Beefcake & Retakes

by Fennell, Judi

  She’d chosen the wrong way to go about keeping him and she’d been regretting it for years.

  Yet here you are, doing something similar again.

  No, this wasn’t a similar situation. She hadn’t lied about Nana’s condition. This truly, first and foremost, was about bringing Tanner back to comfort her grandmother. And if she’d had to lie to Nana, well, she’d done it with the best of intentions. Nana would understand when the truth eventually came out, but Juliet was counting on Nana being back to her feisty self before that happened.

  Dad, on the other hand…

  She’d deal with her father later. But she would deal with him, not Tanner. Tanner’s responsibility to her ended the day he’d asked her to marry him the first time. He’d loved her and had been doing the right thing by her. But then he’d overheard her with Dad, and things had gone down the proverbial toilet—and that was all on her.

  “Dad, Tanner and I are adults now. You don’t have to fight my battles anymore.”

  “Love shouldn’t be a battle.” Nana and her words of wisdom. She reached out a hand to each one of them, one less shaky than it’d been in days. Having Tanner here was a good thing. “Take care of each other, you two. Be kind. Look at the bigger picture. The one before Keegan came along. Where you were going, what you were doing, who you were becoming before circumstances forced you to make hard decisions no one should have to make, let alone kids your ages.”

  Juliet slid an arm around Tanner’s shoulders. It was the most natural movement in the world to her.

  Obviously not to him, however. He tensed, but then he moved a hand to her knee, squeezing gently, and it was almost as if… as if he’d wanted to.

  “Don’t worry, Nana. Juliet and I will make things as they should be.”

  The words would have made Juliet smile if she hadn’t heard the “You owe me,” he whispered as he stood up to help her grandmother back to her room.

  Chapter Nine

  “So how’d you get into, strip—er, dancing?” Juliet tried to keep the first words spoken between them in the twenty-two minutes since they’d left her family’s ranch light because the silence was getting to her. And because she wanted the answer. When she’d learned he was a stripper, she’d wanted to hurt something. He was still her husband and all of that gorgeousness was hers—even if only for a little longer.

  It was so ironic it made her want to cry. The one thing she’d feared—women wanting him—was now what he did for a living. Karma was a bitch.

  “I needed to make money quick. It paid the best, and the hours ended up being a good thing. It allowed me to go to school during the day. I have one more semester and my thesis left for graduation and not a student loan in sight. That was important to me.” Tanner didn’t like to owe people—he’d said it more than once when he found out about his father.

  “And now you’ll use your degree to run the club?” If that was all he’d be doing at it, she could rest somewhat easier, but if he still danced…

  She’d wanted to climb on that stage and toss a blanket over him. Then she’d wanted to drag him to a hotel room and show him just what all those movements in his tight, barely-there clothes did for her.

  Juliet adjusted the air vent on the dash, upping the A/C while doing so. The close confines of her car weren’t helped by thoughts like that when he was sitting next to her.

  “I’ll help run them. If we’re going to expand, we’re going to need to train staff.”

  “Train them? You’re going to teach guys how to dance?”

  “Hey, it’s not just about getting up there and wiggling your hips. We have routines, we create personas, we work on projecting to the audience. This isn’t some dive bar with blue lights and smoky air. You saw BeefCake, Inc. It’s a high-brow place. We’re talking about increasing the menu options, so we’re going to need high-end chefs. It takes money and effort to run a classy place. I don’t plan to lose my investment and neither do Gage and Bryan. They have families to think about.”

  She wished she did. What she wouldn’t give for a family with Tanner.

  She couldn’t think about that now. “Then why have you been sending me money, Tanner? You could have used it for school and have finished already.”

  “You’re my wife.”

  As if that had made a difference in the past seven years… But she bit her tongue. They were having a nice conversation; she didn’t need to blow it. “I haven’t touched it, you know. The money. I, um, didn’t need it and it didn’t feel right taking it from you.”

  “It’s yours. I take care of what’s mine.”

  She so wished she was his in every way that mattered. “I’d like to donate it if you don’t want it back.”

  Tanner shrugged and looked out the window. “It’s yours. Do what you want with it.”

  “I was thinking of giving it to Children’s Medical Center.” The words came out softer than she’d intended.

  Tanner shifted to look at her. “In his name?”

  “Of course.”

  He blinked then looked away. Juliet had to look away so she wouldn’t drive off the road. And because she didn’t want to see the pain in his eyes.

  “I think that’s a good idea.” Tanner’s voice was every bit as soft as hers had been.

  Juliet concentrated on her driving, the silence now thicker than it’d been before. More uncomfortable.

  After a block she couldn’t take it. He was thinking about Keegan; she was thinking about Keegan. Those thoughts were always painful, and if she and Tanner were going to move forward with their lives, they had to focus forward. Keegan would always be in her heart, but she couldn’t let the loss color her future—or keep her in limbo any longer.

  She straightened her back and cleared her throat. “So, um, managing a strip club is a bit different than going into business with my dad.”

  He exhaled and drummed his fingertips along the top of the door by the window. “It’s lucrative, it’s enjoyable, and I like the people. Beats hanging in an office forty-plus hours a week.”

  She glanced at him. “Gives you time to do other things.”

  “What are you asking me, Juliet?”

  The one burning question she wanted the answer to but didn’t know how to ask. “Do you… is there… I mean—”

  “What? Spit it out. This is me, remember?”

  As if she could forget. “Is there someone… special?”

  It took him two blocks before he responded. “You want to know if I have a girlfriend?” He shook his head. “Come on, Jules. We’re still married. I wouldn’t do that.”

  It was the answer she wanted, but the accusation in his tone hurt. “It’s an honest question. I mean, we haven’t been together. It would be understandable if you’d, you know, gone out with someone.”

  After all, he had dated in college; it’d been the main reason she’d set up the scene for her father to find them. Her heart had been broken to find out he’d had other relationships and she’d had to make sure that never happened again.

  God, if only she could take back the mistakes she’d made. Tanner certainly hadn’t needed much convincing to get back into her bed; it probably would have only been a couple of months—if that—before he decided to make it permanent. If only she’d waited, but then, patience had never been her strong suit.

  “I made a vow, Juliet. I take my vows seriously. My word is my bond.” The implication being, rightfully so, that her word wasn’t worth anywhere near what his was. “Why? Have you?”

  “Hardly.” She hadn’t been able to. It’d taken her a while to want to be able to move on after he’d left her on the plane to Fiji, and she’d built a wall around herself to deal with everyone’s questions. And of course, since he’d left her right after the honeymoon—she’d kept the little nugget to herself about going there alone—he’d come out looking like the bad guy if she told people. For all that she’d been so upset with him, she hadn’t wanted him to be painted that way, so she’d jumped through hoops exp
laining his absences to her friends, most of who figured out she wasn’t telling the whole story. But the whole story hadn’t been anyone’s business but hers and Tanner’s, and she wanted to keep it that way. Plus, if they could work things out, she didn’t want anyone to hate him.

  No, there’d been no desire to date, especially right after Tanner had left. Then she’d been in school and learning the business… and her heart just hadn’t been in it. Her heart would always be with Tanner and she didn’t know how she was supposed to find someone else after he divorced her.

  Her stomach clenched. She didn’t want to think about that.

  A sign in the entrance to the shopping center on her left caught her attention and gave her the perfect excuse to change the subject.

  “Do you mind if I stop here?” she asked as she turned into the parking light.

  “Not as if I’m in any hurry.” He turned slightly, resting his right arm along the top of the door and his left along the top of his seat, his hand gripping the top of hers. She liked her sporty Benz, but she’d bought it when he hadn’t been in her life. And now with him back, the car was much too small with him in it.

  She zipped into one of the parking spaces closest to the pet store. “I’ll probably be a bit. Want me to meet you somewhere or call you when I’m done?”

  He looked at the store. “You don’t have a pet.”

  “Not yet.” She got out of the car.

  Tanner climbed out as well and squinted at the sign. “You’re getting a kitten? Just like that?”

  She didn’t know why he sounded so surprised. She loved animals. They’d talked about getting a dog together. That’d been the plan before they’d started to have babies.

  She hadn’t been able to bring herself to get a dog since he’d left. But a kitten she could do. Especially a rescue. And having it in the house would give the two of them something to focus on besides each other and the past.

  “I’ve been thinking about getting one, and then I saw the sign. Seems like destiny to me.”

  Tanner shook his head as he caught up to her at the door. “You really haven’t changed, have you? Always impulsive.”

  For a second, that comment hurt. But then it made her angry. “I seem to remember you liking when I was impulsive. More than a few times.”

  She flung open the door and strode inside, not caring if he followed her or not—as she tried to outrun the memories of when she had been impulsive.

  Funny, but one of those times hadn’t been when she’d poked the holes in the condoms. That moment had been well-thought out and planned. Right down to sterilizing the pin she’d used so they wouldn’t catch anything. Well, anything but a baby.

  God, she’d been so naïve. So self-centered.

  So young.

  Well she was older now and if she wanted a kitten, she was going to get a kitten and he couldn’t stop her.

  Yeah, that’s sounding older.

  Ignoring that little voice, she headed toward the woman at the counter in front of the pens. “Hi. I’d love to take one of these cute little babies home with me.”

  “And we’d love for you to.” The woman handed her a form to complete. “We’ll need vet references first, though.”

  “Vet references? But I don’t have a vet because I don’t have any pets.”

  “Then we’ll need to do a home evaluation.”

  “You mean, as in you’ll come to my house to make sure it’s safe for a kitten?”

  “Yes and that you aren’t overrun with cats. That it’s a healthy environment. That sort of thing.”

  “I guess you get some unsavory characters, huh?”

  “When we offer pets for free, we want to make sure they’re going to a safe and loving home.”

  Juliet sighed. “So I guess that means I can’t take one with me now.”

  “I’m sorry, not today. It’s another part of the evaluation profile. If you’re serious about adopting one of our babies, you’ll understand.”

  “Oh I do. It’s just… I wanted to take one with me now.”

  “We can use my vet.” Tanner came up behind her and pulled out his phone. “He’s out of state, but I’m moving back to town. He can vouch for me.”

  In a move that shocked Juliet, Tanner put a hand on her waist. She just hoped her mouth didn’t fall open. Helping her was the last thing she expected from him.

  “That’s very generous of you,” said the woman, “but we’ll need a reference from where the kitten is actually going to live.”

  “Ah, perhaps I didn’t make myself clear. I’m moving in with my wife.” He emphasized the word by tugging her against him.

  Good thing, because she need some sort of crutch to keep her upright.

  “Oh, well that’s different then. If you could just complete this portion of the adoption form.” The woman pointed to the right side marked, Co-Sponsor.

  The irony of him co-signing for a pet for her when they only had a month and a half left of their marriage wasn’t lost on Juliet. She would have cried if it wouldn’t raise too many questions—both from the woman in front of her and from Tanner.

  “Certainly. No problem.” He squeezed her shoulders. “Juliet? Okay with you?”

  “Um, sure. That’s a great idea.” She probably put too much happiness into her voice, but the woman would expect her to be more than fine with it since he’d just said he was moving back. She didn’t need her getting suspicious because suddenly Juliet wanted this kitten with every bone in her body. And she hadn’t even picked it out yet.

  Tanner finished his portion then handed her the pen. “Here, babe. Fill this out so she can call Dr. Bingham while we go see which one wants to come home with us.”

  Juliet took the pen in boneless fingers, the “us”es and “we”s that were flying out of his mouth sending her nerves into a tailspin. Once upon a time, she’d deserved those “us”es and “we”s and hadn’t really appreciated how valuable they were.

  She knew now.

  She filled out the form, laughing inwardly at her shaky handwriting, then signed it at the bottom beside Tanner’s signature. Juliet Wentworth. She’d long ago deleted her hyphenated maiden name—a necessity Tanner had insisted on when they’d filled out the marriage license. Probably to let her know they weren’t truly the team they would have been when she’d been eighteen and had covered her notebook with flowery Juliet Wentworth signatures in every color of her Sharpie rainbow. But after he’d left, she’d wanted some connection to him, so she’d dropped the Chambers and had enjoyed being a Wentworth. Some people might have said it was masochistic, but she’d wanted a part of Tanner with her and his name was the only option she had.

  “All right then,” the woman said when Juliet handed her the form. “I’ll just make the call and we’ll get the ball rolling.”

  “Ready, babe?” Tanner’s arm slid back to her waist and he steered her around the registration table to the pens of kittens.

  “Uh huh.” Hey, she was just happy some sound came out.

  But when she got to the pens, the “Awww”s came out.

  “I want to take them all home with me.” She tucked some hair behind her ear as she bent down to pick up a little gray fluff ball. “Look at how cute.”

  She brushed the kitten’s cheek with hers as she looked at Tanner—and her breath caught at the way he was looking at her…

  Oh my.

  Juliet didn’t glance away. She knew that look. Cherished that look. Wanted that look.

  Which of course, was why Tanner suddenly looked away.

  She almost dropped the kitten. Apparently, Tanner wasn’t as immune to her as he’d like her to believe—which could have some very interesting ramifications.

  Chapter Ten

  What the hell was wrong with him? He couldn’t want Juliet again. Just because she was all sorts of sexy with that smile on her face as she held the kitten against her cheek, reminding him of the night he’d tossed a fake fur blanket onto his bed after his parents had gone out, full
y intending to give Juliet a first time she’d never forget. The fur had been the same color as this kitten and Juliet had purred into it after they’d finished making love before he’d gathered her in his arms and held her ’til their breathing had returned to normal—well, as normal as his had ever been around her. Yeah, it’d been a first time neither of them would forget.

  Though he’d sure like to.

  He didn’t need thoughts like that undermining his plans. He wanted out of the marriage so he’d never have to wonder if she was playing him again or what she was going to come up with next. Or when she’d let him down again.

  He certainly wouldn’t have to be tortured by being near her and wanting her and not being able to have her.

  You might be able to have her—

  “I think this is the one I want.”

  Her voice was husky and he knew she’d picked the gray kitten for the same reason he wished she wouldn’t.

  He cleared his throat and stepped back, wanting to just get the hell out of the store, but he wasn’t going to ruin this kitten’s chance at a good home merely because he couldn’t get the thought of Juliet naked on his bed out of his head.

  She’d looked so beautiful then with the soft, sated smile she’d always worn after that night when they made love.

  She’d been a virgin—they’d both been virgins. That first time… It’d been awkward but so filled with love and lust that they’d worked out the logistics.

  He couldn’t stop the smile and had to bite his lip to keep it from covering his face. Oh, yeah. They’d definitely worked out the logistics.

  “I take it that smile means you agree?”

  So much for that.

  He shook himself mentally and got his head back to the present. Remembering the first time he’d made love to this woman was counterproductive to his plan for being here. He’d already let his hormones rule him when he’d returned after college and look how well that’d worked out for him. “It’s your cat. If you like that one, get it.”