then he’d gone ahead to start a fire in the fireplace for her.

  Now, with a wave to Brian, she crossed the shadowed courtyard, carrying her few belongings in her tote bag, Buddy happily scampering along beside her.

  Back to reality, she thought sadly, acknowledging how easily one got used to a little pampering, especially when it was so generously given.

  Having been alone more often than not in her free time, she had also appreciated Brian and Gabriel’s company. Not once while she’d been at the house had she felt the least bit lonely. In fact, she had quickly realized there was nowhere else she’d rather be than there with them.

  Even discussing Ethan, as she and Gabriel had done late Saturday night, seemed right in retrospect. Talking about the past hadn’t been easy for Gabriel, yet he had shared more about himself with her than Madelyn imagined he had ever shared with anyone else.

  She wished she had the courage to be equally honest with him. But as she’d known last night, that would probably signal the end of their relationship. Much as she hated the idea that Gabriel was being kind to her because he believed he owed her something, she wasn’t ready to walk away just yet.

  Moving back to the cottage was proving to be difficult enough. She couldn’t bear the thought of being cut off completely from Gabriel and Brian. Surely wanting to avoid that anguish for a few more weeks was only natural. And she wasn’t really hurting anyone by allowing Gabriel to think kindly of her for a little while longer.

  Nudging the cottage door open, Buddy trotted inside with a proprietary air. Smiling, Madelyn followed. The little dog had turned out to be a real character. She sincerely hoped no one would ever claim him, because she wasn’t sure she could part with him.

  Ignoring Gabriel, Buddy hopped onto the sofa and flopped down with a contented sigh.

  “Looks like he’s glad to be home,” Gabriel said, glancing at the dog, then at her as he adjusted the fire screen.

  “Probably not as glad as you are to be rid of him,” Madelyn replied as she set her tote bag on the floor and unbuttoned her coat.

  “I can’t say we’re the best of friends yet, but maybe one day....”

  “Yes, maybe one day,” Madelyn agreed with a wistfulness she couldn’t quite hide.

  “Are you sure you’re going to be all right over here?” Gabriel asked as he started toward the do
or.

  His concern for her was as evident now as it had been the night before when she’d awakened to find him standing beside her bed. At first, she hadn’t known what to think, but after a few moments she had realized how seriously he’d taken his self-imposed job of looking after her.

  Now, as then, her heart warmed with a sense of gratitude she hadn’t the words to adequately express.

  “I’ll be just fine,” she assured him. “My fever’s gone and I’m feeling a lot better.”

  “What about dinner—?”

  “I’ll heat up some leftovers if I get hungry.”

  “You don’t have to come in tomorrow,” he reminded her for the umpteenth time. “If I can’t get a substitute, Eileen can take your classes.”

  “Unless I have a major relapse, which I doubt will happen, I’ll be there.”

  Standing at the door, Gabriel gazed at her, a surprisingly speculative gleam in his dark eyes. Madelyn had only a moment or two to wonder what he had in mind before he spoke again.

  “If you’re determined to teach tomorrow, then at least let me give you a ride to school. I can drop you off at the door so you won’t have to tramp across the parking lot and risk catching another chill.”

  “I appreciate the offer, but I’m not sure that’s such a good idea,” she hedged uncomfortably. “The others might think you’re playing favorites.”

  “They already know you’re living in my cottage and that you were hired at my insistence,” he reminded her. “They also know you’re a dam good teacher who’s worked wonders with some of our most problematic students. And, thanks to Eileen Duggan’s muttering, they know you were out sick on Friday.

  “Personally, I don’t think they’ll begrudge my giving you a lift to help keep you healthy. Especially if it keeps Eileen happy, as well.”

  Put that way, Madelyn couldn’t argue with him. It would be easier on her to let him do the driving. But only tomorrow, she vowed.